Content

Have you been to Walmart lately? It looks like the North Pole has landed. And it’s still October. I love Christmas, so I am happy to turn on the Pandora Christmas channel and begin planning for the holidays in September… BUT, as soon as the merchandise hits the floor the kids begin to create the list of things that they can’t possibly live without. Am I right? I was no different as a child. I remember the arrival of the Sears & Robuck’s Christmas catalog and sitting down and finding toys I never knew existed and suddenly I wanted them in my room. Really, really bad!

Let’s be honest, friends. It isn’t just the kids who see something and get filled with desire to bring it home. Most people want something they don’t have. At some point or another, we all struggle to be content with what we have. It isn’t just a modern day phenomenon. It is a human condition that has plagued humanity from the first people who inhabited the earth. There is a spirit of discontent that permeates our being.

Contentment cultivated in us brings a harvest of deep joy. But it is something that must be learned. It doesn’t come naturally. And we must teach it to our kids. Without it, we become overwhelmed with desire for more and more and that brings the worst sort of unhappiness, which will grow into nothing short of misery if left unchecked.

So, how do you teach contentment to a child? Let’s take a lesson from the wisdom we find in a letter that Paul wrote to Timothy in the first century A.D.

⁶ But godliness with contentment is great gain.

 ⁷ For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

 ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.

Food and clothing. Nothing more. Is it possible to be content with that? I loved providing more than that for my children and I’m sure you do, too. But, how much is too much? Most kids have more than they can manage. Take a look at their bedroom and you will understand what I am saying. Paul says we arrived here with nothing and we will leave with nothing. Doesn’t that make us stewards or managers of what is only temporarily ours? When we overload our homes, our closets, our cupboards, our toy boxes, etc. with so much we end up with nothing be a whole lot to manage. And with so much to take care of, we spend more time trying to make order of it all than we do enjoying it. Try minimizing and see just how liberating it can be.

You are no different than anyone else who is a good parent. You desire good things for your kids. Me too. Paul calls it “great gain.” Perhaps the best thing you can give your kids is the great gain that comes from teaching them to be content. And teach them by example. Be content. And here are a couple of tips on how to do that…

1.      1. Kill the comparisons. You are the only you in this world and you were created to be uniquely you. You don’t have to have what someone else has. You don’t have to make what they make or live how they live or drive what they drive or like what they like or wear what they wear. Just be you. Simply you. And allow others to be themselves without passing judgment. James, the brother of Jesus, states that “wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” Disorder and evil are not something you and I want for our kids or grandkids so don’t cultivate it by allowing them to “but ALL my friends have it” game. They will lose every time and be miserable. Show them what they have and don’t be afraid to remind them how the children in other places live.

2.      2.  Cultivate Gratitude. King Solomon, in his wisdom, states “For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.”  Gratitude for what you have always seems to make what you have enough. Teach your kids how to express gratitude and make sure that the kids see your joy when they are grateful.

3.     3.   Don’t be afraid to say NO. If saying no to your child creates an outburst. GOOD! Because that means that you are on the right track. If they come apart when you say NO then you need to teach them how to be content with what they have. A melt-down means it’s time to take control and stop allowing your children to control you with their tantrums. On the other hand, if you saying NO doesn’t create an outburst, you may have already succeeded in teaching them contentment. Good Job!

Be an example of the godliness with contentment that Paul is talking about. Walking hand in hand with Jesus, being grateful to Him for all He provides is the beginning of that practice. When you make it a lifestyle for yourself and experience the joy that comes from contentment, you will find that you have a wonderful, contagious, joyful disease that may quickly spread to your kids.

There's Always Something...

I love autumn. Every morning, when it gets light enough to see across the lake, I look to see how much the trees have lost their green and are showing the beauty of the season. The air is crisp, apples and pumpkins flavor the world, candy corn and peanuts fill the candy dish, and my home is decorated with reminders that Thanksgiving is on the way. However, the season for giving thanks lasts all year at my house. It’s cool that all the signs about gratitude go on sale after Thanksgiving, as if that season has passed, because I can load up on reminders of my blessings and pay half price for it… which is just one more blessing!

My living room wall bears a sign that reminds me that “There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for,” and even though it ends with a preposition, the sentiment is right on! I can sit down and watch a documentary about how people live in other parts of the world and realize I am wealthy, by comparison. And, by the way, I avoid the shows were people are purchasing their vacation home in the tropics. Is that even real??? Or I can go to a public place and listen to people fuss with each other and realize the blessing of my relationships with my people. I eat every single day and I sleep in a warm bed every single night. I’m not sure I even come close to fully appreciating these things because I have never gone without them. But, even though my appreciation may not be a full as it could be, I choose to take note of it every single day and tell someone that I am blessed by … whatever is warming my heart at a given moment… and thank my God for providing it.

