Just Trust

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do and

He will make your path straight.”

This is one of my all-time favorite verses. It is a reminder to me that God is all wise, all seeing, all knowing… and I am not. I need His direction in my life every moment of every day in order to successfully put one foot in front of the other. I have been learning and re-learning, for most of my life, the importance of knowing and trusting the One who made me for a purpose and wants to direct my steps toward that end. Truly, that is the desire of my heart.

Boyd Bailey said, “It is wisdom, coupled with humility and obedience to God that prepares us to finish well.” I have had the privilege of watching this truth played out in the life of my Dad. Five years ago he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. As I have watched his body decline and his strength fail, I have witnessed his spirit growing stronger. To me, he was always a hero and a spiritual giant. His love for Jesus and desire to be obedient has always been solid, but when given a death sentence, doors swing open wide for meditation and simply listening to that quiet whisper in your soul. Above all else, the desire to finish strong fills his thoughts.

For my Dad, finishing strong means allowing others the opportunity to see a glimpse of God as they look at him. To reflect God’s love and grace is the desire of his heart, and those who have been privileged to know him, have seen just that. Dad is a true believer, in word and in deed. His spirit is so aligned with the grace of God that I have never known him to harbor ill feelings toward anyone, no matter how they have treated him or no matter how many times they have failed or disappointed. His response is always love and grace.

Last week was a tough week. His pain level was off the charts and his strength and mobility drained as if someone pulled the plug. Even in the worst pain he has ever experienced, the feeling that surfaced was still the strong desire to allow others to see Jesus in him. Leaning on the truth that we could see and understand, his life is quickly passing, but the truth that Dad sees is that he is leaving a body that is decaying so that he can enter into life. Real. Eternal. Joyful. Peaceful Life. He appears to be in his final weeks or months of life and he is still trusting and acknowledging that the God who saved him will not leave him. He is simply leaning into Him. What a privilege and honor it is to walk with him the last miles of his journey.

As his daughter, my heart breaks for him, not just because of the pain. He has always said he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone and there he was in that hospital bed, unable to even scratch his nose, hold his cup, or move his legs to find a comfortable position. He was facing his greatest dread and was powerless to change it. Leaning into what I understand, it simply isn’t fair or right or kind for God to allow such a faithful servant to suffer so. But, after the tears and the “whys” and the heartbreak, I was able to lean into what I know to be true. God has purpose in all that transpires in the life of those whose steps are directed by Him. Perhaps it isn’t about Dad at all. Maybe there is a lesson in all of this that I need to learn so that I can follow Him more closely and be a better leader of those who want to seek and follow Jesus. Trust in the Lord with all your heart…  Perhaps there is another soul that will know Jesus by watching the humility with which Dad receives the care he hoped he would never need.  Do not depend on your own understanding…

“It is direction, not intension, that determines our destination” (Andy Stanley). Dad didn’t just hope to get to the place he is with Jesus. He determined as a young man that the only way to truly know God was to share that yoke that Jesus took, place it on his shoulders, and learn from the One who knew how to get him to the destination that was his destiny. Dad’s path hasn’t been easy. Ever. But God has been faithful to show him where to place his next step. His obedience, walking in step with God’s plan, has led him into valleys and into steep and rugged terrain, but God has kept him safe. And many lives have been blessed beyond measure by witnessing this journey.

(Dad is back home with me and receiving hospice care. If you are one of those whose life has been touched by him and would like to comment below, I will be sure to share your words with him.)

Be Thankful in ALL Things?

I love living in a place where the changing of the seasons is seen and felt and even smelled. I love watching the leaves fall and then be replaced with a blanket of snow. Life is never boring or stale. There is always something new for which to be thankful when you look with expectancy.

Life, too, has changing seasons. Some of those seasons are filled with joy and we look with expectancy to the blessings that follow. Others are filled with struggles that make you wonder if you can make it through another day. We tend to lose that joyful expectancy and find fear and worry and doubt that God’s blessing is even in the same hemisphere.

If your family is in a place of questioning…of challenges…of anxiety… of fear of the unknown, you may be struggling to find an attitude of gratitude this Thanksgiving. There are families all around our community this holiday season that are facing really difficult times and wondering how they can rediscover their thankful heart. They are in my thoughts so much of the time and many prayers have been offered for them.

