Seekers Of The Light

I am convinced that we are all born as seekers. There are things that we seek to know; to find; to understand. These are as varied as we are, however, the one thing that is innately inbred into the fiber of every human life and that is to seek the Light. There is a spiritual darkness into which we are born that cries out for LIGHT. Just as the Magi of the Christmas story, we are driven to find the One who came to be the Light of the World.

If you think about it, your kids – every time they push the limits- are seeking to find their way out of darkness and into Light. With each inappropriate behavior they are seeking guidance, even if they don’t realize it. If I had it to do over again, I would have treated the negative behaviors of my children as if they were simply seeking guidance, rather than defying my authority. What if I had reacted to naughty choices as an opportunity to shine His Light on their path? I guess I will never have the answer to that question, but I have a few suggestions for those of you who still have time to give it a try!

1)      When you are dealing with your child’s behaviors that are less than ideal, remember that guiding them means zero tolerance for bad choices. If you are not consistent with the things that will and will not be tolerated, your children will not see a path that is lit and safe to follow. They will see light that is bouncing everywhere and they will have no idea which way to turn. Keep the right path consistently lit by patiently directing them to proper choices and away from that which you have deemed unacceptable.

2)      When your kids are naughty it is easy to succumb to frustration which very easily turns into anger. Reacting out of anger may scare your children into submission (after all that is a dark behavior from which they will run) but it does not show them the light to which they should run. Remind yourself, when your fuse is becoming short enough for an explosion, that their behaviors are actions that are seeking Light; that bad behaviors are merely seeking to know where the boundaries lie, what is appropriate, what is not, what will be tolerated, what will not, what brings joy and acceptance, what does not. When we fail to shine the Light of Love to illuminate the path they should travel, the bad behaviors will continue. Sometimes kids push the limits to the point that you think they will never get it. Take a deep breath and let God shine through you to do what you don’t have the strength to do yourself.

3)      When you have taken a wrong turn on your path that has resulted in pain and separation from the Light, older children can begin to hear the PG version of your story so that they can see and hear the contrast and consequences of wandering from God. Remembering where you have come from will help you to refrain from shining a glaring light at their short comings. Shining the light at them will help them to see where they are, which is important, but the light mustn’t stay there, but be pointed in the direction they should go. Caution: when you are not on the right path, your kids are more likely to follow you than they are to follow the Light.

Lord, help us to see Your Light more clearly, follow Your Light more closely and reflect Your Light more truly as we guide our children towards the Light of Life.

Son Light, Not Spotlight

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.

Also, people do not light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand.

Then it gives light to everyone in the house.

In the same way, let your light shine in front of others.

Then they will see the good things you do and they will praise the Father in Heaven.”

Matthew 5:16

Who doesn’t want to be held in high esteem for the good things we do? It feels good to be noticed when we make a sacrifice or go above and beyond. It’s only natural; however, when we do good for the applause of others, we are making it all about us and that is idolatry, pure and simple. We have taken the place of the only ONE who is deserving of praise.

Why then, did Jesus tell his followers that they should be sure to let others see the good they were doing? Because it is our task to make God known.

Always make sure that the light shining is not an exterior light that illuminates your good deeds, but an interior light on the Spirit of God living within you. The presence of God in you will create a new you and others will know that there is something supernatural about your attitude and actions.

The Spirit of God doesn’t take breaks. When the kids are naughty, that light is still within you. When your husband doesn’t help you around the house, that light is still inside you. When the finances are stretched to the breaking point, still the light shines. When your wife seems cold and distant, that light is still on. With every worry and unlovely attitude, we wrap ourselves in self-pity and the light that brings life is draped in darkness. His light becomes obscure.

Learn to walk with God and allow that Spirit within you to become the voice that you hear and the light that guides. As it shines, with no obstructions from our refusal to listen and follow, there will be growth. You will bear fruit in your life that will be transforming to you and to your family. You won’t be blinding them with a light that points to their short-comings. You won’t be in the spotlight, proving how great you are doing. Rather, God will shine through you and will reveal Himself in the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that will become who you are and God will be the one who is praised.