The entire atmosphere of your home can be transformed by practicing gratitude. When you choose to be thankful for what you have, you effectively replace envy with joy. This is not something you will discover in the DNA strands of your innermost being. This is a learned behavior that is transformational and it MUST BE TAUGHT to your children. Your children have different personalities and some will naturally be more optimistic and empathetic than others, but TEACH them to be grateful. Don’t protect them from the needs of children around the world. It is a beautiful thing when a child willingly gives something up for a child in need. TEACH them how to do that. For example, have a conversation about their birthday or Christmas or Trick or Treat and tell them there is X number of dollars in the budget to spend. Tell them that some of that is for your family and some is for another family in need. Perhaps you will be giving to a hungry child in Haiti, or an orphan in Africa, or a child in their class who has obvious unmet needs. If they don’t want to share from their blessings, don’t despair! Roll up your sleeves and go to work! Get online and show them a malnourished child with vacant eyes and tell them what portion you are choosing to send to that child. Then do it with joy so that they can see it isn’t a chore or an obligation you dread. They will see that they won’t do without because you chose to share. Their needs… and some wants… will still be fulfilled.

The sign on my window sill over the kitchen sink reminds me that… “Gratitude makes what you have enough.”  It is so true. When my heart is filled with gratitude for my home, I stop longing for it to be better or bigger or more organized… (okay, I’m still working on not coveting more organization, but that’s a whole different blog). Does your heart feel light and cheerful when you look around at all you have? Maybe it’s the opposite because you have so much that you can’t manage it all and everything just looks like a mess. Most kids in our culture suffer from that malady. So. Many. Toys!  They can’t manage them. They can’t find what they are looking for. They can’t even find the floor! If your kids have more than they can manage to care for on a daily basis, consider the possibility that they are overwhelmed with their abundance and it’s time to pack some up and store to be swapped out later and maybe you need to pack some up to bless another child. When they actually have the space to play with their toys their little minds begin to be less cluttered and fretful and they begin to enjoy what they have.

How many times have your cupboards been so full that you couldn’t find anything so you just buy more of the ingredient you need only to find it a week later in the back of the pantry? It happens! What if you gave up grocery shopping until you ate your way through the pantry and the freezer? It’s the same principle as minimizing for your kids. Think about how your laundry load would change if your family didn’t have enough clothes to last a month. You may have to do laundry more frequently, but it would go much more quickly and wouldn’t take over your house. I find that the people that are minimalists are the ones who have less stress and more order and have more margin in their lives to bless people who are less fortunate… with their resources and with their time.

Consider a trip to the home décor section of your favorite store in the next few weeks and find some items that you can have around your house all year to remind you to be thankful. Even better, take those ideas and make something together as a family. Play the thankful game and stretch their minds to be thankful for something beginning with every letter of the alphabet. They will likely find things they have been taking for granted. Point out the beauty of the trees and the blessings we can find in God’s creation. Every night when you say goodnight, tell them a quality that you see in them that makes your heart thankful. Learn to live with an attitude of gratitude and if you don’t see the family falling in line to do the same, start teaching them with experiences that will become embedded in their hearts. Be a joyful giver. Minimize the stuff that takes over your world. Experience gratitude in a whole new way as you continually thank God for His blessings.  

Listen to the wisdom of Solomon in The Message…

“A miserable heart means a miserable life;

A cheerful heart fills the day with song.

A simple life in the fear-of-God is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches.

Better a bread crust shared in love than a slab of prime rib served in hate.”

Proverbs 15:15-17

Are You A Bear?

I recently saw an episode of Planet Earth that filmed a family of bears coming out of hibernation in the spring. Even before they foraged for food they found their favorite tree to assist them in rubbing off their winter coat. The film maker added the choreography to the rhythm of the rub and it was hilarious to observe. We laughed so hard watching them stand up with their back to the tree and rub up and down and side to side, seemingly scratching an itch that could not be satisfied. Though it was amusing to watch, it is not so comical when you are the bear with a winter-long-itch that needs to be scratched and cannot find the needed relief.

We have probably all been in a place where we experience a longing for something that is just out of our reach. We see an advertisement for something that will make our lashes fuller or our home cleaner or our stomach flatter or our teeth whiter and we “need” it! We see the new sweater and leggings that look adorable on our friend and we instantly know that we “need” to update our wardrobe. The neighbor comes home in a new vehicle and we “need” to update to a newer model. Our “needs,” of course, are not really needs but a longing for a little bit more. A symptom of discontent.

So, if we as intelligent adults suffer from this malady, how in the world do we expect our kids to learn to be content with what they have? I believe that they have inherited our discontent which has led to a nationwide epidemic of entitlement. And we didn’t start it, nor did our parents or grandparents. It began in prehistory. It began in Eden. Even though all her needs were met in a garden paradise, Eve determined that there had to be more and went after it. Humans have been following her lead ever since.

