Renewed Hope

When we live in a world of “IF ONLY” we are living in a world of hopelessness. We are simply waiting for all things to fall into place so that we can have the outcome we long for.

“If only I he would ________, then we may have hope of fixing our marriage.” 

“If only we had _____________ we could survive this.”

“If only our kids could see ________ then they would be on the right track.”

“If only she realized _________ then our relationship could be healthy.”

“If only we made ______, our financial nightmare would be over.”

But, what if it is in those times when we feel the greatest need, that we have the most? What if it were in our struggles, that we came to the place of greatest surrender? And what if that surrender, that complete helplessness, that letting go of our control, is where we need to be in order to allow God to do what He does best?

Left to our own devices, I fear that we are most prone to destroy the destiny God designed for us. We aren’t here by accident. Our entry into this world and the circumstances that surround our lives are not outside of God’s plan until we try to “improve” things by doing what we feel is best, rather than allowing Him to direct. Remember Adam and Eve? They decided – even after who knows how many days, years, or even centuries of walking with God in a perfect relationship, that they could do better than that. Why? Because they were deceived. They were coaxed into believing something else could be better than God’s plan.

Listening to and believing lies always ends badly. But how can we know the difference between the truth and the lies that are so very convincing and often quite logical? First of all, stop listening to the voice of the world. If you have a friend that is not walking with Jesus, that is not a student of God’s Word, then as sweet and wise as they seem to be, if they don’t know Jesus, they can’t be trusted to lead you down His path for you. Second, get into the Word of God and find out what Jesus had to say about life. Read what His closest followers learned from their time with Him.

Finally, commit to walking closer to Jesus, realizing that He walked some pretty dark and lonely roads. Walking with Jesus doesn’t mean everything is beautiful and rosy and turns out exactly as we planned. It means that we are in the hands of the Potter who will continually mold us into His likeness with the circumstances that come our way.

If your marriage is not what you want, let God use that to mold you and shape you into a vessel filled with His love. If your kids are difficult to handle, God is teaching you to be a better parent. If your job sucks, God is strengthening you for the future. If your family is not treating you with love, God is teaching you to be long-suffering. If things are taking too long to change, He is teaching you patience.

Look past what you can see right now. Look into the unseen. You just may get a glimpse into what God is doing in your life.

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”

2 Corinthians 5:16-18 (The Message)

Relationships That Outlast Us

Lately, there have been many conversations in our home about what the future looks like for us, financially and vocationally. It’s the time in life when you begin to realize that your investments matter. . . a lot. Unless you think you will be able to be gainfully employed until you die, it is really critical how you invest in your retirement, financially speaking. There are other ways to invest, however, that are even more important. The investment we have made in our relationship as husband and wife is also preparing us for a strong and healthy future together and that cannot be taken from us, no matter the financial or health implications.

Take a minute and think about the relationships in which you are currently investing. How are these relationships growing you as a person? How are they growing the people with whom you spend time? What is the return on your investment? Are you investing yourself in a legacy that will outlive your days on this earth? What are you pouring into your future with your spouse? How about your children? When they are grown and you are gone, what will they say is the legacy you left behind?

Here is another topic of conversation in the Brady home, of late. Maybe you have noticed that super bright star in the western sky in the evenings this month. It isn’t actually a star, but a planet. Venus is somewhere around 25 million miles away from us, yet its light shines brighter than all the stars. And about those stars… the nearest one to us Earthlings is Proxima Centauri. It is 4.23 light years (23 trillion miles- give or take) away from the Earth's solar system. Just to put that into perspective, the Voyager 1 spacecraft was launched in 1977. It travels at approximately 38,000 miles per hour and is scheduled to reach Proxima Centauri in 80,000 years.

Somehow, in my not so scientific mind, there is a connection between our investment in our relationships with others and the heavenly lights. Our families have been given to us for more than our pleasure. They are in closest proximity to us and we shine the brightest on them. Good or bad, they are looking at our light and it is having an impact that will last longer than we will. As a matter of fact, some of the starlight we see at night, so the experts say, is traveling to us long after the star has ceased to exist.

If you are reading this, you are a living being with the ability to reflect the light of Jesus on all the people around you. In order to do that, however, you must remain in close proximity to Him. Daily time with Jesus, learning from His life and His words, listening for His Spirit to direct your day, your words, your attitudes, your thoughts will all factor into the light that you are shining in every relationship you have. Particularly those nearest you. And that light from you will shine far beyond your lifetime. Like the heavenly lights, our lives are meant to leave behind a light for generations to come.