Following the Star

Every year there seems to be a new insight from the Christmas story that captures my thoughts. Lately I have thought much about the journey of the Magi; the Wise men following the star. They were intelligent men who had discovered an anomaly in the heavens. As they studied this new sighting they began to seek information on what it could mean. Were there predictions made in bygone years about such a thing? Digging deep into the annals of history, they discovered the writings of an ancient prophet named Isaiah who spoke of a LIGHT that would come. This LIGHT was to signify the birth of a Savior, a Messiah, the King of the Jews. They were not likely Jews and hadn’t been awaiting a Messiah. They hadn’t grown up hearing of the Redeemer that would end their bondage. They simply saw a light that intrigued them and determined that they must follow the light of the star to learn if this was, in fact, that light about which Isaiah had prophesied.

The question that this brings to my mind is- if our kids are not truly looking for Jesus... and kids typically are not... can they find Him through me? Is the LIGHT that points to Jesus shining from me in such a way that attracts them to the joy and abiding peace that His presence brings? 

When our kids were young we spent some time in the caves of Kentucky and learned a little bit about darkness and light. When they got too far from us, we didn’t point the light at them to help them find security and hope. We had to point it at ourselves so that they could find their way back. Often, when we are trying to direct our children we do so by pointing light at them… exposing their failures and short-comings. That is a blinding glare that prevents them from seeing the way they should go.

This Christmas, consider giving your children the gift of light that will direct them to Jesus, just as the star directed the Magi. Be the light that will attract, not create a glare that prevents them from the warm light of God’s undying love, so that, along with the Wise men of 2,000 years ago they will find Him and fall down and worship Him, Emanuel, God with us.

Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, saying, "Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we saw His star in the east and have come to worship Him."

Matthew 2:1-2

Your Story

Each of our lives has a story to tell. How are you telling your story? When the book of your life unfolds will others see victory, godly living, integrity, honor, humility, grace? Will there be chapters filled with anger, resentment, jealousy, selfishness, pride, unkindness? The good news is, though you are NOT always the author of your circumstances, you are the author of your story and you get to decide how it reads.

My father has recently been undergoing a battery of tests and we have been given little hope of recovery from the doctors. At nearly 81, his story may be drawing to a conclusion. My dad and I are as close as a father and daughter can be so the thought of losing him is painful, but I will never lose the story that he has written on my heart. More than his DNA, I carry his legacy of unconditional love, mercy and grace. His life has been my classroom. I have watched him deal with difficult people, difficult situations, and struggles of many kinds with integrity and gentleness. I have watched him love those who society has given up on. I have seen him pour himself into those whose lives have been transformed because of him. Conversely, I have watched him react with compassion when others turn and walk away after he has invested so much in their lives. Never have I witnessed self-pity or pride or a weariness so heavy that he wants to stop giving.

It is a wonderful gift to give your children… a story that is so full of peace, joy and contentment; of servanthood and compassion. It makes me wonder at the story my kids are receiving from me. It causes me to want to encourage you to consider the same and look to God for the transformation that can take place within each of us only after we submit to Him. It is His Spirit within us, whom we receive when we decide to follow God, that will begin to chip away at anything we see that is unsightly and offer to him for remodeling; His Spirit that adds the beauty that will replace the ugliness we surrender to Him; His grace that takes a wretched person and molds us, as much as we will allow, into the person He made us to be.

May I please encourage you to consider your story. Consider the kind of submission to the transforming power of God that allows Him to write it as He designed. Stop being who you can be on your own and be the person you can be if you let him embrace you, lead you, direct you, and make your story one that your kids will someday tell with pride. If you give them nothing else, give them the example of a life lived with Jesus as your closest companion. They will gain much for which to be grateful in a classroom like that.

 “Don't do anything only to get ahead. Don't do it because you are proud.

Instead, be free of pride.

Think of others as better than yourselves.”

