Grace

Often we think of GRACE as something we receive, rather than give. Perhaps that explains the condition of our homes, our communities, our world. Truly, it is time to bring grace home.

Sometimes in our efforts to show mercy, grace and compassion to our spouse or kids, we administer the sort of treatment that, to us, feels like a warm, fluffy puppy, but to them it lands like a bare foot in that puppy's poo. To be grace-filled at home is to know the needs of your spouse so that you can bring what is needed and not assume they need what you might need. Since I don't know of anyone who is truly able to read minds, we are going to have to ask and listen. "What are you feeling right now?" "What is causing you this anxiety?" "Why do you think I am angry or disappointed with you?" "What do you need from me right now?" "I know what I intended, but what did you hear?" "I care, but I don't understand. Please help me to understand you better."

Assuming that you know what is happening inside your spouse's head will typically take you to a destination that wasn't in your sites. And that isn't the kind of surprise vacation you were looking for. If we don't ever take the time to ask and listen, perhaps we are being prideful and think that we have the answers or that their feelings are invalid. Pride kills, but humility helps us show the kind of grace that builds relationships. 

"God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble."  

James 4:6

How can you humbly show grace at home? The above verse is preceded with the question, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" and answers the question with a universal truth: unmet desires. Our desires in marriage will not ever be met if we don't begin to ask questions, find our inner longings and express them to the one across the table from us. There is also a caution in this chapter not to get carried away by the advice of the world. In this day, it would be to post negative sentiments on social media or look elsewhere for needs to be met or simply walk away. None of those options contain the grace that we are called to extend. None of them show humility. Don't slander. Don't judge. Instead, "humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

God knows your heart and your motives. He can spot a fake all the way from heaven. Humility is required to extend grace to others and honor them above yourself. If you can't take the time to sit down and talk it through, how ever many times it takes, (and after nearly 44 years of marriage I can tell you that the need for this never ends, though it becomes less frequent) then you are missing out on a rich and blessed marriage (and after almost 44 years I can promise the blessings far outweigh the effort). You will never truly know the joy of marriage if you don't set your pride aside and extend the hand of humility and grace.