Sometimes It Takes A Fire

Remember the story in Daniel about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego? They weren’t parents, they were children … of God …and they knew that doing the right thing was not always the popular decision. In fact, their resolve to do the right thing landed them in a really hot spot, but without their act of obedience to worship God alone, they would never have seen, up close and personal, just how magnificent God’s power is.

There are many things that we are responsible to teach our children. There are so many things we want them to know. We teach them with words; with consequences; with lectures; with rewards. And even so, they still will, in the end, choose the way they desire to go and the lessons they determine are worth living by. In the story of the Hebrew children (probably teen-aged boys) we can learn a very valuable insight that will have a profound impact on how much of your guidance will be kept and how much will be tossed.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego took a huge risk by keeping God at the center of their worship. They knew it could cost them their lives. We don’t have a king demanding that we bow down and worship him at the blast of a horn with the consequence of being toasted if we don’t comply. So we have it pretty easy. Or, do we?  Perhaps the fact that there is no visible risk in pushing God to the back seat and putting someone or something else behind the wheel that drives our lives makes it even more difficult to keep Him in the #1 slot. Being 100% sold out to God, gave them the most dramatic exposure to the faithfulness and power of the God they chose to serve… no matter what.

Do you take a bold stand for Jesus in your home? In your language? In your attitude toward others? Do you honor Him with the way your treat your kids and your spouse?  Do you honor Him in the way you spend your time? Do you worship Him with joy that is overflowing? Does the mention of your Creator enter into your daily conversations at home? Do you spend time in the Word daily getting to know the heart of God better? Do you slow down the hustle and bustle of life so that you can meditate and hear from Him?

Or…

Is God just the Sunday God who you worship once a week, when it’s convenient? Is He the main event at Easter and Christmas, remaining illusive from your kids the rest of the year? Do they wonder why you lose your cool and say naughty things rather than seeking to obey God with your attitude? Do they think prayer is just words to say before bed and before meals? And Bibles are for dusting off and taking to Church… if you can find it?

  

God has a plan and a purpose for you and for your kids. Following God’s plan means we might have to go against what feels safe or “normal,” but it can be exactly what needs to happen in order for them to see how exciting it is to trust God through the trials. You have an important role to play in making a better world for your kids. Be brave and go for it! Often, that simple act of courage is the tipping point for something extraordinary to happen in their life and in yours.

May I encourage you to make God the number one priority in your home? To worship God alone and say no to anything that may try to push God to the side? To demonstrate to your children that God’s power and might will protect and keep them as His very own? To teach them that God is strong and faithful and will always have His all-seeing eyes on their lives?

It isn’t easy to take a stand against those things… or people… who drag you down a path that leads you away from honoring God with your whole life, but with all my heart I encourage you to do just that. But, as Pastor Chris said in the sermon Sunday (listen here: https://thecreekonline.net/media),

A faith that is tested is a faith that can be trusted.

If you want your kids to be able to stand up to the temptations that surround them, take a stand! Do the hard things! Be real in your faith journey! Grow with every risk you take to stand against what takes you away from the One who loves you most. Sometimes, just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, you have to be in the fire to see God beside you and witness the power that will sustain you through whatever the broken world throws your way. Seeing God that close beside them as they learn to take a stand will make the most profound impact and can certainly hold the power to change the trajectory of their lives. 

Be courageous.

Worship God alone.

Parent well.

Queen Esther And The Children

The Bible tells the story of a young Jewish girl who was taken to the palace of King Xerxes to be groomed to become His queen. It doesn’t tell us how long she lived as Queen in the palace or if she ever even had children, but Queen Esther had people. The entire nation of her heritage was facing certain annihilation and she, as a result of her appointment as Queen, had a chance to save them. It would involve a great risk and the possibility of failure. It could actually cost her her life. In the end, Queen Esther is the heroine of the story and lives are saved because of her act of bravery. The thing that powered her courage was her faith in her God. She knew that He was in control and could use her to save a nation. She also knew that she might die in the process, but her life was a small price to pay for the lives and legacy of God’s people.

