A Really Good Book

Is there really anything more difficult than taking a tiny helpless infant and turning them into a healthy, kind, honest, responsible adult who walks with Jesus? If there is, I don’t know what it would be… unless perhaps it would be watching them flounder as adults and knowing that you failed to direct them to the Source of all success.

If you are in the process of raising kids, you are aware that it is much more complex than you once thought. It was so easy to advise others about all you could see them doing wrong with their kids until you became a parent. Am I right? Some weeks it is as if new perplexities arise daily and it’s difficult to determine if it is love and patients or truth and wisdom that you need most.

The thing that troubles me is that there is so much wisdom to be found in the Bible about raising children and that knowledge is so easily accessed, yet few parents avail themselves of this free wisdom. I think the reasons are varied. Some don’t think it is relevant. Some would rather read what a PhD has to say (rather than the One who created that person with the brain to gain that degree). And some are too busy being a worn out parent to find out how to be a great parent!

When we were raising our kids we went to church pretty much every time the doors were open. We taught, we served on boards, we sang and led worship, we volunteered for funeral dinners. You name it and our kids saw us doing it. Did that show them Jesus or the path to Him? Did that give them the desire to follow Him? Perhaps it showed them that following Jesus was a whole lot of work! When they were a little older I really began to dig into the Bible and find the truth and wisdom I needed to really get a grip on what it meant to be a follower of Christ. That is when I let go of the notion that staying busy doing things at church was a prerequisite for all followers.

It was when I determined that I needed more that I began to feed myself. I wasn’t learning anything I hadn’t heard all my life in the church. My faith was more following rules and routines than anything. I decided to read that whole Bible. I didn’t stop (like I had all the other times I vowed to read it through) until I had read it all.. and it took me over a year. I didn’t understand it all. Maybe not even half of it. The Middle Eastern customs that colored the pages of Biblical history were as much a mystery then as they are now.  The one thing that I did glean was a better grip on who this Master is that I claim to serve and follow. I found the God that had been more of a notion than a companion to me. And I discovered that He wanted me to know Him intimately so that I could begin to see His great love for me.

I do not think that it is possible to direct anyone, child or adult, to Jesus without first having a deep abiding relationship with Him. And I don’t believe that happens without first reading His Story for yourself. It is good to hear what the teachers and preachers have to say, but it is beautiful when you have a thirst for Him that must be quenched. It begins to be satisfied when you open the pages with the desire to know Him better and it never ever ends, because the more you know Him the more you want to know Him.

Don’t let your kids find a counterfeit God because you haven’t taken the time to know the real God. Start now because the sooner you start, the sooner the pieces begin to fall into place and you discover that, because you know Him better, you can unravel some of the mystery that once stumped you as you read through the pages of His Story.

An overstuffed Easter Basket is nothing compared to giving your kids a parent that is curling up with a Really Good Book!

If My Kids Could Love One Thing...

I have a tapestry on my wall that states,

“You can’t lead your children if you don’t know where you’re going.”

Sometimes life whisks you away into a whirlwind of activity, so much so that you barely know your way back home. Schedules are cramped and calendars are packed and there is little time to even think about your desired destination because the tasks of everyday life are so often all consuming. How do we keep our focus on the destination and trim our sails to get there? It is difficult, yet oh so simple.

Decide where you want your kids to be in,.. let's say one year, or two. Discuss a plan to get them there. Devote yourself to staying the course.  If you don’t take the time to sit down together and determine what the most important thing you want your kids to take away from their years under your roof, you will find that the time has come for them to follow their own path and they have no clue where to find it. Your calendar will always control you if you don't determine to take control of it and be intentional about what you want them to know/learn.

There are many good qualities that you can instill in your kids. Honesty, good work ethic, kindness, strength of character, and the list goes on… but the one thing that you can give them that will cover all of those things, and more, is a love for God’s Word. Now, that will be extremely difficult if you have brushed it aside as something for those who have been to seminary and are “called” to feed the proverbial sheep. You just come and graze at the trough of their knowledge an hour a week and call it good. Maybe you talk about it on the way home and marvel at how well the pastor breaks down the scripture into bite-sized morsels that are quite palatable. You may even have a devotional book that gives you a verse a day to nibble on. Truly, a steady diet like that will leave you severely malnourished, Biblically speaking. And it will not grow a love for the Word in your children. That would be like expecting your kids to watch you in the kitchen and become an excellent chef when “cooking,” for you, means putting a frozen pizza in the oven.

