Fix Your Thoughts

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! … Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus…Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…. Then the God of peace will be with you.”                                              Philippians 4:4-9

As I type this, my niece, Ellen, is laboring to bring her 3^rd son into the world. When he is placed in her arms she will feel a love that only a mother can understand. A bond will continue to grow and a connection will be made that no one else will have. It is a special link between a mother and her child. It is beautiful and it is awful because, with such a love, comes a concern that can quickly turn into fear and anxiety when we hold on to it.

I am a mother. I know that fear.  I also know that we can become so obsessed with concern for our children that we hold on to it like a soggy blanket, feeling only the dampness and not the warmth, yet we hold on as if, in our worry, we are showing a greater degree of love. What we are actually demonstrating is our complete inability to let God be in charge of the things that are His to manage.

I know there are many of you out there who struggle with anxiety and it is a very real problem. Some of it is hormonal, some is from emotional baggage that we bring into motherhood, some is a chemical situation that requires medication, and some of it is a choice. I am speaking to those of you who fall into that last category, however, all can benefit from the words of the Apostle Paul. It is more than a ‘don’t worry, be happy’ passage. There are actual instructions in how to get from worry to peace.

1.      Joyfulness…Be full of joy in the Lord. Be aware that he is with you and in you and is the provider of all you need. Acknowledge him for who he is and what he can do and has done in your life.

2.      Exchange worry for prayer. Surround yourself with godly friends who will pray with you, but first, hand it over to the one who created you. He is big enough to handle it.

3.      Sing songs of praise. Be thankful for all he has done. God lives in the praise of his people. If singing isn’t your thing, listen to songs of praise. It makes a huge difference.

4.      Understand the power of your thoughts. Erase the “what ifs” and fix your thoughts on God’s truth. Dwell on what is honorable, right and pure; what is lovely and admirable and worthy of praise. Get your head in the game and give stinkin’ thinkin’ the boot!

5.      Surrender your life to God. Do as the Bible teaches. Paul did a 180 from a life of persecuting Christians to being their leader. It doesn’t matter where you started from, turn to godly living and enjoy God’s peaceful presence in your life.

There will not be a medal of honor for those who worried the most about their children. Let go of it. Let God be in control. He has the tools and the wisdom to guide you as you guide them. 

P.S.  Dan and Ellen, when he gets here, tell little Lincoln this one is for him. xoxo

Stopped Dead In Your Tracks!

When our oldest was a little girl, she suffered from very low muscle tone and an auto-immune disease that ate away at her muscle fiber. All of this made her struggle with balance and the core strength she needed to be able to do the things that other children did without even thinking about it. Her unsteadiness made her fearful of falling and when winter came and ice covered the sidewalk, she was particularly nervous. Because of the inflammation, falling was more painful for her so that brought a paralyzing fear when it came to getting from the house to the car. She would literally freeze in her tracks.

All that is understandable, right? She was young, weak, and unstable and the ground was really hard! The part that didn’t make sense was that this overwhelming paralysis would stop her from moving forward for fear of falling … yet falling was not going to happen. Every step of the way we would have a firm grip on her little hand and had she begun to fall, we were right there to catch her before she would hit the ground.

I wonder how many times in life we are like little Emily, allowing our fears, which are often unsubstantiated, to halt any progress we could be making in life. How often do we forget that He is right there, holding our hand as He calls us to move forward in faith to fulfill His plan for us?

The fear of failing is a very real fear and I would guess that most of us suffer from it from time to time. We don’t want to disappoint. We don’t want to bring negative judgment upon ourselves. We don’t want to look foolish. But isn’t that making life all about “ME?”  My hesitancy to move forward and do something is because my failure to perform at a high enough level will make ME look bad. 

One of the greatest problems with this fear is that it is terribly contagious. If you are stuck and not moving forward in the direction God is nudging you, your kids will observe this and soon determine that God cannot be trusted and they will follow your lead. Hold steady! Don’t do anything rash! Wait it out and maybe God will find someone else to do it!

Why were you born? Why did God bring your children into the world? I really can’t answer that question in a specific manner for myself, my children or you and your children. But one thing is certain, if we stand still and play it safe we will not find our purpose and neither will they. Do yourself a favor and look up. The Father is holding your hand and though you may stumble here and there, He won’t let go and you won’t fall down. Trust Him. Take a step. Become who you were created to be.

“If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm;

Though he stumble, he will not fall,

For the LORD upholds him with his hand.”

Psalm 37:23-24

Stopped Dead In Your Tracks!

When our oldest was a little girl, she suffered from very low muscle tone and an auto-immune disease that ate away at her muscle fiber. All of this made her struggle with balance and the core strength she needed to be able to do the things that other children did without even thinking about it. Her unsteadiness made her fearful of falling and when winter came and ice covered the sidewalk, she was particularly nervous. Because of the inflammation, falling was more painful for her so that brought a paralyzing fear when it came to getting from the house to the car. She would literally freeze in her tracks.

All that is understandable, right? She was young, weak, and unstable and the ground was really hard! The part that didn’t make sense was that this overwhelming paralysis would stop her from moving forward for fear of falling … yet falling was not going to happen. Every step of the way we would have a firm grip on her little hand and had she begun to fall, we were right there to catch her before she would hit the ground.

I wonder how many times in life we are like little Emily, allowing our fears, which are often unsubstantiated, to halt any progress we could be making in life. How often do we forget that He is right there, holding our hand as He calls us to move forward in faith to fulfill His plan for us?