As I look to scripture to find hope for those who struggle, I am drawn to the Christmas story.  The timing was all wrong, the circumstances unimaginable, the challenge incomprehensible. Yet God was in it. His signature was all over it. He was using every bit of the story and every role played out to bring about the most beautiful story of love, grace and redemption.

This week we all take time out for Thanksgiving. For pausing to enjoy a full table and a full house. We give thanks for a God who provides… for our needs and our wants. Our lives are full, particularly when compared to most of the rest of the world and, on a good day, we are able to be gracious and appreciate it. How about taking a new approach to gratitude and thanking Him for all the things we don’t understand. For all the things that make no sense. For those things that it seems He should have prevented, but didn’t. Being thankful in ALL things seems like a stretch, but when you look at the story of Mary and Joseph, of being a given a child they did not create, of the escape from a King who wanted to kill their infant Son. When you look back 2,000 years and then look forward to the present, you can see that, in spite of the devastating circumstances, God was working it all for your benefit.

This year, as you gather around the table and share what you are thankful for, consider adding the invisible goodness of God to the list. That may not make sense to your kids. Maybe not even to you. But, take a minute to think about the fact that a God who could have anything, wants you. Flawed, imperfect, sometimes self-centered, impatient, and just plain ugly in attitude. He made you--- purposefully, gifted you, choose you, called you, and wants to be reconciled with you. Can you even imagine? And that reconciliation involved leaving heaven and facing brutality beyond what we can imagine. But, He wanted you bad enough to endure all for you.

That being the case, try to see that God is all over your mess. The overwhelming struggles of your life are not unnoticed by Him. God is faithful and God is good. No matter what life looks like to you right now, He hasn’t taken His eyes off of you and He never will. He is building and shaping and making the future what it needs to be for a purpose we may never know. How do I know that? I know HIM and I know that He is good and faithful.

May your heart be filled with gratitude for the things that you don’t understand as you celebrate the goodness of God and the blessings that feel a whole lot more like trials.

Give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Happy Thanksgiving!

Living Generously

What does the phrase, “Live generously,” mean to you?

I think that we can all agree that Jesus taught us to be generous. To give freely of ourselves, our talents, our resources, our time, our money.  But, let’s take a look at what living generously may look like at home. After all, if we don’t live generously in front of our kids, how will they learn this God-honoring quality?

Giving PRESENCE generously is one of the best ways to value another person. Listening intently to them, even if you know what they are going to say. Listen with your whole body. Making eye contact with them as you spend time together. Asking questions that allow them to see that you have been hearing them.  Watch their favorite show with them, just to be there and know what they are hearing. Sit beside them while they do their homework or read the paper. Share a gentle touch to let them feel your affection for them.

Giving TIME generously. Be very careful how you invest yourself outside of your home. There are people under your roof that need the best you have to offer. Saying YES to so many things that are good and fun and helpful to others leaves us with little energy to spend quality time with our own children… or parents… or spouse. Use your calendar and color code it. Make family activities a different color than work or church or friends or community volunteering. Make sure you are scheduling time with them other than just games and concerts and other school functions mandatory for parents to attend. Game nights…movie nights…breakfast dates…one on one trips to the grocery… playing Barbies… shooting baskets… whatever they enjoy… pencil them in. And do the same with your husband or wife.  Give them the best you have to give and you will never regret it.

Giving GRACE generously. As a parent, we sometimes are tired and fall short in the grace department. Every little thing seems to get under our skin. Remind yourself, in these times, that a child will always be a child when they are young. They will never be a miniature adult. They will  behave badly until you teach them that behavior is not acceptable. They only know what we teach them. They aren’t born with the knowledge of what is right and wrong in your household. It is your job to teach that. If they learn something from someone that doesn’t have the same values, you have just landed yourself another teaching opportunity. They are children and they need grace as they are learning all the things that you have had a lifetime to learn. Be quick to teach them what is expected… but not quick to berate them for doing something you have not yet taught them NOT to do.  And while we are talking grace… think about what they see happening between you and your spouse. Are you quick with grace, being sympathetic to the circumstances that may have caused them to act or react poorly?  Have you considered the fact that they have no clue that what they said or did was offensive or hurtful? Grace extended in a marriage is what builds relationships, but it requires open communication without the anger. Simply stating your thoughts and feelings in a way they understand will help them to see how what they said or did was hurtful. Stuffing your hurts is not showing grace. That is unhealthy and ends badly 100% of the time. Speaking the truth in love is the best way to resolve conflict before it happens. It will build your grace muscles.