So how can we bring the story of Esther into our home and our parenting? Esther understood that she was sitting where she was, at the side of the greatest King of her lifetime, for a greater purpose than wearing fine gowns, hosting gala events, owning jewels that could pay off the national debt, and eating the finest foods available without having to ever enter the kitchen. Doesn’t sound like a bad gig to me! But…Have you ever considered that you being the parent of your children isn’t about you at all, but about your child? You are one piece of their legacy that will shape them into the person that God planned for them to become. But, you must have the courage to give it all up for that to happen.

I can almost hear you saying, “You don’t even know me! I would take a bullet for my kids!” Those are the split second decisions and reactions we have when danger suddenly comes out of nowhere. But what about the daily decisions you are making that are impacting their future? The way you spend your money. The way you spend your evenings. The words you choose. The discipline you impose. The example you set. Can you step outside of your window and look in at the way you live long enough to objectively determine if you are the Queen who is happy to sit on the throne or do you have the courage to give it all up for the benefit of your kids?

I do not stand in judgment or believe for one minute that I have this thing down. Too many of you know my grown children who can rat me out without blinking an eye. What I do know, however, is that Godly parenting takes intentionality and courage…

… to stand up to the norms of our society and raise children that will know their Creator and value His plan for them as something to strive for and make the commitment to be in the Word and worship with your local congregation to show them that you value His plan for your life, too

… to help them know there is a difference between right and wrong when our culture says it is up to the individual and help them find what God’s Word has to say about it without diminishing the value of all God’s children, whom He dearly loves

… to teach them that loving God and others is the greatest thing they will ever accomplish, not attaining a colossal salary and then demonstrate that you believe it by giving to those less fortunate or refusing a promotion that keeps you from the time it takes to teach them what love looks like

… to teach them that caring for your body is a sacred privilege and showing them what that looks like

… to explain how moral values will be the compass that gets them to where God wants them and then let that compass direct your path.

Queen Esther had a choice. She could let the chips fall where they may and hope that her King never discovered her nationality and go on with her royal lifestyle. She did not make that choice. Instead she chose to take courage and risk losing it all for the greater good. Your family is your greater good. If you are not sacrificing for them, you haven’t yet discovered the joy and peace of using your role as their parent “for such a time as this” to shape their hearts and minds to follow the One who holds eternity in the palm of His hand.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,

But on what is unseen

Since what is seen is temporary,

But what is unseen is eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:18

Perhaps remembering this verse will help you to have the courage you need to look to the future as you shape the lives of your children.

Dealing With Hearts And Fears

“Do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Scripture tells us (Ephesians 1:20) that God raised Jesus from the dead and seated Him at His right hand. Picture Jesus’ left arm linked in the right arm of your Creator and Jesus’ right arm wrapped around you. That is the picture in my mind as I ponder this verse in Isaiah. How can anything bring fear to me if I keep that vision in the forefront of my thoughts?

Tomorrow morning I will be having a cardiac ablation. This is a routine procedure for a doctor that specializes in the electrophysiology of the heart. For me, the one laying there for hours in a semi-conscious state while the cardiologist drives a camera around my heart looking for the reason for the crazy rhythm, it is not quite so routine. I can honestly say, that I haven’t been afraid. Partially because this cardiologist is amazing and has done this procedure a gazillion times. Partially because I am over the exhaustion that comes from my heart running sprints and marathons without benefit of a single calorie burned. But, mostly because I can feel Jesus arm around me. I know that my life is in His hands, every single day, with or without a trip to the hospital.

It is good to feel the peace that takes away the fear of this world. Pass that peace on to your kids by assuring them that Jesus is there right beside them, all the time. Telling them, or even showing them that there are no monsters under the bed, will not destroy the image in their mind that will reappear as soon as you leave the room. Explaining that their fears are irrational will not suddenly turn them into rational thinkers. And, most certainly, telling them to grow up and stop being a baby will only give them a false expectation that adults are never afraid. You and I both know that isn’t true!

Sing and play music that will remind them of God’s presence and love. Teach them Isaiah 41:10 and other verses that tell us that we are never outside of His sight. Build their courage by telling them of times when God has brought you through scary circumstances and made you brave. Be their cheerleader when they show courage and try new things. Walk beside them in the scary places. Resist the urge to protect them from all things frightening, because in doing so, they never develop their own courage. You may, unintentionally, be confirming their reason to be afraid of the noisy vacuum that is actually harmless, if you react to their fears by never vacuuming. Other health risks may also occur (wink). However, you must use good judgment in protecting them from the fearsome things that they are too young to witness or experience.

