Do You See This Woman?

 

 

 

In Need of Grace

"The message at my funeral is not my merit, but God's grace. Don't sing my praises, sing His." That was the instruction I received many times in the last year of Dad's life here on earth. One of the many songs he selected was written by Julia Johnston, probably around the beginning of the 20th century and it contains this message:

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace, freely bestowed on all who believe.

You that are longing to see His face, Will you this moment His grace receive?

Grace! Grace! God's Grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.

Grace! Grace! God's Grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.

I can still hear his bass voice booming out those low notes as I played it for him. The irony for me was that he was such a good man that I never thought of him needing God's grace. He just seemed to be a natural at loving and giving and devotion to God and others. When I expressed that, he assured me that there are always inner struggles this side of heaven to keep us in need of God's mercy, grace and  forgiveness, we just don't always see our needs until the shadows fall.

The Daniel Boone National Forest in Kentucky is one of our favorite places. There are miles and miles of trails, over 100 natural arches, waterfalls and extraordinary views of God's creation. Once when Dana and I went for a long weekend, we were so anxious to get to the top of Natural Bridge, an arch carved out by a thousands of years of erosion, that we dropped our luggage in the lodge and took off to the top to watch the sunset. It was spectacular, as expected. As we headed back down the decent to the lodge, we realized our folly in our rush to the top. We hadn't brought a flashlight. It was no problem to trek through the forest in daylight; climb the inclines (that get exponentially steeper with each year that we age) or hug the high side of the trail to avoid the forty-plus foot drops on the cliff side of the trails. Neither of us gave a moments consideration to our need of light for the trip down after the sun set. We made it down, obviously, but only by the grace of God. 

In the same way, life may seem to be going great in our pursuit of a goal, but there will always be those times when darkness settles in and we are made aware of our constant need of God's grace. God is not surprised or dismayed by our need of Him. He created us to be dependent on Him. He knows the darkness that plagues us and is not ashamed of us. Hiding and wallowing in guilt is not beneficial to anyone. Reaching out and holding on to Him (like I held on to Dana's belt to find my way down the mountain) is what gets us to our destination.

Humble yourself and realize your need for a God of grace and mercy. Don't do life without it. You will be miserable and so will those around you. It was unfathomable love that transformed the Creator of the universe into a mortal so that He could bear our punishment and bestow His unending grace upon us. Why refuse that gift and drown in your sin and self-condemnation. Grab hold of His belt and let Him guide you down the mountain, away from the cliff and into the place of light.

Grace

Often we think of GRACE as something we receive, rather than give. Perhaps that explains the condition of our homes, our communities, our world. Truly, it is time to bring grace home.

Sometimes in our efforts to show mercy, grace and compassion to our spouse or kids, we administer the sort of treatment that, to us, feels like a warm, fluffy puppy, but to them it lands like a bare foot in that puppy's poo. To be grace-filled at home is to know the needs of your spouse so that you can bring what is needed and not assume they need what you might need. Since I don't know of anyone who is truly able to read minds, we are going to have to ask and listen. "What are you feeling right now?" "What is causing you this anxiety?" "Why do you think I am angry or disappointed with you?" "What do you need from me right now?" "I know what I intended, but what did you hear?" "I care, but I don't understand. Please help me to understand you better."

Assuming that you know what is happening inside your spouse's head will typically take you to a destination that wasn't in your sites. And that isn't the kind of surprise vacation you were looking for. If we don't ever take the time to ask and listen, perhaps we are being prideful and think that we have the answers or that their feelings are invalid. Pride kills, but humility helps us show the kind of grace that builds relationships. 

"God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble."  

James 4:6

How can you humbly show grace at home? The above verse is preceded with the question, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" and answers the question with a universal truth: unmet desires. Our desires in marriage will not ever be met if we don't begin to ask questions, find our inner longings and express them to the one across the table from us. There is also a caution in this chapter not to get carried away by the advice of the world. In this day, it would be to post negative sentiments on social media or look elsewhere for needs to be met or simply walk away. None of those options contain the grace that we are called to extend. None of them show humility. Don't slander. Don't judge. Instead, "humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

God knows your heart and your motives. He can spot a fake all the way from heaven. Humility is required to extend grace to others and honor them above yourself. If you can't take the time to sit down and talk it through, how ever many times it takes, (and after nearly 44 years of marriage I can tell you that the need for this never ends, though it becomes less frequent) then you are missing out on a rich and blessed marriage (and after almost 44 years I can promise the blessings far outweigh the effort). You will never truly know the joy of marriage if you don't set your pride aside and extend the hand of humility and grace. 

Building A Better Tomorrow

As I write this, it is June 1, 2020. Many mayors and governors across the nation are calling for a Day of Lament. As a country we have much to grieve. Though it seems we have come so far from shackles and owning other humans, prejudice is still sickeningly strong. We have such a long way to go in showing love, honor and respect despite our differences. Not a single one of us has the right or authority to stand in judgement, disqualifying those who are unlike us from having the same freedom and rights that we have. It is an attitude of self-righteousness and pride that brings disgrace on any nation, prejudice to our minds and deep sorrow to the heart of God.

Sunday was Pentecost Sunday. It commemorates the day when the Spirit came to empower the Church to be mobilized to build God's kingdom on a foundation of love and grace and truth. God's people were given power to raise the dead and heal the sick and change the world. That power was not given to control others or to build an empire, but to build unity and resurrect love and grow compassion and humility.  The first century church had no room for prejudice and when they discovered it in their hearts, it had to be healed. We could certainly use some Holy Spirit power to rebuild our foundation and wipe out the prejudice that divides and destroys today.

If you know me, you won't be surprised to hear me say that I believe this rebuilding has to begin at home. If we are to raise humble children who are without prejudice, they must see it modeled. Many people have told me that they don't have room in their heart for prejudice, but they seem to have room for diminishing the value of their spouse's opinion or ideas. Every time you place your desires ahead of theirs, you are showing prejudice by indicating you are somehow more worthy or deserving to have things your way. If we show prejudice of any variety (making ourselves more important than others) we are teaching our kids that prejudice is okay. And they won't miss it. Kids are great observers. The only anecdote is to practice honoring others above yourself right before their eyes. Love selflessly. Give freely.  Listen as though their thoughts matter, because they do. Home-grown humility is a sure way to reverse prejudice. If we don't live it at home, what we demonstrate outside the home is counterfeit. 

Spend some time with your family talking about how to show value to others. Practice with siblings. Tell them when you have been shown value and love and how it makes you feel. Let them see that, as a family, you are building a better tomorrow by learning to love and honor each other above yourselves. That is a foundation that is secure. One way or the other, you are building their tomorrow. What will you build?