The Prince of Peace

In less than a week we will celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace. Interestingly, this is the time of year when things are crazy busy and anxiety runs at an all-time high for many of us. How do we reconcile that in our mind, and in our heart? I think, as I ask this rhetorical question, I can hear Cindy Lou Who singing, “Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you?” It is nearly impossible to find the Prince of Peace, the originator of this beautiful holiday, when our lists are so long, our families are so … difficult, expectations are so high and energy is so low!

Can you just sit back and relax a few minutes while I share a few thoughts on how to find the Prince of Peace. Light a candle, grab a cup of hot chocolate and a Christmas cookie (well, not at my house since I haven’t done the least bit of Christmas baking) and just breath in the peace of Christmas.

Peace is strength. Like the calm after the storm, God’s peace gently wafts over us and would go completely unnoticed, had we not just experienced the typhoon of life in the previous days, weeks or maybe even months. Just like the Hebrew children wandering in the wilderness for 40 years when it was right there within reach after a few days journey, we are tossed be one storm after another. The Prince of Peace is right there. He never left. He is sustaining you as you struggle to stand in the forceful winds of trying times. And He will bring you peace, but not without first bringing you the strength to withstand the storm.

Peace is tranquility. We find it in the cease fire moments of life. When we stop trying to be right and invest, instead, in doing right. Battles will overtake us if we look for peace as if were a trophy case where we display our supreme ability to win. Rather than seeking to be the loudest voice with the strongest argument, perhaps we find the tranquility our heart desires when we lay down our armaments and extend the olive branch.

Peace is courage.  When we are afraid, we are not at peace. Our focus is on our anxiety and not on the Peace that can calm our fears. It’s true. We live in a dark, scary, troubles world and have every reason to feel afraid. But perfect love casts out fear, according to scripture. If we focus our attention on loving others, our fears begin to decrease. If we allow others to love us, the way they love (even if it doesn’t really look like love to us), and receive it as a special gift, we tend to lose our grip on the fear of not being loved… or not being lovable. Let God’s love fill you to overflowing and you will find that fear no longer rules your heart and courage has taken up residence. That is a worthy place for peace to find a home.

Peace is joy. Like the innkeeper in the Christmas story proclaiming, “No Room,” to Joseph, we seem to have filled our lives to the fullest capacity, leaving no room for joy. Activities, even of the sweetest variety, tend to run us ragged until we have lost the joy that we know in our hearts is the gift God is trying to give us. Keeping the Joy Giver close at all times, helps us to untangle the calendar that has us completely overwhelmed and begin to realize that joy is a decision we make with every task on our To Do list. Joy is the gift that comes directly from the Prince of Peace. We just have to take the time to breathe and smile and unwrap it!

Peace is Grace. In the carol, Silent Night, there is a verse that describes the Christ child as the “dawn of redeeming grace.” Christmas represents the beginning of reconciliation between God and His beloved people. It is the beautiful story of grace… unmerited favor… undeserved forgiveness… beautiful redemption. Jesus, the baby laid in the manger, showers us with the grace that He fully intends us to “re-gift.”  If you really are searching for the peace of heaven, extend grace to those who are on your last nerve and making life difficult. They have a story. You may never understand it, but they are loved by the One who left heaven to come and bring peace to them and to you.

May your Christmas be filled with…

Joy

Grace

Courage

Strength

Tranquility and

The presence of the

Prince Of Peace

Merry Christmas!

Everlasting Father

The

people

walking

in darkness

have seen a great

light
on those living

 in the land of deep darkness

a bright light has dawned.
You have increased their

 joy

For to us a child is born

For unto us a son is given

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God

Everlasting

Father

Prince of Peace

We have all been there. Clouds rolling in. Darkness settling. Confusion. Despair. Loneliness. Questions we can’t seem to find answers for.

What we need is for someone to turn on the light, show us the right direction, bring us clarity, chase away the fear, and walk beside us on our journey so we are not facing this alone. When the darkness settles in, our joy escapes and we don’t even know which direction to go to find it again.

Perhaps this is where you find yourself this Christmas season. When you got married you were expecting to find fulfillment, unconditional love, and happily ever after. But trials came and darkness started to seep in a bit at a time until one day you woke up and discovered you are totally on the  wrong trajectory to get you to that happily ever after you were sure was waiting for you. Now you are plodding in the joyless darkness, hating your life and trying desperately to find the love that seems to be eluding you. The spark has died and you are in the darkest place you could be, perhaps even considering walking away from this seemingly hopeless marriage.

If you are reading this and you can't identify with that hopelessness, you probably know someone who can, so, keep reading. There is HOPE and, just as the Hope of the world was found in the unlikeliest place that first Christmas morning, so is the hope for restoring the love to a marriage. You see, when we feel hopeless, we tend to in the palace, just like the Wisemen did. When you are looking for a baby King, that just makes sense. But they didn’t find Him there. And they didn’t give up. Even though the star led them to an animal trough.

When trouble hits at home, most of us look for relief … probably not at a palace, but, maybe at the mall, in a bottle of wine, in a carton of ice cream, in friendships, and eventually, perhaps on dating websites. That is truly how the world we live in seeks to find solace, but when we think like the world thinks, we end up lost… just like the world. Save yourself time and a whole lot of trouble… DON’T GO THERE!

You have a WONDERFUL COUNSELOR who is calling you to look to Him for guidance; who is asking you to be open and honest about how you got to this dark place; who has the answers you need to find your way back to healing and restoration.

You have a MIGHTY GOD who is sending reminders to you multiple times a day that He is big enough to blow away that cloud that seems to follow you everywhere. With every sunrise and sunset, He reminds you that He knows how to keep the entire universe in order and can certainly do the same for you, if you allow Him to do so.

You have an EVERLASTING FATHER whose love for you is beyond anything you can ever comprehend. He wants you to understand that love. He demonstrated it when He willingly left heaven to be born into poverty; to be doubted and misunderstood for the entire time He was here; to realize that a torturous death would come to Him from the hands of those He came to love. And in case that wasn’t enough for you to see His love, He told the story of a Father and his love for his son who had turned away from his family, squandered his inheritance, lived a riotous life and had done everything imaginable to break the relationship between himself and his family. Do you know the reaction of that father when he saw his son returning home? He cast aside his dignity, his pride, his social standing and, breaking tradition and the expectations of society, he literally bolted out to greet him before anyone could get to him and tell him he was unworthy to return.

Do you know what the son brought to the father in order to be restored? Nothing but shame and sorrow and humility. He asked nothing but to be a servant in his father’s house. But the father’s love wouldn’t hear of it. He restored him to his place in the family… because of LOVE.

The Father is ready to heal your heart and replace your brokenness with love. Perhaps you are doubtful because you have asked Him a million times to no avail...but, have you come to Him humbly… not with your list of what you need Him to do in your spouse’s heart… but in yours. Humility is the beginning of healing. It started in a manger and it continues as we come to Him, our Everlasting Father, knowing we are in darkness and need His light. 

