Be A Giant

Recently I saw a cartoon of a teen-aged boy angrily addressing his parents with the caption, “I will stand here and hold my breath until you guys start treating me like an adult!” If you work in the public, you have probably seen people like that. They never seem to grow up. They expect a free ride with no contribution or effort of their own.  They want what they want when they want it. Period!

As parents, we certainly don’t long for our children to remain as dependent and demanding as a newborn. Precious as they are, let’s face it… newborns are exhausting! Their only way to communicate is crying when their needs are not met. They have to be fed eight times a day! When you try to give them something besides milk, they spit it out all over everything! They make messes that you are expected to clean up and they cost a whole lot of money and never offer to do anything at all to cover their own expenses.

Growth and maturity is a good thing. It means things are going as they are supposed to go. Lessons are being learned. Character is being formed. Independence is being achieved. We were not intended to remain in our infancy. This is true physically, emotionally and spiritually. We don’t stay tiny. We don’t stay whiny (hopefully). So why, in our culture, do we accept that it is proper to remain infants spiritually?

I have a theory. We have no control over our physical growth. Nature takes us from newborn to adult in a matter of a couple of decades. Our culture pressures us to mature emotionally. Nobody likes a whiner! When it comes to our spiritual growth, that is completely on us... and we call it a "private matter." Nature and culture are no help at all. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true!  We alone must decide if we want to take the next steps after saying “yes” to following Jesus. Sometimes it's as if we have our “fire insurance” and feel pretty comfortable with being a good citizen and belonging to a church. It is that comfort that inoculates us against growth and keeps us in spiritual infancy. It keeps us from growing and developing into the person God created us to be. It keeps us from fulfilling the plan God created us to accomplish.

What does it even look like to mature spiritually? It looks like getting to know what Jesus has to say about living life. It looks like walking with others who are doing the same and providing accountability for each other. It looks like making decisions based on what Jesus said rather than what our culture says. It looks like quiet time to listen to Him. It looks like loving people that can never love you back. It looks like going the second mile when nobody will ever know that it was you who did so. It looks like preferring others above yourself. It looks like being a disciple that makes disciples.

Spiritual maturity looks like the church being the CHURCH that Paul described to the Ephesians … working together; building each other up; teaching; guiding; encouraging.

Spiritual maturity looks like peace in the storm and inexplicable joy, even when life stinks!

Parents, that is what you want for your kids, right? 

Teach your children well by growing into a spiritual giant they can see, head and shoulders above the crowd. The crowd is not leading them to Jesus.  This may sound like a job that is too big for you. Remember how you felt the first time you held them in your arms? That overwhelming doubt in your ability to raise a human? You didn't resign or give up, but did what you knew to do, learned what you needed to know and put all you had into keeping them alive! 

You can be their spiritual giant. That is not a distinction reserved for Mother Teresa, Martin Luther, John Wesley and the Apostle Paul. It is actually expected of all who call Jesus, LORD. It was His plan that you should grow into a disciple that would make disciples. Walk that path before them. Find ways to insure that you are growing more like Christ. Be very conscious of the legacy you are leaving for them. They are right behind you.

Stop Tilting the Mirror

We have been doing some work in our basement and moving things around to do it left a full-length mirror leaning against the wall. The angle is awesome because every time I catch a glimpse of myself walking past it, I see a tall, slim version of myself that isn’t exactly an accurate representation of reality. Part of what I see is absolutely correct. Same hair style, same skin tones, same clothing… but the difference is in the proportions. It seems like a pretty good deal… if only it was entirely true!

In Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, he reminds them that Satan loves to get a hold of half- truths and turn them into angry, sinful outbursts. You know what I mean. Your spouse comes home tired and doesn’t respond as you would like and their fatigue convinces you of the lie... “you don’t even love me anymore.” Or maybe you are feeling justified in turning a cold shoulder because your spouse has crossed you one time to many. Our misinterpretations and justification are the kind of “lies” Satan loves to get his hands on, because, with them, he can create an angry spirit in no time that can destroy a relationship and cause homes to collapse.

