Restoring the Original Beauty

Currently, my husband, Dana, and I are working to rescue an old side table I retrieved from a burn pile. It had a chunk out of the top so had to be cut shorter and the edges re-routered (is that a word?) and now we are stripping and sanding, and sanding, and sanding. It's a lot of work! It takes so much pressure to scrape decades old paint off. But, that paint is nothing but a build up of ugly! When it is gone, it will be a beautiful piece of furniture. 

As I reflected on Jesus admonition to "love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, your soul, your MIND and your strength, I thought of all the times our thoughts make a mess of things with layers of lies we have believed and a distorted perspective that has buried the truth of who God created us to be. As I reflect on all the build up  of lies I have believed I realize I may need to undergo some serious transformation. The parts of me that are broken must be restored, re-edged, stripped away and sanded down to bring me back to my original beauty. Sounds uncomfortable, at best, which is probably why we are so averse to any type of transformation in our lives.

Thoughts are very powerful and can turn the trajectory of our lives. What we think determines how we feel and what we feel determines how we react and behave and that has the power to make or break our  relationships and directly impact the degree of joy we find in life. God wants to help you sharpen your mind by focusing on what is good and true and that requires sanding off the build up of bias, unforgiveness, anger, resentment, envy, pain, and lies that have made a mess of your mind. It takes work. Adding a coat of paint to disguise the problem is easier, but ultimately makes our issues worse.

If you want to find lasting beauty in life, you have to invest some time and perhaps some pressure to find out who you are at the core, without all those layers of confusion and false identity. In the end, you will see that life is so much more abundantly joyful when you find the "you" that has been hidden. The "you" God created with a purpose. The "you" that is His masterpiece.  It's amazing how the transformation of our thoughts can help us see the beauty in ourselves and others, too.

PARENT POINT...  It's a far better plan to sand away your own issues than to attack others with a sander. That isn't your job and they won't like it...however, if it is your child, it IS your job to gently clear away the things that you realize are hiding the beauty God created in them. Selfishness, disrespect, envy, arrogance, dishonesty. The world will be hard at work adding those layers, so be attentive and don't let them build up and dry there. If you address them immediately, they can be wiped away while they are still wet and abrasion is unnecessary. These are called the teachable moments. In a child's eyes, every misbehavior that you permit, you promote and it will continue and require some painful sanding down the road. Instead, point them to the beauty that God placed inside them and help them develop that into maturity.

The Power To Rise

Sunday, Chris taught us the Hebrew term "nephesh" and how we translate it to "soul" in English, then transform its meaning to a mystical, shapeless, mist where God resides inside of us, then takes it away to heaven when we die. He explained to us that the literal translation of this word is not that we have a soul, but we are a soul. Our entire being is a home for the Spirit of God to set up His headquarters and begin the transformation process. Since Sunday, I just keep envisioning God in the garden, with this perfect specimen of humanity, lying limp and lifeless until he breathed "nephesh" into him and am reminded how it is what is within us that makes us His image. A great reminder in a culture where we put so much emphasis on what people will see on the outside. 

Have you ever seen a potter throw a lump of wet clay on her wheel and watched it become a vessel as she forms a hollowness inside?  Or a glass blower who takes molten sand and breathes into it an empty place so it can become a lovely vase? No two are exactly alike. All have a void designed to hold something, but each cavity is different. The power to be what we were meant to be comes from inside. Consider the hot air balloon. As beautiful as they appear, they are nothing but a lot of fabric without the air that is breathed into them.

What a beautiful reminder that God has breathed into us an empty space that only He can truly fill. It is who we are from day one. We need the power of His spirit within that space to function as we were intended. Our family, our culture, our environment works to shape us by filling the God-breathed vessel within us with what they think is best, but there is something deep inside us that still feels unfulfilled. We spend much of our lives trying to be like someone we admire or respect or is successful and lose sight of the person we were intended to be. And emptiness plagues us.

That emptiness, that pain, that longing has a great and Divine purpose. "That thing that we daily battle is the suffering brought on by our separation from God and when His grace meets our suffering - that is where transformation begins" (Russ Hudson). This message resonated so much with me! It is the reason I have chosen to be an Enneagram Coach and dedicate my life to finding my truest self and helping others to do the same. I have a burning desire to guide others to the life God breathed into them and live that life in all its fullness. That is the way that I can best minister to families, create healthier homes with children that will grow to become game changers in our communities.

Think about who you truly are in the deepest place. Think about your children and how you are guiding them to fill the "nephesh" that God breathed into them. Think about your spouse and their deepest needs and longings. Pray for God to illuminate your mind and heart to see your true soul, through His eyes. That's a lot of thinking and praying, but it can lead to a freedom to live your real life and help those you love live theirs. 

All In

Keeping in mind that kids are constantly observing, but not always interpreting what they see and hear accurately, suppose I asked your kids, what is the most important commitment in the life of your parents? In what area would you say they are "all in." What do you see them doing, without fail, on a regular basis? If taken away, what would be the most upsetting activity to lose? How do you suppose they would respond? Reading their Bible/Devotional? Mom's morning coffee? Dad's beer after work? Sunday worship? A cleaning ritual? Teaching us what it means to be like Jesus? Impressing other people by the way we look and behave? A hobby? Working out? Social Media? Family time doing fun things? Climbing the corporate ladder? Vegging in front of the TV? Attending/coaching all my sports events? Working?

Jesus taught that the most important thing we can ever commit to is loving God from the deepest part of our being. That place that others can't see, formed within us to be keep us connected to God. That place where we feel a craving, a need, a longing, a desire that begs to be filled. It is the place from which good fruit grows when good seeds are planted and cultivated. Fruit that can sustain you and your family during difficult times. Like, let's say.... a pandemic. Has your love and commitment to Jesus been demonstrated in your reaction to the pandemic? Have you demonstrated grace or criticism? Have you experienced spiritual growth and a closer walk with Jesus? Has it brought out your political claws, your judgment of others, your fears? Have you found yourself showing patience and love to others, no matter which side of an issue they land on?

