The Wonders Of His Love

The Christmas Carol, “Joy to the World,” proclaims the truth that…

“He rules the world with truth and grace and makes the nations prove the glories of His righteousness and wonders of His love…”

Made in His image, we are most comfortable, peaceful and joy-filled when we demonstrate the wonder of His love in our lives. And that requires large doses of grace.

When things are forgotten or errors made, there is a choice that must occur. Judgment and anger or grace and laughter. That is how it works in our house. We have learned that a chuckle and a hug when grace is extended is a whole lot more fun than a condemning, angry spirit. Because frankly, today it is his mistake, but tomorrow it will likely be mine. We all need grace at some point, so we may as well learn to extend it and accept it.

Loving like that makes all the difference. Yesterday a woman told me that I am the only wife she knows that speaks so well of her husband after over four decades together. It isn’t because Dana is perfect that I can say wonderful things about him. It is because he showers me with grace when I need it and I do the same for him. We don’t always get it right, but getting it wrong makes us rush back to grace because it feels so much better! This year, may your home and heart be filled with the wonder of His love and grace because ....

Marriage is most appealing when grace is most apparent.

Amazing Grace

It has been over a year since I heard him say it, but he said it often enough that it is etched in my memory – the sincerity of his voice and the imploring look in his eyes. “The message at my funeral is not stories of my virtue, but of God’s grace.” Dad, if you knew him well, was not a man who even seemed to need grace. For as long as I can remember he was kind and wise and generous and all things good. But, he was adamant. “I am nothing without the grace of God. I accomplish nothing of value without His saving grace.” He understood fully that we truly are empty shells of good intentions… or devious schemes… until God’s grace begins to mold us into what we are to become for His story, and His glory.

It is true. He was right. God’s grace is essential for each of us. It is the beginning of shaping us into the person that He made us to be…the particular purpose He has for us to fulfill. We can’t achieve it with our good intentions or with our knowledge or with consistent practice. His grace is the ingredient that gives us moldability. It is what enables us to be supple clay in the hands of the Potter. It removes the hardened stones that prevent our spiritual formation; that keep us from being a vessel that His Spirit can inhabit. It softens us with living water, cleansing the inherit sin that hides our true worth.

Here is the truth about grace. It is a gift that transforms us if we are willing to be transformed. It is not a blanket forgiveness policy that enables us to continue to live according to our desires or seek to fulfill our plans regardless of God’s will. If His grace doesn’t bring about a new life for us then we have refused the gift He came to bring. If your kids kept repeating the same offense and you constantly extended grace without consequences, they would not grow and mature and develop into responsible adults. If your spouse extends grace to you, but you never change the behavior that hurts them, that grace accomplished nothing other than an increase in bad behavior and more pain in your relationship.

This Christmas take a tip from my Dad. Allow God’s grace to transform you… your marriage… your family… your relationships. Stop trying to accomplish perfection by what you do or don’t do. Instead, let the grace He came to bring begin to shape you into that person that makes you appear to not even need grace! It worked for my Dad! Don’t kid yourself into believing that your efforts are enough. We are nothing without the grace that is a free gift from God. Accepting His life-changing grace will change everything! That’s why it’s called AMAZING!

Redeeming Grace

Silent Night! Holy Night!

Son of God, Loves pure light

Radiant beams from Thy Holy face

With the Dawn of Redeeming Grace

Jesus Lord at Thy birth

Jesus Lord at Thy birth

These are the familiar words of the third verse of the Carol we all know as Silent Night, written by Father Mohr and set to music by Franz Gruber in 1818 in a little village in Austria. Have you ever really paid attention to those words? In them we can find the true significance of God, wearing the clothing of human skin, coming to earth to bring Light and Grace. That very first Christmas was the beginning of a story of Grace that has changed the lives of all who have accepted it.

Grace is a beautiful thing. It is the granting of a pardon where it is unearned and undeserved. Perhaps this comes about by the miraculous ability to see things through the eyes of another. In his message on Sunday, the Pastor stated that, “Grace is the unsettling solution for just about everything.” Imagine how our relationship dynamics could change, how our arguments could be tamed, how our marriages could be impacted if showered with grace. I am not sure how that would look for everyone else, but for me, extending grace begins when I can grasp that my perspective is not the only perspective in the house that is of value. When I am able to look at the history of another person and allow myself to feel what they must be feeling to create the behaviors they are exhibiting, it truly changes my response to them. People aren’t just arbitrarily nimrods. There is a reason behind their words and actions. Imagine what it may be, if you don’t know, and let that transform the way you feel about them.

