What Do You Think?

 The way we think has great power to control the outcomes of our lives. The human mind is a stage where drama loves to play and the drama that is created there, whether consciously or unconsciously, has the potential to make us or break us. It has the potential to orchestrate success or failure in our human interactions, our relationships, our job performance, our homes and our overall well-being. 

The brain is a powerful organ, often referred to as the computer that controls the entire body and all of its systems. The mind, being the drama that it is, likes to short-circuit that magnificent organ and cause it to work less effectively on our behalf. This explains why medical professionals have determined that more than half of the ailments in the human body stem from stress... which is the drama that the mind creates with which to hijack the healing powers of the brain. 

If you don't believe me, then why were we afraid of the ocean after watching Jaws? Why did the noises in the utility closet sound like raptors after watching Jurassic Park? Why was it so hard to trust my husband back in the days when I "treated" myself to 2 days of soap operas a week?  I am certain I am not alone in this struggle. You, too, have had your mind mess with you at some point.

So if your mind is playing out a scene of distrust, sorrow, worry and strife; jealousy, envy, anger and bitterness, and you don't get up an walk out on that performance, your brain will send a legion of  neurons that will cause your body to react in negative ways. But, what if you were to close the curtain and fire the cast and shut down the show. What if, instead you decided on a whole new drama where the outcomes align with the promises in scripture? What if you truly believed that you could be a new person with a new life and a new found love and passion for your spouse? What if you believed that you could master the thing that you've been struggling with? What if you believed that you could be a success and impact the world in a positive way? It would be a game changer, for sure.

As I concentrate on the mind and it's potential to alter our lives, I think of Paul's instruction for us to wear the whole armor of Christ to conquer the battles waged by evil. I believe that it is no coincidence that he chose to have us wear the helmet of salvation in order to protect the "computer" that controls our movements and our health and well-being. When our salvation is secure, we have the power of God within us to conquer whatever life brings us, so why do we need a helmet to protect us? Perhaps because God knew that the drama in life that can bring us good times, can also strip away the truth by firing lies at us. The world is full of such lies and without protecting ourselves from those lies and all that drama, we will not live victoriously and abundantly as God's Word promises. We are easily dragged down by the thoughts planted in our mind by the enemy and he will use that stage to do terrible damage and kill our effectiveness as parents, as husbands, as wives, as followers of Jesus.

Bringing this message home, I encourage each of you to take note of the drama in your mind and act immediately to capture every rebellious and unhealthy thought and make it submit to Jesus Christ who is our Truth (2 Corinthians 10:1-6). If it does not build up your marriage, if it does not help you parent in a Godly manner, then close the curtain and change the scene to the thoughts that will bring healing and wholeness to your home. Look for thoughts that are true, honorable, right and pure. Focus on what is lovely and admirable and excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8) and see where those thoughts will take you. Let God transform you, your home, your marriage and your family dynamics by changing the way your think.

Are You A Carrier?

"Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Galatians 6:2

I am a doer. I like it when I can see a need and can charge in with (what I perceive to be) my unlimited strength and wisdom and alleviate the burden I see someone carrying. So, I like this verse. It fits who I am and justifies my drive to go fix things. I recently had the opportunity to use this drive by flying out to Montana to spend a week with our youngest son, Kyle, after his skiing accident left him with a punctured lung, lacerated liver and 5 broken ribs. I quickly discovered there was nothing there that I could fix. I bought some grocery and made some drug store runs, fixed a few meals, did laundry and arranged pillows. I was going there to "fix" something I couldn't fix.

Of course "fixing" others is a total misinterpretation of that verse. I couldn't fix broken bones or take his pain away, but what I could do was just be there. Offering hope and love. His reaction to my "non-fixing presence"... words of love and gratitude for being with him that week.  For a "fixer" that was such a great reminder that there is a big difference between carrying a burden and making it disappear. We are not called to fix what we didn't break, but to love enough to walk alongside someone who is broken. 

How does this message translate at home? As a young mom (and a fixer), every moment was a teachable moment. There was a lesson to be learned with every mistake or flagrant foul the kids committed. I wonder now if they would have learned just as well if I had just silently allowed them to suffer the consequences of their choices without judgement or sermon, but walked alongside them in love while the dust settled around their misdeed. We start off life with an infant, bearing ALL the burden for them because they need us to do that. As they grow, we have to back off and allow them to carry the burden for themselves so they can learn to master life skills. If you read further in Galatians 6, you will find Paul telling his readers to bear their own burdens. In today's vernacular, we should never be the enabler who confuses bearing another's burden during a difficult time with carrying their entire load, absolving them of responsibility. My take on this is that we allow our kids to feel the pain of bad decisions, but rather than standing over them with condemnation, we sit beside them with compassion. After all, has it really been that long since you screwed up?

