Give It Up and Live It Up

“We don’t get credit for what we leave behind. We get credit for what we give away.” When the pastor said this yesterday morning my mind began to wander and I think I lost the next 5 minutes of his sermon. Our culture is pretty big on collecting “stuff.” Stuff that we can eat or use to prepare our food. Stuff that we can play with. Stuff that helps us relax. Stuff that makes us look better, thinner, younger. Stuff that makes our home cozy. Stuff that gets us to where we want to go in comfort and style. We like stuff. Recently I heard someone say that they aren’t sure they want to go to heaven because they will miss their STUFF!

What if we switched our focus from all we can store in this life, to all we can give in this life. What if we did this in 3 separate areas?

11.       Our resources. This is where you thought I would go, right? Parents and grandparents, stop over gifting your kids! We all know that the more they get, the more they want. The more they have, the more cluttered the house becomes which stresses out the parents, which stresses out the kids, which stresses out the parents more, which stresses out the kids more. I speak truth here. Can I get an AMEN!

Christmas is coming. This year, instead of spending the entire Christmas budget on stuff, give the kids the gift of giving. Take a portion of what you would spend on them and help them find a need in the community or around the world. Did you know that $12.50 will provide one child with a school lunch for a month in Haiti through the organization, Haiti Hungry No More? (like them on Facebook). What child wouldn’t want to share with a starving child?

Don’t make this something that you do IN ADDITION to what you give. Make it what you do INSTEAD, so they can feel the joy of sacrificing their own desires for someone truly in need. If they have a meltdown about making a sacrifice, you will know that you have successfully contributed to the building of a child who feels entitled. Detox their hearts by accepting where you are,realizing that it is ungodly and unhealthy, and begin to do life differently.

22.      Our Time.  Take a look at your calendar. How much marginal time do you have? How are you using your time to help others in need?  Can you begin to budget your time like you do your finances. Don’t overspend your time so that there is nothing left when an opportunity arises to bless someone. Just last year we were blessed by a whole crew of people that budgeted their time so they would have an entire day to put a roof on our house. My life is very full and having an entire day to give away is a rarity, but I witnessed it and we were richly blessed by those who took the time to be a blessing.

Talk about what you and your family can give … maybe start with once or twice a year and build up to every quarter or even once a month. Be aware of needs and be very prayerful about who to help. There are many needs in front of us every day. Even Jesus didn’t “fix” everyone who had a need. You could spend all your time reaching out to others, without even trying, and neglect your own children. Proceed with caution and wisdom and guidance from the One who wants you to say NO to some things so you can say YES to what is most important. We take zero minutes out of this world when we go. Give as many away as you can before you are called to go to your eternal home.

33.      Kindness. Didn’t see that one coming, did you?  It’s Cyber Monday as I write this post. Retail has gone wild. Stores are marking things down to sell more than they did on Black Friday. People are trampling over people. Retail employees are being harassed and insulted. I will never understand how something as beautiful as Christmas brings out the worst in people!

How much kindness can you leave behind? I think of the fairy tale where the children dropped bread crumbs on the trail in order to find their way home again. It didn’t go well for them because I think they ended up feeding hungry birds, or something of the sort. However, imagine leaving a trail of kind words and deeds. A trail of smiles and nods. A trail of letting others go first. A trail of genuine acts of kindness…. Not so others will reciprocate, but so that you can be the hands and feet of Jesus that the world needs to see. Start at home. Let them see the smile you share with your spouse. Let them witness you going the extra mile so lend a hand with the dishes. Be Kind Always!

Just take a look at what you have and what you give and see if, as a family, you can find a way to begin to store up more treasure in your eternal home than you do in this temporary one. Give your resources, your time and your kindness so that you will leave this world a better place than it was before you arrived… and have a Merrier Christmas!

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant

nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain,

but to put their hope in God,

who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds,

 and to be generous and willing to share.

 In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves

 as a firm foundation for the coming age,

 so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”

1 Timothy 6:17-19

GIVE IT UP AND LIVE IT UP!

Show Them God

In Paul's first letter to Timothy he tells him to command those under his influence who are rich to do good (not be good, but to do good) with what they have. He said be rich in good deeds. God is really not impressed with what we have. He knows what we have because He is the One who made it possible for us to have it! He owns an entire universe so our income is not a big deal to Him. What is a big deal to Him is when we give it away.