Understand what I am saying here. Humility is not thinking that you are a loser… it is not being downtrodden and thinking less of yourself, at all. Humility is simply thinking of yourself less. Often, in our pain, we are thinking thoughts like… I should be treated better… I should have married someone else… I  need more… I  deserve better… I want to be loved… and all those I statements indicate we are thinking of ourselves a whole lot, rather than thinking about our partner and their needs and their feelings and the reasons they may be behaving as they are.

I am so glad that, in the story Jesus told, the father wasn’t ashamed of the son and the things he had done. I am so glad that he didn’t shun him. I am so thankful that he wasn’t focused on the failures.  Jesus wanted us to see that, just like the father in the story, His focus is on healing and restoring us to a right relationship with Him… and beyond that, to healing our relationships with each other.

When we look inside, and ask Him to blow away the clouds of doubt and failure and selfishness and pride and envy and all the dark thoughts that the evil one has planted, we can find that light again. That spark that ignited into true love once upon a time, seemingly a lifetime ago, is still there.  Ask the Breath of Heaven to blow new life into the smoldering embers and experience true, beautiful, restorative healing in your home.

That is the best Christmas gift you can give to your children.

Seeing the Light

We had three of our grandkids with us Sunday morning and as we drove to church, the sun rise was noted by all of them. “It looks like a rainbow sunrise. I can see all the colors of the rainbow in it!” they exclaimed. Coming off of a week of vacation I was immersed in concerns of what I may have forgotten to do before I left, so I hadn’t even noticed, but the excitement in the backseat caught my attention and I looked to the horizon and saw what the delight was all about. I couldn’t help but think about how I was missing the beauty of His light as I sat in the darkness. But, truly the darkness was being overcome by the light… by the promise of God as prophesied by Isaiah, six centuries before Jesus came as the Light of the world.  “For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine” (Isaiah 9:2).

The Light is Jesus. God in the flesh, who left heaven to come show us the way back to the One who made us to reflect His light. He made Himself known and made it abundantly clear that He is the Light that would dispel the darkness, yet we continue to stumble in the dark. Why is that? Why do we not see and reflect the light of God? Perhaps we simply aren’t looking in the right direction and we need to hear some joyful children reminding us of the Mighty God prophesied by Isaiah.

It is a busy time of year in homes all across America. Baking. Decorating. Concerts. Visits. Shopping. Wrapping. Parties. Life is just different in December than any other month… yet much the same. There is still laundry and dishes, menus and meal prep, homework and headaches, work and swim meets and basketball games. So, we are doubly busy and the joy is rapidly sucked right out of us as we charge, full speed ahead. Is there a remedy for December overload?

Isaiah went on to say of Jesus that, “He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God…” (Isaiah 9:6). Maybe we don’t see Him entirely that way. If He is truly a wonderful counselor, should we not be transparent and completely honest with him about where we are and what is going on in our lives? If he is a wonderful counselor, would we not take the time to listen to what he has to say and heed his advice? Maybe, instead, we simply see him as a sounding board to receive our complaints and don’t care to listen to his wise counsel because, all along we have been making the decisions that have our lives in a flurry of craziness.

What does your home look like this holiday season? What is the focus of your conversations? Will your children learn of the Wonderful Counselor and Mighty God that came from heaven to show us the way to live in His light? Or will they simply see you stressed and overwhelmed with all the extra activities of the season and the darkness that is closing in around you? I am glad that I don't have kids under my roof watching me this year... or last. I am as guilty as anyone of taking on so many good and wonderful things that I end up crazy busy and missing the joy I should be feeling over the best gift of all time.

Dear, loving, hard working, well meaning, excellent parents,
Know that I am saying a prayer for you tonight and will do so many times this month. I am praying that you will have the strength and wisdom to say NO a few times so that you can say YES to the best things about Christmas. I pray that you will take those precious children God has entrusted to you beyond the sparkle and excitement of the bearded man in red, and even beyond the babe in the manger. Help them to see the Mighty God that we can never comprehend… especially when our focus is so narrow that we forget He is the Master, the Creator, the One who put all things in order and made each of us to be a part of that miraculous plan. Magnify Him so that they catch a glimpse of the Wonderful Counselor  who loves them enough to listen to them; to bring them into His presence and guide them with His light and His love. I pray that you will let them know He created them to walk in His light so they can find fulfillment in His plan for their lives. Bring the LIGHT of Jesus into your home this Christmas, and let go of anything that keeps you from doing so. And know that I am praying for you to find peace and joy as the days bring us closer and closer to Christmas.

Giving Thanks

It is the week of Thanksgiving. Sounds strange. Especially since we have so much to give thanks for every week of the year. But, none the less, tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and I feel drawn to tell the story of the heroic journey of a little girl and boy, for whom I am so grateful.

She was 8 years old. Her little body was suffering from an auto-immune condition that landed her in a Children's Research Hospital in Chicago. She suffered immeasurable pain and lost the ability to do anything at all for herself.

He was 7 years old. His big sister was in a hospital over an hour away and mom was there with her, leaving him to go off to a new school every morning and come home to a woman he didn’t know. All he knew was that it wasn't his mom.

We had only lived in South Bend, Indiana for a month when this muscle disease grabbed hold of Emily and very rapidly began to eat away at her muscle fiber, leaving her profoundly weak. She could only bear weight for a second or two before her legs would give out. She had to recline to eat, because swallowing was nearly impossible. She was not responding to the standard treatment of Prednisone so we were told to take her to La Ribida Children’s Hospital. Once there, she began a regimen of medications that were essential, however, life threatening. And she began an even sharper decline. Her speech was quiet and labored. Her weakness increased. She was completely bed-fast, without strength to raise a hand to dry the tears that would trickle down her cheeks.

Meanwhile, back in South Bend, our church family…  most of whom we had not yet met… stepped in to care for Justin after school each night until his dad got home from work. Having just moved into the area, we discovered that his previous school had been quite a bit behind and he was expected to know things he had not yet been taught. His little world was filled with anxiety. Mom and sister were gone. School was so hard. He hadn’t made any friends yet. Every day he would be so distraught he would throw up before going to school… but wouldn’t ever consent to staying home, because he feared falling farther behind. The way he persevered through those dismal days was nothing short of heroic.

Six months later, her Dad got transferred back to Fort Wayne and Emily got to come home to regain strength, surrounded by family that loved her. Justin got to have his family intact and fall into the role of “big brother” to his older sister. He would take her for walks in her wheel chair and make her laugh and as he helped her joy return, she began to improve. He was truly her hero, and ours, as we watched him love her back to health. 

It may seem like a sad story… and it was a very sad time in our lives… BUT, it was also a time of tremendous gratitude. We all learned the value of many things we had taken for granted. Before we moved back to Fort Wayne, we attended one last service with the wonderful church family that had ministered to us in our darkest days and Emily asked the pastor if she could sing a song for them. Her dad carried her wheel chair up onto the stage and held the mic while I attempted to accompany her on the piano, tears brimming in my eyes. In spite of all she had been through, and all the work ahead of her, these are some of the words she sang…

“Thank You, Jesus, for all You've done.
Thank You, Lord.
Thank You, Jesus, for victories won,
O thank You, Lord. 
For Thy love and tender care,
For Thy Word and answered prayer.
Thank You, Jesus, for all You've done.
Thank You, Lord.”

