Dealing With Hearts And Fears

“Do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Scripture tells us (Ephesians 1:20) that God raised Jesus from the dead and seated Him at His right hand. Picture Jesus’ left arm linked in the right arm of your Creator and Jesus’ right arm wrapped around you. That is the picture in my mind as I ponder this verse in Isaiah. How can anything bring fear to me if I keep that vision in the forefront of my thoughts?

Tomorrow morning I will be having a cardiac ablation. This is a routine procedure for a doctor that specializes in the electrophysiology of the heart. For me, the one laying there for hours in a semi-conscious state while the cardiologist drives a camera around my heart looking for the reason for the crazy rhythm, it is not quite so routine. I can honestly say, that I haven’t been afraid. Partially because this cardiologist is amazing and has done this procedure a gazillion times. Partially because I am over the exhaustion that comes from my heart running sprints and marathons without benefit of a single calorie burned. But, mostly because I can feel Jesus arm around me. I know that my life is in His hands, every single day, with or without a trip to the hospital.

It is good to feel the peace that takes away the fear of this world. Pass that peace on to your kids by assuring them that Jesus is there right beside them, all the time. Telling them, or even showing them that there are no monsters under the bed, will not destroy the image in their mind that will reappear as soon as you leave the room. Explaining that their fears are irrational will not suddenly turn them into rational thinkers. And, most certainly, telling them to grow up and stop being a baby will only give them a false expectation that adults are never afraid. You and I both know that isn’t true!

Sing and play music that will remind them of God’s presence and love. Teach them Isaiah 41:10 and other verses that tell us that we are never outside of His sight. Build their courage by telling them of times when God has brought you through scary circumstances and made you brave. Be their cheerleader when they show courage and try new things. Walk beside them in the scary places. Resist the urge to protect them from all things frightening, because in doing so, they never develop their own courage. You may, unintentionally, be confirming their reason to be afraid of the noisy vacuum that is actually harmless, if you react to their fears by never vacuuming. Other health risks may also occur (wink). However, you must use good judgment in protecting them from the fearsome things that they are too young to witness or experience.

Be strong. Be courageous. Be diligent to pass that on to your kids. Help them to find the brave that they will need when you aren’t there. Never fail to remind them that their Creator sees all and, no matter how scary life may feel, He is right there giving them the strength and courage they need to make it through… even if a camera is driving around your heart preparing to fire on the enemy. God’s got this!

Leading Well

If you read my blog on a regular basis, it’s either because you are looking for wisdom on raising a family or looking for typos. Hopefully you are finding more of the former than the later! If you are looking for wisdom, answers, encouragement, you are already on the right track to healthy parenting. Raising your children is your job, your business, your decision, your priority, yet you know that you need help to lead them well. That being said, have you ever considered that the most important person you have to lead is not your kid/kids, but yourself. If you are going to be a good leader and example for them, it has to begin with you making the decision multiple times a day, every single day, to lead yourself well.

One of the most valuable ways to insure that you are leading yourself and your children well is to learn to prioritize what you value most over what you want now.  How many times have you heard a parent give into the wishes of the child at the store in order to avoid an angry child making a scene? Countless, I’m guessing. That is an example of giving in to what you and your child want NOW as opposed to what you value most. That parent who caved is not thinking, “I hope my child grows up spoiled, entitled, unable to sustain healthy relationships, and generally unpleasant to be around.” Yet their actions will give them exactly that because they are prioritizing what they want NOW (peace and quiet… no public scene to make them look like a bad parent) over what they value most (patient, obedient, respectful children who are learning the value of working for and waiting for what they want).

As a parent, you really need to sit down and determine what kind of values you want for you child. What are the most important lessons for them to learn? You want them to be kind and loving, so you must be kind and loving. This is where it gets tricky because we easily confuse being kind and loving with pandering to their every whim. Giving in will create feelings of superiority and entitlement that encourage behavior that is extremely unkind and just plain hateful. So you have to determine your values in such a way that, as you lead, you are looking at the bigger picture, the outcome of your decisions over the long term, not caving to whatever the child is asking for now. Trust me on this. Tears at two or three because you can’t have a sucker are far easier to deal with than tears at 12 or 13 because your child can’t sustain a friendship.

In order to lead yourself as a parent, you have to be strong and have your values set so that tantrums and stomach flu and sleepless nights and broken toys and hearts don't sway you. Are your values set? Are you staying the course, even when it takes every last drop of energy? Or are you trying to satisfy kids with what keeps them happy now because that is the easiest way?  What will you choose?  Sleeping in or Sunday worship?  Appropriate bedtimes that allow quality time for mom and dad or being too exhausted for each other because the kids beg to stay up later? Do you take the time to know the parents and friends your kids play with or just enjoy having them out of the house, no matter who they are with? Do you choose screen time or reading Bible stories together?  Teaching them responsibility by doing chores with them that you will have to take extra time to redo when they aren’t around, or just doing it yourself? Fast food on the run or meal planning and limiting the extra-curricular activities so you can have family meals around the table? Life-long learning or mindless drivel? Exercise or couch potato? So many decisions... so little time! If you don't think so, ask a parent who is taking their baby to college this week!

Some days I make the decision multiple times to focus on what I value over what I want. That means I have to look down the road at who I want to be. I value being a follower of Jesus, in step with Him and learning to draw closer always. I value being a good partner and companion to my husband. My kids are all grown up now, but I still value being a good mom and a good grandma. I value being an encourager, instructor and leader of those who are at the front line in the battle for our children’s hearts and minds. If I really value those things, my actions have to fall in line with the desires of my heart.