How do we pass this message from scripture on to our children? How do we get their focus off of the things they want for Christmas? The things they want in the grocery cart? The clothing that makes them look good? The sports camp that will make the number one? The vacations that are so amazing? We love giving to our children and that isn't a bad thing. We just need to make sure that a big part of what we are giving is the knowledge of their true Provider.

How do we help our kids know God, the Provider, when they can't see Him? John tells us that God is LOVE. When we really, truly believe that our Creator, our Savior, our God is love, then it seems ridiculous not to place our hope in Him. When we accept the truth that God is Love, we live differently. We live in His love, accepting His mercy and grace and provision and extend the same to others. If we are to ever convince our kids that they can place their hope in a God they cannot see, they need to find that He is Love. They will see that in your life as you mature in your faith. You are the vessel for God's love that will guide them to Him. The way that you love helps them to see God. The way that you treat others helps them to see God. The way that you trust Him helps them to see God.

If you want your child see God, show them love extended to others. We don't make a lot of money, but we are "rich" in family. Through the years our home has always had an open door for people who need hospitality, who need to feel valued, who need someone to be their surrogate family. Our holidays are seldom filled with just those who are kin. It is a beautiful, crazy, messy thing to witness, but I love it because we get to do good with the riches God has provided. In our case, a pretty amazing family and a table full of food. Our grown children have discovered the God of Love and they have carried on the tradition. We truly have a family with no borders, and I pray that each one will see God through our love extended to them.

How are you "rich?" Show your kids how to give from your wealth, whether it be monetary, time, hospitality or... fill in the blank. Show your kids the God that is LOVE through the way that you love others. Do not live as the world lives, storing up riches for yourself. Those riches will become an obstacle that will obscure your child's view of the God who is Love. The God who provides for all our needs out of His immeasurable love for us.

Santa < Hope

When we place our hope in our Provider rather than in our provision, we have made the right choice. As humans, we can never be completely prepared for whatever unforeseen eventualities might come our way. We can never be sure we will have enough money to cover unexpected calamities. We may not be able to accumulate enough vacation days to get through an unforeseen emergency. We can never have enough wisdom to make the right decision every time. We are totally limited in our humanity to cover all the potential struggles we will face in this fallen and broken world so it really is senseless to place our hope in what we can do when we have a Provider that already has all our needs in His sights.

As I was thinking about all of this, I wondered what we, as people who love, teach and influence children, can do to help them grasp exactly where their hope should rest. How do we adequately show them how to place their hope in Someone they cannot see? Suddenly, it occurred to me that we do this annually, about this time of year…quite effectively. Probably the majority of parents in North America are able to spin the tale of Jolly Ol’ Saint Nicholas in such a way that their kids believe in gravity defying reindeer, magical elves and the man in the red suit that knows if they are naughty or nice. We make them believe that the gifts they receive are in direct proportion to their behavior. How are we able to pull off such a feat? Well, we have a lot of help... from television to storybooks to the marketplace to the media. We are immersed in the culture of the fantasies of yuletide and we love participating in the magic… at least until they find out we were part of the deception they bought into all those years.

Now, before you label me as Ebenezer Scrooge, let me say that I have no problem with children enjoying fantasy. Who doesn’t love Disney and Daniel Tiger, right? The difference is that we don’t go to all the trouble to convince our children that they are a reality, yet they love them just the same. There is no “un-telling” when they mature and discover that mice can’t make a gown for the ball and tiger cubs don’t really talk. Santa is a great legend when we emphasize his generosity to those in need. It’s fun to be silent and listen for reindeer on the roof. I love to watch the movies where the North Pole is full of wonder and I’m not above imagining that God could have designed such magical things, if He so chose.

I don’t believe that Santa is evil. I don’t believe there is a battle between a mystical elf and a Mighty God for the role of Hope of the world. I don’t know of anyone who has called out to Santa for their salvation with their last breath. We know that Jesus is our Hope. We see Him as our Provider. He is our Savior… God with us. Now then, how do we take the effort and the energy we have used in the past to make a mythical legend real to our children and invest it instead in helping them to believe in the One who came from heaven to earth on a starlit night centuries ago because of a love we will never understand?