Loving God with all your heart was commanded by God in the beginning because He knew that was the very cure for all the "infections" a broken world would bring. When we discover that we aren't really "all in" in our commitment to love Him, we need to take a look at what might have taken up residence on the throne in our heart that was designed for Him and get rid of that false god. We need the Creator of our life there so our growth can continue and our love for Him can flourish. 

Let's be real. We are all pulled a hundred directions at once, and everything looks important to us. What is it that has your primary attention? Upon what foundation are all your important decisions based? If we love God with all we have, then all those other things will fall into place or fall away. I want to get it right. I want God to be first in my life and I want that to be reflected in all my decisions. The lasting memory I want my kids and grand kids to have of me is that I was "all in" for Jesus and without Him, I was nothing at all. As my Dad said, "The message at my funeral is not my valor and accomplishments, but God's love and grace." He had learned the meaning of being "all in" in his relationship with Jesus. May it be so of us, as well.

Chalkboard Parenting

I was the kid in fourth grade that always wanted to stay after school to clean the chalk boards. Remember those? It's what they used before white boards. Fortunately our kids will know about these archaic teaching tools because someone has designed Chalk paint so we can make anything look like the dusty, unhealthy, teaching tool that made a horrific sound when the chalk wasn't held the proper way.

I loved getting it clean but it never stayed that way.  Every day there would be more information added that needed to be wiped off so even more information could be added the next day. EXCEPT when the Mrs. Geller would write in big cursive letters, Save. For a day or a week, they were important and could not be erased, probably because it was something we were struggling to learn.

Your child's mind is like that chalk board. There are things that go on it that need to be erased. Some because they never should have heard or seen it. Some because they have it mastered and more space is needed for new things. Some things need to be circled and marked, Save. because they are important and worth teaching again and again. 

The most important thing in the saved circle should be, You are loved, no matter what. Kids need to know that they are not their actions. They are a priceless creation made by God for a purpose. I would encourage you to sit down and come up with some non-negotiables that you want your kids to commit to memory. Things that will shape their character. Things that should be written and saved in their hearts.

They will see many things in their childhood. They will remember things with a skewed childish perspective. They will learn to challenge and disobey and be disrespectful. And you have the eraser. The only way you will be able to fill their minds and hearts with what is good and right and noble is if you take the time to erase they things that harm. Keep your eyes open and notice when a word or action is inappropriate and know that bad information has been written that must be erased. Explain to them why and then write what is good and loving on the chalkboard of their hearts. No need to yell it unless you want to be as obnoxious as fingernails on a chalkboard. Just speak the truth in love and keep their chalkboard full of truth that can be saved within them always.

Multi-lingual Parenting

 

Early in 1977 I began to grow a human and on October 27^th, she was handed to me with the expectation that I would be able to continue to grow her into adulthood with minimum casualties. Five months later, the process began again and in January of 1979 the second human was handed to me to nurture and train and keep alive until he was able to manage life on his own. Neither came with a manual and both spoke a foreign language, called CRY. That was their sole method of communication. And we were left to sort out the meaning.

Eventually we were able to teach them our language and our communication improved greatly. There were still glitches, however, that would cause us to revert to our separate, native tongues so, of course, we would speak louder and they would cry louder and nothing would be resolved. Then we would remember that the most effective way to communicate was with the language of LOVE.

Almost a decade after the first baby, we were handed a beautiful 9 month old baby girl and given the opportunity to learn yet another dialect. It happened again in 1989 when a tiny 13 day old baby boy was placed in my arms. We were more experienced in the language of love by then and were speaking it fluently, so we set aside our native tongue for the time being and simply spoke the language of love. That was necessary, I reasoned, because these two came with scars and hurts and heritages that were not ours. They could not learn our language until they experienced our love.

As precious as that sounds, I have to be honest. Although I do speak decent LOVE, because that was my Dad’s first language, I am also fluent in guilt and shame, disappointment and fear. This was my mom’s first language because she learned it from her Dad. I used her language too, reasoning as she did that if I poured on the guilt, they would feel shame and turn from their wicked ways. And disappointment? Who doesn’t crumble under the weight of that? Once they are a pile of rubble, you can rebuild them into the child they should have been. Right? If the kids didn’t respond to GUILT, SHAME, or DISAPPOINTMENT, there was always the authoritative language of FEAR.  It is a humbling thing to look back at all those wrongs I committed against my wonderful children, truly thinking I was taking the high road, helping them to get back on the right path.

Sunday Chris shared an awesome parenting message from 1 Kings 19. It is a beautiful demonstration of God caring for Elijah like a loving father. Elijah was exhausted and hungry and discouraged and scared out of his mind. His life was being threatened and it didn’t matter that he had just witnessed the power and might of God in a miraculous way.  By rights, God could have pulled out the DISAPPOINTMENT card and crushed his servant for so quickly forgetting all God had done and failing to put his trust in Him. He could have poured on the SHAME for walking away from the faith that had carried him through so many difficult situations. But. He. Didn’t. Rather, God ministered to him in his brokenness and allowed him to rest in the cave that was his physical refuge and when he awoke, He sent an angel to prepare a meal for him, after which he allowed more time to rest.

What a wonderful parenting lesson we can learn from God’s gracious kindness in this story. God could see that Elijah had physical, mental and emotional needs. God accepted the fear that was real to Elijah. He recognized the exhaustion from constantly having to stand against all the wickedness of his people. And He spoke to Elijah in His native tongue. LOVE. There was no condemnation. Just a nap and a snack.

We all have a choice in how we parent and in the language we choose. If you aren’t fluent in speaking love, spend more time with those who are. Listen. Observe. Take notes. Learn to speak with loving kindness to your children and your spouse. Home is where it matters most. These are your people; your tribe. These are the people with whom you have the greatest influence, so...

Speak Love Today

 

Kayak Parenting

School has started. Just like every year at this time... only different. So much is changing and yet so much is the same. The kids are growing up. They are observing the world around them every single moment. They repeat the words we say and behave like they see other kids behave. Why can''t they just pick up the good and run with it? Why do they choose the wrong direction and follow the wrong example? The short answer.... because they are kids!

Kid's are terrific at observing the world around them, but lousy at interpreting it with maturity and discernment... again... because they are kids! They see and they do. It's that simple. There is little thought that goes into their actions and they need you to give them guidance and direct their behavior. Left to their own devices, they are likely to find the edge of the cliff.