Somedays I live as though I value ice cream, Pinterest and HGTV… not gonna lie. I am a work in progress, but, knowing what I truly value helps me to keep life in balance. I haven’t arrived… but I’m getting closer as I focus on what I value. Jesus knew His mission and kept what He valued, bringing honor and glory to His Father by loving Him and loving others, right in the very front of His mind. No matter what He encountered, that directed His words and His actions. May you learn to follow Him closely so you can learn to be the very best leader of yourself and your family.

“A new command I give you:

Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,

 if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35

The Orphans And Widows Phenom

When James, the half-brother of Jesus, stated that pure religion is caring for the needs of the orphans and widows, I believe he was saying that the only way organized religion is of value is when it becomes the essence of love and compassion. Orphans and widows had no power, no prestige, no ability to repay or reciprocate in any fashion. Anything given to them would be given with no expectation of receiving anything in return. That is love at its finest.

In the first century church, adoption was not covered by social service agencies. The church WAS the social service agency. Foster care provided no per-diem for incurred expenses. Elder care wasn’t a paid position. All the compassion ministries of the New Testament church were completely on the back of the giver. It was an even greater responsibility then than it is now.

In the 80s I felt like God was opening my heart to work at a children’s home that our church sponsored in Kentucky. I loved kids and wanted to love them in a way that could change the trajectory of their lives. From there, we became foster parents and in the course of 10 years we fostered over 50 different children from infant to 17 years of age. We loved them all in the best way that we knew how to love them. We coached and challenged and tried so hard to make them see their worth. It’s just difficult to overcome the feeling that you have to leave your home (no matter how bad it was) because there is nobody there to provide for you. It’s difficult to ever feel like you can be loved by someone if your own parents didn’t love you. It’s hard to believe that you can break the family cycle. It’s hard to feel worthy of the love of a family once you have been removed from one that was supposed to love you the most.

In the 90s we adopted 2 of the children that we fostered. It was a battle to keep them because the county wanted to continue to keep our beds open for foster care. There were new policies that stated that a Caucasian family could not adopt an African American child.  We had to convince the adoption committee that was to determine their future, that we were indeed the best home for these kids. We had them since infancy and they were four and six years old when the decision was to be made. That really makes you pray!  

Fast forward 30- 40 years. Did we make a profound impact on the 50+ kids to whom we opened our hearts and our homes? Maybe a few of them. Some probably don’t even remember us. Only 2 of those children were given our name. The oldest, at 6 years old, asked that we change her first name as well because her birth name belonged to her when she was afraid that she would have to get new parents if the committee didn’t agree to let us keep her. That is something a 6 year old should never have to worry about. I’m not sure what that social worker was thinking when she told her that she may move to a different home. We were the only parents she had ever known at that time in her life. But, I digress…  Giving them the Brady name meant that they were ours. Forever and always. We would be there for them in their time of need and they could always come to us. No matter what.

Through the years they have had a few “no matter whats” occur and we were there. We will be there to love them and continue to assure them that they are completely worthy of our love, unconditionally. I pray that the love we extend to them will keep their hearts soft and direct them always to the One who placed that love in our hearts. I often pray that they can feel that love coming to them from across the miles or throughout the difficult times. They are precious to us and they belong to us just as much as the children born to us.

The same is true of Aunt Ruth. When Uncle Tommy died I had the privilege of welcoming her into my home. She had dementia and never ever felt like she “belonged” in our home. She pined to go back to the home where she felt most comfortable, but that was not an option. There were occasions when she would be grateful for my care, but primarily, she just wanted to go home.

I suppose I could easily give up and stop helping those “widows and orphans” who scripture tells us to love. I may not be very good at it. Maybe those I have invested in never even felt my love. Maybe they didn’t appreciate the sacrifice. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel and be done. But, instead I choose to keep loving and letting God direct my steps to the next need and then equip me to love and hold me in His mighty arms when that love is rejected.

I am telling you our story because I want you to see a truth that I have learned through all these experiences. I did what I was called to do. It was not very easy, I suppose, but I learned not to focus on the difficulty, just on the Source of the strength I needed…. (except for those times when I’m sure I was a whiner). The truth is, I may not have transformed lives like I had envisioned. But one life was changed forever by opening my heart to the joy and the pain of loving without hope of reciprocation and giving without thought of repayment. That life was MINE. By exercising my love muscle in loving and loving and loving some more, my capacity to love expanded exponentially.

Maybe Jesus wants us to open our hearts to love without limits, not simply because people need to be loved, but because He knows that we will truly be the one who wins in the long run.  Who can you love today? That person that receives the gift of your unconditional love will get a blessing, but it will be you that receives the greater blessing in expanding the boundaries of love within your heart.

People Matter

People matter. They matter to God. They should matter to us. We, as a society, tend to marginalize certain people groups. I believe we do that with those who seem to have nothing to offer us. Perhaps they are jobless, seem to have limited skills and even less self-worth. We see them dirty and disheveled at the store, as if there is no reason to bathe or dress for the day. We see them, and hear them, and smell them in the Emergency Room after their intoxication led to reckless behavior causing bodily harm to themselves and others. We read about them in the paper. Our tax dollars pay for their imprisonment.  

But, in Matthew 25, Jesus talks about those marginalized people and elevates them to the level of the Son of God. “If you did this to the least of these (hungry, homeless, reckless people) you have done it to ME.” If we really bought into that mentality, that people do matter, how would it change our world? Would our investment in others really change them? Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing is certain. It would change us.