Consider for one moment that you knew that Jesus would return to take His people home on the day after Christmas. How would that change the way you prepare for Christmas with your children? How would you be helping them to know the One who came to save the world 2,000 years ago and is coming again to take His followers home to heaven?

What if, this Christmas, you presented Jesus as the Hope and the Provider of all things good…focusing on the Babe in the manger who came to earth so He could be with us always, even though we cannot see Him. What if we spoke to them of needs rather than wants? What if we helped them be generous to others with the money we set aside for Christmas each year? What if we taught them that sharing joy with others is what Jesus desires for His birthday gift?

What if, this Christmas, you presented Santa as a generous man who lived long ago who lives on in the stories we tell and the traditions we enjoy. What if they see he is not a real and eternal person, but a wonderful, warm, rich legend with all the fun that goes with it? What if you never had to worry about their reaction when they discover that you have perpetuated an untruth to them for years?

What if, this Christmas, rather than a mischievous elf on a shelf, you started the tradition of the finding kind and generous acts for him or her to do. Catch that elf in the act of unselfishness, doing something for someone. Discover lists that he has made to bless others. If there is to be mischief, let it be because his plans for good were foiled by elfish mistakes. Perhaps he could even make suggestions to the children of ways they can bless others, since, after all, Elves can only work during sleeping hours... so they need our assistance. 

Remember that God gave you these children and they are yours to teach. Teach them that Christmas is our reason for a hope of a happily ever after with Jesus someday. That is no myth and it's a story you will never have to un-tell. To the vast majority of people in this world, you are rich, so use your wealth to teach your children how to appreciate what they have and to have generous hearts.  

 “Command those who are rich not to be arrogant, 

nor to put their hope  in the uncertainty of wealth…”  

(or in Santa Claus).  

I Timothy 6:17

The STUFF Epidemic

It is the night before election day as I write this and I am going to be very politically incorrect. I am going to tell you something that is not supposed to be discussed. Not about a candidate, but a private matter that is not really any of your business. I am going to just blurt it out right now… I am going to tell you how rich we are. I know, I know. You are not supposed to talk about that but here I go. …

We are very, very, very rich. So rich that we have 4 chairs around our table every day even though there are typically only two of us eating. We are so rich that we have 8 plates, 8 bowls, 8 cups and 8 saucers and most meals there are only 2 of us here. Now, when all the kids and grandkids come for a meal, 8 isn’t enough, but we are so rich that we just buy dishes to use once and throw them away!

The point I want to drive home is that, compared to the majority of the world, if you have a home where you can eat 3 meals a day then you are truly rich. You probably don’t feel rich. In fact, maybe right now you are wondering if you are going to make it to your next paycheck. Most of us have had financial struggles at some point, but, by comparison to the rest of the world we have sooooo much stuff!

So let’s take a look at that stuff and what impact it is making on our family. 

1.      Stuff takes space.  The more stuff you have the bigger home you need; the more shelving you need. You need a bigger closet. You need more space to store all the stuff you acquire.

2.      Stuff takes time.  When you have a lot of stuff it is always harder to find what you are looking for. Time is needed to keep things in order or to clean and organize all the stuff.

3.      Stuff creates stress.  When there is stuff everywhere we tend to get cranky and yell at our kids or spouse because we are tired of the mess all our stuff creates

4.      Stuff creates overwhelmed and irresponsible children. The more they have the less they respect and appreciate their things. When they are given more than they can take care of in a few minutes, they leave things out where they end up broken or lost. They expect others to take care of the things they own and they have played with because there is just so much stuff!

I may have struck a nerve and if so, bear with me here.  I am not advocating that you take all your children’s toys away or only allow them one change of clothing (although that would seriously alter the time needed to do laundry!).  This is the time of year when all the stores are gearing up for Christmas. The commercials are informing our children of all the things they can put on their Christmas list. We love our kids and love to give to them, but what we don’t want to give is a sense of entitlement, which is a huge issue in our society. We don’t want to foster that epidemic, so what do we do to prevent it from contaminating our children?

First of all, begin by taking inventory. Clear out the toys they have outgrown. Often times kids want more simply because they are accustomed to being surrounded by stuff. That looks right to them, even though they aren’t playing with very much of it. Get rid of the things that are broken or have pieces missing. They have served their purpose, now they must be retired.

