Going Deeper

I have a thing for trees. I love the things we can learn from them. I love the way the snow glistens on the branches in winter and the new buds full of promise in the spring. I love the variety of green in summer and, best of all the Masterpiece of color in the autumn. None of those lovely visions would be possible without roots. We don’t think about them. We don’t go looking for them, but they are there making growth and beauty possible.

Sunday Pastor Chris said something like, “You can have a great network of roots that span for several yards, but if those roots don’t go deep, when the storms come you can be easily uprooted.”  It made me think of my support system. How often do I rely on a job with a nice paycheck to keep me going? Or friends to pick me up when I am down? How many times have I leaned on my husband? Parents? Children? How long will it take me to figure out that real help comes from going deep in my faith by learning more about the only One who is deserving of my trust?

As a parent, we tend to scrutinize the friends our children want to be with. We notice quickly when they pick up undesirable behaviors and language that isn’t allowed in our home. We easily observe whining and begging that is new after a day spent with a rather spoiled child and we threaten that they better stop or they won’t be going back there to play!

 I wonder if my Heavenly Father is doing the same as He scrutinizes my relationships? Am I closing my ears to His warnings about their lifestyle, their priorities, their relationships? Or do I just enjoy them because they are fun and make me laugh and help me escape the craziness of everyday life? I think they make me a better person because they help me unwind and relax and have fun. After all, I deserve that!

As we begin a new year, let’s think about our circle of friends. Not so that we can dump anyone who isn’t following Jesus because we may be the one to bring them to Him. But, all of us should have at least one friend who will challenge us and help us to go deeper in our walk of faith. We need each other on this journey to the heart of God. We need accountability. We need the prayers of our friends. We need to tear into Scripture with someone that is hungry to understand the truth found there. Where do you find such a friend? Start by asking God to open those doors for you and make you aware of someone who may be looking for the same thing.  Maybe someone needs you to mentor them. Maybe there are people waiting for you to approach them. Pray, asking the Father who He wants in your life and He will provide. You will grow deeper with God in community. There will be no regrets. Reach out to someone this next week and start going deeper in your relationship with God!

What will your kids catch from you this season?

Decades ago, in the church, we talked about being what Bill Hybels called A Contagious Christian. This is someone that attracts people to Jesus because His presence in their lives is so obvious and attractive that people are just naturally drawn to them. It seems, however, that as believers, we are not too good at showing the peace and joy that we proclaim is the result of following Jesus. Rather, we fuss at our kids, fret over bills, get annoyed with our spouse and complain about our church. That isn’t attractive and I certainly don’t want to “catch” it!

Let’s bring that whole concept down to being a contagious Christian in our home. After all, that is where it matters most. God gave us our kids and established the family as a place to learn and grow long before He started the Church in the New Testament. Think about what your kids see at home, as it relates to your walk with Jesus…

Are your words kind and thoughtful when speaking to (or about) someone?

Are you living in a state of chaos that makes you constantly on edge?

Do you live in fear that something will happen outside your control and you won’t be equipped to deal with it?

Are you so over-extended that the rushing has left you exhausted and you have no margin in the day to just sit and listen?

Do you spend time with Jesus that leaves you noticeably refreshed?

Do you honor your spouse above yourself, or stay aggravated and irritable because you aren’t having your needs met?

If you are doing all these things right all the time, I want to meet you. Then I want to talk to you about your unrealistic view of yourself! Let’s face it, none of us are going to get it right all the time. We are human. We mess up. Period.  But, if we want our kids to have an authentic relationship with Jesus, they better be seeing it in us. We, as parents, are the ones God has given them to show them the way.

It is my observation that we should begin in our own home when it comes to drawing others to the love and grace of Jesus. I don’t mean for you to be perfect or preachy. I mean for you to be real. To own your shortcomings with your kids. To work hard to treat your spouse better than they treat you. To make family life a priority. To establish a set of godly values for your home and make all decisions based on those values. Hold yourself to a higher standard than the rest of the world. Be kind. Stay strong. Make Jesus number 1.

For most of us, none of those really good suggestions are really easy. So you better get started. We all need practice!

Parenting In The Garden

Outside the snow is blowing and it’s bitter cold, so the thought of planting a garden doesn’t quite fit… however, now is the time to prepare for the planting. The Bible tells us that we will reap what we sow. Don’t have to be a horticulturist to figure that one out. But, I’m certain that Paul wasn’t talking about a garden of vegetables we can eat, but a harvest of goodness that we reap when we plant our pure motives and good attitudes.

