Propped Up

In this last year I have struggled with being dizzy and light headed. I don't really know why. Neither do the Doctors. There are far more questions than answers. But, one thing I do know is that when I am feeling rough, before I arise to walk anywhere, I look at what is around that I can hold on to, lean against or sit on should the light headed feelings knock me down. Now, I am no petite little thing so whatever I spot to lean against must be secure and heavy and strong or there will be a really embarrassing, ugly and loud fall. It really matters what I lean on.

You are no different. Even if you are more sure footed, younger, healthier and more agile than I, there will come times when you will need something secure to lean against. King Solomon, said to be the wisest King of Israel, had some advice about the leaning thing. At surface level, it makes no sense. He tells us not to lean on what we understand. Our culture today is all about understanding ...learning... knowledge. An education and experience are sought after in order to find success. Yet, Solomon dares to say that we should not depend upon what we have come to understand. Why? Because we understand only through the finite wisdom of humanity and that is nothing short of pathetic compared to the infinite wisdom of God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

Don't depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do, 

and He will show you which path to take."

Proverbs 3:5-6

At my ripe semi old age, I know that family life is the most wonderful and yet the most difficult thing that we encounter on earth. We have to blend totally different backgrounds and personalities; different beliefs and possibly different values; different cultures and different DNA to make a union. As if that is hard enough, we then add to the mix even more personalities and DNA and challenges when we add children to this already challenging situation. Of all things on this earth, humans are likely the most difficult to understand. Just too many variables involved! Our "understanding" is totally based on our own experiences and those are not the same experiences that our other family members have acquired. If we depend on our own understanding in working through the challenges of family life, we are sinking before we even leave the harbor!

So what do we do? We learn to trust the God of the Bible. We can find Him there... at least a fraction of Him- in the pages of scripture. We can discover the truth that Jesus proclaimed throughout His ministry - that the most important thing we need to do is to Love God and Love Others.  And we can follow the way of love in order to find the right path to take to create the home in which God intends for your children to grow. 

Seldom will our reaction to grumpiness and fatigue and messes and disobedience and ugly words and unmet needs be LOVE. That is not how our understanding works. Our understanding is more one of quid pro quo. God's understanding is that unless you give love you cannot ever be equipped to receive it. The giving comes first and it never stops, even when it isn't returned. 

As you walk through the rest of this week, would you consider not depending on what makes sense to you in your marriage or with your children or at your job, but rather lean on something that will not budge, EVER? Will you lean on the love of a faithful God and depend on Him to help you lean harder when the path gets more difficult? 

I hope to see you at your best and at your worst, propped up on the One who will not fail you or let you fall as long as you lean into Him. 

The Path

Wise people see danger and go to a safe place.
    But childish people keep on going and suffer for it.

Proverbs 27:12 NIrV

Are you aware that an estimated 40,000 babies are born in the United States each year who have damage to the frontal lobe of their brain that controls critical thinking, problem solving, planning, reasoning and decision making? They suffer from a completely preventable disorder called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome because their mother consumed alcohol, which passed through the placental barrier and impacted, adversely, the development of their brain. It is a tragic epidemic worldwide, for those struggling with the disorder and those who must learn to navigate a culture that is being colored by the difficulties this tragedy brings into existence.

I wonder if one of the tragedies is that our communities, being full of people who are unable to make wise decisions, give us a false sense of pride in our own decision making. We tend to be a people of comparisons. “I may not be making the best decisions, but I sure am making better ones than they are!”

Let’s bring that home….

How are your kids doing compared to the kids who are struggling with frontal lobe damage? Great, I assume! But, is that the measuring stick that God wants us to use? We have the message from the Manufacturer that tells us what our children are supposed to do. Here are a few examples that we can and should be teaching them by our words and our example:

 “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)

“Honor your father and mother.” Ephesians 6:2

“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.” Psalm 107:1

“Love one another. Honor one another above yourself.” Romans 12:10

“Serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13

“Let no unwholesome words come from your mouth.” Ephesians 4:29

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37, 39

“Do to others what you would want them to do to you.” Matthew 7:12

In short, if we are to raise children to become adults that follow after the heart of God, we must teach them the way God created them to live. Not the way that is better than the other kids at school or a cut above the neighbors. The object is not to get them to follow rules, but to know the heart of the One who made them for a purpose. Going against His plan is like a Zebra who decides he wants to fly or a goose that would prefer to walk south for the winter. God’s ways are not about punishment, but about a plan He created for our own good.

So, what if they don’t want to go to church? What if they don’t want to have Bible stories read to them? What if they don’t want to eat their vegetables or go to bed on time? What if they prefer to hit their siblings rather than share their belongings or scream at you and refuse to listen to your instructions? What if they choose not to help around the house or they won’t do their homework? Well, there is a verse for that, too. It says, “Train a child in the way he should go,” Proverbs 22:6. The ball is in your court! You must train them by explaining that there are consequences for going down the wrong path, because no matter how badly you want them to end up in a great place, if you don’t put them on the correct path, your intentions are worthless. That means that the wrong path has to be taught as the wrong path. Period. Redirect them. Explain to them. Correct them as often as it takes to help them know that you are going to be the decision maker until they are old enough to make the right decisions on their own. It isn’t about keeping them happy. It’s about keeping them on the path to God. And don't for get to pray for wisdom. Every. Single. Day.

