The Orphans And Widows Phenom

When James, the half-brother of Jesus, stated that pure religion is caring for the needs of the orphans and widows, I believe he was saying that the only way organized religion is of value is when it becomes the essence of love and compassion. Orphans and widows had no power, no prestige, no ability to repay or reciprocate in any fashion. Anything given to them would be given with no expectation of receiving anything in return. That is love at its finest.

In the first century church, adoption was not covered by social service agencies. The church WAS the social service agency. Foster care provided no per-diem for incurred expenses. Elder care wasn’t a paid position. All the compassion ministries of the New Testament church were completely on the back of the giver. It was an even greater responsibility then than it is now.

In the 80s I felt like God was opening my heart to work at a children’s home that our church sponsored in Kentucky. I loved kids and wanted to love them in a way that could change the trajectory of their lives. From there, we became foster parents and in the course of 10 years we fostered over 50 different children from infant to 17 years of age. We loved them all in the best way that we knew how to love them. We coached and challenged and tried so hard to make them see their worth. It’s just difficult to overcome the feeling that you have to leave your home (no matter how bad it was) because there is nobody there to provide for you. It’s difficult to ever feel like you can be loved by someone if your own parents didn’t love you. It’s hard to believe that you can break the family cycle. It’s hard to feel worthy of the love of a family once you have been removed from one that was supposed to love you the most.

In the 90s we adopted 2 of the children that we fostered. It was a battle to keep them because the county wanted to continue to keep our beds open for foster care. There were new policies that stated that a Caucasian family could not adopt an African American child.  We had to convince the adoption committee that was to determine their future, that we were indeed the best home for these kids. We had them since infancy and they were four and six years old when the decision was to be made. That really makes you pray!  

Fast forward 30- 40 years. Did we make a profound impact on the 50+ kids to whom we opened our hearts and our homes? Maybe a few of them. Some probably don’t even remember us. Only 2 of those children were given our name. The oldest, at 6 years old, asked that we change her first name as well because her birth name belonged to her when she was afraid that she would have to get new parents if the committee didn’t agree to let us keep her. That is something a 6 year old should never have to worry about. I’m not sure what that social worker was thinking when she told her that she may move to a different home. We were the only parents she had ever known at that time in her life. But, I digress…  Giving them the Brady name meant that they were ours. Forever and always. We would be there for them in their time of need and they could always come to us. No matter what.

Through the years they have had a few “no matter whats” occur and we were there. We will be there to love them and continue to assure them that they are completely worthy of our love, unconditionally. I pray that the love we extend to them will keep their hearts soft and direct them always to the One who placed that love in our hearts. I often pray that they can feel that love coming to them from across the miles or throughout the difficult times. They are precious to us and they belong to us just as much as the children born to us.

The same is true of Aunt Ruth. When Uncle Tommy died I had the privilege of welcoming her into my home. She had dementia and never ever felt like she “belonged” in our home. She pined to go back to the home where she felt most comfortable, but that was not an option. There were occasions when she would be grateful for my care, but primarily, she just wanted to go home.

I suppose I could easily give up and stop helping those “widows and orphans” who scripture tells us to love. I may not be very good at it. Maybe those I have invested in never even felt my love. Maybe they didn’t appreciate the sacrifice. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel and be done. But, instead I choose to keep loving and letting God direct my steps to the next need and then equip me to love and hold me in His mighty arms when that love is rejected.

I am telling you our story because I want you to see a truth that I have learned through all these experiences. I did what I was called to do. It was not very easy, I suppose, but I learned not to focus on the difficulty, just on the Source of the strength I needed…. (except for those times when I’m sure I was a whiner). The truth is, I may not have transformed lives like I had envisioned. But one life was changed forever by opening my heart to the joy and the pain of loving without hope of reciprocation and giving without thought of repayment. That life was MINE. By exercising my love muscle in loving and loving and loving some more, my capacity to love expanded exponentially.

Maybe Jesus wants us to open our hearts to love without limits, not simply because people need to be loved, but because He knows that we will truly be the one who wins in the long run.  Who can you love today? That person that receives the gift of your unconditional love will get a blessing, but it will be you that receives the greater blessing in expanding the boundaries of love within your heart.

People Matter

People matter. They matter to God. They should matter to us. We, as a society, tend to marginalize certain people groups. I believe we do that with those who seem to have nothing to offer us. Perhaps they are jobless, seem to have limited skills and even less self-worth. We see them dirty and disheveled at the store, as if there is no reason to bathe or dress for the day. We see them, and hear them, and smell them in the Emergency Room after their intoxication led to reckless behavior causing bodily harm to themselves and others. We read about them in the paper. Our tax dollars pay for their imprisonment.  

But, in Matthew 25, Jesus talks about those marginalized people and elevates them to the level of the Son of God. “If you did this to the least of these (hungry, homeless, reckless people) you have done it to ME.” If we really bought into that mentality, that people do matter, how would it change our world? Would our investment in others really change them? Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing is certain. It would change us.

As parents, we tend to protect our children from playing with other children who have no supervision at home. We isolate them from wickedness for their safety. We determine where they will go, who they will build friendships with and what behaviors they need to avoid. That is being a responsible parent. It can be tricky to protect our kids without building in them the mindset that we are better, more worthy and more important to God because of what we do and don’t do.

Jesus said, and Luke recorded, “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return.” That tells me that we aren’t to simply coast through life with the privilege we have… even if we earned every bit of it… and look with disdain upon those who have less… perhaps due to their own choices. Those choices didn’t just happen. They were often preceded by a childhood without good parental care, no moral compass, alcoholism, addiction, neglect or abuse. Children learn best in a situation where they feel safe and loved. Sadly, many children never experience that.