Divorce rates are virtually the same in the homes of those who go to church and call themselves God followers as those who do not. Why? Maybe it is because we are all looking in a tilted mirror when we check to make sure that we are looking good and our partner is the one that is a hot mess. If we truly looked at the core of who we are, that place that God sees when He looks at us… the place where our behaviors are not white-washed with our own justification and validation, we will see ourselves truthfully.

Discovering truth is critical to our growth and development as one who is called to reflect the image of God in a world that is full of darkness. We cannot carry His light, in our home or in the world around us, if we are hiding from the truth of who God is and who we are. Do you want to be the light of God in your home? Do you want your kids to see Jesus in you? Paul says we need to start by saying only what is helpful and useful and will build others up. Get rid of the bitterness that is causing you to withhold the love that you promised for a lifetime. Dispose of rage and anger and words that tear down. Be kind and compassionate and forgive each other… completely.

Tilted mirrors only feel good for a second. When we go out to live in real life, our real self comes with us and it usually isn’t nearly as lovely as the one we have convinced ourselves is truth. Take a good look in the mirror. Who do others see? Who does God see? Who do you see? Is it time to stop justifying your anger or rage or words that tear down? Is it time to realize that someone else’s behavior doesn’t make your bad choice a good choice? Don’t repay evil with evil. Do and say everything as though there is the LIGHT of Jesus within you. 

R E S P E C T and the Fine Art of Teaching It

It seems that we have created a culture that concerns itself more with “rights” than “respect.”  Children have learned that they have a right to choose whether or not to obey. They have a right to dislike a teacher and therefore disregard his instruction. They have a right to say what they feel and the manner in which they do so is accepted as their right to expression. We give our children the right to decide what they will wear, how they spend their time, what they will eat, if they will do their chores and how they will speak to others.  This has all boiled down to a pot of simmering self-centeredness that has poisoned an entire generation.

How did we end up here and what can we do to reverse this epidemic?  I have a few ideas…

First of all, we have become very near sighted in our approach to parenting. If you want your kids to develop certain character traits, you have to look beyond the struggle of the day. Looking into the adult we want our kids become, we set the course when we become their parents. If you want them to, for example, make eye contact and pay attention when they are spoken to, teach that at an early age. Begin at home with training and coaching, not in the marketplace, after you are embarrassed about their lack of respect. Acknowledge a job well done and celebrate their successes as they achieve the desired behavior.

A whining toddler will become a whining adolescent if that behavior isn’t squashed. A two-year old can learn that the voice and expression they are using will not gain them what they want. Stop them with, “Wait a minute. That is whining and whining is not okay. I think you would like a drink, so let’s practice saying, “may I have a drink, please?” Yelling at them for whining or telling them to stop is pointless. This is a behavior that you  teach your way out of.

Unkind words should not be accepted. They need to know the standard that you will accept, (and being tolerant of bad behavior tells them it is acceptable) and be taught and expected to comply. The words “I hate…” are ugly words. Teach them that the angry feelings may be legitimate but the response to that anger must be bathed in self-control.  Expressing our feelings in a courteous manner will get results much quicker than a fit of rage. … unless of course that fit of rage causes you to compromise your values in an attempt to keep the peace. Now you have begun the building of a monster! There is a very large price to pay for catering to a temper tantrum. Many more will arise if you don’t help them to learn the proper way to communicate. Is there anything worse than a 13 year old girl pouting because she didn’t get what she wanted? Stop that behavior early, no matter how much time and patience it takes.

Second, learn to treat others with respect… yes, even at home… and even when they need discipline. We all know that kids mimic the behaviors that they witness. If you don’t speak to their daddy with respect they will soon learn that he is not worthy of respect. If you treat their mom disrespectfully, they will learn that is an acceptable reaction, as well. When your child is exhibiting an undesirable behavior, screaming at them is an example of the behavior your DO NOT want to see in them.  Doing it with others around magnifies the degree of disrespect that you are showing. However, for most of us, screaming happens at some point. Don’t let yourself off the hook because they were naughty. Tell them that you were out of line and should have handled that better. Don't let them off the hook either because their behavior was also out of line. If you find that teaching them good behavior is not working after several attempts, then you  need to calmly tell them that they have earned the consequences for doing as they have been taught; whatever they are doing is still not acceptable even though you have taught them the appropriate behavior...and follow through EVERY TIME until they realize that you mean business. No yelling needed. Replace an enraged, “You just lied to me” with, “you just told me something that is not true and that is not okay with me or with Jesus. I saw what happened and I know that you made a bad choice. Tell me why you think you did that and let’s figure out together what you could/should have done or said. If you continue to lie, there will be consequences because you know better.”  Never tire of explaining that there are consequences to all our decisions. Then if the negative behaviors continue, don’t make yourself a teller of untruths, but follow through with the appropriate action that you promised would come if the lying continued.