As parents, we tend to protect our children from playing with other children who have no supervision at home. We isolate them from wickedness for their safety. We determine where they will go, who they will build friendships with and what behaviors they need to avoid. That is being a responsible parent. It can be tricky to protect our kids without building in them the mindset that we are better, more worthy and more important to God because of what we do and don’t do.

Jesus said, and Luke recorded, “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return.” That tells me that we aren’t to simply coast through life with the privilege we have… even if we earned every bit of it… and look with disdain upon those who have less… perhaps due to their own choices. Those choices didn’t just happen. They were often preceded by a childhood without good parental care, no moral compass, alcoholism, addiction, neglect or abuse. Children learn best in a situation where they feel safe and loved. Sadly, many children never experience that.

If your children have experienced a safe and loving home where values have been taught, then much has been given to them. Therefore, much is required of them. Right? How involved is your family in ministering to the needs of the child in their class who society would deem “the least of these?” Have you spoken to the teacher about a bad behavior that your child witnessed? There is nothing wrong with that, unless you expect the teacher to single-handedly correct the imprint on the soul of that neglected child.  

What would the world look like if our teachers could pull aside a “least of these” child and tell them that someone noticed how beautiful their smile is and wanted to give them a toothbrush to keep it beautiful. Or perhaps someone noticed they fell asleep in class and thought maybe they needed a new pillow or a warm blanket to help them sleep better at night. Or maybe that they weren’t sharing and wondered if they were clinging to that toy because it was their favorite and they didn’t have one at home so that favorite toy was given to them by a classmate.  I know what you are thinking … What good is it to send things home that will become flea infested and drenched with nicotine and never washed? Perhaps that thought needs to be retired. That single act of loving kindness just might make the difference in the self-worth of a child. Maybe it will begin to chip away at the iceberg of doubt and insecurity that has them in bondage to a crippling hopelessness.

I am not suggesting for one minute that you send your kids to play at the home that you have deemed unsafe or lacking in parental responsibility, however, you could begin to play some part in the life of that child by inviting them to your house. Worried about their negative influence? No need to worry if you are involved in the games and the fun. Don't expect your child to lead them when you are the lead missionary. Be the adult and guide the conversation and activities. Or how about taking them to Dairy Queen after school or being a secret Santa to them. If you were to help your child come up with a random act of kindness toward that child in need once a month it could be life-changing. How might it change your child to watch that transformation take place?

So what if you engage in these loving gestures and don’t see a change in the recipient? Does the giving stop? Do you switch to another child or do you wait and continue to focus on the need of the one who seems to be unreceptive?  That is a question that only God can answer. God has a way of directing us to the need we are to address and He wants YOU to begin to stop the epidemic, not just the epidemic of the social and economic poverty you see, but also the epidemic of entitlement that is growing in our society. Looking out instead of in is the beginning of both of these dangerous trends.

I believe that if you are reading this, you have more than many. You have a smart phone in your hand or a computer in front of you. That puts you in the “those who have much” category. Make sure your kids know that you have been blessed, not because of worth and value, but because of God’s grace and blessings. God wants all children to have that worth and value and He wants us to do the blessing so that they can experience it.

Just Be Kind

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. I don’t know who originated that sentence, but I see it on shirts and signs and social media. It is a wonderful thing to decide to be kind and then follow through with it. That is the essence of being a good neighbor and Jesus said that we are to be a good neighbor; to love our neighbor as ourselves. You can’t do that if you don’t know how to be kind.

As parents, it is our job to teach our kids to be kind. If we want to live in a better world, we have to determine that being a good neighbor starts with ME! But, how do we teach our kids to be a good neighbor; to value others and be considerate of their feelings? The obvious answer is to model it for them. Or is it all that obvious? There is this entitlement plague that has perhaps infected every household across this planet. The manner in which we interact with others is contingent upon the way we feel. If that isn’t entitlement, I don’t know what is.

·         I have a headache so I am entitled to snap at you if you cross my path.  

·         Someone treated me badly so I can treat everyone at home like their feelings don’t matter

·         We are busy with adult things that are “important” so we don’t have to listen to the childish needs of our children

·         I had a bad day at work so just leave me alone

·         I am too tired to listen to your problems. You don’t listen to mine

·         We don’t have to put down our phones and make eye contact because we are multi-tasking

·         I don’t have to go above and beyond because he doesn’t

·         We don’t have to be considerate because, if we do, they will expect it always

·         I am tired so your needs can wait

·         He cut me off in traffic so I have the right to be a raving lunatic

When I was at a restaurant with my Dad last week a family with 3 young children came in and there was conversation continually at their table. Phones came out only long enough to be silenced. The children and the parents laughed and talked and were so completely light hearted that I couldn’t help but keep looking in their direction. It was delightful… and then it was sad. Sad because the reason we both noticed it was that it is a rare thing to witness.

We were created for connection and somehow we have begun to ignore that truth. In the 21^st century, we live as if we believe we were created to be busy and to multi-task… as if there is a prize for skipping over the relationships that need to be fostered and strengthened, so that you can accomplish something you believe is of greater importance. As long as we continue to live as if relationships will always be there, we will continue watch them crumble. As long as we believe we are to put ourselves first we will continue to spread the entitlement that is making us ugly. As long as we continue to ignore the emotional connection that every person needs and focus inwardly, people will walk away from us feeling as if they are of no consequence.

Here are 4 tools to put in your “How To Be A Good Neighbor” tool belt. Practice them at home, just to be certain they work, before you use them in public.