There are many ways to parent your little one. There are many possible outcomes. 

• If you take the "Hands Off" approach and let them discover life with all it's wonder so they can become who they were intended to be, you have essentially placed them in a kayak on the river and sent them on their way to manage the current and the rapids with no paddle to keep them safe. While they observe the world, they will not see the danger ahead... because they lack maturity, and even if they did see the danger, they don't have the tools to avoid it
• If you take them to church or give them a Bible or read them a Bible story every night, and tell them NO when they want to do something that you disapprove of, you have placed a paddle in their hands, but not told them how to use it. There is a possibility that they will figure it out, connect the dots and find a way to steer clear of the most dangerous places, but there is a greater chance they will take the path of least resistance and find themselves at the brink of the falls...because they lack the wisdom and maturity to make right choices.
• If you give them instructions on how to use the paddle and help them practice in the still waters they will be so much better equipped to be out on their own. When they get far from shore, however, fear or curiosity might come into play causing them to lose their bearings and drift into situations they feel helpless to control... because that is what a child will do
• If you get in a kayak and paddle along beside them, you can show them, by example, how to manage the current, how to tilt the paddle, how to steer away from the rocks, how to stay calm and paddle on. Now they are more equipped to leave your side and go into the river without you because you have been by their side, directing them. 
• If you lose it and tip your kayak, it may be humiliating, but pull yourself together, tell them what you did wrong and show them how to right the problem. They, too, will make mistakes and need to know about grace and forgiveness and how to get topside with the least amount of injury to anyone.

When it comes to parenting, every moment is a teachable moment. Allowing them to run a muck without consequences teaches them that they can do as they please and you have no authority in their lives. When you run to their rescue with every problem they encounter, they score a zero in coping and problem solving. Jesus never simply healed the sick without a lesson involved. He showed love and grace and mercy and forgiveness AND He gave direction. He didn't worry about damaging their psyche by telling them they were wrong because there was love in his tone and guidance to get them on the right path. 

"Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other,

 making allowance for each other's faults because of your love."

Ephesians 4:2

Stick Shift Parenting

 When I was learning to drive we had a Chrysler Newport... a.k.a tank... and a mustang with a manual transmission... a.k.a demon. That gave me the unforgettable opportunity to learn to drive both. I'm not sure who thought I would have the coordination to feather out that clutch and start smoothly after stopping at a traffic light at the top of a hill on State Street. Pretty sure it was Dad. He always believed in me and had high hopes that I could accomplish anything I set out to do. No matter how many times I stalled or how long the line of impatient traffic was behind me, he never got rattled or impatient. He was just there to remind me repeatedly of what to do and how to do it. 

As I ponder the sermon Sunday about Parent Guilt, I reflect back to the similarities between learning to be a parent and learning to drive a stick. (I am currently wondering how many reading this will have no idea what I am talking about. Go ask your grandpa!). There is so much finesse that goes into feathering out the clutch while sliding your right foot off the brake and giving just the right amount of pressure to the gas pedal as you simultaneously remove your left foot from the clutch that it feels like nothing short of a miracle when you get it right without killing the engine or leaving part of our tires on the pavement. It isn't unlike parenting. How much do you give and where do you give it? How much pressure do you apply without crossing the line? How in the world do you get the timing just right so that things go smoothly? How much do you hang on and how much do you let go? How do you parent according to your convictions without worrying about the line of people judging behind you?

I vividly remember the day that I went from trying to start using all the memorized instructions to starting just by feeling what I needed to do. That made all the difference and from then on, it was just a natural motion. That moment in parenting comes when you .... well... hmmm.... nope! I don't think that day exists! As soon as we figure things out, they are often onto the next phase or stage of development and you have to learn all over again. Just like when you can start and stop and shift gears flawlessly... and then your husband installs a high performance clutch in the car that is so stiff it takes all of your weight and both of your feet to depress it and sliding that right foot onto the gas throws gravel a country mile! 

Here is the point of all this...parenting is hard some days and not so hard other days, but it doesn't ever just flow smoothly so that you never stall out or burn rubber. And that is a very good thing because it reminds us to go to Our Father for advice. It is far too important a task to be something you can learn to  do on your own. You will have victories and regrets and you should never ever try to parent without the help of the One who created your child with a purpose in mind. 

There is no vaccination against parental failure. You will succeed one moment and fail the next. You are human and hopefully you will keep trying until you can move forward effectively without attracting a whole lot of attention. If you are in the driver's seat  through this journey called parenting and you hope to arrive at your destination without killing the engine, (or the child) listen to the Father that is sitting beside you, giving you the instruction you need and reminding you to ignore the honks of the world. He made you for this moment and He believes in you.

Ready Or Not?

Vacation season is drawing to a close. It looked a lot different this year. A lot of research had to be done before leaving the house. Packing was a bit more critical because finding a place to purchase food or supplies was not as simple. Being ready for any potentiality was essential before the vacation could begin.

School is starting this month, in a variety of ways, all across the COVID-ridden country. Much prep work has been done in order to make it safe for the teachers and the children. Churches are opening classrooms as well and being ready means thinking outside the box and being prepared to do things differently.

We celebrated with 9 high school graduates this summer. All have prepared themselves for the next chapter in their lives. New beginnings surround us and now, more than I can ever recall in my lifetime, preparation for the journey ahead is vital. 

Sunday, Pastor Chris shared with us the story of Joshua's courageous faith, taking the Israelites across the Jordan River into the promised land. For forty years prior to this, they had roamed in the wilderness... so close to receiving the promise of God to inhabit a land where they could freely worship the One True God. But for forty years, they were not ready to enter. Now, God determined, it was time to enter, but the water was impassible. It was rainy season and the water was high and rough. How were they to cross over? Build a bridge? Rafts? An Ark? No. His instructions we much less complex, but perhaps, much more difficult.

Joshua said to the people,

 "Set yourselves apart to the LORD. 

Tomorrow He will do amazing things among you."