“But he doesn’t deserve it!” “She made this mess, now she can reap the consequences.” If you were wondering if you are a grace-filled person, I propose that if those sentences are a foundational part of your mindset, the answer is NO. Grace sounds like, “He may not deserve my best, but I am giving it anyway,” or “She really messed this up, but I feel like I have made some mistakes, too, and I should help her correct it.” Is it easy? Nope! In fact, the literal verse from the pen of Father Mohr says,

Silent Night! Holy Night!

Brought the world peace tonight,

From the heavens’ golden height

Shows the grace of His holy might

Jesus, as man on this earth!

Jesus, as man on this earth!

If you are a little short of “Holy Might” you may want to ask God for the strength it takes to extend the grace that is needed in order to bring healing to your home. It is far simpler to give a cold shoulder and not build a strong relationship. But, in the end, all you have is the end if you are unwilling to shower others with grace.  

“The Word [Story of God] became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, 

who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

John 1:14

Since we are created in His image, perhaps we will find our greatest fulfillment when we are full of grace and truth. What a wonderful Christmas gift to give to your family!

Thankful

Sunday the Pastor challenged us to tell the story of someone who has made your life better. What a wonderful Thanksgiving tradition to begin. My list of people who have blessed and enriched my life is so incredibly long that it would exceed the maximum word limits for this blog! But, you know who you are and you know I love you so much for just being YOU!

The person whose story I want to tell in this blog is my husband. I feel like you need to know a bit of our back story, because as I tell you all the reasons my life is better because of Dana, you may think I am “lucky” or we are “unique” or that we “married well.” Truthfully, we have been a mess, lost and basically dumb!  We dated all through my high school years. It was a rocky, immature relationship. We got married too young. Kids came before we were financially prepared (or prepared in just about any possible way). He was selfish. I was passive aggressive and manipulative. We were both awful at communication. Neither of us had a shining example of what marriage should look like, but we both wanted something that resembled happily every after. We had a lot to learn, and we did, primarily by trial and error… emphasis on error! We knew more of what NOT to do than what we should do. So, we plugged away, through tears and laughter. There were times when I just wanted to walk away, but we stuck it out and grew in many ways.

Fast forward 46 years from that first date… and I can say that I am blessed so much more than I deserve by the man that has learned to love me so well. Dana is a fixer. Especially of mechanical things. He can fix anything! We seldom have to call a repair man. It make sense to him, as if there was a blueprint in his head of things he has never seen before. I, however, am not a mechanical object. Almost five decades later, he is still searching for the blueprint in his head to tell him how to fix what is hurting or frustrated in me. And, I am a woman so that’s pretty much a moving target! Because he can’t “fix” me, he will often wait silently for me to process enough to be able to tell him what I think I need. I once read his silence as indifference. But, his love and dedication to me have taught me otherwise. He will never be gushy romantic who reads my mind and has the right words written in the sky for me. And that’s fine with me because I know that whatever I need, he will do his best to provide it… if I can find a way to tell him what it is.

I am so very thankful to have a husband who consistently puts my needs ahead of his (just as soon as he figures out what they are) and who helps me grow into a better person. If he always met my needs immediately, I would never have learned to communicate.

I am thankful to have the companionship of a man who will, on occasion, switch from a football game to a Hallmark Movie and snuggle on the love seat with me.

I am thankful to have a man that is willing to work extra hard in a cold garage to fix things rather than take money out of savings to pay someone else to do it.

I am thankful to be with a man who left a substantial income, successfully climbing the corporate ladder to follow the call of God and do something that gave him more time with his family and made an eternal difference in the lives of others.

I am thankful to have a husband that can change a diaper, wash dishes, run a vacuum and make the coffee every morning and never complain about it.

I am thankful to have a husband who partners with me in ministry and is (in my opinion) the most gracious, warm and welcoming man at Mill Creek, even though he is truly an introvert!

I am thankful that my guy believes in me and gives me courage to do what I would never attempt to do on my own… like travel alone to Australia for a 3 month mission trip or let people see my artwork (truly both of those things are equally terrifying to me).