Be strong. Be courageous. Be diligent to pass that on to your kids. Help them to find the brave that they will need when you aren’t there. Never fail to remind them that their Creator sees all and, no matter how scary life may feel, He is right there giving them the strength and courage they need to make it through… even if a camera is driving around your heart preparing to fire on the enemy. God’s got this!

Leading Well

If you read my blog on a regular basis, it’s either because you are looking for wisdom on raising a family or looking for typos. Hopefully you are finding more of the former than the later! If you are looking for wisdom, answers, encouragement, you are already on the right track to healthy parenting. Raising your children is your job, your business, your decision, your priority, yet you know that you need help to lead them well. That being said, have you ever considered that the most important person you have to lead is not your kid/kids, but yourself. If you are going to be a good leader and example for them, it has to begin with you making the decision multiple times a day, every single day, to lead yourself well.

One of the most valuable ways to insure that you are leading yourself and your children well is to learn to prioritize what you value most over what you want now.  How many times have you heard a parent give into the wishes of the child at the store in order to avoid an angry child making a scene? Countless, I’m guessing. That is an example of giving in to what you and your child want NOW as opposed to what you value most. That parent who caved is not thinking, “I hope my child grows up spoiled, entitled, unable to sustain healthy relationships, and generally unpleasant to be around.” Yet their actions will give them exactly that because they are prioritizing what they want NOW (peace and quiet… no public scene to make them look like a bad parent) over what they value most (patient, obedient, respectful children who are learning the value of working for and waiting for what they want).

As a parent, you really need to sit down and determine what kind of values you want for you child. What are the most important lessons for them to learn? You want them to be kind and loving, so you must be kind and loving. This is where it gets tricky because we easily confuse being kind and loving with pandering to their every whim. Giving in will create feelings of superiority and entitlement that encourage behavior that is extremely unkind and just plain hateful. So you have to determine your values in such a way that, as you lead, you are looking at the bigger picture, the outcome of your decisions over the long term, not caving to whatever the child is asking for now. Trust me on this. Tears at two or three because you can’t have a sucker are far easier to deal with than tears at 12 or 13 because your child can’t sustain a friendship.

In order to lead yourself as a parent, you have to be strong and have your values set so that tantrums and stomach flu and sleepless nights and broken toys and hearts don't sway you. Are your values set? Are you staying the course, even when it takes every last drop of energy? Or are you trying to satisfy kids with what keeps them happy now because that is the easiest way?  What will you choose?  Sleeping in or Sunday worship?  Appropriate bedtimes that allow quality time for mom and dad or being too exhausted for each other because the kids beg to stay up later? Do you take the time to know the parents and friends your kids play with or just enjoy having them out of the house, no matter who they are with? Do you choose screen time or reading Bible stories together?  Teaching them responsibility by doing chores with them that you will have to take extra time to redo when they aren’t around, or just doing it yourself? Fast food on the run or meal planning and limiting the extra-curricular activities so you can have family meals around the table? Life-long learning or mindless drivel? Exercise or couch potato? So many decisions... so little time! If you don't think so, ask a parent who is taking their baby to college this week!

Some days I make the decision multiple times to focus on what I value over what I want. That means I have to look down the road at who I want to be. I value being a follower of Jesus, in step with Him and learning to draw closer always. I value being a good partner and companion to my husband. My kids are all grown up now, but I still value being a good mom and a good grandma. I value being an encourager, instructor and leader of those who are at the front line in the battle for our children’s hearts and minds. If I really value those things, my actions have to fall in line with the desires of my heart.

Somedays I live as though I value ice cream, Pinterest and HGTV… not gonna lie. I am a work in progress, but, knowing what I truly value helps me to keep life in balance. I haven’t arrived… but I’m getting closer as I focus on what I value. Jesus knew His mission and kept what He valued, bringing honor and glory to His Father by loving Him and loving others, right in the very front of His mind. No matter what He encountered, that directed His words and His actions. May you learn to follow Him closely so you can learn to be the very best leader of yourself and your family.

“A new command I give you:

Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,

 if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35