·         Keep your focus on the person with whom you are interacting

·         Improve your connectivity with others

·         Notice the admirable in others and graciously let them know that they are a blessing

·         Don’t allow your children (or yourself) to be unkind and/or ambivalent to others

Being a good neighbor begins by valuing others. Teach that to your kids by valuing them and accepting no less from them. Never walk away from unkindness, as if it is just a kid being a kid. It’s your job to teach the kids to be kind by showing them what it looks like. It’s also your job to show them what kindness isn’t and simply not tolerate the unkindness that they exhibit. Of course, that could well mean that they will call you out for your unkind words or actions. If that happens, a humble apology goes a long way in teaching them that you intend to be the good neighbor Jesus calls us all to be.

I'm Telling!

Wrapping up the series, “Stuff Christians Do,” the pastor talked about the call for Christians to share their faith. As I listened to the sermon online, I couldn’t help but think about my situation in this past week….

We had planned to go to Pennsylvania, in the area where the founder of White’s Residential and Family Services found the wealth to begin this amazing ministry to children, teens and families. Dana, my husband, was going to be able to share with the people in the town of Jim Thorpe, how lives were still being transformed by the dream of a man that they knew primarily as an entrepreneur and inventor. Josiah White’s dream, dating back to 1849 when he came to Wabash, Indiana, was to bring hope to kids whose lives seemed hopeless.

After our work in PA was complete, the plan was to continue on to Washington D.C. and attend the wedding of our nephew and his bride. As it turns out, the trip got cut short because I was having a difficult time with arrhythmia. My heart beat was either too fast or too slow and I was too tired to talk. If you know me, that doesn’t happen very often!

Upon the recommendation of the doctor, I ended up coming home in the middle of the week and spending the night in the hospital to undergo tests and make sure that I wasn’t at risk for something life-threatening, and thankfully, I am NOT. However, there would be No wedding. No family. No week of relaxation we were both so looking forward to.

You’ve probably heard someone talk about how our disappointments are often turned into Divine appointments. Well, that is exactly what I feel happened to me in that hospital. In a twenty-four hour period I was able to share little bits of Truth, small bites of the message of Jesus with two x-ray techs, 2 EMTs, 4 nurses, 1 nurse’s assistant and a doctor. I didn’t quote scripture. I didn’t site chapter and verse of the message I shared in a sentence or two. I just let God’s love flow from me to them and wasn’t afraid to tell them that the part of my heart that really mattered was getting healthier every day.

So many people try to hide their decision to follow Jesus because they don’t know what to say or fear offending or are afraid they will be asked a question they don’t know the answer to. I have a remedy for that. Just be YOU. That’s all I was doing. I am not a preacher or evangelist or pew jumpin’, Bible thumpin’ kind of woman. I am just a woman who has been loved and showered with amazing grace… a woman who is happy and content with the life God has given me… a woman who loves the Word of God… a woman who is anxious to give the same hope and help to others as I have received… a woman who is flawed and says dumb things and talks when I should be quiet and sometimes quiet when I should talk. I haven’t been to seminary. I can’t remember a lick of Biblical Greek (sorry Prof. Atkins), but I have a story. I have a connection to God that is my very own. It brings me peace. It gives me joy.

Of course, the fact that everyone was working on my heart with all their poking and prodding did open doors for me to share some issues of the heart. It gave me the opportunity to simplify the message as Jesus did, and tell them that if we would simply follow Jesus directive to love God and love others, the world would be a better place. It gave me the opportunity to let them know that, even when you feel lousy, you don’t have to be grumpy and sad, because the heart where Jesus lives is going to live forever. Did I say those words to anyone? No! I just smiled and cared about them and their lives. When you do that, people just start to talk to you and then you never know where the conversation will go.

Jesus was kind to the woman at the well when the culture would have dictated that he judge and flee. Jesus was a friend to those He taught. Jesus taught by living what He believed. When we do that, opportunities will come for us to plant the right seed at the right time that someone else will water and cultivate. Or maybe you will be the one to cultivate the seed planted by another. Fix your heart and mind on Jesus and walk with Him. He will guide you to be one who changes the world… for someone… someday. What you were given may be personal, but it is not private. It is meant to be shared. That is the very way God designed our faith to be. You may be the one to plant the seed that will transform an entire family or change the trajectory of a marriage or even save the life of a downcast soul. 

Don't be afraid of what you don't yet know. Be afraid, rather, of what might be lost if you don't share what you do know.

Buddy and the Bible

One of my favorite Christmas Movies is the one where Buddy, the overgrown elf, leaves the North Pole to find his father and ends up saving Santa by singing... loud and long.  I am not at all worried about saving Santa, but I love the thought of all we gain when we engage on a musical level. I taught my children and my grandchildren songs that spelled out their name, so by 2 years old, they could spell their own name. Of course, they didn't understand that putting letters together in the proper order was "spelling" or how to hold a pencil and write those letters, but they did know that "Gramma loves her Lola, L-O-L-A, Lola" and "There was a Mama, loved her girl and Emily was her name-o! ...E-M-I-L-Y..." and there is one for all of my precious littles.

Buddy the Elf isn't the only one who knew that singing was important, though. Educators know that children learn the alphabet, because it is put to music. They learn to count with a myriad of counting songs, they learn their colors in Spanish with a song. Put the color words in a rhyme and add a melody and your children will know how to spell every single color word by the middle of their Kindergarten year. If you put it into rhyme, and give it a good meter, it just clicks and stays in our head. Forever! "B-L-U-E spells blue...."  The days of the week, the months of the year... you name it! If you put it to music, they will learn it.