John C. Hallett Ruth G. Hallett © 1948 Renewed 1976 Word Music, LLC

Such a struggle she had endured. Pain that was off the charts. Inability to even hold a fork to feed herself. All of her independence taken from her. Yet, in spite of it all, her heart was full of thanks because in those darkest hours she knew that Jesus was providing all the victories, however small. And she was thankful.

Are you missing the blessings of your faithful Lord because you are only seeing the trials, and not His presence with you in those trials? Take a lesson from my kids and look a little harder. Then, give thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Live Generously

What does the phrase, “Live generously,” mean to you?

I think that we can all agree that Jesus taught us to be generous. To give freely of ourselves, our talents, our resources, our time, our money.  But, let’s take a look at what living generously may look like at home. After all, if we don’t live generously in front of our kids, how will they learn this God-honoring quality?

Giving PRESENSE generously is one of the best ways to value another person. Listening intently to them, even if you know what they are going to say. Listen with your whole body. Making eye contact with them as you spend time together. Asking questions that allow them to see that you have been hearing them.  Watch their favorite show with them, just to be there and know what they are hearing. Sit beside them while they do their homework or read the paper. Share a gentle touch to let them feel your affection for them.

Giving TIME generously. Be very careful how you invest yourself outside of your home. There are people under your roof that need the best you have to offer. Saying YES to so many things that are good and fun and helpful to others leaves us with little energy to spend quality time with our own children… or parents… or spouse. Use your calendar and color code it. Make family activities a different color than work or church or friends or community volunteering. Make sure you are scheduling time with them other than just games and concerts and other school functions mandatory for parents to attend. Game nights…movie nights…breakfast dates…one on one trips to the grocery… playing Barbies… shooting baskets… whatever they enjoy… pencil them in. And do the same with your husband or wife.  Give them the best you have to give and you will never regret it.

Giving GRACE generously. As a parent, we sometimes are tired and fall short in the grace department. Every little thing seems to get under our skin. Remind yourself, in these times, that a child will always be a child when they are young. They will never be a miniature adult. They will  behave badly until you teach them that behavior is not acceptable. They only know what we teach them. They aren’t born with the knowledge of what is right and wrong in your household. It is your job to teach that. If they learn something from someone that doesn’t have the same values, you have just landed yourself another teaching opportunity. They are children and they need grace as they are learning all the things that you have had a lifetime to learn. Be quick to teach them what is expected… but not quick to berate them for doing something you have not yet taught them NOT to do.  And while we are talking grace… think about what they see happening between you and your spouse. Are you quick with grace, being sympathetic to the circumstances that may have caused them to act or react poorly?  Have you considered the fact that they have no clue that what they said or did was offensive or hurtful? Grace extended in a marriage is what builds relationships, but it requires open communication without the anger. Simply stating your thoughts and feelings in a way they understand will help them to see how what they said or did was hurtful. Stuffing your hurts is not showing grace. That is unhealthy and ends badly 100% of the time. Speaking the truth in love is the best way to resolve conflict before it happens. It will build your grace muscles.

Giving HONOR generously. Often times we glide through life caring little about the things that our spouse cares about tremendously. What seems ridiculous to us is automatically labeled unimportant and we go about with our business, as usual. The Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. And that means that we pay attention to what is important to our spouse and make a note of it. Know their love language. Do they feel most loved when you spend quality time with them? When they receive a thoughtful gift from you? When you show your love through acts of service? Is physical touch what they need to feel your love?  Perhaps they need words of affirmation to feel valued. Even if these things feel foreign to you, learn to do them. They will only feel foreign until they become part of your daily activities. Make these ways of honoring your family a priority… with your spouse and your children.  To know what someone you love needs in order to feel your love and refuse to do it because it seems weird to you is withholding love. That dishonors them and it dishonors God, because He has called us to honor one another above ourselves. Even if it feels weird.

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. Practice giving what your family needs beginning now and next Thanksgiving they will be doubly thankful for you!

November Challenge

We all want our kids to excel, don’t we? In school, in sports, in kindness and respect… and the list goes on. We provide them with ample opportunities to do so. We make sure their homework is done properly and on time and check their grades online. We wear ourselves to a frazzle running them to practice. We teach them good values and how to respect others. Excellence is something we strive for because we love them and want them to succeed.

For the month of November, I challenge you to shift your focus, or add to it, excellence in generosity. Paul told the church in Corinth that he wanted them to be generous, but not as a command. It was a test of the genuineness of their love for others (2 Corinthians 8:7-8). Generosity is a good thing. We should share with others. We teach that to our children from the time they are tiny. It goes beyond that, however, to the condition of the heart that prompts us to give without reservation.

We can want nothing better for our children than to learn to love others… regardless of how they look or talk or behave. Loving others is the command of Christ. In fact, when asked for the greatest commandment Jesus said to love God and the second greatest is to love others (Matthew 22:37-39). Generosity is one way to measure how well you love. Look around. When we witness people in relationships for what they can get out of it, we know that it is superficial and not truly love. Conversely, when you see someone giving without reservation to someone who has no means to return the gift, we take note of it and consider it as genuine love and compassion.

The best way to teach a child anything is by example. That doesn’t mean that, if you shower them with generosity, they will become generous. More likely, they will end up with huge issues of entitlement! It is also not good to flaunt your generosity before them like a medal of honor because they will learn to be prideful. You can, however, talk to them about a need that is burdening your heart. You can give as little or as much information as is appropriate for their age. Then ask them, “What do you think we should do for them?” Give them parameters and allow them to be part of the giving.

As you are teaching them to be generous, make sure they know that it isn’t just a money thing, but we can be generous with our time, with our helpfulness, with our kindness. When you ‘catch’ them doing that, let them know that they are not just making a difference in the life of the person they are reaching out to, but they are also pleasing God.

And while you’re at it, look inside and make sure that you are living generously at home, where they are watching you every day. Are you giving your time and your kindness and helpfulness? Or are you holding back and waiting until you are certain that your spouse or sibling or parent or child is deserving of your generous grace? If you find that you have not loved without the surety of receiving love, then your children have witnessed that love is conditional and must be earned and is certainly not a forever thing.

With Christmas a bit more than a month away, it is common for a child to present you with their list of ‘wants’ and it is common for us to ask for that list. We all love to shower our kids (and grandkids) with gifts that bring a smile to their face. But, where will that joy be in a week or a month? Will they even remember what they got? It is when they get to be the one doing the blessing, that they to take that memory with them into adulthood. Perhaps they will even train your grandchildren to be a joyful giver. When we teach them to be grateful for what they have, they learn that they have enough and they find contentment.  And when they learn to freely give, they find the greatest joy of all.

