Your Kids In Five Years

Facebook has a way of reminding us of our past. Of course, we only post good pictures so that when they pop up we say, “Awww… look how little he was just 5 years ago…. She was so sweet and tiny.” What a difference a few years can make!

As well as we all know that fact, it is pretty amazing how little we do to guard where our kids will be 5 years down the road. It is way too easy to allow their negative behaviors to be magnified over time because we aren’t addressing them and following through with what needs to happen to redirect them. Your kids disobedience and disrespect is an accumulation of decisions you made along the way to ignore those behaviors. The only person that can change any of these things in your life is YOU.

Perhaps it is too much emphasis on living in the moment and trying to do what will get you through the NOW rather than looking at what that decision will create in the future that has landed us here. We all know that giving a child what they want at the store in order to quiet them, even though we know it isn’t good for them and we already said NO, creates the same scenario every time we go to the store. The only solution is to leave them with a sitter so you can shop in peace.

….Or is it?  Maybe you have to react to their negative behavior in a manner that will discourage it rather than encourage it, even if they make a scene. Redirecting your child is your job. Read the job description for parenting as God instructs… 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”   Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

            This tells us there are tremendous blessings for obedience and tremendous consequences for your children if they follow the path of disobedience and disrespect. And screaming at them is not the way to teach and instruct them.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

            This tells us that a child is never too young to learn and by teaching them what is right, with gentle words and explanations, they will grow into what they have learned so that the desire to stray isn’t as strong as the desire to do what is right. If there are never consequences for bad behavior, they will learn that they can always go their own way rather than God’s way.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the [works of God] your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deuteronomy 4:9

            This reminds us that we cannot teach what we do not know. You can’t lead your children to a relationship with God if you don’t have one yourself.

Teach [God’s law] to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 11:19

            Here is a huge parenting truth. Parenting is a full time job. Ignoring a bad behavior because we are too tired or stressed to deal with it is the same as teaching that bad behavior is acceptable. Would you hire a sitter to watch your kids if they were teaching them inappropriate behaviors? NO! So why is it okay for you to teach them that by allowing disobedience and disrespect? Or behaving that way yourself? It simply isn’t okay to let them do what is wrong without redirecting them.

Here me when I say that redirecting is explaining how disobedience is dangerous, giving examples of what could happen as a result of disobedience, explaining that you love them too much to allow that to happen. Warning them that if the behavior doesn’t change, there will be an appropriate consequence to remind them how serious this infraction is.  Redirecting behavior is not screaming and hitting and losing control of your temper when wrong behaviors occur. You must be in control of yourself if you hope to be in control of your child and the character that you have been called to shape. Along with redirecting, comes directing. In the moments when good choices are made, if you don’t acknowledge it, how will they know they did what is good. Applaud the good. Teach the good. Walk the right path ahead of them. Don’t wait until they get it wrong to react to their behavior. Be sure that you are taking advantage of every teachable moment and teach with you life, your attitude, your smiles, your approval.

Here is a truth that you already know. If your children live to be teenagers, you will want them to understand how to behave respectfully and obediently. You will want them to trust you. You will want them to know that you love them and want only the best for them. You will want them to choose to follow God rather than Satan. You will want them to know how to be a blessing to others. You will want them to have good manners. You will want them to speak respectfully. So, knowing that you want these things to happen in the future means that you have to teach them NOW. You can’t overlook the negative day after day and expect positive behavior to just happen. We don’t outgrow selfishness unless we are taught the blessing of sharing. We don’t outgrow rebelliousness unless we discover the consequences of rebelling are costly.

The way you determine to parent today will play a huge role in who your kids will become. Of course they will still have the right to make choices that are NOT what you taught them, but they will have been taught well, if you are willing to invest the time now.