Taking all this into consideration, take a look at your relationships, at home, at work, during leisure time, at school… etc. What light are you reflecting? How are you directing others to the true Light of the world? Are you involved in a relationship that allows the Light of Jesus to draw you closer to Him? We all need that friend we vent to, but in the end, does that friend bring you back to the Truth? The truth is that we are His people, commanded to love and serve God and one another. That should be where that venting session ends. Is that the light that your friends reflect? That you reflect for them? If not, you are possibly seeing life with your own self at the center, living for the day, for the “feeling,” for the illusive happiness you feel you are entitled. If that is where you find yourself, I can guarantee that you will become as comfortable as a fish out of water, for you are seeking the wrong things for your species.

You were created to be a carrier of LIGHT in our dark world. Examine your relationships and make sure that you are reflecting the LIGHT of Jesus. Every single day, be the light that will shine in the hearts of people for generations after your earthly vessel has returned to dust.

“Lord, remind us each night as we see the heavenly lights, that we are created to carry your light to the world in such a manner as to guide others to You even after we are gone. Help us to invest in relationships that will allow us to shine and receive Your light into the darkest corners of our hearts so that we can experience Your transformation. Thank You for the eternal nature of  Your light that will shine until You return. Amen.”

Living with Margin

On Saturday we will be celebrating the life of my Aunt Ruth. Alzheimer’s kept her from living alone after my uncle passed, and so she moved into our home and those months were a huge blessing to me. She was a simple and lovely soul and even with her mind failing, she still taught me a better way to live.

Prior to coming to my house Aunt Ruth had lost weight and her clothes hung on her. She refused to buy new ones because all she really needed was to wear a belt! The collars of her shirts were showing a great deal of wear, but they had served her well for decades and there was nothing wrong with them that a hot iron couldn’t remedy! All of their important papers could be found in the small metal box on the shelf in the closet. Her kitchen was never cluttered, because she kept only the bare necessities. Every time she would open my refrigerator she would announce, “I need to do something about this mess!” I obviously had more in there than I needed. In her fridge, you could easily see and identify every item at all times. Ketsup, Mustard, Mayo, Sprite, Butter, Bologna, Black Raspberry Jam and whatever meat she planned to fix for supper. I would have more than that in one cubic foot!

Her small and simple life had a huge impact on so many people. She had no worries about what to eat. She kept it simple. She had no worries about what to wear. That was simple, too! Never a pile of laundry to do, because they didn’t have enough clothes between them to fill a washer more than once a week. The house was always tidy and the lawn was immaculate. They always had what they needed and they always, ALWAYS had enough to help any of us who might need it.

Aunt Ruth was 92 years old when she woke up in heaven. It comforts me to believe that Uncle Tom was there waiting to greet her, but I don’t really know how that works. They had spent many years together in the cab of a North American Van Lines Semi zig-zagging across the United States. For as far back as I can remember they did everything together. They were a team and they were devoted to each other and to God and to His Church.

Sunday, when Pastor Chris spoke about the Biblical teaching of living our lives with margin, I couldn’t help but think of Aunt Ruth and Uncle Tom. They left no estate behind. They never owed marvelous things. They didn’t travel the world. In our culture, their lives would appear small and insignificant.  But if you take into consideration the huge margin around them, their lives were huge and they left a HUGE imprint on so many of us.

What I have learned from them is that if I keep acquiring more things, my house will not be as tidy as I want it to be. If I buy more clothes, my closets will be unmanageable. If I buy more food than we will eat in the next several days, I won’t be able to find it until it rots in the back of the fridge and alerts me to its presence. If I spend more money on what I don’t really need, I will have less to share with others. If I keep my calendar full, I won’t have the availability that they always seemed to have.

Rest in peace, Aunt Ruth. And thank you for teaching me the valuable life lessons about living smaller so I can give bigger.

Release The Grip

Anyone remember the Dionne Warwick song from the 70s, “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again?”  It proposes the idea that love is nothing but pain and trouble and definitely not worth your investment. There is some truth to the notion that with love, there is pain. When you give your heart to the care and keeping of another flawed human being, you risk it all. They now have the potential to bring more joy into your life than anyone else. They also have the potential to bring more hurt. Their words matter more. Their attitudes impact you more. Their actions affect you more. You have become very vulnerable because you have given your heart to another.

After exposing all the dangers of falling in love, Dionne vows, “so, for at least until tomorrow, I’ll never fall in love again.” Even though it can be painful, the fact remains, we were made to love. We were created to live in relationships. In spite of the risk of pain and sorrow, most of us jump into love and give our hearts, expecting the best and being blind-sighted by the worst. Sometimes it is because we didn’t use wisdom in our choice, did not follow God’s plan for our future, married for all the wrong reasons… but even in the best circumstances, we are still human and we will fail and pain will happen.

How are you doing? This is an important question because healthy relationships matter, not just for the sake of your heart or your sanity or your marriage, but for the sake of your children. You see, something many parents don’t realize is that beyond teaching manners and how to tie shoes and say the alphabet, you are the primary teacher of healthy relationships. The way you do life with your spouse and with others is the text book they study every day.