Giving HONOR generously. Often times we glide through life caring little about the things that our spouse cares about tremendously. What seems ridiculous to us is automatically labeled unimportant and we go about with our business, as usual. The Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. And that means that we pay attention to what is important to our spouse and make a note of it. Know their love language. Do they feel most loved when you spend quality time with them? When they receive a thoughtful gift from you? When you show your love through acts of service? Is physical touch what they need to feel your love?  Perhaps they need words of affirmation to feel valued. Even if these things feel foreign to you, learn to do them. They will only feel foreign until they become part of your daily activities. Make these ways of honoring your family a priority… with your spouse and your children.  To know what someone you love needs in order to feel your love and refuse to do it because it seems weird to you is withholding love. That dishonors them and it dishonors God, because He has called us to honor one another above ourselves. Even if it feels weird.

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. Practice giving what your family needs beginning now and next Thanksgiving they will be doubly thankful for you!

November Challenge

We all want our kids to excel, don’t we? In school, in sports, in kindness and respect… and the list goes on. We provide them with ample opportunities to do so. We make sure their homework is done properly and on time and check their grades online. We wear ourselves to a frazzle running them to practice. We teach them good values and how to respect others. Excellence is something we strive for because we love them and want them to succeed.

For the month of November, I challenge you to shift your focus, or add to it, excellence in generosity. Paul told the church in Corinth that he wanted them to be generous, but not as a command. It was a test of the genuineness of their love for others (2 Corinthians 8:7-8). Generosity is a good thing. We should share with others. We teach that to our children from the time they are tiny. It goes beyond that, however, to the condition of the heart that prompts us to give without reservation.

We can want nothing better for our children than to learn to love others… regardless of how they look or talk or behave. Loving others is the command of Christ. In fact, when asked for the greatest commandment Jesus said to love God and the second greatest is to love others (Matthew 22:37-39). Generosity is one way to measure how well you love. Look around. When we witness people in relationships for what they can get out of it, we know that it is superficial and not truly love. Conversely, when you see someone giving without reservation to someone who has no means to return the gift, we take note of it and consider it as genuine love and compassion.

The best way to teach a child anything is by example. That doesn’t mean that, if you shower them with generosity, they will become generous. More likely, they will end up with huge issues of entitlement! It is also not good to flaunt your generosity before them like a medal of honor because they will learn to be prideful. You can, however, talk to them about a need that is burdening your heart. You can give as little or as much information as is appropriate for their age. Then ask them, “What do you think we should do for them?” Give them parameters and allow them to be part of the giving.

As you are teaching them to be generous, make sure they know that it isn’t just a money thing, but we can be generous with our time, with our helpfulness, with our kindness. When you ‘catch’ them doing that, let them know that they are not just making a difference in the life of the person they are reaching out to, but they are also pleasing God.

And while you’re at it, look inside and make sure that you are living generously at home, where they are watching you every day. Are you giving your time and your kindness and helpfulness? Or are you holding back and waiting until you are certain that your spouse or sibling or parent or child is deserving of your generous grace? If you find that you have not loved without the surety of receiving love, then your children have witnessed that love is conditional and must be earned and is certainly not a forever thing.

With Christmas a bit more than a month away, it is common for a child to present you with their list of ‘wants’ and it is common for us to ask for that list. We all love to shower our kids (and grandkids) with gifts that bring a smile to their face. But, where will that joy be in a week or a month? Will they even remember what they got? It is when they get to be the one doing the blessing, that they to take that memory with them into adulthood. Perhaps they will even train your grandchildren to be a joyful giver. When we teach them to be grateful for what they have, they learn that they have enough and they find contentment.  And when they learn to freely give, they find the greatest joy of all.

Find time every day this month to talk about what generosity looks like. You may feel like a dry well from all that you are giving out. That is a normal parental experience. But, if you have zero margin to live generously, take a closer look at where your energy and time and resources are being spent. Over extending our bank accounts and our calendars is how our culture lives, which explains much about the behaviors we see in our children. Make boundaries for yourself so that you are able to experience, with them, the absolute joy of giving.