In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul reports that he has found the secret to contentment, which is the polar opposite of entitlement. Paul found an inner strength, which was supplied by his relationship with an All-seeing, All-knowing, All-powerful God. In his innermost being, Paul found contentment because he had seen the love and grace of his Creator-Savior-Friend and he refused to let that be taken from him. Even in a jail cell where he was stripped of every shred of dignity, they could not take from him what lived on the inside.

The bottom line:If you want to wipe out entitlement in your children, don't be the bear. Don't go from tree to tree trying to scratch an itch that just won't stop. Instead, demonstrate contentment in your own life by building a stronger relationship with the One who brings peace to your heart and mind. Lead by example. Direct them to the kind of thoughts that will help them better focus on what they have, rather than what they don’t have. Resist the desire to provide more for them than you had as a child. We all survived with less and they will, too. Do things together that do not require “Things.” Tell stories, giggle, work together. Go for walks, crunch the leaves, sing silly songs. Find someone to help and do it as a family. But most of all, invite the presence of God into your home. Take Him on the journey that is your life. Place your trust in Him so that it is impossible to miss the peace that comes from that trust.

“How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again.

I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me.

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.

I have learned the secret of living in every situation,

whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:10-13

Really???

“Ask and it will be given to you;

Seek and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

So, I have a question for you…

When you read that verse, what is your reaction? Honestly. Truthfully.  Are you filled with hope for all that your Heavenly Father is waiting to do for you? Do you feel a warmth come over you knowing that your Protector is ready to shield you from harm? Is there a sense of comfort, knowing that your needs will be met and all will be well in your world?

I wonder if you would be honest enough to admit that, perhaps, in the back of your mind, in a place that nobody is allowed to visit, where the truth shocks even you, you respond to that verse with one word. “Really?” And your tone is skeptical, if not cynical.

Maybe you have prayed for something for months or even years and are still waiting for God to give. Or maybe you have been seeking for what seems to be an eternity and still there is no find. Perhaps you are nursing bloody knuckles from knocking and knocking and knocking and it seems that God just can’t hear you so there is no Divine response.

I hear you. We have probably all been there at one time or another and I don’t have answers for you, just an observation from getting to know the One who does, just a little bit better through the years of seeking, asking and knocking.

First of all, can I just tell you that Matthew, a converted tax-collector-turned-Jesus-follower, was NOT sitting on that mountainside, writing verbatim every word as Jesus spoke it that day. I mean, start in chapter 5 and read the entire “Sermon on the Mount,” as we have come to call it. It is jam packed with nuggets of golden that could each be stretched into volumes of teaching us how to live godly lives. Scholars place the writing of this gospel between 20 and 40 years after Jesus’ crucifixion. I picture Matthew in 65 A.D, writing with great urgency, knowing that he was getting older and that the chance of escaping Roman persecution forever was unlikely, rapidly writing everything he could recall Jesus saying in the few years they had together.

All that to say that verses 7-11 are not the whole story. I am as sure as I can be that Jesus had so much more to say to help His listeners grasp the value of asking, seeking and knocking. Matthew knew exactly what it meant because he heard the whole discourse. He gave us the highlights, knowing the Spirit would come to us, directing us into the whole truth. I believe that. And I also believe that it doesn’t occur as much as it should because we are too busy to sit and listen, meditating on the Word of God. And I am as guilty as the next person, however, as age and health issues have slowed my pace a bit, I am learning to be a better sitter-and-listener. And here is what my heart has heard in the silence…

I am not going to get everything I think I should have, even if my motives are perfectly wholesome and what I want is admirable and will help me help others. Why? Because I cannot see the whole picture of what my story is supposed to be. My story helps to fulfill God’s purpose, and I can’t see that purpose clearly either. In short, I don’t really know what to ask for so often I just plain don’t ask! Because I don’t think it matters… but Jesus said… ASK! So it must matter.  It does matter!

Jesus also told His disciples how they were to pray and in that very prayer, He told them to ask for the Father’s will to be done… perfectly… the very first time, as if we didn’t have a will of our own to mess everything up. Just like it happens in heaven, where the angels do His will without questions, without a selfish thought. He told us to ask for what we need for the day, our daily bread. Not a 5 course meal, but just enough to give us strength for the tasks at hand. We are instructed to ask for forgiveness, because… He knows. And we are to ask for deliverance from the evil that distracts us and will ultimately keep us from asking Him for all of the above.

So ask Him! But make sure that you are asking in alignment with His plan and purpose for our lives. Sometimes those will be specific prayers as He reveals His plan to us and other times (most of the time, perhaps) we simply pray for Him to bring about His plan in our life, whatever that may be, and we will receive it.

