Couples That Win

I love watching parents of toddlers redirect them when they are not doing what they should or what is safe and acceptable. By removing the temptation of the unsafe activity with an object or activity and replacing it with another, they have changed the focus to what is a healthier, safer choice for them. How blessed for the child whose parents take the time to do this and explain their reasoning in a kid-friendly manner.

As God followers, we are under the care of a loving Heavenly Father. Just because we are adults doesn’t mean that we have lost the desire to do the things that are not healthy for our mind, body and spirit. We will always have temptation flirting with us, because Satan’s plan is to attack a God he cannot defeat, by winning the souls of God’s children. Last week at camp a child asked me if it was rude to call the devil, Stupid. My response was that “stupid” is an ugly word and it doesn’t describe the devil well at all, because he is very smart. Satan is crafty and sneaky and learns us well so that he knows just what to dangle in front of us.  He has been practicing his craft since the Garden of Eden, however, he only has power over us as we allow his tempting to take control of our actions. We, too, need to be redirected!

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation ... 

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.

 These desires give birth to sinful actions.

 And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."

Okay, let’s bring this a little closer to home because I believe that the home is where Satan is on the prowl the most. If he can destroy the love and respect we have for one another in our homes he will effectively undermine the foundation upon which God built families to grow and thrive. One of the fundamental temptations we all seem to face is that we are primarily concerned about ourselves. As unselfish as we can be as parents, our character seems to shift when it comes to how we treat our mate. We want to win. We want to be right. We want to be loved first. We want to be respected first. We want to be admired first. So much of the “love” that we give to our spouse has conditions. Look at yourself and determine if that is where you are in your relationship. “If he would just…”  “If she could simply…” If your actions and attitudes are determined by what someone else is doing or saying, then your love for them is conditional and is not pleasing to God and is truly not even love, but a contractual relationship.

The first step in strengthening your marriage is to accept the fact that you have selfish tendencies and you struggle to love when your needs are not being met. That is only true if you are breathing right now. It is something that is in our nature that can only be changed as we submit ourselves to God, moment by moment, and allow Him to fill our needs so that we can pour ourselves out for one another.

The second step is running from the temptation to fight for your rights and win the battle. All that fighting may win battles but it will ultimately cost you the victory in the war for your family. James cautions us to… “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (4:7). Trying to be strong enough to fight the temptation of your carnal soul is pointless. Simply run away from that temptation to fight for the win… because sin never pays what temptation offers. EVER!

Finally, replace your craving to win and receive honor, with a desire to win the favor of God and give Him honor. It’s back to that toddler issue. Redirect your thoughts and desires from seeking to be blessed, to ways that you can be a blessing.  Don’t try this alone. It will take a Supernatural touch for the Master who created you to bring about that kind of transformation. Walking hand and hand with Him is the only way to succeed. Thomas Chalmers said, “It is seldom that our bad habits or flaws disappear by the natural process of extinction or the instrumentality of reasoning or by the force of mental determination…. We must replace the desire for one particular object, with the desire for another.” 

Is Jesus what your heart desires? Is your gaze on Him as the prize? Imagine the harmony in our homes if we would replace the desire to be honored and blessed with the desire to honor and bless.

If you truly want a win at home, admit your selfishness, flee from the temptation to win each battle and keep your focus on Jesus. He will bring the transformation that you need in your life and in your home. 

Perseverance and Wisdom: Keys to Successful Parenting

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 

3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

4Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

5If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

James 1-2-5

Each week, as I listen to Pastor Chris’ sermon I try to find a way to take that message and apply it to life as a parent. This week he made my task easy. As a parent, we will face trials and our faith will be tested, on a regular basis. And there is nothing in this life that will help us mature more than helping a child grow up. The most valuable part of this passage just may be that the key ingredient we will need is wisdom, which is readily available if we will simply ask Him.

If I had a nickel for every time I have heard a parent say, “I had no clue parenting could be this hard!” well, I would have a whole lot of nickels! There is so much joy in looking into the face of your child when they make a valuable discovery or when they say something adorable or when they learn a new skill or tell you that you are the best mom in the world. Those are the sweet memories we cherish for a lifetime. But that is not the whole or parenting.

What about those times when that baby cries and cries and you have no idea why; when the toddler continues the same behavior even after you have redirected them dozens of times; when they defy you time after time? How about when they hate school and refuse to apply themselves; when they torment their siblings to the point of all-out battle; when they choose the wrong kind of friends? What about when they have a medical problem that the doctors can’t fix and their pain is too much to bear? Or when they push buttons you didn’t even know you had; when the parent you always wanted to be vanishes as Monster Mom rises to the surface?

Maybe you haven’t experienced all of the above scenarios, but I have. When you have had over 50 foster kids live under your roof, there is little that you don’t experience in the parenting realm.  My failures, some days, seemed to overshadow my triumphs and Monster Mom had to take a “time-out” for the sake of the children… and perhaps for the safety of the planet!