Philippians 2:3

Getting Fit

“If you do what you’ve always done, you get what you always got.” If you are struggling, as one who has decided to follow Jesus, to be filled with grace and humility, compassion and kindness, gentleness and patience… join the club! We all struggle, but there is a way to victory. God In US! Think of this analogy…

We have had a wii fit  for 3-4 years. We have enjoyed it from time to time, but mostly it has been unused… until recently when I made a commitment to pull it out and insert the exercise dvd and use it 5 days a week to improve my health and fitness. Every morning I get to choose whether or not I am going to stick with my commitment or sleep that extra half hour. That decision determines how rapidly I will see my goals met.

Liken that to our walk with God. When we decide to become a follower of God, the Spirit of God makes His home within us. As He coaches and directs us, we begin to morph into His likeness, reflecting His goodness… when we follow His lead. It isn’t an automatic thing. Every moment we have a choice to either submit to him shaping us and making us healthy and fit in our inner spirit OR continuing to live and act as we always have. If we say we are following, yet are not a reflection of him, it is like having the best exercise equipment and using it for a clothing rack.

When our commitment to following God is weak, what is the benefit of being a follower of Jesus? If we aren’t willing to walk with Him in the details of our lives, our lives will not change.  The mature believer learns that in order to be transformed by the Spirit of God, we must listen and obey. It is not what we can do to be good. It is what we allow Him to do in and through us that changes us.

It is not easy to let go of the anxiety that drives us to negative behavior, or the anger that seems to be etched into our DNA, or the habits that have been established over the years.  It can be a difficult thing to let go of the reins and allow God to steer us on to a better place. Trust me, these exercises are not easy for me. It is not natural for me to get up and work out. But I know what I want and I know that if I continue to do what I have always done I will continue to be unhealthy, unfit and overweight.

If you are ready to reflect the goodness of God in your life so that even your family can see that it is good to follow Jesus, it’s time to listen and obey that inner voice that wants you to be transformed so you can achieve the purpose for which you were created. He will, if we allow him, change you and others will see the evidence of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in your life.

Want to raise godly kids? Let them see God in YOU!

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly

as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom…”

Colossians 3:16

MVP, GPA or GOD?

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

Love him with all your strength.

The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts.

Make sure your children learn them.

Talk about them when you are at home.

Talk about them when you walk along the road.

Speak about them when you go to bed.

And speak about them when you get up.”

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

As a parent, which do you think is the most urgent need to impress upon your children: GPA? MVP? or GOD?  Does your response align with your actions? Would others be surprised by your answer?  Often times we feel that something is important, but we don’t demonstrate that with our choices. No one is immune from that! 

There is no question that academics are important. Children must learn new things on a daily basis to build a solid foundation that will insure they are prepared for college and/or life with adult responsibilities.  If their grades in High School are good enough, they may even get a full ride to the college of their choice so they can climb higher than their parents and someday receive their doctorate and a Nobel prize.

In America, sports are a big deal… and getting bigger all the time. Kids learn fitness, values, teamwork and good sportsmanship. There is also that possibility that they will be the one the scouts will see and end up with a college scholarship. Sports keeps them off the streets and busy so they learn to be an effective multi-tasker (and be tired enough they don’t argue about going to bed at night).

As important as those may be, I believe God is infinitely more important in the life of your children. You probably agree. But, if you claim that God is the most important, then what are you doing to prove that to your kids? Do they actually hear you talk about Him? Do they know that He is the Leader you choose to follow? Do they hear you talk to Him? Do you pray with them? Do you say a prayer of thanksgiving before meals? Are your decisions based on what you have learned from being a student of His Word? How important is corporate worship at your house? What can keep you from the Word or from Worship? Homework? Laundry? A game or a meet? Recreation? Friends? Family?

I don’t believe that there is a scorecard in heaven keeping track of the things I listed. I do, however think there is a scorecard on the heart of your kids, metaphorically speaking. They are watching you closely and learning from you… more by what you do than by what you say. If  you want them to love and follow God, then examine where He lines up on your priority list. Not the one you claim, but the one you demonstrate.

As God-followers we are all on a journey to reflect the image of our Creator. That’s hard to do from a distance. Maybe, as we approach the holiday season you need to determine if you have room for Jesus. It is time to take Him seriously. He is GOD. Do you want your kids to know about Him or to know Him?  Satan knows about Him. That’s not good enough for my kids or my grand-kids. I want them to really know… be a friend of… trust… follow the One who made them with a purpose far more important than their GPA or being a MVP. If you feel the same, take a look at the message you are clearly sending them by the decisions you make on a daily basis.