If your children have experienced a safe and loving home where values have been taught, then much has been given to them. Therefore, much is required of them. Right? How involved is your family in ministering to the needs of the child in their class who society would deem “the least of these?” Have you spoken to the teacher about a bad behavior that your child witnessed? There is nothing wrong with that, unless you expect the teacher to single-handedly correct the imprint on the soul of that neglected child.  

What would the world look like if our teachers could pull aside a “least of these” child and tell them that someone noticed how beautiful their smile is and wanted to give them a toothbrush to keep it beautiful. Or perhaps someone noticed they fell asleep in class and thought maybe they needed a new pillow or a warm blanket to help them sleep better at night. Or maybe that they weren’t sharing and wondered if they were clinging to that toy because it was their favorite and they didn’t have one at home so that favorite toy was given to them by a classmate.  I know what you are thinking … What good is it to send things home that will become flea infested and drenched with nicotine and never washed? Perhaps that thought needs to be retired. That single act of loving kindness just might make the difference in the self-worth of a child. Maybe it will begin to chip away at the iceberg of doubt and insecurity that has them in bondage to a crippling hopelessness.

I am not suggesting for one minute that you send your kids to play at the home that you have deemed unsafe or lacking in parental responsibility, however, you could begin to play some part in the life of that child by inviting them to your house. Worried about their negative influence? No need to worry if you are involved in the games and the fun. Don't expect your child to lead them when you are the lead missionary. Be the adult and guide the conversation and activities. Or how about taking them to Dairy Queen after school or being a secret Santa to them. If you were to help your child come up with a random act of kindness toward that child in need once a month it could be life-changing. How might it change your child to watch that transformation take place?

So what if you engage in these loving gestures and don’t see a change in the recipient? Does the giving stop? Do you switch to another child or do you wait and continue to focus on the need of the one who seems to be unreceptive?  That is a question that only God can answer. God has a way of directing us to the need we are to address and He wants YOU to begin to stop the epidemic, not just the epidemic of the social and economic poverty you see, but also the epidemic of entitlement that is growing in our society. Looking out instead of in is the beginning of both of these dangerous trends.

I believe that if you are reading this, you have more than many. You have a smart phone in your hand or a computer in front of you. That puts you in the “those who have much” category. Make sure your kids know that you have been blessed, not because of worth and value, but because of God’s grace and blessings. God wants all children to have that worth and value and He wants us to do the blessing so that they can experience it.

Just Be Kind

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. I don’t know who originated that sentence, but I see it on shirts and signs and social media. It is a wonderful thing to decide to be kind and then follow through with it. That is the essence of being a good neighbor and Jesus said that we are to be a good neighbor; to love our neighbor as ourselves. You can’t do that if you don’t know how to be kind.

As parents, it is our job to teach our kids to be kind. If we want to live in a better world, we have to determine that being a good neighbor starts with ME! But, how do we teach our kids to be a good neighbor; to value others and be considerate of their feelings? The obvious answer is to model it for them. Or is it all that obvious? There is this entitlement plague that has perhaps infected every household across this planet. The manner in which we interact with others is contingent upon the way we feel. If that isn’t entitlement, I don’t know what is.

·         I have a headache so I am entitled to snap at you if you cross my path.  

·         Someone treated me badly so I can treat everyone at home like their feelings don’t matter

·         We are busy with adult things that are “important” so we don’t have to listen to the childish needs of our children

·         I had a bad day at work so just leave me alone

·         I am too tired to listen to your problems. You don’t listen to mine

·         We don’t have to put down our phones and make eye contact because we are multi-tasking

·         I don’t have to go above and beyond because he doesn’t

·         We don’t have to be considerate because, if we do, they will expect it always

·         I am tired so your needs can wait

·         He cut me off in traffic so I have the right to be a raving lunatic

When I was at a restaurant with my Dad last week a family with 3 young children came in and there was conversation continually at their table. Phones came out only long enough to be silenced. The children and the parents laughed and talked and were so completely light hearted that I couldn’t help but keep looking in their direction. It was delightful… and then it was sad. Sad because the reason we both noticed it was that it is a rare thing to witness.

We were created for connection and somehow we have begun to ignore that truth. In the 21^st century, we live as if we believe we were created to be busy and to multi-task… as if there is a prize for skipping over the relationships that need to be fostered and strengthened, so that you can accomplish something you believe is of greater importance. As long as we continue to live as if relationships will always be there, we will continue watch them crumble. As long as we believe we are to put ourselves first we will continue to spread the entitlement that is making us ugly. As long as we continue to ignore the emotional connection that every person needs and focus inwardly, people will walk away from us feeling as if they are of no consequence.

Here are 4 tools to put in your “How To Be A Good Neighbor” tool belt. Practice them at home, just to be certain they work, before you use them in public.

·         Keep your focus on the person with whom you are interacting

·         Improve your connectivity with others

·         Notice the admirable in others and graciously let them know that they are a blessing

·         Don’t allow your children (or yourself) to be unkind and/or ambivalent to others

Being a good neighbor begins by valuing others. Teach that to your kids by valuing them and accepting no less from them. Never walk away from unkindness, as if it is just a kid being a kid. It’s your job to teach the kids to be kind by showing them what it looks like. It’s also your job to show them what kindness isn’t and simply not tolerate the unkindness that they exhibit. Of course, that could well mean that they will call you out for your unkind words or actions. If that happens, a humble apology goes a long way in teaching them that you intend to be the good neighbor Jesus calls us all to be.