Parents sing lullabies to their children to sooth them. My kids remember me singing "My Favorite Things" to them as I rocked them. What a beautiful way to help them focus on the wonderful things in life, rather than the difficult things that weigh them down. Science has explored the impact that certain sounds have on the brain function and have even discovered a mood stabilizing effect of certain tones. I have a friend who plays classical violin while her daughter does her homework because of the research that indicates it increases the cognitive function of the brain.

In my younger years, I had a decent alto voice, but it is all crackly and grandma sounding now. However, I still muster up the courage to use it when I am with the children because their little minds soak it all up and store it in their memory. Sunday I sang with the 2-4 year-olds, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do..." and they joined in the singing and the motions, in spite of the sound of my voice. Maybe you think your voice is awful, but you sure can teach valuable lessons if you just use it!

Right about the middle of your Bible you can find a book of songs. And if you knew how to sing them in Hebrew, you would see that they have rhythm and rhyme. You will find songs (called Psalms) about defeat and discouragement, songs about victory and joy, songs about fear and songs of gratitude to God. Even in ancient times, people realize that putting truths, stories, anecdotes to music would enable people to memorize them. They didn't own a Bible or encyclopedia (remember those?). They couldn't look up the words in Google or lyrics.com, yet it was critical for teaching their people, so they put it to music so it could remain in their hearts and minds and be passed from generation to generation.

As a child I memorized Psalm 100. It has a beautiful message of why we sing, as followers of God. You can listen to the message Pastor Chris shared on this Psalm at https://thecreekonline.net/media. It's a great message! Here it is in the New International Readers Version (NIrV), the Bible we give the children entering 1st grade at Mill Creek Church...

Shout to the Lord with joy, everyone on earth. 

So that a crackly voice doesn't exempt you from it!

Worship the Lord with gladness.

Joy grows where joy is expressed

Come to Him with songs of Joy.

He is the creator of joy, so thank Him!

... realize that the Lord is God.

He made us and we belong to Him.

We are His people.

We are the sheep belonging to his flock

Regardless of what is happening in your life, never forget that He is walking the path with you.

He has invested much in you

Give thanks as you enter the gates of His temple.

Give praise as you enter it's courtyards.

Give thanks to Him and praise His name.

Your gratitude to Him is not a private matter, but to be expressed with other followers of God.

The Lord is good. 

No matter what circumstances are plaguing you,

even if the sky is falling all around you,

even when you feel like you are going under,

remember that GOD IS GOOD.

His faithful love continues forever. It will last for all time to come.

He loves you NOW and ALWAYS, and nothing can ever change that.

No matter what obstacles litter your path, 

He is still there loving you.

Music and singing are a significant part of teaching our children about the God we want them to know, in a manner they can remember. And the Bible instructs us to do exactly that! You can go to just about any store where music is sold and load up your phone, or buy a CD or whatever works for you, and play it while your kids play or work or ride in the car. Turn the dial to Christian radio and allow those words to penetrate their minds and hearts. Let music fill the air and the message of God's power and love be lodged in their (and your) memory forever. It will totally change the climate in your home. Try it and see!

The Dirt on Dirt

Have you ever noticed that when your kids tell you they washed their hands, they could mean a variety of things. 1) they didn’t really look dirty enough to wash so I wiped them on my shirt; 2) I ran them under cold water and wiped the grime on the towel; 3) you only said it twice and I know I have until the third request before you start screaming; and on and on goes the rational of a child with regards to cleanliness.

Before we jumped to scolding the filthy child let’s think about their age and abilities. When they are infants, we are more careful to want their hands to be free of debris because we know that hand will likely be in their mouth at any given moment. We don’t expect them to keep their own hands clean, because they are not able.

Likewise, from a spiritual aspect, we don’t make the decision to keep our hands clean as an infant. We don’t understand the concept of germs and disease. Just as we are born into a world of germs and debris that we do not fear because we don’t know the danger, we are born in a sinful state that has a deadly impact, but we don't yet realize the danger, so we are protected from it by the love of the Father.

As toddlers, they can’t reach the sink by themselves… or we don’t want them to… so we offer assistance and allow them to feel the water running over their hands and help with the dispensing of soap and the process of scrubbing.

In the toddler phase of our spiritual life, someone teaches us the difference between right and wrong and guides us to the Father, so to speak, to be “cleansed” by His grace. He redirects us away from the dangerous “dirt” as we become students of the Word of God and that is where we begin to learn to avoid the germs of sinful behaviors that are unpleasant to God and to others. This is not a time to scream and scold and punish for every speck of dirt we see on the one who is learning, but gently provide direction and warm soapy water to clear away what is harmful.

Now they have reached pre-school and need to grow more independent. Maybe we allow them to do it on their own, but provide supervision to set the temperature of the water, make sure they use soap and keep most of the water in the sink.

Spiritually speaking, in the pre-school era of our journey, we are beginning to recognize the dirt on our hands and know that we should wash… maybe not so much because we don’t want to be dirty, but because we have been taught that there are germs, known as consequences, if we allow the grime to stay. We can, with some guidance and instruction, discover where the scrubbing needs to take place and learn to wash it down the drain.

By elementary school we can tell them to wash their hands and then inspect them to see if they were compliant and send them back as many times as needed until we get the desired result. Some are not as bothered by the dirt as we would like them to be and they need more direction, more incentive to get rid of the dirt.

As we grow and learn more of who God is and who we are, we begin to recognize the need for cleaning ourselves. We are uncomfortable with the dirt and want to get rid of it. But there are some that just enjoy the feel of the dirt and don’t want to be told to wash it off. Perhaps this is where we, as parents and leaders of those who seem to have spiritually stunted growth, need to be showing the privileges, the joy and the peace of our life without that grime rather than focusing on the sludge we see on them. If they are to leave the sin behind it will most likely be as a result of seeing that there is something that feels better. It isn’t likely to be because we judge and scold and push them to walk away from the dirt.