The fear of failing is a very real fear and I would guess that most of us suffer from it from time to time. We don’t want to disappoint. We don’t want to bring negative judgment upon ourselves. We don’t want to look foolish. But isn’t that making life all about “ME?”  My hesitancy to move forward and do something is because my failure to perform at a high enough level will make ME look bad. 

One of the greatest problems with this fear is that it is terribly contagious. If you are stuck and not moving forward in the direction God is nudging you, your kids will observe this and soon determine that God cannot be trusted and they will follow your lead. Hold steady! Don’t do anything rash! Wait it out and maybe God will find someone else to do it!

Why were you born? Why did God bring your children into the world? I really can’t answer that question in a specific manner for myself, my children or you and your children. But one thing is certain, if we stand still and play it safe we will not find our purpose and neither will they. Do yourself a favor and look up. The Father is holding your hand and though you may stumble here and there, He won’t let go and you won’t fall down. Trust Him. Take a step. Become who you were created to be.

“If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm;

Though he stumble, he will not fall,

For the LORD upholds him with his hand.”

Psalm 37:23-24

Two Amazing, Wonderful, Awful Words

There are two words that can completely ruin us. These two words can take control of our minds. They can suck the joy of the most pleasant moment. They can leave us paralyzed, overwhelmed and clueless as to the way out of the darkness in our soul.

These same two words have the power to help us accomplish great things. They empower us to go beyond the boundaries of our logical mind. They spark the imagination and give us the strength to go beyond our wildest dreams.

What are these powerful words? 

WHAT IF…?

In both instances they are spelled exactly the same. The meaning of each word doesn’t change. The difference is in the focus of the one who speaks them.  One is focused on all the negative possibilities; the crisis that could be around the corner; the tragedy that awaits us at any given moment... while the other is focused on all the wonderful possibilities that surround us when we take a step into the unknown.

Parenting is a definite step into the unknown. There are enough “what ifs” in parenting to scare the hair right off your head. Unless, of course, you change your prospective.  Bad things will happen. Chicken pox and head lice; bullies and scraped knees; failed tests and failed morals… these things will make your life miserable. They can cause a breakdown in communication, loud angry voices, loss of sleep and loss of sanity. One the other hand, they give you the occasion to teach and guide and love and show compassion and grace. Ah… what a beautiful opportunity it is! 

Think about it a minute… nothing you are encountering in parenting is a first. Nothing you are struggling through is a surprise to God. Nothing that is challenging you right now as a parent is beyond the power of God to get you through.  He has done some pretty amazing things. He will walk with you and give you what you need because He said so!

Do you realize that every time you try to manage on your own, you are essentially turning your back on God? Did you know that when He formed your child He already had a plan for that child? Do you think for one minute that He will forsake that plan or that child? All you  have to do is let Him lead and He will guide you out of whatever mess those stinky kids get into! 

Now take a deep breath and blow all the worry out! God’s got this! Just don’t forget to keep your focus on the Good, Good Father and make all the “what ifs” a wonderful adventure!

Terrified!

I think kids are so resilient because they are forced to face the most common fears with which we, as adults, still struggle.

For example…

·         The fear of failure paralyzes us, yet our kids fail continually as they are daily learning new skills and it brings amazing growth into their lives.

·         The fear of the unknown keeps us from moving forward, yet a child has no clue what is ahead of them and they take off running in any given direction.

·         The fear of change cripples many adults, but children embrace all the transformation that takes place in and around them.

Perhaps, when Jesus admonished his followers to be more like the children, these are some of the things he was referring to.

I didn’t find a “fear of raising children” on any of the lists but I think it falls well within the fear of failure, unknown and change! These are the constants of raising children.  And they are very REAL and APPROPRIATE fears. My kids didn’t come with a manual. I didn’t realize that they would all be so very different. I had no clue that love wouldn’t be enough and that the wisdom I needed to do it right wouldn’t show up until they were grown. I guess that isn’t very encouraging and it isn’t entirely true, however, it isn’t entirely false, either.

Most parents reading this blog want to raise their children well. In fact, most go to great lengths to see that our kids have the best tangible resources we can afford, but a stroll through any given classroom will show you that we are failing to give them the best intangible resources.  If you can touch it, we will do all we can to give it. But when it comes to the things we plant in their character, the unseen things, we seem to be falling short. The trend is to blame a corrupt politician or the media or Hollywood or a famous athlete who is not being a good role model for the failures we see in our children, but that is a cop-out! We have to take the time to shape our children, to stand up to what is wrong, to hold fast to what is true and to lay the path out for them that will guide them to Jesus.

Parents who follow Jesus must begin to realize that their journey of faith directly impacts the journey of their children. If the Word of God is of minimal importance in their life, so will it be for their children. If worship together with other believers is optional, it will be for your children. If absolute truth is not a foundation in your teaching, your kids will be determining their own truth. If the acquiring of “things” is the reason for all the extra hours you work, your kids will learn that “things” are valued more highly than time with you.

Parenting isn’t for sissies! It is HARD to do what is right for your kids. It is HARD to take a stand when all the other parents are going with the flow without regard to the end result. Maybe it would be easier if we had a greater FEAR of FAILURE. Maybe that fear would motivate us to get back on the right track.

When the disciples of Jesus were tossed by the storm at sea they were terrified, but when Jesus summoned all the power of heaven to calm the storm, they were gripped with an unspeakable, reverent fear. Raising kids is frightening, without a doubt. But, if we have a good and reverent fear of the One who will judge us for what we are investing in our kids and in our relationship with Him, perhaps the storms of parenting would be less terrifying because we would be growing in wisdom as we grow in Him.