Find time every day this month to talk about what generosity looks like. You may feel like a dry well from all that you are giving out. That is a normal parental experience. But, if you have zero margin to live generously, take a closer look at where your energy and time and resources are being spent. Over extending our bank accounts and our calendars is how our culture lives, which explains much about the behaviors we see in our children. Make boundaries for yourself so that you are able to experience, with them, the absolute joy of giving. 

DO IT!!!

They Have A Story

Early Saturday morning, before sunrise, Dana saw someone walking down the road with luggage. It was really cold and as the person huddled down against the neighbors shed, he went to see if they needed help. It was a young woman and she was crying and shivering, so he invited her into the house to warm up and sort things out. As we listened to her story, it became apparent that she was from a different world. She was a beautiful young lady in her twenties and could have been our daughter, but her story indicated that she didn’t grow up as our children had. And that story led her to the cold and lonely place she found herself Saturday morning.

Last summer we had the privilege of reuniting with a young lady that had been in foster care in our home years ago. It was great to see her again. Somehow, in the few months we had been together during her adolescence, she noticed a difference that caused her to make the statement, “I wish you had been my real parents. I would be in a better place today if you had raised me.”

Everyone has a story. Everyone has a reason for the way they think and operate. Our history almost always creates our feelings, our fears, and plays a huge role in our futures. Sometimes it brings us failure. Sometimes success. But in that story there are secrets that the public doesn’t know as they cast a judging eye upon the person who is wandering alone in the dark, hopelessly lost in life, with no idea what to do next. Perhaps, if we would take the time to hear their story, we could sympathize. Perhaps we could tear down some walls of prejudice and hate. Perhaps…

I have spoken with many parents who have struggled with knowing how to help their children be kind to the children in their class who are just plain difficult. Even teachers struggle… until they meet the parents and are quickly enlightened as to why the child comes to school dirty and hungry and falls asleep in the safest place they ever get to be… the classroom. It is easy for the child advocate in me to judge a parent like that… but, maybe that parent is doing all they know to do because they were never taught or nurtured or loved or encouraged. Maybe God is calling us to reach our hand, rather than roll our eyes. Maybe…

Narrowing the focus a bit, look at your own marriage relationship. How many struggles come from the different stories you bring to the home you are trying to build together? It is a constant struggle for us to see outside of our own story and our own dreams and realize the value that our spouse brings because of their completely different story. I wonder if we were to start right there and truly listen with an open heart, if we would be better able to build the loving environment we want for our children. I wonder if we shared the secrets we don’t like to revisit, we would discover for ourselves the reason we seem unable to overcome the issues that drive wedges. I wonder if bridges could be built if we realized the strength that comes from what we have overcome. I wonder…

Our world is broken. Our relationships are crippled. Our families are drifting apart. Our nations are corrupt. Our lives are a hot mess. HOWEVER… we can change that, one conversation at a time. One smile at a time. One kindness at a time. One act of generosity at a time. One time of listening rather than talking. One time of hearing rather than telling. One time of giving rather than taking. One. One act that warms our heart because we realize we are doing what we were created to do … Love and serve our neighbors. Our neighbors who have a story. Who have a reason. Who have their own brokenness that just might begin to heal if we dared to be like Jesus and place our focus on those who have nothing to offer us, but their brokenness.  The alienated and hopeless… those are the ones Jesus continually focused upon. The King of the world spent His time on earth with the common, the working class, the outcasts. Fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes. Thieves, illiterate, diseased. He knew they had a story and He had something to share with them that could turn that story of shame into a story of victory.

Take time to listen to your children. Hear what is in their heart because that is the beginning of their story.

Listen to the reason your spouse reacts as they do. There is a story that created it.

Look beyond the differences you see in the people around you and imagine the story that may have brought them to a place you may typically look upon with judgment.

Make the world a better place by reaching out in kindness, knowing that there is always more to know.

The Thing About Sexual Intimacy

Did you ever stop and think about how God made Eve? He didn’t speak her into existence. He didn’t create her from the earth. He didn’t create her alone, but God used Man to create Woman. He took something away from Adam in order to create for him the perfect partner.

Let your mind roll that thought around for a while.

“But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out for the man, and he brought her to the man.”

In His mercy, God used divine anesthesia so that Adam was unable to protest or decide for himself if this was a good idea. If God had held a meeting and told Adam the plan, I am fairly certain that Adam, being completely oblivious to what life would be like with a helper that would complete him and a partner that would share a form of intimacy with him that he had yet to witness, would have said, “Wait… you want to open up my flesh, remove a bone, turn that bone into something else for me to manage??? No, really… I’m good. I think I have this dominion thing down. I will just keep all my parts!”

But God knew that there was something better, and He was about to show Adam. He was about to create for man someone who would love and respect and honor him in a manner that no other creature could. This woman would know how to be the fulfilment of a need that Adam didn’t even know he had. She was created by God with the DNA of her man. His needs and his passions; his hopes and his dreams; his joys and his sorrows; his strengths and his weaknesses; all these things were alive inside of her. She knew him and that is exactly as God planned it to be. Together they would form an inseparable union that would be the model of all couples throughout history.

That all occurred on the other side of sin. When the decision was made to challenge the authority of God, the perfect intimacy they once shared became a rivalry. Where once they knew each other completely without any shame, sin caused them to use what they knew as a weapon to blame and strike out in anger. Where sexual intimacy had been a beautiful gift from God, it became a tool for manipulation and gateway to lust and immorality. Where there was perfect unity of man and wife, sin drove a wedge and thousands of years later, we still struggle to sort out how to live in purity and wholeness, whether we are single or married.

We live in a culture where Biblical morality is either ignored or interpreted in a manner that meets our particular belief system. So did Paul, a first century follower of Jesus who wrote many of the books of the New Testament. It was so bad in the city of Corinth that he told them that it would be best for people who were single, to remain that way. It doesn’t tell us why, but comparing it to our promiscuous culture, I would venture a guess that sexually transmitted disease was rampant and the only solution was abstinence.

Jesus reminded the crowds of God’s original plan for marriage. “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.” (Matthew 19:5-6) This means a life-long commitment to love and honor one another, as if their desires and needs were our own. Living with that deep intimacy is God’s plan for marriage. It requires an openness and honesty and vulnerability that was never intended to be experienced outside of an eternal commitment, blessed by God. It requires us to be opened up and have something of ourselves removed. It requires us to allow God to create us to with the needs of our spouse living in us so that we alone can restore their emptiness and meet a deep need.

Sexual purity is God’s desire for us because He knows us. He made us and He made our desire for sexual intimacy, but He made it to accompany a commitment to our spouse; to honor them, their needs, their body, their desires. All of that requires a deep knowledge of that person and that does not come without losing something of ourselves and gaining a desire to meet a need. It takes time… for some, maybe a life time. But it is the design of God for us to let down our guard, tear down the walls, look far beyond ourselves and learn to live in the beauty of the passion He created for husband and wife.