I am thankful for a man that affirms me. He seldom tells me I am amazing or strong or good, but his goodness to me has been such a constant that I have learned to read between the lines and find the affirmation that I need. And, when I can’t find it, I have learned that it is okay to ask and he will reassure me that I am enough.

I am thankful for Dana Brady, not because he always gets it right, but because he knows the value of allowing God to transform us into a new creation. He knows that there is more than one way to see things and he is willing to let God’s transforming power alter the way he thinks; the way he sees others; the way he finds truth; the way he loves.

This blog post is already too long so I dare not continue to tell more of his wonderful attributes, but please know, if your marriage is less than ideal, that there is something for which you can be thankful… even if it is a deficiency in them that helps you become a stronger, better person. Look for the good. It’s there!

I love you, Dana Brady, and am so thankful for you!

God's Plan

It just makes sense that the God who proclaimed that all He created is good, would waste nothing. 

He made all things for a purpose.

He allows all things for a purpose.

We experience all things for a purpose. 

When you think about it, sin and brokenness create circumstances that are not lovely; some are heinous, some painful, some practically intolerable. Did God make those things? I don't think so... but He allowed them to happen ... for a purpose. And He believes in YOU and desires for you to seek His purpose... to seek HIM... in the middle of it all and there you will find answers.... or maybe you will not find answers, but you will find Him.

Consider these possibilities...

When the kids are out of control, His plan may be to grow you into the parent that will teach them appropriate behavior. If they never disobeyed, you never grow as a parent.

When your spouse is not meeting your needs, His plan may be for you to learn better communication and perhaps look at things from a different perspective. That's what grows a marriage.

When your job situation is unbearable, His plan may be for you to lean on Him for the wisdom you need. He shapes us most in adversity.

When a loved one is suffering and your heart is breaking, His plan may be for you to learn His compassion and to let Him handle what is simply too big for you to manage. Trust Him!

When finances are a disaster, His plan may be for you to discover how little you need and how much you truly have. When He is all we have we often discover He is all we need.

When illness comes at the worst possible time, His plan may be for you to slow down and listen.

When friends fail you, His plan may be for you to seek a stronger relationship with Him. 

No matter how difficult life may seem today, know this... God isn't perplexed by it, but has already discovered the way around it, through it, over it or under it. When you are a follower of the God who IS LOVE you can be assured that He will make a way and you will be shaped by your circumstances in a manner that will help you through life, this side of heaven. He refuses to throw up His hands when your choices have landed you in a difficult spot. Instead, He will teach you with grace and you will come through it as you listen and grow and walk with your hand in His.

So, as many wise people have said, when you can't find your way through a difficult situation, simply do the next right thing and, according to the Apostle Paul, that is to be thankful for every circumstance. Even if it is unpleasant or downright intolerable! It is God's plan for you to be thankful because you know that He loves you and will never ever stop. Take a deep breath. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. God's got this!

To Share Or To Bury?

Thanksgiving is only a week away and I have been thinking about all the food to purchase and the baking to be done and almost all of the family together. I love it! We always have so much food and when we are finished eating there is still plenty to send home with everyone. I think it's a mom thing to want to feed people well.

And speaking of feeding....I have been in ministry for a lot of decades and one thing I have heard many times as a reason to remain or leave a church has to do with "being fed." If we are fed, we stay. If we are not being "fed," we leave and go elsewhere to find food. I totally get it. God would have to really work to convince me to stay at a church with dry, meaningless teaching... or where I didn't feel a connection with anyone... or where they didn't serve coffee (Kidding!). But, church becomes the Church when we all participate in the lives of others, rather than just pulling up to the table and stuffing our face with the richness of the Word.

In the sermon Sunday, Chris talked about the parable of the talents in Matthew 25 and how Jesus wasn't just speaking of gifts or resources as we may think, but also of experience and information and wisdom and life skills. All the things that we gain through the years as we walk with the Lord. Every week we come back to take in more and more, being fed the richest spiritual food around, but if that "meal" isn't strengthening us to serve, we are not building the Church. We are essentially burying our talents in order to keep them "safe."

If you are reading this and are part of a congregation that is feeding you and you aren't using that nourishment to serve others and grow God's Kingdom, how are you different from the servant who buried his talent and didn't grow it for the Master? Hoarding the Truth you have learned is exactly what the servant did with the one talent he was given.

