Facebook has a way of reminding us of our past. Of
course, we only post good pictures so that when they pop up we say, “Awww… look
how little he was just 5 years ago…. She was so sweet and tiny.” What a
difference a few years can make!
As well as we all know that fact, it is pretty
amazing how little we do to guard where our kids will be 5 years down the road. It is way too
easy to allow their negative behaviors to be magnified over time because we
aren’t addressing them and following through with what needs to happen to
redirect them. Your kids disobedience and disrespect is an accumulation
of decisions you made along the way to ignore those behaviors. The only person
that can change any of these things in your life is YOU.
Perhaps it is too much emphasis on living in the
moment and trying to do what will get you through the NOW rather than looking
at what that decision will create in the future that has landed us here. We all
know that giving a child what they want at the store in order to quiet them,
even though we know it isn’t good for them and we already said NO, creates the
same scenario every time we go to the store. The only solution is to leave them
with a sitter so you can shop in peace.
….Or is it?
Maybe you have to react to their negative behavior in a manner that will
discourage it rather than encourage it, even if they make a scene. Redirecting
your child is your job. Read the job description for parenting as God instructs…
Children, obey
your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor
your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you
may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do
not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4
This tells
us there are tremendous blessings for obedience and tremendous consequences for
your children if they follow the path of disobedience and disrespect. And
screaming at them is not the way to teach and instruct them.
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are
old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
This tells us that a child is never too young to learn
and by teaching them what is right, with gentle words and explanations, they
will grow into what they have learned so that the desire to stray isn’t as
strong as the desire to do what is right. If there are never consequences for
bad behavior, they will learn that they can always go their own way rather than
God’s way.
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so
that you do not forget the [works of God] your eyes have seen or let them fade
from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deuteronomy 4:9
This reminds us that we cannot teach what we do not know.
You can’t lead your children to a relationship with God if you don’t have one
yourself.
Teach [God’s law]
to your children, talking about
them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down
and when you get up. Deuteronomy
11:19
Here is a huge parenting truth. Parenting is a full time
job. Ignoring a bad behavior because we are too tired or stressed to deal with
it is the same as teaching that bad behavior is acceptable. Would you hire a
sitter to watch your kids if they were teaching them inappropriate behaviors?
NO! So why is it okay for you to teach them that by allowing disobedience and
disrespect? Or behaving that way yourself? It simply isn’t okay to let them do
what is wrong without redirecting them.
Here me when I say that
redirecting is explaining how
disobedience is dangerous, giving examples of what could happen as a result of
disobedience, explaining that you love them too much to allow that to happen.
Warning them that if the behavior doesn’t change, there will be an appropriate
consequence to remind them how serious this infraction is. Redirecting behavior is not screaming and hitting and losing control of your temper when
wrong behaviors occur. You must be in control of yourself if you hope to be in
control of your child and the character that you have been called to shape.
Along with redirecting, comes directing. In the moments when good choices are
made, if you don’t acknowledge it, how will they know they did what is good.
Applaud the good. Teach the good. Walk the right path ahead of them. Don’t wait
until they get it wrong to react to their behavior. Be sure that you are taking
advantage of every teachable moment and teach with you life, your attitude,
your smiles, your approval.
Here is a truth that
you already know. If your children live to be teenagers, you will want them to understand
how to behave respectfully and obediently. You will want them to trust you. You
will want them to know that you love them and want only the best for them. You
will want them to choose to follow God rather than Satan. You will want them to
know how to be a blessing to others. You will want them to have good manners.
You will want them to speak respectfully. So, knowing that you want these
things to happen in the future means that you have to teach them NOW. You can’t
overlook the negative day after day and expect positive behavior to just
happen. We don’t outgrow selfishness unless we are taught the blessing of
sharing. We don’t outgrow rebelliousness unless we discover the consequences of
rebelling are costly.
The way you determine
to parent today will play a huge role in who your kids will become. Of course
they will still have the right to make choices that are NOT what you taught
them, but they will have been taught well, if you are willing to invest the
time now.