In our current society, as in first century Corinth, sexual promiscuity is the norm and self-gratification, via any means available, is simply accepted. In our society, as in Corinth, there is hopelessness, disillusionment, and broken hearts. It has become evident that seeking to have our need for intimacy or sexual gratification met in some manner other than the way God designed, opens up the door to a vast emptiness that we will forever try to fill. It doesn’t bring joy and fulfillment, because the One who created sexual intimacy, created it for us to find in our marriage commitment. Perhaps the greatest thing God ever created was marital intimacy, where two people become one, united in hopes and dreams and desires and passion. For it is in our ability to lose ourselves in an intimate encounter with the one that will be by our side, ‘til death do us part, that we discover how very much God cares for us.

If you are not married, God wants you to keep yourself pure for the one person to whom you will pledge your lifelong devotion.

If you are married, take a look at how you treat your husband or wife. Are you sharing the intimacy that God designed for marriage? Are you learning to know him or her? Can you allow God to open your heart and remove what He wants in order to create something better than you can imagine? We tend to live with the expectation that our needs must be met by the one who loves us, but forget that we were created to give; to make a sacrifice; to love and honor each other above ourselves.

Living the life He designed for you may require some major… or minor alterations. But when you allow God to transform you into that person He made you to be, and commit to saving sexual intimacy for marriage, and truly living out love and submission to one another in the intimacy of marriage, you will find something so beautiful and fulfilling that it defies description. 

Grief

December 2014: My father was diagnosed with cancer and given 3 to 6 months to live. I remember taking him home from that appointment, after the Doctor told him that he had lived 80 years and should live out his days without having to endure the sickness that treatment would bring. I remember the lump in my throat as I tried to change places with him and become the strength for him that he had always been for me. I vowed to be strong and carry him, and the rest of the family, doing whatever needed to be done until we said our final good-bye. Peeling back that bravado, you would find a little Daddy’s girl, curled up on his lap, sobbing for the day that was sure to come.

I discovered that grief alters your identity.

June 2017:  My 83 year old mother became quite ill on a Sunday night and was taken to the hospital. Her vital organs were shutting down. No heroic measures. No hope of recovery. Hospice stepped in at the end of the week and then she was gone. One week to be by her side. One week to hold her hand. One week to try to comfort her and assure her of my love. I didn’t want her to see me cry. I had to stay strong for her and the family. She was ready for death and actually had prayed to die many times over the years. How could I grieve when she was finally at peace, no longer tormented by mental illness? My loss was her gain… right? Then, quite unexpectedly, three weeks after her death Dana came home from work and found me in a puddle of tears, crying out as if it was fresh news, “My mom is gone!” And those tears just seem to keep coming without warning, way more often than I find acceptable.

I discovered that grief hides deep inside, only to come out… frequently… and inconveniently.

Dad is still living. Truly living; blessing people every day; writing words of wisdom in his journal as his ebbing strength keeps him close to his easy chair.  I feel so blessed every minute we have together and thank God for allowing me this extended time with him. Yet, there is a grief that seeps into my spirit, knowing that I cannot be prepared to lose him… ever. It will not feel the same or be the same as losing Mom. Or any other loss in my life.

I discovered that grief is not tidy and uniform.

I try to bring reason to my emotions, to chase away the tears. I have had nearly 60 years with my parents. Good parents. I have been blessed beyond words by their lives. Many people don’t get that many years. I am thankful, yet I am sad.

I discovered that grief is not rational.

I have been trained in Pastoral Counseling and have read about grief. I have walked with others as they grieve the loss of a loved one. I know about grief. Even so, I was not prepared for the impact that loss brings. I cannot write this blog without looking at the screen through tears. Because grief hurts and I know that you have your own loss and grief to endure and that brings more tears because I care about your pain, too. But, amidst the sorrow, there is hope. Hope assures me that life in this broken world is not all there is. There is a life to come that I cannot explain or even begin to understand. I know that God walks with us in the valleys, because I believe His Word is true and I have heard the testimonies of countless people who have felt Him in the darkest moments of life...and now... so have I.

I discovered that God is present in our grief.

If you see me with tears in my eyes, it’s okay to make eye contact. You don’t have to pretend you didn’t notice. It is fine to smile or to cry with me. It's even okay to make me laugh. There is really nothing you can say to make those tears go away. Just don’t be afraid of my apparent weakness.

I have discovered that grief makes me real. And that is okay.

Marriage Merry-Go-Round

“I hate you! I won’t ever play with you again!” shouted the angry child. So they went their separate ways for a few minutes, then they came together to share their toys once again. Why? Because for kids, happiness is more important than pride.

Isn’t it a shame that we outgrow that desire to make peace as we grow into adults that desire to be right, to win, to prove our point… at any cost? Perhaps that is one of our greatest sources of conflict in marriage. As we rush through life we seldom find the time to take a step back and see the destination to which this path will lead us.

There are many ways we focus on the end game. When it involves our career, we sacrifice our time with our family now so that we can climb that corporate ladder to provide for them in the future. When it comes to sports, we sign our children, who are not yet readers, over to the coach to build them into competitive athletes in the future. We are willing to go to great pains to make sure they are in the right pre-school to prepare them academically for the future. We attend the best Universities so that our career path can be secured in the future.

So why is it that we take off the spectacles that allow us to see into the future when it comes to our marriage relationships? All too often we have so much of the past stored up in our thoughts that we have no room to see what living there is going to do to our home in the future.  Perhaps we have forgotten that, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way and is not irritable AND KEEPS NO RECORD OF BEING WRONGED…” (from I Corinthians 13).

If couples who claim to be followers of Jesus are to be successful in building a future together, we must stop looking to the hurt of the past. That only builds walls that scream, “I don’t trust you to love me because you failed me in the past” and insulates us from the vulnerability required to love truly. When you begin to take down the wall you have built around yourself… possibly for your protection… and begin to trust your partner, that trust lays down the path to a healthy future together.

Another benefit of taking down walls and giving grace and forgiveness is that you learn to see things from your spouse’s perspective. All too often we think we know their thoughts and motives, yet … truth be known, they were completely clueless that their words or actions packed such a powerful punch to your heart.

So, how do you dig your marriage out of the hole of blaming, self-protection and pride? It has to being with a heart to build a solid future and a willingness to communicate with each other in “I” statements. “I feel….” Rather than… “You make me feel…”  “I understood that you were saying….”  Rather than… “You said…”  You must stop suppressing the hurt and start looking for the source of that hurt. Perhaps it has more to do with your own perception of yourself or something in your past involving another person who hurt you. Rather than assuming what they think or feel, allow them to share with you without judgement or criticism.

Lastly, let go of control. You cannot live humbly if you cannot let go of control. You will never, no matter how hard you try, be able to control another human being, so let it go and focus on taking control of your thoughts and attitude. This is truth… If you must control, you do not trust. When you do not trust, you cannot fully love, because loving truly requires vulnerability. When you cannot love fully, you cannot receive love fully. When you cannot receive love fully, you do not trust. And when you do not trust, you try to control everything.

It’s time to get off that Merry-Go-Round and start truly loving!

Is The "YOKE" On You?

There was this guy…  he was a hot mess. Arrogant, self-centered, cruel, oblivious to the needs of everyone else, focused only on what he had to gain and often at the expense of others. He was heartless… the polar opposite of my definition of love. There was literally no hope that he could be the kind of man I would seek… for anything… other than shark bait.