My wise father states very simply that the best thing to help a marriage thrive is to have “a good forgetter.”  Obviously he doesn’t mean that you forget the important things but that you forget the infractions against you. The most unhealthy relationships are those that hold on tightly to that grudge, refusing to forgive an injustice. Withholding forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. It festers in your heart and causes more suffering than our hearts are created to withstand.

Are you certain that you have released the grip of the grudge? Have you let go of that time when he really disappointed you? The “relationship textbook” that your kids are studying in your home can have many chapters. Do these chapter titles fill your book?  “How to Withhold Affection When You’re Mad.”  “The Silent Treatment as Punishment.” “How To Use The Kids As Leverage To Hurt Your Spouse.”  “Words That Help You Get Even.” “Invest In The Kids Instead Of The Marriage.” “How To His Push Buttons.” The title of this book is The Deadly Grip of Unforgiveness.

If you are teaching your kids about relationships from the textbook called, The Deep Joy of Forgiveness, the chapters will be more like…  “Turing the Other Cheek,” “He Didn’t Intend To Hurt You,” “She Is Still Learning To Love,” “Be Patient,” “Extending Grace,” “Listening More Than Talking.” 

Having a healthy relationship with the people in your life is the best way to insure that your children will have healthy relationships. May I encourage you to release your grip on whatever grudge you are nursing and hold tightly, instead, to the joy of forgiving. Extending grace to those who sought to destroy Him is the example of Jesus. The example we are to follow.

Grace cannot be earned by anyone so if you desire to be like Jesus, showing grace when it isn’t deserved is a giant step in the right direction. Release the grip on what destroys and get a solid grip on what breathes life into your relationships.

Cleaning Up

Have you ever helped a child clean their VERY messy room and when it is all in order it is as if everything is new. They play with toys they had abandoned because all the pieces have been found. They enjoy a toy they couldn’t find in all the clutter. They actually have socks in their drawer that match and there are no Legos to pierce your feet in the middle of the night. It is a wonderful thing and they vow that they will keep it like this forever!

Does that ever happen… they keep it clean forever…? They may keep it clean until they decide something else is more fun than taking care of their things… or they get in a hurry… or you have a late night of homework and no time for the bedtime ritual of picking everything up and putting it in its place. Or the worst…. A friend comes over and wants to see all the toys and thinks it is a good idea to dump them all on the floor. Your child is now completely overwhelmed and you have to go back and help pick up the pieces of that once tidy space.

As parents/grown-ups, we aren’t so very different. We work to lose weight and get fit, then let it go when we allow temptation to lead us astray. We vow to never let the laundry pile up, but after work we are just too tired so we push it back another day. We are going to get out those envelops and stay on budget until we are too tired to cook and order pizza instead or decide it would be bad stewardship to miss all those sales… even when our closets are bulging with clothing.

None of us really wake up in the morning and think, “I want to be a hot mess today and allow my lack of self-control take over my life. I hope to disappoint my spouse with my rude tongue. I can’t wait to scream at my kids until they cry. My plan at work is to cut corners and waste time. I will text and drive and cause an accident. I will eat the junk food that makes me miserable and drink too much so that I am not myself. I will feed my addiction and push aside my desire to walk with Jesus this day, because my way is obviously better.” We don’t say those things… but far too often, we live them.

Why is that? Paul tells the first century church in Rome that, if we are following Jesus, we no longer need to be a slave to the demands of sin. He reminds the young converts that a decision to follow Jesus is to link arms and walk the way He walks. The chains of our sinful desires have been broken, but we remain in the dungeon of failure, holding on to those heavy chains.

How many of us who profess to be a follower of Christ are still holding on to the life we lived without him? How many of us are a hot mess because our words haven’t changed, nor have our attitudes. We want that clean room where we can play in peace and find what we need, but we keep inviting the same “friends” into our life who create messes and in the blink of an eye we are back to the mess we want to escape.

If you claim to be a God follower, but your life doesn’t look any different than before you decided to follow Him… then you haven’t followed. You are simply claiming to have a clean room, but keeping the door shut so you don’t have to admit you are a mess.

So, I ask you, are you linked with Jesus and following the path He has for you or are you still linked with the sin you intended to leave behind?  Are you letting Him help you clean up the mess and toss all the brokenness aside? Are you showing your children how life changes when you are no longer a slave to sin but have become a slave to obedience? If you have made a commitment to follow Jesus, within you is the power to overcome the desires that sin planted in your heart. You have what you need to grab the hand of your Savior and walk in His way.

If you want true blessings in your life you have to turn from the way the world lives and trust Him. Your obedience to Him is the beginning of your new life. He accepts us when we are a mess, but it is contrary to His plan for us to remain so. Drop those chains, grab His hand and let’s get this mess cleaned up!