Joshua 3:5

Joshua knew that prep work was essential before they could receive the blessing God wanted to give them. They first had to dedicate themselves to God. Set themselves apart from the ways of the world. Consecrate themselves. Sanctify themselves. The condition of their hearts, not the condition of the river, was the determining factor for their success in crossing the Jordan River safely. They had to be ready. They dared not adopt the demanding, faithless, angry, ungodly stance of their parents. That had only brought them to ruin and they would not be entering the Promise land with them. The choice must be made. The ball was in their court. Would the make the decision to believe God and follow, or would they rebel as they had witnessed in the older generations?

As I ponder the crossing into the land of promise, I can't help but think about how we wander in the wilderness, following the patterns of our ancestors, tripping over the same things as our parents or grandparents. At what point do we cast aside the wrong path that we have witnessed and decide to prepare ourselves for the amazing things God has planned? Holding on to the traditions, the misery, the self-righteous attitudes, the lies we have believed is NOT helping us be ready for the amazing things God will do among us. Connecting to God by repentance and an attitude of submission will ready us to cross over into a new life. 

Is it time to break the patterns of the past, dedicate yourself to following God and start a new life in your home, with your family? I surely do hope so because.... tomorrow God will do amazing things among you.  Will you be ready... or not?

Fin or Feet

I live on a lake so my granddaughters have been spent a lot of summers as mermaids. The youngest was here Sunday and Monday this week and is the one who would likely sleep in the water, if allowed. For a while she was a dolphin and would follow a command and be rewarded with a chunk of watermelon. But, mostly, she was a mermaid. Her imagination was full of fantasy as she explained that sometimes she had fins and other times, like when doing a hand stand in the water, her tail would morph to appear that she had feet so that people wouldn't know she was truly a mermaid. It is so fun to watch her play, hour after hour, sometimes finding her feet and other times sporting her fins. 

All this fantasy brought me back to Chris's sermon on Sunday... fake FAITH. It is quite normal for an 8 year old child to pretend to be something they are not, but when we do it as adults, it isn't beneficial or attractive. And nobody sees it more than those who live under our roof. I assume that most of you who read this blog consider yourselves followers of Christ. Some days you follow Him more closely than others. Some days your faith is strong and your fear is small. Other days... not so much. 

During these perilous times of the COVID pandemic, where do YOU stand? It is the perfect time to exhibit your faith in God to your kids and teach them that bad experiences do not equal bad God. He is not asleep to what is happening on planet earth. He is fully aware and He is the CREATOR and is always creating good from what appears to be evil, in our eyes. 

I would like to challenge all who read this to allow God to do His work in your heart, strengthening it through the struggles and make your faith real. 

...Too much togetherness has caused relationships to be strained so make the faith you profess real by asking God to strengthen the bonds of your  marriage and morph those fins of fake faith into feet ready to go the extra mile as love demands.

...So much fear of the unknown has caused high anxiety which lowers our tolerance for just about everything and our patience ebbs away like a mermaid in the mist, never to be seen again. It doesn't have to be so. Call on the God who made you to reflect His love and let the tail of fake faith go and find the feet you need to stand up to the evil sea monster. Reclaim the loving kindness that marks you as a follower to your kids. 

...Perhaps your income has not been impacted, but people all around you are struggling to pay their rent or feed their family due to the pandemic. Are you using the strength of the mermaids tail to swim off into the sunset, or showing your kids what true compassion looks like and putting real feet to your faith, reaching out in love and making sacrifices in order to help others?

Don't be fake in your faith. Your kids will see that a mile away and, well, if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for them. If you want them to have a faith that is real and follow Jesus all the way to heaven, be real. Act out the faith you profess and when you mess up and fall short, humble yourself before them and confess that you have been less than God intended. Admit that you have been trying to do life on your own and that isn't how you want to live. It's really okay to tell them that we are all on a journey. We are discovering the power of God daily and learning that we have a choice to use His strength or our own. Sometimes we don't get it right. Wouldn't you rather your kids know that you messed up than end up failing because they have perceived your failures to be the right path for them?

Think About It

Experts estimate that we think 2,100 to 3,300 thoughts every hour. It's no wonder I can't remember anything! The things I need to remember get buried under all the senseless things that scroll through my mind. Many of them need to keep on running and not take up residence there.

I have worked with many people through the years that carried wounds from the thoughts they allow to live in their mind and some whose marriages are in jeopardy because those thoughts were carelessly spoken without taking the time to assess if they would wound or scar. Or perhaps the issue is listening. Offense is often taken when our partner doesn't know what we just finished saying or has to continually ask us to repeat what we said because they were distracted with 3,000 thoughts spinning around in their heads.

If an adult thinks that many thoughts in a day, how many do you suppose a child with a developing mind, who is observing the world around them with awe and wonder, might have? I can't even venture a guess! Perhaps that is the reason they fail to follow through on so many of the tasks assigned to them. 

With all these thoughts rolling around in our heads, how is one to determine which ones are worthy of seeing the light of day? What thoughts are worth speaking? Ed Haines, in his message Sunday shared this acronym...

T TRUE.      Is what you are thinking true? Is it a perception that you carry from childhood that needs to be surrendered? Is it a falsehood that Satan is using to sway you into unhealthy thoughts and actions? Does it align with God's thoughts and the truth that we find in scripture? Do your thoughts stand in opposition to who God says you are? If it does, write it down on a piece of paper so that you can rip it up and toss it in the trash. 

H HELPFUL. Can your thoughts help someone learn what they need to know? Can they strengthen and unify? Can they assist others in rising to their full potential? And, above all, can you share them in a helpful, not a judgmental manner? Are you willing to walk alongside and be a helper rather than a hater? Remember, even Jesus didn't heal every single sick person. Be discerning about who it is that God is calling you to help. Sometimes He may have that person assigned to another, so don't rush in without consulting Him first.

I INSPIRING.    Are your thoughts going to have the power to help anyone have a richer life? Are they helping you to see that you are who God says you are? Are they empowering? Encouraging? Enlightening? If not, toss them out with the rubbish. Think thoughts that will inspire and connect your heart to the heart of others. You won't impress many people with your knowledge, but you can inspire them with the wisdom God provides.

