Lifestyle vs Lessons

Teaching good moral values to your children is not a matter of lessons, but lifestyle. We behave the way we do because of how our character directs us. Our character is formed by observing the way the people around us behave and emulating their behaviors, good or bad. 

There is a nature within all of us that has to be “trained” away.  I believe that our ego fills our entire being at birth and as we mature our character begins to take the space that our ego once filled. At birth everything is about “me.”  Feed “me.” Hold “me.” Comfort “me.” In time, however, we learn that we are not the center of the universe and sometimes we have to wait to be fed or comforted. We realize there are other people in the world and they, too, have needs to be met. As we accept this fact and begin to be a part of meeting the needs of others, a positive character begins to form.

When we guide our children, we must realize that the behavior we sometimes overlook as typical childishness has the destructive root of self-centeredness and it needs to be plucked out in order to truly build their character. If we hope to raise them to be responsible and ethical and kind, we have to replace their need to be number one with an awareness of how their behavior impacts other people. Don’t expect to teach them to be “good” or train them to do the right thing with the result of building their character. You may change their behavior, but you have not yet touched their heart, which is where true character is formed. As they grow up and go into the world, others will be speaking into their lives endeavoring to change their values, derail their character, shape their decisions and readjust their moral compass. We must establish a scriptural, unchanging truth in their hearts in order for them to recognize what their Maker deems as unchanging truth. Saturate yourself in God’s Truth and  make that the foundation upon which you build the character of your children.

Here is a great starting place… the Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. Society embraces a mentality that if it feels good or makes you happy, it is the right thing to do. We are surrounded by messages that we need to pamper ourselves and indulge in grand things in order to be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. These attitudes are polar opposites of what Jesus taught. Godly parenting means that we uphold the truths that Jesus taught. He told stories to help His followers see the values He embraced. He reminded them that a godly life must be built upon the foundation of loving God and others. He plainly stated to his disciples that they were to serve others and taught by His example.

Let’s get personal…. Mom and Dad, your children’s fundamental and foundational lesson in how to love others is the way they witness you loving each other. Do they see you honoring each other above yourselves or sulking when your needs go unmet? Do they hear kind words and see thoughtful actions? Are frustrations addressed respectfully without the determination to be right? Do you listen and try to see from their perspective or just shut down when conflict arises? When you harbor anger and resentment and the tension in your relationship is palpable, what your children are learning is that SELF is the ruling authority in your life and they will copy that behavior. Conversely, they will learn their most valuable life lessons when they see the joy in YOU as you love and serve one another. As I type this, there is a prayer in my heart for all who will read this. Denying self is NOT easy, but it is essential if we hope to shape the hearts of our children to value others. Prejudice and pride will grow in the hearts of our children when they see that our differences create barriers to love. As followers of God it is our responsibility to shape the future of our culture by demonstrating God's unconditional love, first in our homes, then in our world. 

When Jesus sent out the disciples to teach and heal and serve, He warned them that some would respond with kindness while others would persecute them. Our tendency is to want justice and too often we look for the reward for good behavior, rather than realizing that loving and serving  is its own reward. That reward is the strength of character that forms within us when we do the right thing for the right reason- to honor others above ourselves.

In a society where we have learned to honor others above ourselves there would be no injustice, no prejudice, no violence, no selfishness, no crime. Perfect love would be established as the Constitution and there would be no need for a Bill of Rights. I haven’t been there, but I think I just described heaven. We will never achieve such a culture this side of heaven, but we certainly can begin to live in such a manner … and teach our children to do likewise… so that heaven will feel like home when we arrive.

     May the power of God's love overwhelm you as you learn to love and honor one another at home.

NOTE: This message, like all messages, can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. We cannot possibly serve in the capacity that God desires if we neglect the care of self. It is a balancing act that has to be mastered through walking with God, learning continually from His Word and listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.