Why Must They Suffer?

If you have been a parent very long, you know what it’s like to see your child suffer. It is one of the most difficult parts of parenting. You may have longed to take the pain yourself , if only it could relieve their pain. You may have felt bitter about the fact that an innocent child must suffer. The fact is, we don’t like hardship, especially when it is inflicted on a child.

Why do kids have to suffer? My first reaction to that is that the world they live in is broken. God created us to live in a perfect setting, of His design, but sin has changed that perfect world and it is broken. That broken condition created sickness and wickedness and pain. And it will remain so until we reach our heavenly home.

My second reaction is that kids have to suffer for the same reason adults have to suffer.

It grows them.  A baby who is held constantly never learns to self sooth. They learn to become more dependent and needy which creates more crying. Of course wisdom must be used to determine how long we should allow them to cry before we provided the comfort they legitimately need. But allowing them to discover that their anxiety is correctable even if they are not immediately rescued  helps them to grow to be problem solvers.

It teaches them. As your child grows, the pain they experience is often a result of their choices. When we rescue our kids from the consequences of their choices, we stunt their growth and they learn much more slowly. Allowing them to pay the price for their behavior is a great teaching tool. You can express to them how sad you are that they didn’t get to go to the birthday party, but that was their choice when they decided to disobey …again.

It molds them.  When they have truly felt the anguish of loss or disappointment or sickness, you have the opportunity to share with them that other people have the same pain and we can make their pain less if we walk alongside of them and show them compassion and concern.

It directs them. When their little hearts are breaking because they have been treated unfairly, this is the perfect setting for you to tell them about the God of justice and how He sees our suffering and longs to bring us comfort. Make sure that they know that Jesus is sad when we are sad. When they are struggling, let them know that they are not alone. God is waiting to help them through the mountains and the valleys of life. Even when they are all grown up.

You see, pain isn’t such a horrible thing when we realize that it is a tool God can use to shape us into the person who He created us to become. And all the pain in this life just makes the next life shine even brighter!

Your Starring Role

I have a cross-stitched sampler on my wall that states,   

“You can’t lead your children if you don’t know where you’re going.”

It makes me stop and think about my direction… my intentionality… the path that I have chosen. Life can get so full and busy that it is easy to forget there is a final destination we must strive for. Some would say that is heaven, but I prefer to consider my desired destination as fulfilling God’s plan for my life… then heaven is just the icing on the cake.

The question is, how do we manage a family and all that comes with it and still get the message across to our children that God has a plan for our lives and that we have an amazing hope for eternity because of a loving God and a risen Savior? Having the right words to say to them is important, but words are just words. You could tell them daily that the grass is purple and they would eventually remember those words. They may grow to believe that green is purple or they may just decide you don’t know what you are talking about.

The point is, as followers of Jesus we have a glorious hope for an eternity that will dissolve every concern and care that we have experienced here, in a moment. But does that hope translate to our kids? I’m afraid that what our kids see is our rushing about, our impatient responses, our worries about finances, our struggling relationships. They see one thing… our stress, yet we are telling them we believe that Jesus died for our sins and rose again and is preparing a place in heaven for us. Big deal!  They won’t want any part of that if it appears to be so miserable!

Are we so overwhelmed and consumed with this life that we seldom think of the life designed for us by a Sovereign God that will lead to an eternity with Him in paradise? We may as well be telling them that the grass is purple!  They are going to decide we haven’t a clue what we are saying or they will learn to believe that placing our hope in Jesus means nothing more that being busy and stressed out!

I would like to challenge you to allow the Holy Spirit to so engulf you, that even in the midst of the busyness, your children will be able to know that you are on a journey toward fulfilling a Divine plan in which you have a starring role. Let them know that God created you for a special purpose, to fulfill a plan that He made long ago… even before He made you.  Let them know that you are taking time in the Word so that you can know God better as you read His story. Let them know that you need some time for quiet so that God can speak to your heart and you can listen as He directs you toward your part in His plan.  Be in awe of the fact that the God who created the entire universe wants to have a forever relationship with YOU and let that seep into your life so that it can be seen in your smile and your eyes and your attitude.

Don’t worry so much about the words you say to them. Just make your actions and attitude reflect the amazing journey to fulfilling God’s divine plan for your life. I cannot imagine anything better than knowing that my kids are excited about finding where they fit in God’s plan. And knowing that they “caught” that from my enthusiastic pursuit… priceless!