N NECESSARY.  Many of our 3,000 thoughts each hour may well be true, helpful and even inspiring to some, but they may be completely unnecessary. Every truth is not meant to be spoken. A three year old doesn't know not to tell the 400 pound person at the buffet that they are fat and shouldn't eat a third helping. True? Probably. Necessary? Nope! Often times people know that they have issues they need to deal with. It is better to pray for them to seek the Lord than to take His place and do the "helping" yourself. 

K KIND. We have all expressed ourselves in ways that have landed wrong. We know it, but it is too late to retract it. What would this world be like if we stopped to consider how our words might be received before speaking them? What if our primary objective was to be kind and consider the feelings of others before we speak a single word? That sounds like heaven! There would be less wounds to heal, less apologies to make and stronger, healthier relationships transforming our homes and our culture.

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

...make the world a better place.

Beauty for the Journey

Giving and receiving grace is a beautiful thing. It strengthens marriages, builds relationships and makes the world a better place. However, it is an expensive commodity and often very rare. The cost is a forfeiture of our pride and a willingness to love a little bit deeper. Sometimes we feel like we don't have the resources to afford this extravagant grace, but there is a link where discounts can be found to make it affordable. 

Here is the link:  Thankfulness. You see, with every offering of gratitude, with every utterance of praise, with every expression of thanksgiving, we find that we receive tokens that are good for offering and receiving grace. I can't explain how this works, but I know that it does. You see, when we are truly thankful for all we have, for all who have loved us and have helped to grow us and even those who challenge us regularly, we find that we begin to let go of the pride that made grace seem so expensive. 

Here is my analogy. I don't like to spend money. I like to save it and enjoy the security of a savings account. I also don't like to have sore feet or back aches, but when I found a shoe that would take care of my feet and my back, it seemed like way too much to spend. For years I continued to suffer because I didn't want to take money from the bank to make the purchase that seemed like far too much to spend on shoes. It wasn't until I had to see a specialist and spend a boatload of money on inserts and therapy, that I decided to bite the bullet and buy good shoes. I had to give up what made me feel secure to acquire what made me feel my best. 

Perhaps you don't want to extend grace because your pride account is important to you. It makes you feel secure. Those deposits were hard earned. They came from a betrayal, a disappointment, a loss, an injustice, a fear of showing your needs or insecurities, a lot of personal investment. You may be guarding your pride bank like it is Fort Knox, but you will just have to trust me when I say that taking some pride out of your account and replacing it with gratitude will take away the pain that is just short of crippling. It will leave you prepared to extend the grace that will lighten your load and make your journey more beautiful.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:!6-!8

Do You See This Woman?

 

 

 

In Need of Grace

"The message at my funeral is not my merit, but God's grace. Don't sing my praises, sing His." That was the instruction I received many times in the last year of Dad's life here on earth. One of the many songs he selected was written by Julia Johnston, probably around the beginning of the 20th century and it contains this message:

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace, freely bestowed on all who believe.

You that are longing to see His face, Will you this moment His grace receive?

Grace! Grace! God's Grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.

Grace! Grace! God's Grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.

I can still hear his bass voice booming out those low notes as I played it for him. The irony for me was that he was such a good man that I never thought of him needing God's grace. He just seemed to be a natural at loving and giving and devotion to God and others. When I expressed that, he assured me that there are always inner struggles this side of heaven to keep us in need of God's mercy, grace and  forgiveness, we just don't always see our needs until the shadows fall.

The Daniel Boone National Forest in Kentucky is one of our favorite places. There are miles and miles of trails, over 100 natural arches, waterfalls and extraordinary views of God's creation. Once when Dana and I went for a long weekend, we were so anxious to get to the top of Natural Bridge, an arch carved out by a thousands of years of erosion, that we dropped our luggage in the lodge and took off to the top to watch the sunset. It was spectacular, as expected. As we headed back down the decent to the lodge, we realized our folly in our rush to the top. We hadn't brought a flashlight. It was no problem to trek through the forest in daylight; climb the inclines (that get exponentially steeper with each year that we age) or hug the high side of the trail to avoid the forty-plus foot drops on the cliff side of the trails. Neither of us gave a moments consideration to our need of light for the trip down after the sun set. We made it down, obviously, but only by the grace of God. 

In the same way, life may seem to be going great in our pursuit of a goal, but there will always be those times when darkness settles in and we are made aware of our constant need of God's grace. God is not surprised or dismayed by our need of Him. He created us to be dependent on Him. He knows the darkness that plagues us and is not ashamed of us. Hiding and wallowing in guilt is not beneficial to anyone. Reaching out and holding on to Him (like I held on to Dana's belt to find my way down the mountain) is what gets us to our destination.

Humble yourself and realize your need for a God of grace and mercy. Don't do life without it. You will be miserable and so will those around you. It was unfathomable love that transformed the Creator of the universe into a mortal so that He could bear our punishment and bestow His unending grace upon us. Why refuse that gift and drown in your sin and self-condemnation. Grab hold of His belt and let Him guide you down the mountain, away from the cliff and into the place of light.

Grace

Often we think of GRACE as something we receive, rather than give. Perhaps that explains the condition of our homes, our communities, our world. Truly, it is time to bring grace home.

Sometimes in our efforts to show mercy, grace and compassion to our spouse or kids, we administer the sort of treatment that, to us, feels like a warm, fluffy puppy, but to them it lands like a bare foot in that puppy's poo. To be grace-filled at home is to know the needs of your spouse so that you can bring what is needed and not assume they need what you might need. Since I don't know of anyone who is truly able to read minds, we are going to have to ask and listen. "What are you feeling right now?" "What is causing you this anxiety?" "Why do you think I am angry or disappointed with you?" "What do you need from me right now?" "I know what I intended, but what did you hear?" "I care, but I don't understand. Please help me to understand you better."

Assuming that you know what is happening inside your spouse's head will typically take you to a destination that wasn't in your sites. And that isn't the kind of surprise vacation you were looking for. If we don't ever take the time to ask and listen, perhaps we are being prideful and think that we have the answers or that their feelings are invalid. Pride kills, but humility helps us show the kind of grace that builds relationships. 

"God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble."  