If we bring it home, what are you doing under your own roof to put into practice the truths you are learning at church? When the pastor speaks about loving others, running to the messy places to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and you nod in agreement but then stay in your comfortable home, with your beautiful children without regard to where God could be using you every week, you bury your talent, because you have received a truth but do nothing with it. What are your children learning about being a follower of Jesus if you take His truth and hide it in your heart .... so deeply that it never turns into action? During times of tension between you and your spouse or kids, do your kids see you work through it with the love you acknowledged on Sunday? Or do their see rage and bitterness boiling?

Perhaps your children are grown and you feel pretty secure that you have served and "done your time" by teaching a class when they were young. If you feel comfortable coming to church to be fed and are not feeding others from your wisdom and knowledge and life experience gained through the years, then you are missing the point of being nourished from the Truth of Scripture. We are ALL called to be disciples that make disciples. And there is no retirement plan for that. How are you doing in that arena?

God isn't looking for Biblical scholars or people who live in spectacular, spotless homes that always smell of homemade bread and chocolate chip cookies. He is looking for people who have been fed to open their arms and their hearts and their calendars enough to allow Him to create a connection for you. There are so many people at church that come and never get connected and never even feel invited to the table because we get there first and don't set a place for them.

So, what are you doing with what you know? Are you learning how to follow Jesus? Are you teaching others what you know? What does He see when He looks at your investment of time, knowledge, wisdom, life experience? Is it at all important to you to invest that, rather than bury it? I can tell you one thing for sure...

It is important to Jesus.

Giving Love - Giving Life

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, have you thanked God for the beautiful sunrise this morning or the changing seasons that make Indiana a special - though unpredictable- place to live? Did you thank Him for the furnace that kicks on to keep you from suffering in the cold? Have you thanked Him for those in your tribe that make you laugh or tell you the truth that you need to hear? Have you thanked Him for the food in your fridge or the people around your table? Have you thanked Him for the person who is willing to go to work every day to provide for your needs or the job that helps you to have the things that most of the world would consider luxuries? Chances are, you have all those things for which to give thanks, which by the world's standard, makes you rich. So I am following the instructions of the Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy 6: 17-19 and teaching...

"...those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment."

This is your public service reminder that God is your provider, not your boss or your job or your bank account. God is the own who makes all things possible so that your needs can be met and He wants you to enjoy His provision for you.

This verse, however, doesn't just speak to me of His provision for our physical needs. There is more that God provides for our enjoyment. Our relationships would be high on that list. Our connection with the world outside of our comfort zone, perhaps across the globe. Perhaps just across town. There are suffering children who are in need of clean water to drink or a warm coat for the winter. Are you living in a way that allows you to help in some small way, or are you extended beyond your means so that you can't bless those in need?

 "Tell them to use their money to do good.

 They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need,

 always being ready to share with others. " 

So I am again taking the instruction of Paul and asking if you would be willing to give up Starbucks for a month or cable for a month or take your clothing budget for a month or remove unhealthy food from your shopping list so that you can give that money to someone in need? Maybe you can give without sacrificing any of those things. Great! But what if you couldn't? Would your heart join with the heart of God in caring for those you don't even know and loving enough to sacrifice for them and use your money to do good?

Let's bring that closer to home. What about when the people right under your roof are in need of things less tangible? They are fed and clothed and given more than anyone truly needs. But, what about their emotional needs? What about their need to know they are forgiven, loved, valued for their uniqueness? Perhaps that is the most pressing need in your family. Are you willing to break down the walls you have erected over time to protect yourself and truly give yourself - your whole self to loving generously? I know that you are afraid of being hurt or rejected, but sitting alone behind that wall is a self-inflicted loneliness that brings its own pain. 

My prayer for you and your family this holiday season is that you would be willing to be rich in love and generous to those who need that love, including yourself. Share your love. Share generously. Open yourself up to receive the love you have been rejecting because... according to the writer of most of the New Testament,

By doing this they will be storing up their treasure 

as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life."

Give love ~ Give life ~ Make a better future

When Your Tank Is Empty

There are times in every marriage when we feel that our emotional tank is empty. Kids, busy schedules, lack of time to connect, a partner that is completely unaware of your needs. All this and more play a part in draining our tanks. Yet, we are commanded to love each other. Honor others above ourselves (which most definitely includes our spouse) and treat others the way we want to be treated. How does one do that without any reserves? When the account is overdrawn? When there is so little left of you that giving more to anyone will cause you to vaporize and completely lose yourself?