While I was in Montana, I talked with a young wife who told me that her grandmother was very old school and believed that the wife should serve her husband and care for him, even though he was perfectly capable of caring for himself. She didn't like that concept at all! They were a few years into their marriage and content to care for themselves. What happens, though, when there is a pain that visits the heart that sets us back on our heels? When a roadblock appears out of nowhere causing us to stop dead in our tracks? When sickness or loss is suffered? Rushing in to tell your partner to suck it up and be strong is not typically the best way to healing. Busying yourself with "fixing" will also not do a thing for your relationship. Pointing out how they got themselves into this situation or refusing to show compassion because they deserve whatever the outcome will certainly not strengthen your relationship. The best way to bear your spouse's burden is to know your spouse. Living for yourself will not enlighten you to the person you have chosen and what their needs might be. You simply cannot bear their burden if you don't know them well enough to know who they are inside. Truly knowing them enables you to try to out-serve each other. That may feel awkward in the beginning if it isn't your typical method, but it is an excellent way to build a relationship that lasts.

Bottom line... life can get tough and sometimes we just aren't up to the struggle... whether we are 6 or 60. Sometimes we need someone to help shoulder our load. There are no awards at the end of the road for going it alone or forcing someone else to do so. The Law of Christ is to love others and love God. We can't love God if we don't love what He created....(and that's your spouse and your kids). The way to demonstrate your love for them, according to scripture, is to carry their burden. It may seem to you that they should be able to manage without you, but what a blessing it is when they see you are by their side, walking with them through their valley. You don't need a lot of knowledge to sit with someone and listen. You don't need to quote scripture or have the wisdom of a sage. You just have to care that they hurting or afraid and hold their hand in the valleys of life. The darkness is always more bearable when you are not alone.

Not Shackles But Shelter

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

Why do we choose to be angry rather than to understanding? Or to be envious rather than grateful? Or to be bitter rather than forgive? To be weary rather than rest? To be burdened rather than to trust? It just seems to be our default setting to accept pain  as reality rather than seek the cure. Jesus said that we will have suffering in this life, but He never said we had to hold on to it tightly and be completely miserable. 

The above passage can easily be brought home.  Think of your marriage or other relationships that have you worn down, weary, burdened, exhausted. How likely are you to take that to Jesus and accept His rest from that burden? Aren't we more inclined to stew about it, share it with our co-workers, put it on social media, confide in ALL of our dearest friends than we are to simply come to Jesus with it? Perhaps it is because we have read the next sentence: Take MY YOKE UPON YOU... and we see that yoke as a form of bondage. A giving up of our free will. A shackle that keeps us from doing things our way. Not that "our way" has much merit or has brought any relief to the stress growing into a broiling volcano under our roof.

But, there is so much to be gained by taking that yoke. You get to snuggle in close and learn from the LORD himself. Learn the rhythm of His movement. Learn the joy of His presence. Learn the gentleness that builds relationships. Learn the humility that comes when we finally see the log in our own eye when we were angry over the speck in our rivals. And learn the rest that comes when His grace completely covers that log up and moves us forward.

The reason His yoke is easy is because, when yoked in partnership with Him, we no longer carry the weight of judging others. That belongs on His side and is too heavy for us to carry. We don't have to hold any grudges because vengeance belongs to Him. It will crush us if we try to shoulder it. We don't have to withhold love and affection because when we walk in sync with Him, we learn that love is unconditional and there is no exception. We don't have to keep track of the score, but can find rest knowing that He has seen it all. 

Is there stress in your home that is wearing you down? Is your family life doing pretty well? Either way, may I encourage you to take a look at that yoke. It isn't what you might think. It's not about bondage. It is a tool for rest. His yoke is not like shackles, but like a shelter from stress you were never meant to carry. Come. Take. Learn. Rest.

Never Alone

I am sitting at a computer in the lobby of the hotel where I am staying in Big Sky, Montana. Out of my window I can see Lone Peak, the mountain my son was skiing down when he collided with a tree at about 25 mph. He was not alone on the Mountain that day. He was with friends, but the Friend that was with him that kept him from more serious injuries than a lacerated liver, punctured lung and 5 broken ribs has never left his side in all the years he has been away from my watchful eye.

I am ever so grateful that God protected him. I am also extremely grateful for the prayers that have been offered for him in all the days since the accident... however many that might be. I don't even know what day it is. Let's blame it on the altitude here!

I belong to a special family. Not a perfect family. We come in all shapes and sizes and have all sorts of history of unfortunate choices and warts and secrets. But, we are family because we are united by a belief that we are not alone. That each of us matters to a loving God who made us each for a purpose and has His hand on our lives. That family has reached out to me multiple times a day to check on Kyle and check on me. What a calming effect that has had on me through the hours since I got that phone call.

Kyle will heal. It will be a long process, but he will know every single day that he is here because the Head of this amazing family chose to give him another chance at life. He is already planning the slopes he will conquer next year... and I hope he will always remember the family that prayed him through this.

I am so thankful for you all. I am so thankful that my heritage is one that taught me the importance of belonging to a family of faith. I am so blessed to have known many "family" members who have so positively impacted my life... especially this week as I look at the grand view of snow covered mountains of Montana and do important things... like put socks and shoes on a grown man and remind him just how much he is loved.