Secondly, keep only what your child can manage to care for on their own. Whether they are 2 or 12, don’t have more toys at their disposal than they are capable of putting away all by themselves. If you have an overwhelming amount and aren’t ready to pass them on to someone else, store them somewhere out of their sight until you are ready to share them with others. You can even alternate the toys every couple of weeks and keep them interested, but be sure to pack some away if you are bringing new ones on the scene.

Third, if your children are older, allow them to give their gently used toys to someone less fortunate. They will learn the joy of giving if you allow them to be generous.

Fourth, don’t ask them for a list of what they want for Christmas. Ask instead what makes their heart hurt. Share with them some of the needs in the community or around the world and allow them to choose which one they would love to help. Explain to them that they will still get a gift to open, but the best part of their gift will be knowing that their generosity has brought joy to someone who has great needs.

Maybe this blog should be addressing grandparents. We tend to enjoy lavishing our grandkids with gifts, but how about giving them a framed picture of the orphan in Haiti you are sponsoring with the money that would have purchased more toys or stuff for them to trip over. Then throughout the year, take them shopping to purchase a birthday gift or a "just because" gift for that child or for someone in need. Make your quality time with them about teaching them to see outside of themselves and learn to be givers rather than collectors of stuff.

"Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life."               1 Timothy 6:17-19

Trading Terror For His Presence

Surfing. Snow skiing. Mountain climbing. I just saw a commercial with all three of these activities and I noticed 2 things. One… all the participants were doing things that the majority of people on the planet could not be able to do and loving it. Two… my pulse quickened and I actually felt fear just watching them. Don’t judge me. You have your fears, too. I will take on your spiders and snakes, just don’t make me scale the side of a mountain. 

The good news in all of this is that God is not commanding me to be courageous and hop onto a surf board or ski lift. He is, however, interested in MY FEARS and He wants me to trade them for HIS COURAGE. Why? Because His presence in our lives dispels all fear and He wants nothing more than to be PRESENT in our lives. In fact, He made the ultimate sacrifice in order for that to happen.

Have I not commanded you,

“Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged,

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

Here is what I want to say to you today. Courage isn’t just about running into a burning building or crossing Niagara Falls on a tightrope. Courage is about doing the hard things the right way. Parents, raising kids is one of those hard things. We may not think of it as something we “fear” but how else do you explain our inability to hold our ground when we have said “no” to something that we know isn’t what God wants for our family and back down when all the other parents are saying “yes.” What is it that keeps us from following through with our “yes” to what is right when others are saying “no” to those values? Do we fear that we will be singled out as a radical? Do we fear that our children will miss out on something if we take a strong stand? Whatever the case, when we cave in to that fear, our children are the ones who stand to lose the most. We have demonstrated for them that we would prefer to put our faith in the wisdom of man rather than allow God to give us the courage to live life as His Word directs us.

            All this sounds really preachy, I know, but think about it...

…a toddler is brewing up a meltdown in public and the parents are afraid of the scene he will make so they give in to the child rather than letting their NO mean NO.

…a teenager wears revealing clothing that the parents deem inappropriate, but allow because they fear she won’t fit in

…a little league player misses church all summer because his parents are afraid he will let the team down if he doesn’t play on Sunday

…a middle-schooler who doesn’t want to attend church with his family is allowed to stay home from church because his parents fear that he will resent them… and God

… a father stops spending time with his family so he can climb the corporate ladder because he fears the lack of financial security

… a tired mother allows mayhem in her home because if she corrects the children’s behavior she fears she will lose control

            It isn’t hard to find these examples because I have lived some and witnessed others. The fact is, raising a family is difficult… like surfing and skiing. But those who ride on top of waves and those who fly down mountains on skinny pieces of wood have learned to replace their fear from the most exciting and invigorating experience of their life.

If we are going to be parents who arrive at the end of our parenting career (does that really ever happen?) with no regrets, we need to stop fearing what people/society can do and start realizing that the God of angel armies is on our side when we walk the path He has laid out for His children. We will never EVER walk that path alone. Now that is what I call exciting and invigorating!

Parents, be strong and courageous.

Don’t be terrified of what the world may throw at you.

Don’t be discouraged when the course is tremendously challenging.

Remember that He will give you the courage to stay the course

and lead your children to become the persons He made them to be.