I choose GOD.

LOST!

My friend, while in college was traveling with her church to the Dominican Republic. Her pastor had warned them against all horseplay, as TSA officers would be watching everyone and nobody was above suspicion.  While waiting in line, she recounts this story:

“As we waited in silence, we heard a piercing cry from the back of the line. A muscular man in a black t-shirt and dark jeans began screaming in Spanish and fighting his way through the crowd.  The air became thick.  My heart began to race.

The officers bolted toward the man.  Police placed their hands on their weapons: ready to shoot if necessary.  The man was undeterred. He kept fighting through the crowd, screaming.

All chatter and movement ceased in that terminal, except for the man.  He shoved people aside. His screams became louder.  He kept exclaiming the same few words, like a mantra.

TSA reached him just as he made his way through the metal detectors.  He writhed out of their control.  Gasps came from the line.

And then, the man cried out with a loud groan.  He stooped down, and picked up a two-year-old boy.  "Mi nino! Mi nino!" (Spanish for "my son") the man said over and over.  He held his boy up so we all would understand. His son had escaped from him in the line and this father was merely trying to get his boy back.

We all breathed a sigh of relief.  We got it. Of course this father would be willing to face jail time and even death to get his boy back.

That moment in the airport became a memory burn for me.  Here's why:  This is how our Heavenly Father feels about each of us.  

When we get lost, Jesus leaves everything and comes after us with the fervor of the Hound of Heaven.  He is willing to face humiliation and death so we can be safe in His arms again.”

Satan often waits for us to be “lost” in life, in activities, in distractions from God, in work, in busyness, in relationships… Whatever your “lost” looks like, be assured that he is waiting to pounce and administer the GUILT that will keep us hiding from the One who seeks us with a passion.  I hope that Amy’s story will be a memory burn for you as you allow yourself to be sought after and embraced by the One who loves you most. 

Beyond that, I hope it impacts the way you parent your children. Remember that GUILT is not the best motivator in directing their lives. Teaching them the right choices and walking beside them as they learn brings a better result. It is love that unites us and gives us the power to speak into their lives. Make sure they know that you would give EVERYTHING to make sure they are in the right place, with the Father that was willing to die to be with them.

"For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost." -- Matthew 18:11

Tell Them Why We Say Thank You

Teaching your child to be truly grateful is much more than teaching them to say “thank you.” While listening to Sunday’s sermon on Gratitude, I had an epiphany. When I think of all the times I have made that command to a child without explaining to them what it means to really be grateful, well, it’s rather embarrassing. Sometimes I wish I could have a “do over” but then I regain consciousness, remember that it is much more fun to be a Gramma and realize I would rather just tell YOU all these things that I am learning so you will be a better parent than I!

In George Barna’s book, “Revolutionary Parenting,” he states:

“Kids are not always logical, but they expect their parents to have logical reasons for everything they do. Parents are not obligated to share that logic with their youngsters, but the extraordinary parents we interviewed noted that they typically included an explanation along with their commands so that the children felt that there was nothing capricious being foisted upon them. “I think my children learned a lot about their faith and values by my explaining my expectations and disciplinary measures…. I think they actually developed a better spiritual sense because they could follow my logic trail and see how I was combining our faith and their behaviors.””

We don’t explain things to our kids because they are ignorant, but because they are professional learners and without teaching, a learner has a huge void within. Like little sponges they soak up all we say and they sense our unspoken attitudes. Teach them to be grateful, but teach with respect for who they are and in awe of who they will become.

Imagine a child who understands that every good thing comes from the God who made them.

Imagine them knowing that we receive gifts from the Creator of the universe.          
Imagine a child that knows the value of expressing gratitude                   

Imagine the joy of growing up knowing that God is good and is providing for us.              

Imagine learning that, even when we don’t get all we hope for, God is still providing all we need. Imagine a child that understands that others have sacrificed to give to them.