James 4:6

How can you humbly show grace at home? The above verse is preceded with the question, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" and answers the question with a universal truth: unmet desires. Our desires in marriage will not ever be met if we don't begin to ask questions, find our inner longings and express them to the one across the table from us. There is also a caution in this chapter not to get carried away by the advice of the world. In this day, it would be to post negative sentiments on social media or look elsewhere for needs to be met or simply walk away. None of those options contain the grace that we are called to extend. None of them show humility. Don't slander. Don't judge. Instead, "humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

God knows your heart and your motives. He can spot a fake all the way from heaven. Humility is required to extend grace to others and honor them above yourself. If you can't take the time to sit down and talk it through, how ever many times it takes, (and after nearly 44 years of marriage I can tell you that the need for this never ends, though it becomes less frequent) then you are missing out on a rich and blessed marriage (and after almost 44 years I can promise the blessings far outweigh the effort). You will never truly know the joy of marriage if you don't set your pride aside and extend the hand of humility and grace. 

Building A Better Tomorrow

As I write this, it is June 1, 2020. Many mayors and governors across the nation are calling for a Day of Lament. As a country we have much to grieve. Though it seems we have come so far from shackles and owning other humans, prejudice is still sickeningly strong. We have such a long way to go in showing love, honor and respect despite our differences. Not a single one of us has the right or authority to stand in judgement, disqualifying those who are unlike us from having the same freedom and rights that we have. It is an attitude of self-righteousness and pride that brings disgrace on any nation, prejudice to our minds and deep sorrow to the heart of God.

Sunday was Pentecost Sunday. It commemorates the day when the Spirit came to empower the Church to be mobilized to build God's kingdom on a foundation of love and grace and truth. God's people were given power to raise the dead and heal the sick and change the world. That power was not given to control others or to build an empire, but to build unity and resurrect love and grow compassion and humility.  The first century church had no room for prejudice and when they discovered it in their hearts, it had to be healed. We could certainly use some Holy Spirit power to rebuild our foundation and wipe out the prejudice that divides and destroys today.

If you know me, you won't be surprised to hear me say that I believe this rebuilding has to begin at home. If we are to raise humble children who are without prejudice, they must see it modeled. Many people have told me that they don't have room in their heart for prejudice, but they seem to have room for diminishing the value of their spouse's opinion or ideas. Every time you place your desires ahead of theirs, you are showing prejudice by indicating you are somehow more worthy or deserving to have things your way. If we show prejudice of any variety (making ourselves more important than others) we are teaching our kids that prejudice is okay. And they won't miss it. Kids are great observers. The only anecdote is to practice honoring others above yourself right before their eyes. Love selflessly. Give freely.  Listen as though their thoughts matter, because they do. Home-grown humility is a sure way to reverse prejudice. If we don't live it at home, what we demonstrate outside the home is counterfeit. 

Spend some time with your family talking about how to show value to others. Practice with siblings. Tell them when you have been shown value and love and how it makes you feel. Let them see that, as a family, you are building a better tomorrow by learning to love and honor each other above yourselves. That is a foundation that is secure. One way or the other, you are building their tomorrow. What will you build?

Brand New

"I am making everything new."

One year for my birthday I asked Dana to spend a Saturday with me "junk" shopping. I love to find old things and give them new purpose. But.... they must serve a purpose other than to collect dust. When there is a purpose for something old, it's like it has been given new life. A galvanized pail becomes a planter, an old pitcher hides my stash of chocolate chips, a cranberry glass cookie/candy jar stores the coffee. It doesn't become new, but it is given new purpose, which makes it like new. 

I believe that this desire that I have carries on into my calling, my vocation, my ministry. I love watching old scars begin to heal as bitterness and anger are washed away, leaving a fresh sheen of forgiveness; old arguments get recycled into new perspectives; marriages take on new life and passion returns. All of this because the One who made us never loses sight of the reason He did so. Each one of us has a purpose and sometimes we get on the wrong path and it takes us longer to get there, but the One who made all things good is in the business of making all things new again, 

It seems, during the quarantine and social isolation, many have taken to clearing out the clutter and making the house look newer and fresher and more efficiently run. Perhaps you might take a look inside at some attitudes and hurts that need to be eliminated. Your heart will be made fresh again, as relationships heal.Your life will be more meaningful as old habits are recycled into new patterns. A word of caution: Don't try this alone. There is plenty of your own "elbow grease" to invest but having a Godly mentor, life coach, or counselor on the other end of the saw sure does make it easier to cut through the issues. 

Most importantly, you need to know that in this transformation, the real and lasting change only lasts a moment at a time and requires that we hold tightly to the hand of the Great Repurposer. He is the only one that can truly make your marriage new; your relationships new; your habits new. He is the One who knows exactly why you are here, so why not give Him a chance to show you and direct your steps. 

The Obstacles In Our Path

Let me tell you a little something about obstacles. They slow you down. They get in the way of accomplishing what needs to be done. They flood over you some days until you can't catch your breath.  We may not have put them there, but perhaps we didn't pay attention to the sign warning us about them. We failed to follow the DETOUR designed to assist us. We may absolutely hate those obstacles, but we've become oblivious to the way they impede our progress. Sure, they slow us down, but eventually the pace seems acceptable. 

I have done a good bit of counseling in my years in ministry and have observed that marriages can get bogged down and eventually dissolve due to the obstacles that have become commonplace and are not addressed. So many times the DETOUR sign is ignored and they just keep moving toward the danger. Other times there is no detour, but there are so many pot holes that marriage can become like Indiana roads in the spring. We learn to maneuver around them, hoping someone fills them before we wreck a tire. Or worse. And then, one very dark night, we miss seeing it in time and ....

Whether you are responsible for the obstacle(s) to your success because of actions, attitudes, behaviors, habits, or an unwillingness to see things from a different perspective OR you are not responsible for them and circumstances beyond your control invited these obstacles onto your path, you have to decide if you are going to use them to grow or let them slow your development. If you choose the latter, you won't arrive at the destination you hoped for. In this manner, you have a responsibility for these obstacles even if you have nothing to do with their appearance. You can choose to continually allow them to trip you up or you can use them as stepping stones to get you to the other side.