Take a look at the story of the poor widow in Luke 21. It is a story of giving out of your emptiness, rather than out of your plenty. Jesus compares the large gifts from the rich that are meaningless because they didn't require a sacrifice, to the tiny, seemingly pointless giving of the widow who had virtually nothing of value to offer. But. She. Gave. Let's bring that story home for just a moment and allow Jesus to address you, regarding your emptiness...

"I tell you the truth. 

This poor widow has put in more than all the others. 

All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; 

but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on." 

 (Luke 21:3-4)

I truly doesn't make sense, from a fiscal or mathematical or psychological viewpoint to give out of nothing and end up a winner. But, if Jesus says she is a winner, I'm going with that!  

May I just encourage you right now, if your tank is feeling sucked dry. You don't have to dive in and find that last drop of emotional energy and give it to the person you have pledged to love forever. You really don't have to find the will to give just a little bit more, knowing there will be nothing coming back to you. If your tank feels empty and there is nothing more for you to give, then you only have to give what you are receiving from the Spirit that lives within you. Don't continue to give what isn't in you, but give what is in Him. 

When we cannot give one more ounce of love on our own, we can call out to the Author and Creator of Love and ask Him for a refill that is bigger than our space can contain so it can spill out to our family, our partner, our co-workers, our neighbors, our parents. Don't hoard it because you are starving to be and to feel love. Give it away and you will discover a rich blessing for dropping the walls and loving generously. 

Will you trust God enough to ask for more of His love so you can continue to love well? You can trust Him because He never ever runs out and He is thrilled to see His children love with an everlasting love. If you want a double blessing in your  marriage, work diligently to be the one who loves the best...BUT never ever try to do that alone. You need the real love that comes from your relationship with God. Draw closer. Let Him fill you. Then let it spill out all over your little corner of the world. Like the poor widow, you will be blessed for your generosity.

Love Generously

Do you want your marriage to be blessed by God? Do you want it to thrive? Do you want to find happiness and fulfillment with the one to whom you have pledged your love for a lifetime? If you are married or hope to be, the sensible answer to those questions would be a resounding YES!  In 43 years of practicing marriage, Dana and I have learned the secret and I am going to share it with you in this blog. (If medical doctors who train for decades are still “practicing” medicine and taking lives into their hands, then we can still be “practicing” marriage and teaching how it’s done, right?)

This month at church we are hearing a series on living generously. I want to bring that home by telling you that the secret to a happy, blessed marriage is to live generously. To give generously. Your time and your attention and your effort to bring joy into the life of your spouse are ways that you can give generously and receive a blessing.

You may be thinking, I have done that for a long time and I get nothing (or very little) in return. Why should it always be me on the giving end? No judgment here! I lived with those thoughts for several years. And I was not a very happily married woman. I thought I was living generously by giving him what I felt he wanted, but the blessing wasn’t returned. It seemed he was happy with my offering and enjoyed the benefits without ever realizing I was sitting in a puddle of self-pity waiting for him to reciprocate. My motives were not entirely selfish. I wanted to bless and please my husband, but there was something in me that was waiting for the volley to come back to my side of the net.

Jesus addresses this sort of “what about me” attitude in Luke 14.

“But when you give a banquet, invite those who are poor.

Also invite those who can’t see or walk.  Then you will be blessed.              

At a glance, that doesn’t look like marital advice, but looking deeper you can see that He is teaching us that the purest generosity is when we give our very best without hope of gaining anything in return. What’s the end game of living generously? You will be blessed. Giving with the expectation of a return on your investment, is business, not marriage. So the attitude with which you give directly impacts the blessing you will receive. And that blessing comes from the Supreme Giver of blessings, not from your spouse. Perhaps you have been looking in the wrong place.

The lesson I learned a few decades back was that I should not look for a blessing from my husband who doesn’t know what I need, unless I tell him… and drop that absurd philosophy of, “If he really loved me he would just know.” My blessings come when my heart is pure and my giving is drawn from the well of God’s love inside of me. This practice only works when God is the source of my love, not my own self-sacrifice or determination. Walking though life holding the hand of my Savior, knowing Him, listening to Him, following Him, meditating on His Word, seeking, asking, growing, living for Him and with Him will bring me to a place where I am truly blessed. The blessing comes from living the love that He brings me, not receiving the love someone else has for me.