There is so much to be learned from the living Word of God. It is truly inspired; God-breathed; filled with truth; overflowing with real life lessons… often learned the hard way. It has the power to shape hearts and change lives. It holds within its pages the foundation of Truth upon which a godly life can be built. It opens the windows of heaven and exposes the heart of the God who wants to direct our journey to His side.

If you truly want your children to know Truth and embrace it, then first you need to begin to dig in. Don’t leave that to their Children’s Church teacher. They are there to teach and direct, yes! But they are the supplement to what you are teaching at home. It’s not typically very effective to sit at the table and simply read through the Bible with children. It is more personal when you have read it, hidden the message in your heart, seen the transformation in your own life and attitude and then share it with your kids. Tell them your story. Tell them about the Truth that set you free. Use the wisdom of Solomon to direct them. Use the parables of Jesus to teach them.

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t know much about the Bible. Nobody does… until they open it up and start to read. Until they ask questions and dig in. Until they want more and  more truth to speak into their live. You have to start somewhere… sometime… How about NOW?

We all have 1, 440 minutes in a day. Can you devote 20 or 30 of them to God’s Word? It will open your eyes to who He is and what He wants to do in your life. It will become a roadmap laid out before you. I believe that it is totally true that you can’t lead your kids if you don’t know where you’re going. Make a plan to study His “map.”  Failing to plan is planning to fail. Find the time. Carve it out of the busyness. Follow through. Lead your children in the way that HE has for them and teach them to love His Word by allowing it to breathe fresh life into your busy days.

Love Muscles

“Gramma, why did you marry Papa?” Of course I gave the proper answer, “Because I loved him soooo much and wanted to be with him forever.”  I was 18 years old when I said YES! to marriage. What I knew of love was not very accurate or realistic, but I knew that he was the one I wanted to grow old with.

Remember when you first determined who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Remember why? My response to why I wanted to be Mrs. Dana Brady 41 years ago would have been immature and uneducated. I wanted to keep the feeling I was experiencing forever and was certain that our love would sustain that euphoria. But then life happens. He works late and stops making her laugh. She has bad hair days and burnt meatloaf. Kids come on the scene and you cease to even be a couple. Now you are parents. Exhausted parents! What happened to that feeling? What happened to “love?”

When I think back over the years of our marriage, I can’t sort out how much has been happy and how much has been sad. I don’t know how much has been play and how much as been work. I don’t know how much laughter or how much tears. It is all blended together to create our journey. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You see, all those Mountaintops were amazing and thrilling. And all the valleys were where we learned how to love. How to live. How to give.

If you are struggling in your marriage, know that God is helping you build your love muscles. Without such experiences, we don’t grow. Of course, it is possible to allow those struggles to build resentment rather than love muscles. Anger and resentment will turn into bitterness and that will turn your “happily ever after” into wasted years and stale relationships.

As I write this column, I am aware of a few couples that I care deeply about who are struggling through the valley of their marriage. I pray for them daily because I know that it is much more common to walk away than to commit to loving more and meeting needs and making sacrifices and owning your share of the reason you have landed here.

At 18 I didn’t know that love was hard work. I didn’t know that it could hurt so badly. I didn’t know that it was more than a spectacular feeling. I just wanted it and wanted it to grow and grow into wedded bliss. Four decades later, I know that we made a commitment to each  other and no matter what, we were determined to figure out how to fulfill that commitment. It wasn’t just to co-exist, but to truly LIVE and LOVE with all our might. And that meant we sometimes had to give more love than we received. It meant that we had to talk to godly people who knew how to love for a lifetime and take their advice. It meant sacrifice and learning to communicate inoffensively. It meant putting the desires of each other ahead of our own… even when one of us wasn’t reciprocating!

I love being married to Dana. I love the time that we spend together. I love the comfort and contentment we feel when we are together. And I even love knowing that there will still be times when we aggravate or ignore, when we inadvertently hurt each other. There will be times when we get lazy and don’t get it right. But I really love knowing that we have discovered that, just as soon as we notice our error, we will pounce on the cure. And we will love each other the very best that we can, because we have some pretty strong love muscles.

“Thanks, God, for those valleys that have made our love strong. And bless all my friends with great workouts in the valleys, rather than the sorrow that doesn’t produce the growth You have designed. And help them to find the happily ever after that we have found. Amen”