Imagine demonstrating for a child that the joy of giving surpasses the joy of receiving.

Imagine grasping the truth that God lives in our praise and a grateful heart draws God near us.

Wouldn’t that child be better equipped to sing with the Psalmist,

“Give thanks to the Lord, because He is good. His faithful love continues forever.”

  (Psalm 107:1 NIrV)

"Do this..."

Christians and parents are often known for the same things. What we instruct others NOT to do. Growing up in the church I learned more about what a “good” Christian does NOT do than what we should do. Typically, when listening to parents interacting with their children we also hear a list of “DON’Ts.” Jesus knew his time had come to an end to walk with and instruct his followers. He did not want them to forget what He had taught or the sacrifice He would make for them, but he didn’t say…”Don’t forget!”  He said “Do this so that it will help you to remember.” (from Luke 22:19)

What if, as we train our children in the way that they should go, we were to give positive instruction, rather than negative commands?  “Stop jumping on the couch!” would become “Furniture is for sitting. Can you sit, please?”  “Stop hitting your sister!” would become “Hands are for helping and hugging. Please show kindness.”  Not only does is sound better, it works better because you are planting a positive thought instead of stating the negative behavior that you want to end. They will have no question of your expectation,

Chick Moorman, in his book “Parent Talk,” states that the subconscious mind doesn’t hear the word “don’t.” As you read on don’t think of a large purple hippo jumping rope while spitting watermelon seeds. What happened? If you are like most people you thought of exactly what I told you not to think of. That is what happens in the mind of your kids when you give negative instruction rather than positive.

The “next time” you need to correct a behavior, use “next time” instructions and you will be planting positive pictures in your child’s mind.

Not… “stop running in the house” but “Remember that we decided it is safer and better to walk in the house? Next time you come inside, I want you to show me that you remember that we walk inside.”

Not… “you are moving so slowly you’re going to make us late!” but “Next time I want you to come quickly so that we can leave on time.”

Not… “stop yelling at your sister” but “Next time you speak, make your words kind words to tell her what you need.”

In short, it is pretty much a waste of breath to tell your kids what NOT to do if you aren’t instructing them on the proper thing they SHOULD do.  Let’s follow Jesus example in teaching and leading our kids… “Do this…” and see where it takes you!

Compounding Interest In The Behavior Bank

"Good and evil both increase at compound interest.  That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later,  you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of."

These are the very wise words of C.S. Lewis. Conversely, the smallest act of disobedience or wavering from the course God has set out for you today is a victory for Satan as he works to gain a foothold in your life, your mind, your home.

Now, take that wisdom and translate it into parenting. An act of disobedience without consequences is an open invitation for your child's will to continue to battle yours.  If your child is repeating the same negative behaviors, then you are likely not effective in administering the appropriate discipline and their “naughty” bank has accrued enough interest to invest in more defiance. Your “look,” your volume, your lectures, your threats are not discipline. They are simply disapproval… and most children don’t really care if you approve or not, they just care that they can continue to do whatever they want without consequences.

We are charged with shaping the heart of our children so that it is ready to be a home for the Spirit of God. Defiant, disrespectful behavior will leave no room for or understanding of God’s guidance in their lives as they mature. Make certain that you fully understand the meaning of the mandate to “train up a child in the way they should go.”  Training does not mean telling and yelling. It means guiding, demonstrating, explaining why certain things are non-negotiable. The younger the child, the simpler the explanation… but explain you must! Sometimes “Because I said so,” if followed by “and I said so because it is my job to teach you the correct way to behave” is explanation enough. But if they are ready to comprehend where their negative behavior is leading, tell them!

Also, look for ways to applaud the good choices and tell them they were good choices. That is how they begin to note the difference between good and bad. “I love it when you share so nicely. That means that you care about how your brother feels which means you are getting to be quite a big boy!”  “Wow! That was the quickest first-time-obedience EVER! That means you are learning to do the right thing and we need to add some marbles to your good choices jar!” “I know you really wanted more candy, but when I said NO, you didn’t argue a bit! Great job!” “You just brushed your teeth without being told! I am so proud of you being so responsible!”