Don’t get me wrong… I love being loved the way my husband loves me. I love the way he looks at me and smiles like I am still his bride, the way he provides for me, listens to me, holds me, makes me laugh, patiently teaches me… and that list goes on and on because he, too, has learned to love out of the overflow of God’s love in him. It is a blessing to do life with an imperfect human who is growing and learning and loving better all the time. But, the blessing of a godly husband does not compare to the blessing God gives in response to my unselfishness.

I am still a work in progress, but I have walked with Jesus long enough to know that giving of myself, without expectation of a return, provides me with the blessing of the God who sees into my heart and uncovers my motives. Loving to receive love is selfish and selfishness is actually the opposite of love.

“For God so loved the world that He GAVE…”

Will you take the challenge to love generously? Will you be willing to give and expect nothing in return? Can you devote yourself to sitting at the feet of the Author of Love and learn what it means to love your neighbor (or your spouse) as you love yourself? If so, be prepared to experience the joy of His blessing. If you feel drained and done with loving sacrificially, check your motives. You may be resorting to your default setting of loving in order to be loved. Ask God to show you how to love generously. That is a prayer He loves to answer!

Blessing 101

We are blessed to bless. Our lives are not filled with joy so we can hoard it. Our cupboards are not full so we can be gluttons. Our gas tank isn’t full so we can stay home. Our heart isn’t kind so we can savor it. Grace hasn’t bathed us so we can gloat over our good fortune. We are blessed with all kinds of blessings on a regular basis, not so that we can gather them into the museum in our heart, but so that we can, in turn, bless others. Mark Batterson says, “The way we turn a blessing into a double blessing is by flipping the blessing. In other words, we get a blessing by giving a blessing. That is counter-intuitive and counter-cultural, but that is the miracle. And you will be a bigger blessing to more people because of it.”

When was the last time you called a family meeting to discuss how you might bless another person… another family?  With Thanksgiving creeping up on us, what a beautiful time to teach the kids what a blessing is and our responsibility to carry blessings to others as ambassadors of Jesus. How do you start? I was listening to Brian Dixon on a podcast the other day. He has written a book called, Start With Your People. On the podcast he talked about the importance of starting whatever passion, mission, business or blessing that you have been called to, with the people closest to you. If you are busy blessing the world around you, your kids will not learn well, unless they also see it happening under your own roof.

Let me caution you, however, because there is a difference between blessing your kids and spoiling them. One way teaches them to be a blessing and the other teaches them to be entitled… and nobody wants that! Giving them what they want, when they want it, no matter how inconvenient it is or how tired you are sends the direct message that they are more important than you. You have just showed respect the door and it is on its way out!

When you do something kind for someone, include them. “I know Daddy has been really working hard this week so let’s bless him by making our home a peaceful place for him and have all our chores done before he gets home.” “Mommy isn’t feeling well, let’s clean up the kitchen together and be a blessing to her so she can rest.” “Your sister is struggling with her math so let’s go pray with her so she can calm down and work through it. Wouldn’t that be a great blessing?” “Grandpa has a lot of leaves in his yard. Let’s be a blessing to him and go rake them.”

If your kids are older and the above suggestions are not going to work for them, just be a blessing to your family and your neighbors and co-workers. At dinner or in the car on the way home from practice you can tell them about it. “I got bless Ida today. I just felt like she is probably lonely since her husband died and so I took lunch to her and had a little visit while we ate. She was so glad for the company and it felt good to be a blessing to her, but I think I got more out of it than she did!” They don’t need to see you being a martyr and making huge sacrifices. That sends the opposite message from the joy of being a blessing.

Wives, be a blessing to your husband by seeing who they are, trusting them, honoring them in whatever manner brings joy. Husbands, be a blessing to your wives by listening and learning what brings them joy. Parents, be a blessing to your kids by giving them your attention and teaching them how to bless others, while saying NO to the self-centeredness that will end up eating them alive. Remember, Jesus himself said that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Live like you mean it!

"Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father..."

James 1:17

We are created in the image of a Giver, therefore, if we are not giving,  we are like a fish out of water  and will never realize the blessing that is ours for the taking.