  “Lord, help me to see trouble coming long before it gets here. 

Give me the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it.”

Where Are You Headed?

My husband and I were talking the other night about how the aging process naturally gives you more exercise because of all the trips you make to the other room because when you get there you don't remember why you are there so you leave, only to return later... and the cycle repeats. We don't always remember where we are headed, nor do we remember why! I hear from my younger friends that it is not a phenomenon exclusively reserved for the aging, but busy lives and brain fog are in vogue for all of us, it seems. "Where was I going?" seems to be a frequent thought for many of us.

In Jesus' message to the crowds one day, he spoke about where we should be going... where we will end up when life is over and the judgement comes. He references a group who will greet Him at the pearly gates, call Him LORD and they will not be recognized as His followers. Immediately they list their credentials and all the amazing things they did in His name. Still, it isn't ringing a bell with Jesus. He is only receiving into His Kingdom those who followed His law. Now, one would think that all those acts of service and the healings would get His attention, but nope! He is welcoming those who took the time to know Him enough to realize that what He wants from us is our time and connection to Him, not to our list of accomplishments for Him. He tells them later that the most important thing they can do is to love God with all you heart, soul, mind and strength and the second is like it.... love your neighbor as yourself.

Therefore our trajectory in life, if we hope to be a friend of God, recognized by Him as His child, is not to impress Him with all we can do for Him, but to simply take the time to sit quietly, listening and learning, reading His Word, meeting with Him for our daily assignment rather than rushing out to perform and impress Him with our servant's heart. That is completely contrary to the way our culture does life. The doing comes first and the meditation comes at the end of the day if we have checked everything off our list and can stay awake that long.

For parents, our drive is often for the good of our family. We love our kids and want to provide all we can for them. We want them to have nice things, and experience a variety of activities. We want them to know Jesus, too. But, do we have it in the right order? If you keep following the message of Jesus that day He talks about the value of knowing Him as it relates to building our home. A good. strong, solid foundation is essential for the home to survive. It's difficult to drive the footers into bedrock but, without that reinforcement, the home will collapse. In other words, finding the time to build a foundation upon your relationship with God is not going to be as easy as simply building a sand castle. I have seen some pretty impressive sand castles. The passersby look on in amazement at the time that went into creating these masterpieces. But, the wind and the rain comes and they are gone. Conversely, those homes that are founded on the solid truth that comes only from time spent with Jesus, reading and listening and "being" with Him will withstand the storms of life.

May I simply encourage you to stop and look at the road you are traveling. Is it taking you and your family to the arms of a welcoming Jesus who recognizes them as His kids? Or has your focus been on helping them to be the best dressed or best educated or most athletic or kind or serving or gifted or graceful? Is an eternity with a God they know the destination you are moving toward? Have you taken them to a place in life where they can't even consider making it through a day without genuinely connecting with Him?

If you are NOT on that road, STOP! Don't keep going and hoping that it will circle around eventually. You are going to get further and further from where you want to be. The good new is that U-turns are allowed and detours will bring you back to where you truly want to be, building your home on a foundation of connection with your God.

So, where are you headed?

Finding the Harvest

Let us not become tired of doing good. 

At the right time we will gather a crop if we don’t give up. 

Galatians 6:9

The corn is getting tall here in Indiana, telling us that the time to harvest is coming soon. I love living here for the sheer beauty of the changing seasons. Harvest is my favorite time. The air is crisp and so are the apples. It is a reminder that in order for life to be perpetuated, there has to be a sacrifice of life. That is a lesson we can bring home every day of the week. 

What does harvest look like in your marriage? In your home? In your family?  If you want to see growth in your children, childish ways must be sacrificed. If you want to see growth in your marriage, there must be a sacrifice of pride. If you want to see growth in the family, you have to sacrifice time and give more than you take. There is always something to be given up if there is something to be gained.

One of the most difficult things for most couples to give up for the greater good of the marriage is pride. I am not talking about arrogance that is easy to spot, but the true conception that I Am Right and You Are Not, which is a little trickier to spot.  We fight long and hard because we believe that we are right and will take down the whole city to prove it. It isn't just you, it is normal. Some people fight harder than others, depending upon their disposition and heritage, but none the less, there is a battle of wills that will almost always occur as two people join their lives to become one.

Perhaps we could take a look at Paul's words and restore some of our energy into the planting of seeds that will bring growth rather than burning your spouses fields to prove that your way is better. I don't think he would have said it if it wasn't a struggle to do good. "Let us not become tired of doing good." As long as I think that my way is good and your way isn't, I am going to work so hard to prove it that I will grow tired. Once exhaustion takes over, things get really ugly. 

What if we were to all take a step backward and remember that we are a team and we can harvest twice as much good if we work together. Your differences should be strengthening your marriage, not tearing it apart. Do Good for your family by taking the best in both of you and building a team that wins at life and at loving and doing good for the world. Realize that there is not just one perspective in the union, but two very different ones that can work together so much better than they can work separately. 

Allowing and encouraging your partner to bring their best to the table means you have to see and accept that their best doesn't (and is not supposed to) look at all like your best. So, don't give up ... but maybe give in... just a bit and find a compromise and build a team and have some fun morphing into the union that can be the best atmosphere to bring about a harvest of goodness in your home.