But God… * there is always something really good coming after a “but God,” so keep reading…

God saw his potential. God saw his pain. God saw what he could become, if he would be willing to yoke himself to Jesus and walk through life with Him. So Jesus reached out and said, “Come with me.” And his plea was so compelling, His eyes were so tender, His gesture so inviting that Matthew went with Him.

Jesus never said to Matthew, “Let’s get you on the right path; let’s get you cleaned up; let’s get your debts all paid, let’s do some transforming… so that you are worthy to come with me.” At least if he did, it didn’t get recorded in scripture. Nor did those lines ever appear in red in the Bible. Regarding anyone at all. And if you read enough about Jesus, you know that wasn’t His way.

Jesus knew that if Matthew simply walked beside Him, he would be transformed. Why? Well, there is the fact that Jesus was performing miracles and when you have seen a few of those, it tends to reshape you. And there is the fact that Jesus was always teaching and it is good to teach your way through adversity and challenge. But I believe that Jesus knew that Matthew’s hard heart could be transformed by the power of love. God is LOVE. Jesus is God, in the flesh, therefore, Jesus, too, is love. And love is the most transformative force on Earth.

This is about to get personal. Is there someone in your life… or in your home… or in your bed… that is so much less than you want them to be? Are they failing to see and meet your needs? Are you fed up, tired, lonely? Perhaps you are even tossing around what life would look like without that person and considering divorce a viable option to end your pain. Maybe that is something you would never do, so instead you live in despair. Wishing things were different. Perhaps you have begged God to change them. Maybe you have tried to manipulate things in order to be loved by them. And in your pain, you have built walls to protect yourself. Now the walls are so thick, you can’t even imagine truly loving them like you once did.

Jesus taught us how to correct these struggles. Matthew was His subject; a hardened man, beyond the reach of any human remedy. But Jesus knew that if Matthew would allow Jesus to love him as they walked through life together, change would come. You may have noticed… we aren’t Jesus. Our default setting is typically to cut off the supply of love when someone hurts us. I mean, why would you snuggle up to a hangry grizzly bear? Rather, we tend to give them… lavishly, what we feel they have coming! And, so far that method has never saved a marriage or any relationship. So, it really is time to do this thing God’s way.

Matthew learned. Matthew changed. He explains this transformation by telling us what Jesus told him and others who would follow him. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light.”

Maybe it is time that you allow Jesus to place His yoke on your shoulders. When we say YES to following Jesus but continue to do life our own way, it NEVER ends well. That yoke is what we need. It keeps us close to Him so that we are continually learning from His teaching. His love will transform us and make our burdens so very much lighter.

Perhaps it is time for you to take another look at the one you have promised to be yoked to, for life. Are you staying close or building walls? Is your gentleness and humility inviting and beautiful to them? It is easy to use that matrimonial yoke to manipulate, push, pull, tug, and beat them into a mold you have for them, but it will never bring about the loving relationship you seek. Nobody wants to be yoked to a nag or a grizzly bear. If you are properly yoked to Jesus, learning from Him, He will show you how to be properly yoked to your spouse. It won’t happen overnight. Learning from Him is a process. Transformation is a process. But don’t give up! Your journey will be so much richer if you will simply “come to Jesus” and take His yoke, as Matthew did. It changed him for life. It will change you, too.

True... Not Fake News

When you got up this morning, did you feel like a masterpiece? When you spoke to your wife, did you say the things that should be said to someone who is highly valued by the Creator? When you addressed your imperfect child after they proved their imperfections, did you treat them with the honor due the workmanship of Almighty God? When your husband came home, did he receive the love and respect you would give to God’s work of art?

Dr. Neil Warren cites that research shows that “the average person has up to 1,300 words of self-talk per minute. These self-talk words are the brush strokes that paint pictures in our hearts. These thoughts are seeds we plant in our hearts that grow and produce” (Johnson, 2013, p. 286).

Most people that seek help to overcome stressful situations and anxiety in their lives, are struggling to think of themselves or others as God’s handiwork; His masterpiece. Rather, our minds seem to have a default setting of negativity.

I would encourage you to begin an exercise that can turn your life around and make your heart more pliable in the hands of The Potter… The Creator… your Master Designer… so that you can realize the masterpiece that is looking back at you in the mirror. It will help you see what is the truth, in God's eyes, and not settle for the "fake news" that Satan propagates. It is simple, but requires you to focus and be disciplined and dedicated. It will cost you nothing, but gain you everything.

1.      1)  Take the thoughts in your head at any given time. Picture yourself throwing a net over them and making them your captive.

2.     2)   Bring those captive thoughts to the foot of the throne of God and lay them at His feet. Now they are His to do with as He sees fit. If they are pleasing to Him, He will give them back to you to plant in the soil of your heart so they can grow into what will bring positive things into your life. If they displease Him, out they go!

3.     3)   Replace all the false beliefs and thoughts that have been discarded with thoughts that are true, according to His Word. Let me help you with that…
I I am his masterpiece.
I was created in the image of God and God is love, therefore I am made to love… everyone…always.
 Because God made me to love, He enables me to do so.
I am covered with an amazing grace, because my commitment to follow Jesus covers every shameful, negative memory and behavior and makes me lovely in God’s eyes.
I am loved so much by my Creator that He left heaven to make the ultimate sacrifice for me.
I can become the person He created me to be.
I can do whatever God calls me to do because He is my strength.
My children are a gift from God and I can cherish my time with them and treat them as such.
My spouse is loved by God and I can give them the love and respect that is pleasing to the One who loves them best.
I was made for a mission and listening and following Him will prepare me for that mission.

4.      4)  Repeat 1-3, daily… or hourly, if needed.

We are all a work in progress and every negative thought that we allow to take root in our heart slows that progress. I don’t want to waste my time and alter the legacy that God wants me to leave behind. I want to take advantage of the Power that is available to me through Jesus and allow Him to transform my thoughts. I believe that our behavior is guided by our thoughts, so if you don’t like what you hear coming out of your mouth or the feelings stirring in your heart, do something about it. Your legacy is your choice. Start today. Three simple steps that become your daily routine can change your life. 

Trivial Pursuit

It is a true statement that we are all pursuing something. As I write this it is Monday morning. Families all over America are frantically pursuing library books, backpacks and lunch money. Some are pursuing peace and quiet after a crazy weekend, while others are back in the workplace pursuing financial security and career advancement. Some are seeking approval, validation, love and commitment. Regardless of who you are, where you live, or where you come from, you are seeking to fulfill some need, or perceived need.

Perhaps your days may seem routine and mundane, and you don’t feel you are “in pursuit” of anything, but just trying to keep your head above water and put one foot in front of the other. If you really want to know what you are pursuing…  ask your kids. They have a way of breaking things down to the simplest form and cutting to the heart of the matter. As they watch how you spend your time and money and hear the words you frequently say, what do you think is their impression of what you are after in life?

Here are a few questions to consider that may indicate what you are inadvertently teaching your kids about what you value enough to pursue...