Ignoring the obstacles in your relationships that keep it from honoring God will not end well. Though it will not likely be easy to address them, if you don't expand your mind to see from a different perspective, and begin to shift the obstacles out of your way, they will result in sinful attitudes and behaviors. Those behaviors will keep you from winning the race set out for you by the One that made you for that particular race. The man who wrote to the Hebrew Christ followers in the first century says it something like this...

Let us get rid of obstacles that get in our way 

and the sin that holds on to us so tightly, 

and let us run with determination

 the race that lies before us.

Hebrews 12:1

Maybe it isn't a marriage relationship that is filled with obstacles. Perhaps it is something else that is holding on so tightly to you that you have lost your determination and you are losing the race. Whatever it is, find the help that you need to get to the finish line. Be the winner you were made to be. Whether that is as an employer or employee; a husband or a wife; a student or a teacher; a mom or a dad - address the obstacles, do the next right thing, let go of sinful attitudes and actions and be determined to give it all you've got to receive the trophy.

Friends

Are you tired of isolation? Are your kids missing their friends to the point of losing their minds? Do you crave sitting down to dinner at a restaurant with your friends? I think I know the answer for most of you. Isolation is difficult, otherwise it wouldn't be used as punishment! As important as time alone is, friendships are a necessary part of life. We were not intended to do life alone. Friendships are essential.

Dana and I have been watching a reality show that seeks to recapture the spirit, the courage, the trials and the victories of the settlers of 1870 called Pioneer Quest. Two couples are given a plot of land, era appropriate tools and supplies to start their homestead in Canada much like couples would have 150 years ago. On the episode we watched last night, one of the foursome was struggling to be grateful for the help of her neighbor. She felt like she was somehow breaking the pioneer code  by accepting assistance. She wanted to experience all the feelings of a pioneer woman, including the loneliness and isolation they certainly endured when settling in a barren land in 1870. What she needed to remember is that our spirit needs the connection of others in order to grow and fully develop into who we were made to become. We were made for connection.
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Friends truly are one of the best gifts we can have, and finding the ones that will be with us through the valleys and on the mountaintops is a wonderful thing. Having that person be your spouse is priceless. If that isn't your situation, make it so! Decide to be that friend to your lifelong companion. Be there for them in the good times and the bad. Know their heart and their hurts and the motivations behind those actions that sometimes get under your skin. Become their most valuable natural resource and make growing old together a beautiful thing.

How blessed we are to have friends at home and outside of our homes. Hold on to them tightly and thank God for those people who cheer you on and who have the courage to confront you when you take steps in the wrong direction. Tell them they are valued and learn to be that kind of friend. If the message on the painting is the right one, feel free to print it and give it to that friend that has been with you on your journey. Let them know their value in your life.

I don't have a mailing address for God, who is with all of us on our journey, walking before us to guide our way in the dark times, behind us to push us to be our best, and beside us to laugh and cry and listen....so give it to the one who He has given you that has skin on. That is slightly imperfect and maybe somewhat annoying at times. And never forget what a gift this friend is.

Created for Dependence

What would happen if you stood a 2 month old infant on her feet and said to her, "You've got this!"? She will crash to the ground because she is unprepared to walk. Her body has not developed and her mind doesn't even understand your command to walk. She was never intended to walk as a 2 month old baby. And that is okay. Her parents don't love her less for crashing. They know she is totally dependent on others to help her get from place to place. Clearly, she can't handle this alone.

By the same token, you were never intended to manage your life on this planet alone. You were made for paradise and communion and harmony with and dependence upon your Creator. There will always be voices that tell us otherwise; that we don't need God; we don't need a crutch; we don't need the church; we don't need the Bible; we don't need prayer; we don't need to love everyone. "You've got this!" they cry and every single time we try to go it alone and do our own thing, there is a crash. We saw that happen with Adam and Eve and all throughout history and it is still happening today.

No matter how strong or smart or spiritual you get; no matter how disciplined you are; no matter how much you want to be a godly example... you just cannot do that on your own strength. You can't handle that alone. You need a Guide, a Master, a Savior, a Shepherd that you can lean on and learn from every single day. God isn't disappointed in you for that because He made you to need Him. It's right there in the Divine schematic. He made us and was pleased with the design. But without His power source, we are going to crash. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will happen eventually because we were created to run on His strength and wisdom, not our own.

Knowing this to be a truth of humankind, perhaps the greatest gift you can give your kids is to let them see you leaning into God's strength, admitting your weakness and your need for Him. Sure, you are their Super Hero... at least for the first half of childhood... and that feels pretty good. But, if they are to see that they were designed to depend on God, they have to see that modeled and know that all that makes you a hero comes from leaning on Jesus.

A Fresh Focus

 Have you ever noticed that when you are looking intently at something, people tend to stop and look, even though they don’t know what they are looking at? Yesterday there was a large bird perched on a high branch near our house and I had my binoculars out trying to decide if it was an eagle or osprey. Several passersby noted my focus and looked in the same direction. After looking at it for so long and trying to focus, my eyes got worn out and began to glaze over. I had to stop and focus on something else so they could rest.

Perhaps the COVID 19 pandemic has your focus. You can't quite understand or determine what is happening from one day to the next and your gaze into an unknown future has you and your family a little on edge. The kids might be trying to see what you are looking at and since you can’t even identify it, everyone becomes anxious. All the questions of what is to come of the economy, the health of our loved ones and more, can be a lot. Maybe it's time to stop staring at it and look at something we know.

In the first century, Paul was dealing with people who often stared at what they didn’t understand and became confused about how they were to follow the way of Jesus. There was a long heritage of wandering and a longer list of rules that identified them. They lived in a time of heinous religious persecution, fear and mandatory isolation for their protection. Like us, they just didn’t know what to do with all that was happening around them and it had their complete focus until their eyes began to glaze over. In 2 Corinthians 3 Paul states that the fog lifts when we turn to the Lord, receive His freedom from all the fear and "are transformed into His likeness."  That is why we don't lose heart (2 Corinthians 4).  Our focus has to move to the Spirit of God who is using everything we encounter to transform us into His likeness.