As pre-adult and adult years come, we wash our hands even when there is no visible sign of germs or dirt. Before we handle food. After we handle food. Before we hold a new baby. After we touch something we assume unknown people have handled. Typically, nobody has to tell us to wash unless we have an unknown smudge of mascara or brushed up against something unknowingly and can’t see the telltale spot.

As we become sensitive to the Spirit of God communicating with our soul. We feel a conviction and a desire for something better, richer, fuller in our lives. It is difficult to explain and can’t be seen or taught, but something that is experienced. It is often described as an unheard voice or an inner draw toward God. We don’t want sin to be clinging to us, so as soon as we recognize it, we repent and accept the gracious forgiveness made possible through Jesus’ willingness to take the sin of the world upon Himself in the crucifixion. We surround ourselves with the kinds of friends that will warn us about the mascara or the spinach in our teeth because they care about us, not because they are perfect or feel the need to judge, but because we are on a journey together to find the path God has for us.

Is it any wonder that we symbolize the beginning of our commitment to follow Jesus with the act of water baptism? It is the representation of a life made new; cleansed by the merciful washing of our loving God who made us to walk in sparkling glory with Him.

Where are you on this journey? Can you connect with any of the “ages” of the child of God? Are you still oblivious to the germs, the sin that brings death? Are you still enjoying the feel of the mud caked on your skin and happy to annoy others who want you to get cleaned up? Perhaps you like to play in the water, but not to become clean. Maybe you simply enjoy the feeling you get as the water runs over you. You like to comply and follow the rules because it feels good, but you really don’t know what it means to commit to walking with Jesus. Can you see the dirt that clings to you? Have you been to Jesus for His cleansing? Are your friends the kind of people that will help you see what is ungodly in your life? Are you ready to tell the world that you want to be rid of dirt and pursue living a godly life with your hand in the hand of the One who made you for a purpose?

Have you demonstrated that desire with baptism? Baptism is a ritual cleansing that is practiced to demonstrate that we desire to leave the “dirt” of our birth, let go of the desire to achieve our own selfish desires, and follow the way of the spotless One who was without sin: Jesus, the Son of God. It is a practice that is symbolic of a changed life. It is the follower’s way of visibly claiming that we are at a turning point in life and ready to listen to the guiding of the Spirit of God and follow as He leads. Just like the washing of hands… it doesn’t keep you clean forever. You will still look at yourself at times and wonder how you got so dirty again. However, it is in learning to walk with Jesus that you will find yourself free from the deadly germs and disease that lead to death.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Can you tell me who your child’s best friend is? They probably beg to go there and play or invite them to spend the night every single weekend. It’s not difficult to figure out who they enjoy spending time with. But do they have friends who are not good for them? Friends that are full of sass and disrespect? After a few hours together, you may feel that you have to reprogram your child and remind them that there are rules in your house and that is not acceptable behavior.

Here is a free tip for you…  But it will cost you time. If you have a child visit in your home, it is entirely appropriate to spend time with the kids while they are together. There is a strong possibility that the visitor has parents who are too busy to connect with their children and you may be the most influential adult in their life. The only way you know what is being said and done is if you make yourself available while that child is in your home. And, this can actually be beneficial all the way through High School.  Truly! Our youngest would get aggravated with his teenage friends because they didn’t want to go straight down to the basement to hang out or play games, but enjoyed visiting with us first. Having an adult who will take the time to listen… and I even enlisted their help from time to time… is so valuable to kids that rarely see or speak to their parents. And, trust me… it happens!

Now, if I were to ask you children, who is your mom’s best friend… or dad’s? Would they select a person who makes you a better person or would it be someone who pulls you down, makes you grumpy, stays out too late, stirs envy in you? Interesting how we feel like we need to protect our kids from certain families, but we think we are immune to the negative influences of others. Who are the adults in your life that make you a better person? Who is it that will not be afraid to challenge you when you are playing with fire or are being unkind to your spouse? Who will hold up the mirror in front of you when you are being ugly so that you can get yourself turned around?

I frequently see disciples of Jesus spending most of their social time with those who do not claim to be followers… and maybe don’t even believe that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus wasn’t afraid to visit with the people who were desperately lost in their sin, but the people He spent most of His time with were the folks who wanted to grow and become more Godly. Mom and Dad, if you hope to impress upon your kids the importance of choosing friends wisely, consider who your friends are and who you spend the most time with. Do they make you better? Or do they drag you down?

Stop the Flow!

Say you’ve had a bad day. The kids were up most of the night and when they weren’t keeping you awake, your husbands snoring seemed to mock you in your sleepless state. You had to send the kids to school with no breakfast because you finally reached that coveted deep sleep when the alarm went off and you don’t even remember silencing it. The oldest, trying to help, got a brush stuck in the hair of the youngest and in all the rush, you dropped your toothbrush in the toilet. Today appears to go down in history as your favorite day to forget… and it’s only 9 a.m.

Fast forward to 8:30 p.m.  Even though the day started rough, it still managed to get worse! You finally get the last kid tucked into bed, you come downstairs hoping to see that, while you were bathing the kids, your husband noticed and tackled the dinner that was still on the table, complete with crusty spaghetti dishes, thanks to piano lessons, gymnastics and a soccer game all on top of each other this evening. But, instead, he noticed that Netflix had a new series you both wanted to see and he beacons you to come sit with him and, “Relax! You seem really tired tonight.”