Do you find yourself rushing around and feeling frantic and panicked? Or do you have time every day to relax and just listen, laugh and live?

Are you spending more time at home looking at a screen or looking into the eyes of your child?

Is it more normal to miss worship than to miss practice?

Is the focus of bedtime pleading, or praying?

Does your menu indicate that your focus is building healthy bodies or just filling bellies?

Do you pay more attention to a clean room or a pure heart?

Does your calendar indicate that athletics trumps altruism, self-sacrifice and goodness?

Is home a haven where order is king or is ruled by haphazard chaos?

Is your primary "go to" scripture or Google?

Are you concerned more with grades or learning?

Are you more likely to surrender to avoid the conflict or do you teach the way out of the crisis?

Is there more consideration about what people think or what God thinks about your choices?

Are you living with too little margin in the budget or the calendar to reach out and help someone in need regularly?

We all want greatness for our kids. We want them to make the team, choose the right friends, learn from the best teachers, get good grades, make National Honor Society, win the game, use their talents, develop great skills, make wise choices. We want them to succeed. We want them to be noticed and awarded for their success. When the mother of two of Jesus’ disciples, seeking the best for her sons, asked Jesus to place them at his side as He rose to what she thought would be a mighty kingdom, he had a very interesting response that we can learn from today. 

Jesus pretty much tells this mother to be careful what she wishes for because being at His side was going to mean letting go of all that success and all those dreams and learning to live or die serving others. Wow! How many parents do you know that spend their parenting years teaching their children service over success? If it is important enough that Jesus told a mother of two very important men in his life, then perhaps it should be more important to us.

Finding balance and wisdom in raising children is not an easy task. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we fail. The important thing is to know what is important to God and make sure that you don’t lean so far into what has no eternal significance that you end up supporting what has no value to the One who created them for His divine purpose... which is in some way wrapped around loving and serving Him and those in need around us.

Think Big!

I like to play it safe. I am not an adventurous risk taker. If it is outside of my comfort zone, I can rationalize all the reasons that I shouldn’t participate. I know how to play to my strengths and avoid dealing with my weaknesses. I can become crippled with fear at the thought of having to do something that seems nearly impossible to me and, probably not so very different from you, I can easily choose to live in a safe little world of serving God. I don’t look for opportunities to be in the limelight, but am perfectly content to sit in the shadows, giving support to those who will lead well. That is me. And I like me! Me is a comfortable and happy place to live. Me is content. Contentment is good. Right?

Contentedness is a paradox. It can be a blessing or a beast. Often it keeps me in a safe place, but what if God is calling me to a place where I would have to depend on Him, and not myself and my gifts. Sunday, Pastor Chris quoted Mark Batterson, “If your prayers aren’t impossible to you, they are insulting to God.” I haven’t been able to get that out of my mind. What could I really do for Jesus if I would be open to the impossible?

I have experienced times when I had to step way outside of my comfort zone. Like when our daughter, Emily, was in a research hospital in Chicago for 5 months. Driving in Chicago was WAY out of my comfort zone. Learning to speak medical-ese and ask lots of questions that probably that probably made me look like an idiot; challenging the decisions of the experts just to make sure they were really doing the best for her; having to ask for care for Justin, our younger son, so that I could be with Emily; depending on others to carry my load at home. All those things were completely out of my comfort zone and you can probably guess what happened in me as a result of leaving my comfort zone.

Then there was the call to lead elementary children at a church of nearly 2,000 people. I had only served in small churches, where I could know everyone and love on them and guide them into leadership. Now I was surrounded by strangers every week trying to know them like I did in a much smaller setting.

And I did fly to the other side of the globe to develop Children’s Ministry leaders at a Church Plant in Australia. Before then, I had never traveled outside of Indiana on my own. Now I was going to a place I had so little knowledge of, learning a different culture, loving on some amazing people who drove on the wrong side of the street, and trading the Indiana deer for the Queensland kangaroo. That was WAY out of my comfort zone.

In all those “discomfort zones,” I began to find a new me. There was growth and a broadening of my comfort zone. I learned so much that I can barely remember what it was like to be the me that played it safe. I learned that God is able to transform me into who He needs me to be at any given time, if I simply let go and allowed Him to direct my path.

But… that was five years ago and more. As I continue to mull over that sermon in my heart, I know that it is always time to pray bold prayers for God to use me in whatever manner will fulfil His plan. I must KNOW that my contentment is because I am in the center of His will, and not simply because what I am doing comes so naturally to me that it has become simple. My God has a big plan. Not a simple one.

Maybe it is time for you to join me in praying bold prayers and asking God to do big things in and through you. Maybe it is time to stop hiding behind the fear that we like to identify as humility. “I am just not good enough, I am not fast enough, I am not knowledgeable enough, I am not skilled enough… to do any more than I am already doing.” With all those “I” statements, are we really all that humble? We are totally focused on ourselves. When we compare ourselves to others, who are we thinking about? Ourselves! When we hide from new challenges, who are we thinking about? Ourselves.

Humility is NOT thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself, less. Maybe it is time to let go of all the false humility and allow God to take us to a whole new level of following Him. Imagine the fulfillment of actually taking your hands off the wheel and letting God steer you to new heights. Be bold and audacious as you pray for His will to be done in your life and you will see growth like never before! Who knows? He may even throw in the bonus of a few kangaroos!

Ambition

Have you read Luke’s account of the Last Supper that Jesus shared with His disciples? Remember the part where they argued among themselves about who was the greatest among them? It looks pretty ridiculous to us, because we know that Jesus was about to face a horrifying experience by any standard, and all they are thinking about is themselves. Keep reading and you find that Jesus didn’t condemn them for their pride issue. Perhaps His mind was reeling at their blindness, but at the same time He realized that the sacrifice He was about to make would provide atonement for such things. How did he respond? He reminded them that greatness, in God’s economy, comes from a servant’s heart.

So let’s bring that home. Where are your relationships sitting right now? If you are struggling to find the win, can I just toss you a lifeline right now and encourage you to take heart… find hope… come up for air?  Take a look at what is driving you. It is entirely possible that you have lost all your ambition to make the life you always dreamed of because your investment, to date, has been about your dreams for yourself. Step back and look at how that would change if your heart’s desire was to build up your husband, rather than shutting him down… or out. Guys, what if your joy came from meeting her intimacy needs rather than your own?

Often times our relationships are crowded with our ambitions to have our own needs met. Relationships typically begin because we have a void and he or she fills that void… until they stop… for a vast variety of reasons. We struggle to know what love is, because we see it as the feeling we get when our needs are met. That has to be the all-time win in the field of deception. The Bible tells us that God is Love and since God is God, he has no “needs.” He is, in fact, the supplier of needs. Love, then, is active and full of selfless ambition. When we love as God loves, we present ourselves as a living sacrifice to be used by Him to fulfill His plan.

Let’s face it. We compare ourselves to others way too much. “I do way more around the house than he does.” “I have to plan everything.” “I am far more giving…”  That is the absolute wrong path to be traveling. When the disciples of Jesus began to compare and wonder who was the greatest, Jesus told them that the one who serves is the greatest. If your motive is to serve, do it in love… and burn your scorecard!