Most importantly, realize that you are not expected to parent alone. There is a God who has the answers and wants to help you. Immerse yourself in His Word and learn His ways so that it becomes second nature to impart His wisdom to your kids as they grow. It’s never too late to start a good thing. Today is a good day for new beginnings!

Teach Them To Give

For many parents, the change in the weather means our thoughts begin to lean toward the Christmas season and making it a magical time for the kids. Sadly, in our culture, the first thing we think of is the gifts we will buy for our kids who already have so much more than the majority of children of the world and seldom care enough about what they have to make sure it is put away properly at the end of the day.

We all want to give great things to our kids. What a difference it would make if our focus was not on tangible things that they can hold in their hands, but the intangibles that they can hold in their hearts. Here are a few ideas:

• ·         Give them focused time. They are hearing from their teachers to practice whole body listening. Model that as you listen to them. Eyes on them, body turned toward them, nodding, responding, smiling. 
• ·         Give them unconditional love. Allowing a child to see their parents love each other unconditionally is one of the best examples they can follow as they grow into adulthood. If you love them well, without loving your spouse well what they will learn is a performance based love
• ·         Give them laughter. Share a joke of the day or a funny video and laugh together.
• ·         Give them compassion. Use the internet to open their eyes to the needs in the world around them. Sheltering them perpetuates the greed and entitlement so common in our society. Let them visualize the disparity between the standard of living of Americans and the rest of the world.
• ·         Give them responsibility by working alongside them as you teach them to take ownership of their belonging.
• ·         Give them values by explaining that we, as God followers, believe and live as we do because we are commanded to be like Jesus.
• ·         Give them generosity by giving them opportunities to share with others who have needs greater than our own.
• ·         Give them music. Christian CDs are a great way to teach what you believe. Invest in a children’s CD that you can play in the car and sing together… over and over and over… If you need a suggestion, just ask!
• ·         Give them mentors. If it is true that it takes a village to raise a child, who are the adults you are allowing to pour into your kids? Are they godly people teaching godly values? Are your kids regularly exposed to those who follow Jesus and value the teaching of His Word?

Our own eyes have been trained to look at the “Jones’” next door and try to keep in step with what they have. This year for Christmas give your kids the eyes of Jesus so they can see a broadened vision of the world. Help them to see all they have and be grateful. Value them enough to teach them to be givers, not takers and show them how to “prefer one another in love,” “honor others above ourselves,” “do to others as we would have them do to us.”  Point them to the beauty around them that their Creator has provided and never stop looking for ways to love them that require no wrapping paper…. And let me be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas!

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed.  I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you wanted more clothes, I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."  

Matthew 25:42-32 RESV (Richard E. Stearns Version)

Stumbling Block or Building Block?

Most responsible parents want to know the friends their kids run with. Who are their parents? Where do they live? Are they “good” kids? Will they be a good influence or will they be a stumbling block and drag our kids down the wrong road?  BUT, how much time do we spend making sure that we, as responsible parents, are not being a stumbling block on their eternal journey?

I was thinking this week about some of the messages we send to our kids that cause them to stumble into believing the lies of the Deceiver:

“Church is for the weak.”

If you are strong and healthy you participate in sports every Sunday. If you aren’t good enough for sports, then there’s church. 

“Jesus is for old people.”

When you are young there are Saturday night sleepovers and late night parties. You can learn more about the Bible and living according to God’s plan when you grow up.

“Going to church makes you a Christian.”

God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, but if we attend church on Sunday that will cover for our behaviors during the week.

I really don’t think we intentionally send these messages to our kids, but have you ever thought of some of the messages our choices infer? The only real way to teach your kids is by intentionally choosing a pattern of living that demonstrates that you are learning, listening and obeying the Father. Don’t try to obey a creed or mimic someone you see as “good.” There is only One that is good. Spend time getting to know Him and He will direct you onto the path you and your family should follow.

Do you want to be a stumbling block to your kids? Nobody does… So be intentional about leading by being a good follower! And make sure you are following the true Leader!

“Jesus said to his disciples:

"Things that cause people to sin are bound to come,

but woe to that person through whom they come.”

Luke 17:1