The volcano in you that has been bubbling all day has now reached a level that can be contained no longer. You become hotter than hot, spewing molten words of contempt and frustration. Now lava and ash have taken over the living room that he thought was about to be your safe haven of much needed rest. How could he not see that you needed his help, not the next season of LOST? Never does it enter your mind that his intentions may have been good or that he possibly had a rough day and just needed to rest, as well. The man you promised to love for a lifetime has become the arch enemy of your weary soul and your weapons are poised and ready for battle. World War III is about to ensue.

Any of that seem familiar? There are several ways this can end. Most of them are less than admirable. But since I am the creator of the scenario, I get to choose the end. Your husband, though he would have been justified for a rapid fire response or running for his life in a court of law, takes the high road. He sees the need that eluded him before because he was truly looking for a way to help you unwind and relax after a hard day. He apologizes and gets up, hands you the control and starts on the dishes, refusing to let you help. When they are finished, he comes back to snuggle with you as you drift off into sweet slumber, feeling the warmth of his love.

Or how about this scenario. When you see him on the couch, smiling with the remote in his hand, you smile back and say, “That looks like a great idea. Would you help me get the dinner mess cleaned up so we can watch it together?”  What is the deal with women launching an attack when our man has no clue we are even armed? Why are we afraid to simply state our need in a sweet manner that isn’t accusatory? Why do we demand that they should be able to read our mind? Sometimes we feel like we could be a wife and mother with our hands tied behind our back and blindfolded, therefore, they should at least be able to use a little common sense to know exactly what we are feeling 100% of the time. Not Happening! EVER. Let it go and tell them what you need and save yourself a whole lot of trouble.

So, what do you think of my scenarios? What? A fairy tale, you say? I prefer to call it the love that transforms. The kind of love Jesus spoke of… the love that honors another above ourselves. It is the love we experience when we focus on giving what is needed rather than what is deserved.

Learning to move past the blunders and messes of our lives and the lives of those around us and respond with grace and forgiveness will take us to a level of living that turns drudgery into joy and difficulty into bonding experiences. Lavishing grace on someone else is not justifying their behavior, but allowing them to see love in action. What a difference we could make in this world if we let go of our expectations and embraced grace and forgiveness.

Lava is messy. It destroys lives. It demolishes homes. It causes irreparable damage. It just makes sense to stop the flow, rather than let it blow. All that anger that you want to spew in order to dole out a punishment for the pain you are feeling will never make anything better. EVER. Learn to show grace and forgiveness and realize that your fatigue or circumstances are never an excuse for ungodly behavior. Jesus will never look at you and say, “You should really let him have it with both barrels for that insensitivity.” It is not the way of love. Love conquers a multitude of sins. It is transformational. It is life-giving. So the next time you feel the lava begin to rise, remember to ask God to help you give what is needed rather than what is deserved.

Connected to Love

“Peace with God paves the way to peace with ourselves and equips us to be at peace with others.” 

If we apply the Commutative Law (my math teachers would be so proud of me right now), it stands to reason that if we are not at peace with someone, we are likely not at peace with ourselves and if that is the case, it’s highly likely that we are not at peace with God.

It is difficult to be at peace with someone, or Someone, you don’t know. If you don’t know them, why should you trust them, right? Making the decision to take the time to get to know God will alter your attitude toward Him. You will begin to trust Him and He will reign as the utmost authority in your life because you have figured out that He is way more capable than you. In essence, He will be on the throne… and that means you are taking a lesser seat. As you begin to realize the unfathomable love He has for you, you begin to know you are loved and cared for in such a magnificent way that your trust in Him will start to increase. You learn to be at peace with the One who created you for a purpose.

With that peace, comes an ability to be at peace with yourself. You no longer live in fear of failure, but in hope. That hope comes from knowing that He suffered a torturous death, one that He could have walked away from, because He loves YOU. He made you and watches over you, seeing your good days and your bad, hearing your words and your thoughts. Yet, in spite of that, He was willing to go to the cross for you. You can never escape His love for you. Ever!

So, if you are learning to live at peace with God and with yourself, you can begin to realize that you are not responsible for another’s actions or words. You don’t have to own them or wear them or dwell on them. You are free from playing the role of judge in their lives because you have abdicated the throne and let God take His rightful place there. You can relax and love that unlovely person with the unlimited source of Divine love that flows through you in an ever-widening channel, as you allow God to transform you into His image. 

If anyone knows how ridiculously messed up we are, it is the All Seeing God. As a dear friend said to me the other day… we are “tore up from the floor up!” He sees the flaws that you don’t even know you have right now. He sees the flaws of your biggest pain in the neck. He will deal with them. You only have to deal with YOU. That is a critical part of learning to live at peace. Let that person be where they are on the learning curve and don’t allow them to control who you become. If you are struggling to love them and want vindication or seem to think that allowing bitterness to grow in you is appropriate, take a look at your heart. You have just dethroned Jesus and taken His place. When He is truly on the throne, He pours His love into the kingdom He is establishing in you. That love will overflow and be apparent in even your most difficult relationships.

On paper, it looks so simple. In reality, not so much. It is very difficult to allow God’s perfect will to be done in your life every waking moment. Our sinful nature has taught us that we are in charge, so letting go of the desire to dole out justice by treating others as they deserve, rather than with grace and mercy, seems to be our default setting. Jesus boiled the whole truth of the gospel into two things: Love God; Love others. Our strongest desire to do that, will not make it so. Only God can help us love like that and if He is not in charge of our heart, our relationships will suffer.