Make loving selflessly your greatest ambition. “For God so loved the world that He gave…”  Believe that the God who gave the ultimate gift is able to supply your needs and learn to love as He loves… not for your benefit, but for the benefit of others. “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice” (James 3:16). Not the “reward” I am looking for in this life. And I’m sure you don’t want to reap a harvest of disorder and evil, either.

Father, guide me down the path of servanthood and help me to kick selfish ambition out the door!

Circles

When I teach I like sitting in a circle. Nobody is in front or in back, but we are all able to see each other and interact better when we are connected in that manner. Circles are good. Interaction is good. Seeing and hearing others is good.

We all need circles. There has to be that time of day when we come together as a family and make eye contact and listen to each other’s story. It is a great time to observe body language and look deep into hearts. Maybe that is the dinner table. Maybe that is when you say goodnight. Days are full and calendars are packed, but it has to happen if you want to make the most of family life.

Your children need you to help them live in circles. They need to learn to look into the eyes and hearts of other children and learn to be compassionate. They need you to help them understand that the child at school who is unkind or unclean or unprepared is living in a different world with parents who are unable to meet the needs of that child well. They need you to help them pray for those children with genuine concern, rather than a critical spirit.

You, as a parent shaping young lives, need a circle. Not just friends that are fun to hang out with, but friends who will direct you when you stumble off the right path. Friends who can come to you when life is hard and know they won’t be judged. You need a circle of friends who will help you see yourself as you truly are; no flattery; no critical spirit; simply truth.

Shaping a child’s heart is the most important thing that you will ever do. When you think about it, it is pretty arrogant to think you are fine to do that on your own without surrounding yourself with a circle of Godly friends who can serve as mentor, coach and confidant. Take a look at those who you feel you can trust and ask them if they will be in your circle. Find someone struggling and ask them to be in your circle. Give and take and learn and grow as you discover the power of the circle.

Wait!

Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return.

Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring.

They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen.

You, too, must be patient.

 Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near.

 James 5:7-8

James writes this message to the Jesus followers who are being persecuted in unmerciful ways. They want Jesus to return and rescue them NOW. Many still probably see a valiant warrior returning to conquer Rome and bring justice, regardless of the fact that Jesus told them many times, that His Kingdom is not of this world, but in their hearts. Perhaps they wanted vengeance. They wanted payback for the pain and suffering perpetrated on the Jews. They DID NOT want to be patient.

If we bring that into our homes, perhaps you can relate to that. You have felt trapped in a marriage, waiting for God to “fix” what is wrong. You are sick of waiting for him or her to see you, to notice you, to care about how you feel or what you think. Your heart longs for those types of relationships you feel other couples have. You see older couples holding hands and smiling and long for that… worrying that your story won’t end so sweetly. You feel persecuted and down-trodden and like this isn’t the gig you signed up for. This is NOT the person you thought you married. Maybe you have thought of divorce or if divorce isn’t in your vocabulary, you simply feel miserably stuck. Relationships end daily because we are unwilling to wait and see that God will make a way through the struggles… if we will simply be patient.

James tells the believers that are facing more misery than we are likely to ever endure, to “take courage for the LORD is near.” There will be things they cannot control, just like the farmer. The farmer learns when to plant and the best process for growing a healthy crop and will do all they know to do in order to bring in a great harvest. It is WORK. The same is true in your marriage. It is work. You must learn and grow and give 100% in order to grow a healthy marriage. But, just as the farmer cannot control the clouds or the rain or the heat or frost, you cannot control your spouse and the amount of work they are willing to put into growing your marriage. So, let that notion go, right now! If you are praying for your marriage, great! Do just that, but don’t try to answer your prayer by changing your husband or wife. That is what God is doing in response to your prayer. Wait on Him to do what you have asked rather than crying that it just isn’t working. There is a distinct possibility that He is trying to change your heart and attitudes, as well as your husband’s or wife's.

So keep praying for your home and for your marriage, knowing that God hears your prayers. Praying for your marriage to be a reflection of God’s love is so much more pleasant that complaining about your spouse. Grumbling only brings pain. But, patience… waiting on the Lord, has a way of growing us into that old smiling couple walking hand in hand. They know where they have come from and Who it was that got them through it.

Don’t grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged.

For look—the Judge is standing at the door!

For examples of patience in suffering, dear brothers and sisters,

look at the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.

We give great honor to those who endure under suffering.

For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance.

You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end,

for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy.

James 5:9-11

Time For Growth

Once upon a time there was a Master Gardener. People would come from all around to admire his gardens and get tips on how to cultivate their own flower beds and vegetable patches. He was quick to tell them that gardening wasn’t for the haphazard or faint of heart, but that it would take knowledge and patience and determination. There would have to be a commitment of time and a great deal of work in order to grow prize winning roses or hardy mums. Vegetables that others would envy, would require dedication.

The Gardener loved to take them to his shed and show the visitors the tools that were needed to get the soil ready for planting, the fertilizer that would bring the most beautiful foliage and the best compounds to ward off pest that would threaten healthy growth. He would explain the investment of time that must occur in order for any of these tools to be beneficial. Simply having a lovely shed full of spades and pruning shears, plant food and pestisides would not create success. There must be a commitment to using these tools faithfully and properly.

Then the Gardener would take them to into the Garden and allow them to feast their eyes on the fruits of his labors. They would admire the rich, dark soil, the straight rows and the healthy foliage of the plants. The array of colors was so brilliant that it stirred the souls of those who observed in silent awe.

Often the Gardener would listen to the conversations as the visitors walked around his yard. Some would share a determined spirit to learn all they could in order to enjoy this beauty at home. Others would begin making a list of all the supplies they would need and the websites they would visit and the books they would read to develop their skills. Some would argue that it couldn’t be done in their soil, while their partner would try to convince them that they could make the soul rich with proper care. But, by far, the comment he enjoyed the most was when they would consider the amount of time it would take to create such a magnificent masterpiece.

The Master Gardner, with a nod of his head, would always respond with affirmation. “Yes, time is the most critical investment in growing things. Growing tomatoes, dahlias, pumpkins and roses requires knowledge and tools, but most of all, success comes when you take the time to cultivate, to nurture, to plant good seeds, to pull the weeds that threaten their life. Tossing seeds in the ground and expecting a good harvest is like sending your child to school and expecting them to come home as responsible adults at the end of the day. Unless you are willing to spend the time learning, nurturing, and paying careful attention; unless you cultivate an environment that is conducive to growth; unless you take the time to find the weeds and remove them, you will be dismayed with the outcome.” And with a sparkle in his eye and a wave of his hand he would bid them good day with a final word of advice. “Take the time to do what matters most. Growing a lovely garden is good, but growing lovely children is critical to our species.”

The old Gardner speaks truth. Parenting is a 24/7 job. It isn’t convenient. It can be messy and it takes time. Lots and lots of time. But nothing you can do with your time is more precious.