"Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2
I am a doer. I like it when I can see a need and can charge in with (what I perceive to be) my unlimited strength and wisdom and alleviate the burden I see someone carrying. So, I like this verse. It fits who I am and justifies my drive to go fix things. I recently had the opportunity to use this drive by flying out to Montana to spend a week with our youngest son, Kyle, after his skiing accident left him with a punctured lung, lacerated liver and 5 broken ribs. I quickly discovered there was nothing there that I could fix. I bought some grocery and made some drug store runs, fixed a few meals, did laundry and arranged pillows. I was going there to "fix" something I couldn't fix.
Of course "fixing" others is a total misinterpretation of that verse. I couldn't fix broken bones or take his pain away, but what I could do was just be there. Offering hope and love. His reaction to my "non-fixing presence"... words of love and gratitude for being with him that week. For a "fixer" that was such a great reminder that there is a big difference between carrying a burden and making it disappear. We are not called to fix what we didn't break, but to love enough to walk alongside someone who is broken.
How does this message translate at home? As a young mom (and a fixer), every moment was a teachable moment. There was a lesson to be learned with every mistake or flagrant foul the kids committed. I wonder now if they would have learned just as well if I had just silently allowed them to suffer the consequences of their choices without judgement or sermon, but walked alongside them in love while the dust settled around their misdeed. We start off life with an infant, bearing ALL the burden for them because they need us to do that. As they grow, we have to back off and allow them to carry the burden for themselves so they can learn to master life skills. If you read further in Galatians 6, you will find Paul telling his readers to bear their own burdens. In today's vernacular, we should never be the enabler who confuses bearing another's burden during a difficult time with carrying their entire load, absolving them of responsibility. My take on this is that we allow our kids to feel the pain of bad decisions, but rather than standing over them with condemnation, we sit beside them with compassion. After all, has it really been that long since you screwed up?
While I was in Montana, I talked with a young wife who told me that her grandmother was very old school and believed that the wife should serve her husband and care for him, even though he was perfectly capable of caring for himself. She didn't like that concept at all! They were a few years into their marriage and content to care for themselves. What happens, though, when there is a pain that visits the heart that sets us back on our heels? When a roadblock appears out of nowhere causing us to stop dead in our tracks? When sickness or loss is suffered? Rushing in to tell your partner to suck it up and be strong is not typically the best way to healing. Busying yourself with "fixing" will also not do a thing for your relationship. Pointing out how they got themselves into this situation or refusing to show compassion because they deserve whatever the outcome will certainly not strengthen your relationship. The best way to bear your spouse's burden is to know your spouse. Living for yourself will not enlighten you to the person you have chosen and what their needs might be. You simply cannot bear their burden if you don't know them well enough to know who they are inside. Truly knowing them enables you to try to out-serve each other. That may feel awkward in the beginning if it isn't your typical method, but it is an excellent way to build a relationship that lasts.
While I was in Montana, I talked with a young wife who told me that her grandmother was very old school and believed that the wife should serve her husband and care for him, even though he was perfectly capable of caring for himself. She didn't like that concept at all! They were a few years into their marriage and content to care for themselves. What happens, though, when there is a pain that visits the heart that sets us back on our heels? When a roadblock appears out of nowhere causing us to stop dead in our tracks? When sickness or loss is suffered? Rushing in to tell your partner to suck it up and be strong is not typically the best way to healing. Busying yourself with "fixing" will also not do a thing for your relationship. Pointing out how they got themselves into this situation or refusing to show compassion because they deserve whatever the outcome will certainly not strengthen your relationship. The best way to bear your spouse's burden is to know your spouse. Living for yourself will not enlighten you to the person you have chosen and what their needs might be. You simply cannot bear their burden if you don't know them well enough to know who they are inside. Truly knowing them enables you to try to out-serve each other. That may feel awkward in the beginning if it isn't your typical method, but it is an excellent way to build a relationship that lasts.
Bottom line... life can get tough and sometimes we just aren't up to the struggle... whether we are 6 or 60. Sometimes we need someone to help shoulder our load. There are no awards at the end of the road for going it alone or forcing someone else to do so. The Law of Christ is to love others and love God. We can't love God if we don't love what He created....(and that's your spouse and your kids). The way to demonstrate your love for them, according to scripture, is to carry their burden. It may seem to you that they should be able to manage without you, but what a blessing it is when they see you are by their side, walking with them through their valley. You don't need a lot of knowledge to sit with someone and listen. You don't need to quote scripture or have the wisdom of a sage. You just have to care that they hurting or afraid and hold their hand in the valleys of life. The darkness is always more bearable when you are not alone.
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