Mom and Dad, think about what you are planting in your children. Good hygiene? Thank you!  Good manners? Thank you!  Good study habits? Respect? Kindness? Joy? Gratitude? Thank you for what you are doing to plant good seeds in your kids!  Don’t stop! Don’t give up! Does it seem that they aren’t catching on? Does it ever seem that you are a broken record playing the same lines again and again, but falling on deaf ears? Persevere! Find ways to teach the things you want them to grasp and own as their values for life. It doesn’t sink in better when you yell or criticize or throw up your hands and give up. It sinks in when you live the life in front of them and share the joy that kind of living brings.

Our first child was very compliant. Our second child had a very strong will and would challenge me from the time he could walk until he went to school ALL DAY LONG! Had I been a single parent I wouldn’t have survived raising him, but his daddy is the one who kept me strong so that I could outlast the strong willed youngster and continue to shape him and direct his behaviors.

Be a team. Typically one parent is heavy with grace and the other heavy with truth. One heart and One mind… combined they create the best scenario for raising a well-balanced child. Learn to hear each other out. We tend to think we are right and don’t want to parent their way… because we are right! You probably are right… and so is your spouse! Learn from each other and parent as a team, allowing for grace and consequences. It is how your Heavenly Father is shaping you. And He is never wrong!

How about sowing TRUTH into your children in 2016? Show them the right way to think and behave and treat others. Show them the behaviors that will please God and the consequences of running the wrong direction. Stop excusing bad behavior and redirect them to the right behavior. Be consistent with them so that they are fully aware that what is not acceptable behavior today will not be tolerated tomorrow, either.

When you have planted TRUTH you can expect a good harvest, but only if you water it with GRACE. They will make mistakes, be crabby, act selfishly, show disrespect, and act like you never thought your child would act. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t give up. They are growing and learning and need to be showered with the GRACE that assures them that you make mistakes, too, and you will always love them through their bad choices. Remember, they are learning and learning isn’t easy. But your example and your love will make the lessons most effective.

“Those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good.

At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

Galatians 6:8-9

This Year The Kids WILL See...

Sunday the Pastor suggested that we could gain valuable insights into our heart, our motivation, our priorities if our kids were interviewed and asked, “What matters most to your parents? What stresses them out? What occupies most of their time?”  Anybody want to sign up for that?!?!?  Probably most of us want to be better parents; better people…BUT, sometimes it is painful to see ourselves as others see us… especially those who see us when the world isn’t watching.  Maybe we should make a few changes before word gets out that we are a hot mess!

As we begin a new year, we have a chance to change the outcome of this imaginary interview with our kids that could occur next January. Here are some things that you may like to hear your kids say about what matters to you…

“My dad cares about my mom because when he says or does something that isn’t nice, he is sorry and tells us that he was wrong to act that way.”

“My parents care that I am learning because they stopped yelling about homework and now they sit down and help me with it."

“My parents care about what God says because they read their Bible every day and make sure we know what the Bible says.”

“My mom cares about people who have less stuff than us because when we want things, we stop and think about whether or not it’s something we should get or if we should use the money for someone else who needs something more.”

If your time investment signifies what you most value, would your child say, “my parents value their smart phone, their computer, their television, their hobby, their vehicle, their house, their garage, their games, their friends…  or will they notice a shift in the way you spend your evenings and weekends in 2016?  They could see you reading your Bible rather than a Tabloid; looking at them instead of your phone; making your own life rather than watching pretend lives on TV; giving your time to the “least of these” rather than indulging in your own desires; listening rather than shushing, demonstrating honor rather than anger…

I have never met anyone who looks back at how they raised their kids and said, “I totally nailed it! If I had it to do all over again I would do exactly what I did the first time around!”  We all seem to wish we could have a do-over from time to time. So how about we make 2016 our opportunity for a “do-over” and begin to parent in such a way that our kids will see a glimpse of Jesus as they watch us go through the year.

Now for the secret to making this all come to pass… Don’t compare yourself to others, but look to Jesus and allow Him to transform you. That requires surrendering to Him, moment by moment; allowing Him the freedom to show you the pruning needed to help you grow.

“Seek God’s will in all you do and He will show you which path to take.”

Proverbs 3:6