Be aware! When anger, bitterness, resentment, sorrow and frustration are your initial reactions to others, don’t waste time asking for God to deal with them… because He already knows to do that. In His time, the Spirit of God will speak to them. Don't take on His job. It's way above your pay grade. Just trust me on that. Rather, ask Him to ease you down off of that throne that is way too big for you, and allow Him to be your Authority. Let Him replace your hurt feelings with His love. Jesus has much more reason to hate your adversaries than you do, yet He has nothing but love for them. Is it any wonder that we are so miserable when we carry around the burden of anger, hatred and bitterness toward someone, when we were made to reflect God’s love?

Allow Jesus to ease you into the other side of the yoke He is wearing so that He can lighten your load. Find freedom in knowing that He alone knows the way to peace with God and with others, and, being yoked to Him, will most assuredly get you there. It is not a cumbersome thing to place His yoke on your shoulders and allow Him to guide you through living in loving relationships. Knowing that He is the very definition of LOVE, it really makes sense to allow Him to guide you to living a life of love.

Easy breezy? Not really. It is a process we work on all of our lives. But, I can testify that it gets easier to love well when you practice being yoked to Him every moment of every day. When your heart feels dark and your attitude is in the pit, have a look at your heart and your shoulders. If you are seeing an awful lot of YOU and only a little bit of HIM, you will understand why you are feeling the way you do.

Now here's my disclaimer. LOVE HURTS. His yoke doesn't take the pain away when you have been hurt by loving someone who doesn't reciprocate. However, the pain of loving while being yoked to the epitome of LOVE is much less than the burden of carrying around bitterness and anger all alone.

The Person In The Mirror

Have you ever felt that what you do and how well you do it is the determining factor of how you are perceived? That they are basing your identity on your performance or your financial status or your appearance? I am pretty sure we have all taken that trip down the road to faulty thinking, fatigue and failure. That is exactly where that path leads because we will never be all things to all people so if we are striving for the praise of one person we are failing another person because their expectations differ.

So, how do you define yourself? Are you a success? Are you measuring up? Are you enough?

There are multiple answers to those questions, depending on your vantage point. Perhaps there is a person who has been critical of you consistently, to the point of causing feelings of worthlessness. Maybe there is that one person that you are a bit jealous of… her house is nicer and cleaner and she always has good hair days. Using her as your measuring stick, you just aren’t good enough…EVER! Maybe you have a parent you have spent your life trying to please and they consistently let you know you have missed the mark. Perhaps you have been waiting for a promotion you feel you have more than earned; or a raise; or even something as simple as a pat on the back. And you’re still waiting. None of us want to live in these scenarios, but that is where we often find ourselves.

Take a look at yourself from God’s perspective. You are here reading this right now. That tells me that He has a plan for you that you have yet to complete. The Bible also tells me that “You are His masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10). I believe that we are here for a Divine purpose that is completely in the spiritual realm that we cannot see with our human eyes. We are each that pebble in the pond creating ripples of impact on the lives of others. I think that is typically God’s method, as opposed to sending us in to win a war or cure a disease or eradicate abuse or be the perfect person we all aspire to be. He looks at you and sees that person whose journey, with all the u-turns and detours, is shaping you into the person that fulfills His purpose. A purpose that is so big we can’t even see it.

Picture this…. You have just been notified that a famous artist, an actual descendant of Leonardo da Vinci, is doing a masterpiece and you are his model. You show up and are given a completely green outfit to wear. Head to toe you are green. You have been taken to a pasture where you are ready to pose as instructed. But rather than pose, you are led to stand on a certain spot. Other people are entering the scene now, dressed similarly but in a variety of colors. You stand and wait, feeling rather foolish and impatient and annoyed by the crowd pressing in around you. A half hour later you are dismissed with the entire “cast” of this masterpiece. As you reflect on the time invested, you feel you have wasted an entire day and been made a laughing stock among the friends you told about your “great opportunity” to be the next supermodel/Mona Lisa persona.

Weeks pass and you see on the news, this beautiful artwork that all the art dealers are clamoring for. Now you know you have been scammed because that masterpiece has nothing to do with your day being green. Or does it? As the reporter tells the story, you discover that you and the others, were placed exactly where you needed to be so that when the photographer flew high above you, he could see the end result of all those dots of color, strategically placed to make a true masterpiece.

Here is what I want you to see… Life with Jesus isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being obedient. Being where He wants us to be even when it doesn’t make sense to us. We will stumble and we will fall and we will get off course. It's all part of our brokenness. But when we stop looking at ourselves from the perspective of others, which is often our own flawed notion, and stop being our own worst critic, we can begin to see ourselves as God does. When you look in the mirror, see a purpose and know that you are part of something so much bigger than yourself. Love that purpose and love the person looking back at you.

You are so very loved by the One who created you. But, often there seems to be a chasm between that love and our ability to accept it. That great divide is often created by our own perception that we are unworthy of His love; that our lives and our choices have disqualified us from being loveable. Pastor Chris said in his sermon Sunday the words that keep ringing in my mind.

Our “do” never determines our “who” in God’s eyes.

If His love for us brought Him to earth to experience unthinkable things, including the nails, the crown of thorns, the betrayal, the agony of being alone, the beatings and the crucifixion, then why would our imperfection now shut off His love? He could have walked away from all of that, but He chose to suffer as a way for us to see our value to Him.

Love the person that He loves; the person looking back at you in the mirror. He adores you as His precious child and sees you as His masterpiece. Accepting His loves enables us to accept the love of others and empowers us to love them with a love that is beyond our human capacity.