Wow! Can you imagine if we all just looked to God long enough for others to begin looking there, too? Soon everyone around us would be trying to see Him! Our families and friends and coworkers would feel less fear and isolation and instead experience the joy of transformation that God desires for us. Everything would change as the Spirit teaches us that there is purpose in the pain and, "Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 

Eternal glory sounds like looking at something farther away than the osprey, which will wear us out, but eternal glory isn’t just pearly gates and death isn’t the only way out of this mess. Eternity is yesterday, today and tomorrow and is given so we can live, love, grow, cry, laugh and enjoy one another while experiencing God. In this cycle of eternity, change is inevitable and an intentional part of God’s plan. High tide and low. Sunrise and sunset. Young to old. Change is really normal and not to be feared. It becomes light and momentary when we remember that it is here to transform us into His likeness and is part of God’s plan.

How can you see COVID 19 as light and momentary? Change what you are looking at. We fix our eyes NOT on what is seen, (sickness, quarantine, social isolation, unemployment, loneliness, fear, discouragement – or a large unidentified raptor, because all of that will wear us out), but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17). The unseen things are the constant presence of God’s Spirit reshaping us; His love transforming our hearts and attitudes; His wisdom helping us discern next steps. His strength empowering us to navigate all of this. Transformation will come when we focus on Him.

So, where will you focus? The pandemic or the Potter? The disease or the Divine? The finances or the Friend? The economy or Eternal glory? Your loneliness or your LORD? One will make your eyes glaze over and the other will help you see God. And remember, others will be looking to see what captures your gaze. 

...Inwardly we are being renewed, day by day.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory 

that far outweighs them all.

So we fix our eyes, not on what is seen but on what is unseen. 

For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 

1 Corinthians 4:16-17

Fresh Eyes On Cac Rona

If you are like me, you may have stopped listening to the news or reading the latest reports about COVID-19. It is all too difficult to assimilate into my mind. This is my first pandemic, so I have no real experience digesting all that I hear so after a bit, I just tune it out. HOWEVER... the report from these two professionals, both age 3.5, caught my attention. Here is what I learned from their report on the reliable news source, Facebook.

My nephew Lincoln, in this picture, is tired of quarantine and is firmly commanding, "Get out of here, Rona!" Reading between the lines, I understood clearly that the best path to take in this pandemic is to take authority. The sickness, isolation, loneliness, social distancing and all the struggles that come with the virus are real and we can't really control those things, but we would do well to take authority over the fear that comes with it. Of course, a healthy respect should keep us safer, but fear will leave us paralyzed. Here's how Lincoln finds ways to not be overwhelmed with fear. He laughs and plays with his amazing big brothers, who take the time for him. He leans into the parents who love him... and does the occasional Facebook post to entertain his Auntie.

My little friend, Zella, in this post is telling her mom,  "Cacrona is a human and if we go to his house he will tell us that it is okay to have our friends come over and play." Although her intel is questionable, she is spot on with her strong desire to make sure that life goes on, even if not as she is hoping. Her mother is quick to respond and tell her that Corona is a virus and not a person. I immediately considered how easy it is to see this pandemic as having authority over us telling us what we can and cannot do, but Zella's mom is correct. It is just a virus and we still get to make the decision on how we are to live. Of course there are always limitation with any sickness. But we still determine our reactions and behaviors. Since pandemics occur every 100 years or so, this is likely our only opportunity to experience one. We must not allow it to take control of all things fun, but use it to create all sorts of new fun. That's what happens at Zella's house. Dance parties, room-sized forts, movies and gymnastics with her siblings. Of course she misses her friends, but she has found ways to conquer that pain and laugh her way through it all.

Don't waste this once in a lifetime pandemic by giving it authority over your thoughts. Don't fear it as an uninvited intruder taking away your freedom, your laughter and your fun. You can be sad or mad or filled with questions, but don't let negative feelings find a lot to build their house upon. Let them come and let them go, but give them no authority over your life. Find the good every day. This is the opportunity of a lifetime to see the things we haven't, do the things we couldn't and hear the things we wouldn't have in our pre-pandemic lives.

Hold fast to the truth that no event can ever change.... God loves you and is always with you. Rona nor Cacrona have any authority over that! So live, love and laugh your way through it when you can... and when you can't, find an adorable child to lift your spirits!

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, 

for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning;

 great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

What Are You Looking For?

Can you even imagine the horror of watching a loved one having nails driven through His hands and feet... then, suspended on that wooden cross, having to press into the pain of those nails in order to fill His lungs? Watching helplessly, I imagine so many dreams of what could have been died, one by one. This was the end of hope for the big "win" for Jesus and His followers so closure began when the spear in His side confirmed that it was truly finished. Jesus said it Himself.

No wonder His friends didn't recognize Jesus when He appeared to them after He arose from the grave. They were looking for a corpse, not a living, breathing, eating, talking Jesus! When the angel asked the women who went to the tomb to prepare Jesus body, "Why do you look for the living among the dead?" they must have been really perplexed. They weren't looking for a living Jesus because they saw Him die. Likewise, when Jesus walked with two of His followers on the road to Emmaus, they didn't recognize Him because they were overwrought with all they had seen and heard about the crucifixion of their good Teacher.

As I listen to the Easter message this year I wondered how often we miss seeing life because we have witnessed death, so that's what we are looking for. We have experienced a slow, painful death in our marriage or other relationships, so we cannot see the life that Jesus wants to infuse into our connections with others. If you believe that Jesus is alive and death has no victory, why settle for death in your relationships. Jesus came that we might have a full and meaningful life. Jesus came to show us how to love. Jesus taught us that loving God and others is the core of following Him, so why not live like we believe that?

Moving forward in the coming days and weeks, I encourage you to stop looking for death. That is kind of like tripping over something that is behind you, which is pretty ridiculous. Start looking to the future of HOPE that Jesus provided with His life, death and resurrection. If you have experienced death in your marriage or other relationships, stop looking for the corpse in the tomb and start looking for the life that He wants to bring you.  Jesus' very life was about loving and giving, regardless of merit. Perhaps you need to be reminded of that so you can find the new life, new hope and new love that reflects a living Redeemer, not a corpse in a tomb.