But, that’s not the end. Seek and you will find puts us in action mode. He doesn’t just want us to pray and forget, but to pray and act! If you want God’s will to be done in your life, then do what you know to do right now. Be kind. Use wisdom. Show love. Live well. Eat healthy. Exercise. Meditate. Read the Word.

Knock and the door will be open…  Looking back, I see myself as a timid little girl who desperately wanted friends, standing at their door, hoping that my friend would come out at just that time because I was too shy to knock. Pathetic, I know, but that was my childhood. I didn’t want to disturb. I didn’t want to be disappointed if they didn’t want to come out. I didn’t want to be humiliated if they laughed in my face at the thought of stooping to play with the likes of me. So I didn’t knock. And they didn’t come to the door. And I left and went home and played alone. Fear. Low self-worth. They were the enemies of my soul then and sometimes they come back and visit. And I wait for good things to happen without taking the risk of knocking.

Today I will ask for God’s perfect plan for this day to unfold in my life and I will actively look for what He has prepared for me.  I will be brave and knock on the door to see how far we can go together and embrace the adventure that awaits because I believe His way is the way for me. And He will answer. My skepticism and cynicism has been replaced with hope and expectancy because I have watched God work in my life and the lives of others and I know that my way, once I set it down, can be replaced with His way, which may be not at all what I was seeking, but is exactly what my story requires in order to unfold into something beautiful.

I really hope you will join me and ask, seek and don't just stand there... knock!

Settle or Sizzle

When I first started dating my husband, I still lived at home and shared a room with my little sister. She claims that I talked about him non-stop, late into the night, keeping her awake. I’m not sure that is completely accurate, but I do remember that I thought about him all the time. I pictured him in my mind. I recounted the words he had said and longed for the weekend to come so that I could hear his voice again and feel his hand in the small of my back as he ushered me in the door of the bowling alley, our typical winter date. I knew the sound of the engine of his Coronet 440 and my heart would quicken as I heard him pull up in front of the house on Friday nights. Ah… the joy of young love.

After three years of falling deeper in love with him, we got married and within three years of entering marital bliss, we had two babies, a mortgage and a whole lot more responsibility and a whole lot less heart quickening. Life changed quickly and so did all those euphoric feelings. The love was there, but the routine and the fatigue changed our ability to freely express it. We didn’t “fall” into love and we didn’t “fall” out of love. We just “fell.”

Jesus revealed a message to John while he was exiled on the island of Patmos about such falling… but it wasn’t talking about romantic love. Jesus was talking about how the church was doing so much right, but it was still coming up short, because it had lost the glow of first love. In the same way that longing to be with your true love is replaced with a busy calendar and flat out exhaustion, the longing to have quiet communion with Jesus is replaced with carpools and diapers and gainful employment.

We talk frequently about how God’s grace is great and covers our imperfections, but is that all that matters?  If Jesus is saying to us, come back to your first love, that indicates that He wants more from us. He wants us to live in His presence, enjoying his company. He wants us to bring our praise and our cares to Him, communicating with the same excitement that we had in the beginning. He wants us to listen, hanging on every word, because what He thinks and how He feels truly matters to us. He wants us to snuggle up and enjoy just being with Him. Much the same as it was when we first committed to life with Him.

So, what happens in marriage when we become content with a lackluster life? When living happily ever after is replaced with simply existing. The relationship begins to crumble and the joy certainly fades. We stop communicating and don’t even feel like we are known by our mate. The very same is true in our relationship with Jesus. If we are not deliberate about stoking the fires of love in our relationship with our partner and our Lord, the flame will die. How can we make sure that doesn’t happen? Be intentional in our relationships.

Sunday the Pastor said, “We don’t misplace Jesus. We replace Jesus.” And I believe he is spot on.  (You can listen here: https://thecreekonline.net/media) Jesus is still there. We still love Him, value His teaching, speak of His authority in our lives. The problem is that we also love football and Facebook and we value our career and a good 20% off sale and the ones who coach our child’s sport seem to have complete authority over our calendars. We haven’t misplaced Jesus because He is still here waiting for us to come back around to the place of honoring Him. We have simply replaced Him with all of the things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but have left us completely spent. Tired, troubled and over-extended.

What is the solution? Remember back to the commitment you once had and the promise you made to make God #1 in your life. Repent for bumping Him and possibly even kicking Him to the curb as you go about life in the manner that society dictates and Satan applauds. And lastly, begin to do life in a manner that allows you the time and the space to get God back to the position that you have taken from Him.

And while you’re at it… revisit that first love with your spouse and start rekindling that flame. Don’t settle when you can sizzle!

I hold this against you:

You have forsaken the love you had at first.

 ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen!

Repent and do the things you did at first.

Revelation 2:4-5