Choosing Your Herd

My grandkids swim. Really well, if I do say so myself. I do not, but I enjoy watching them. One of the things they have taught me is that if you want to improve your time you need someone in the lane next to you that swims faster than you. Without a winner beside you, it’s easy to believe that you are clipping along pretty quick and you don’t end up improving your time at all.

Parents typically want to know something about their kids friends and families before they allow their kids to spend a great deal of time with them. When they spend time with whiners, they tend to whine. When they spend time with kids who are polite, it seems to improve their manners.

When I am with friends that eat healthy, it’s easier to make good decisions about what I eat. When I am with a friend who is a shopper, it’s easier for me to purchase something I don’t really need. The point that I am making is nothing you don’t already know. We are all impacted, one way or the other, by the people with whom we spend our time.

That being said, who are those people in your life that you want in the lane next to you, helping you to be the best you can be? Who will help you on your faith journey? Who will help you be a stronger parent? Who will help you make wiser financial decisions? Who is that couple who you want to model your marriage after?

It matters a great deal who your kids spend time with. It also matters who YOU spend time with. The law of association is a real thing, so how about taking inventory of those people you socialize with most. Are they heading in the direction you must go in order to achieve the goals you have for yourself and your family? Are they helping you draw closer Jesus? Is their influence making your marriage stronger? If not, beware. If you don’t want to change your goals, perhaps it is time to change the herd you are running with. Just because everyone seems to moving in the same direction, doesn’t mean it is the right direction for you.

“One day Jesus said to his disciples,

“There will always be temptations to sin,

but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting.”"

Life is hard. Adulting is harder. Parenting is the hardest! We are going to mess it up. Jesus knew that when He said "there will always be temptations to sin." Why make it worse by rubbing shoulders with those who don’t value your faith journey, your life goals, your plans for the future of your family? Those with whom we associate on a regular basis have the most power to distract us from our desired destination or to spur us on with their example and encouragement.

Choose your herd well!

Freedom

Imagine being a Jew memorizing and following 600+ laws and feeling like you can’t breathe or move without the fear of breaking a law and ending up with the wrath of God pouring down on you…a God you don’t know or feel a connection to. Simply a powerful Being with really high expectations and lightening bolts coming from His eyes. Hundreds of years of being bound to these rules. So long that you have no clue of the reason behind them. Only that there is danger if you fail to follow them.

Fast forward to the time of Jesus… over a dozen centuries later. The men who were the guardians and enforcers of those laws ask the Man who claimed to be the Messiah which of those laws was the most important. So many rules to choose from and the one He chose wasn’t measurable. Love God. Totally and completely. How do you measure that? How can you tell how you compare to your neighbor?

He didn’t stop there but added that there was a second law that went with it, like the bookends of all the laws of God. And once again, it wasn’t something that you could grade and come out on top in a competition. Love others. Respect and honor them. Don’t do or say anything hurtful, but treat them the way you wish to be treated.

Then comes the guy Paul who really did know all 600 rules and followed them to the T and persecuted anyone who didn’t measure up, especially those who were following the One who selected LOVE as the most important of all the commandments. And then came the day when he had a close encounter with LOVE. A love that gave him another chance to understand that God wasn’t interested in his performance but in his passion for serving others and loving them.

So, bring this lesson home. Do you have a list of rules in your house? Maybe they are just in your head and your kids find out what they are right after they break them. Perhaps your kids don't even know the reason behind the rules that you enforce is your love for them. Teach them that the rules you make spring from the foundation of love and the life of serving and honoring God and others. Don't create rules just fit in our culture.

I encourage you to take a look at the foundation upon which you are building your family values. Are they built on a LOVE that serves others? That sees others as valuable and cherished by God, no matter how they look or act, or drive, and treats them as such? Are your kids learning to serve others or to demand to be served? Take the time to help them “unlearn” the self-centeredness that is our innate nature. Help them to think of themselves less and others more.

In his letter to the Jesus-followers in Galatia, Paul says that there is freedom in loving and serving. That seems counter to our culture because we like to be served. How can serving others be freeing? Because when we serve, we are living out our purpose. We are free to be what we were made to be. We can keep our focus on loving God and others and find the freedom to live. Truly and abundantly blessed as we become the people we were meant to be.