Third, don’t make the kids the center of your universe. There is only room for One there and God alone should be on that throne. When we are so concerned about our child’s ego and/or happiness that we let it control our life, we have essentially become idolatrous. Partner with their teachers to overcome obstacles  rather than trying to make excuses for their struggles. Teach the kids the art of respecting others… yes, even (or maybe especially) teachers and coaches. It’s okay to poke your head in at school to observe when you feel there is a problem. Talk respectfully to the teacher, don’t just side in with the child. It is expected that you make sure that their coach  is aligned with the values you teach at home. If that is not the case, you have the power and authority to remove them from the team. Don’t let someone else determine your child’s values. That is something that parents need to take the lead on and stick to their beliefs, growing at all times in wisdom and understanding.

Finally… Be involved and be aware and be in coaching mode every moment you are with your kids. Don’t become weary in teaching them right from wrong. and remember you are not just surviving parenthood, but shaping the person that God created them to become. You are guiding them toward the future He planned for them. Remember that your child’s happiness is not the goal of parenting. Your child’s godliness is the goal. And guess what??? The product of godly living is the purest form of peace and  joy.  That, my friend, is a wonderful outcome for all your hard work!

What A Headache!

Sunday, when Pastor Chris mentioned how the Israelites would build a little box and fill it with God’s instructions to them about how to spread the message of His goodness and glory to their children, then tie it to their foreheads so they wouldn’t forget, I have to admit… I laughed out loud at the mental picture it created. I have read that many times in Deuteronomy 6, but this time I just kept seeing these huge, ornate vessels tied to their foreheads.  I am guessing that the more “spiritual” they wanted to appear, the bigger and more ornate the box. Imagine what that looked like and tell me you aren’t laughing right now! I am certain that the instruction was not intended to be taken literally, but it was of supreme importance… and if you couldn’t remember the instructions, then you had better tie them around your head because this is straight from God!

It wasn’t even a hard message to remember. It was simple. Remember that there is only ONE GOD and LOVE HIM with all your heart, mind and strength. No forehead ornament required.

I began to think about parenting today and the things we do to convince others that we are good parents. Then I started to wonder if future generations of anthropologists will look back at our society and laugh out loud at the things we did…

• ·         In middle America today, our culture says good parents make sure their kids attend good pre-schools, but says little about teaching manners and kindness in the home.
• ·         Our culture says we are to fill their rooms with more toys than they can play with in a year and then expect them to keep that room orderly when even an adult is overwhelmed by all of it.
• ·         Our culture scoffs at the lack of respect children and teens exhibit, but the daily viewing of sitcoms and children’s shows full of rude behavior and disrespect are considered acceptable and appropriate.
• ·         Our culture places sports ahead of worship, then when the kids reach the teen years and have no desire to know or worship God, we panic and don’t understand why, expecting the church to "fix" this problem.
• ·         Our cultures spends billions on things that will improve our self-esteem, then laments the fact that we are raising self-centered children

God’s Word has not changed and His instructions are for us in 2016. Remember that there is only ONE GOD and LOVE HIM with everything in you! How are you doing with these instructions? How well are you passing them on to your kids?  Are you doing the things our culture calls you to do and wondering why your kids aren’t drawn to the One who loves them most and knows them best?

A young father told me just the other day that he had begun to realize that he had put his kids where God belonged. They were first. Their wants and whims came before God and they were paying the price for that error. He is wise to discover and begin to correct this pattern while his kids are still young.

Take a step back and look inside your home. Now take the journey into the future and see if you are steering your kids in the right direction for them to grow into disciples, following their Maker and becoming the persons God created them to be. Don’t be afraid to trim the sails and change the course of their future by setting your sites on Loving God with all your heart, mind and strength, and teaching them to do the same.