When you have kids, life gets ‘real’ and you learn really quickly that it’s tougher than it looks. There were many things that I didn’t expect, but, most of all, I never expected to fail at mom-ing… but I did. And those memories provide the most profound sorrow and haunting regret that I have ever experienced. Even though I am convinced nobody has ever tried harder than I did, read more than I read, loved more than I loved… I still failed.

My point is not  just true confession here. It is to tell you that parenting is hard because we live in a broken world and we are broken people raising, teaching, nurturing and growing more broken people. AND NO ONE SHOULD TRY THAT ALONE.

For every act of defiance, parents get the opportunity to learn perseverance. How will your child know that you are in control if they are able to take control from you? Imagine the danger of giving your child the wheel and telling them to drive you to work. Essentially, that is what we are doing when we allow them to do as they wish without redirecting them and explaining the danger they will experience on that willful path. Allowing your child to ignore or defy you is like telling them they have no parent to direct them. Each time they get away with a behavior that you have forbidden, you have lost a battle in a war you can’t really afford to lose. I believe that we have to “choose our battles,” because some things just aren’t worth fighting for. Is that last bite of uneaten broccoli really going to cause a child in Africa to starve if our 4 year old doesn’t finish it? So asking God for wisdom will help you define when to stand your ground and not allow them to take that hill.

Your perseverance in taking leadership in your home is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. It gives them peace and stability, even if they behave as if it is capital punishment to have to comply with the standard you set. I would caution you, however, to allow the wisdom of God to direct your parenting decisions. Godly parenting is NOT about getting them to comply with your wishes, but about getting them to comply with the Creator. He has a standard. He has a plan. We are mandated to train our children in such a way that they understand the value of surrendering to God’s will… and not to the pattern of this world. That will take all the perseverance you can grab hold of. That will demand the best of you. That will require you to recognize the voice of our Creator and comply with His leading in your life. That will require you to seek the wisdom of God as you shape the lives of your children. It will also help you to put Monster Mom in a cage and throw away the key.

Parenting is HARD.  I get it. But failure, due to attempting it alone, is unacceptable. You have a Resource. Wisdom is just an “ask” away. If you hope to succeed in leading your children, you will need to invite your Father to lead you first. Then you listen and obey, for the sake of the children… and maybe for the sake of the planet!

Be A Good Shepherd

Sheep are interesting creatures. Left to their own devises they would have a difficult time surviving, especially in the Middle East, which is the locale from which David experienced life with the flock. He writes Psalm 23 as a shepherd who knows the needs of the sheep and as a “sheep” who realizes his need of a Shepherd.

As parents, we are given the responsibility of being the “under-shepherd” to our children, charged with the duty to raise them in such a way that they will recognize the voice of the Good Shepherd and be prepared to follow as He leads.  Let’s take a look at a few of David’s observations and see how we can bring that home.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need.

It is our assignment, straight for God’s Word, to provide… not just for the physical needs of our children, but for their spiritual needs, too.  We wouldn’t think of allowing them to go a day without food, but how many days do we go without sharing God’s promises or instructions with them?  Are you nourished in the Truth that will give direction to your life? It’s hard to supply their needs if you are neglecting your own.

²     He lets me lie down in fields of green grass.
He leads me beside quiet waters.
³     He gives me new strength.

We, like sheep, need quiet rest in order to function well. As parents, we have to be the enforcer of that, rather than the one who is constantly shouting, “Go Go Go!” and enrolling them in activities that prevent them from having the time to meditate and hear the voice of the Shepherd. Raging waters are an unsafe place for a sheep to drink. They can easily be carried away by the current. The same will happen with our children when we rush them through life without time to rest quietly and digest the Truth that God wants them to hear. It is there that they will gain Spiritual strength and stamina.
He guides me in the right paths
    for the honor of his name.

It is so easy to direct our children’s behaviors for the honor of the family name. We don’t want to be embarrassed in public… we want them to be good citizens… we want them to be at their best when the world is watching… but often it is because we realize that it is a reflection of our parenting. It is vital, as we guide and direct the behaviors of our children, that we are doing so with the knowledge of God’s desires for us and His plan for them. We must teach them to share because we love one another, not just because it will create less fussing. We must teach them to listen because there are vitally important things they need to hear, not just because you are the authority. It’s really all about Jesus… not about us. Raising them to honor Him is critical.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid.
    You are with me.

Dark valleys are part of life. Our kids will struggle and bad things will happen and that is when we have the opportunity to parent like our Good Shepherd. He doesn’t shield us from pain, but reminds us that He is with us and has access to all we need to get through it. He is our comfort and our protection. He is our ever-present, loving God. Be there for your kids. Don’t try to dismiss their fears, but realize that to them, they are very real. Love them through it so they know you intend to be there for them, whatever the scenario.

Your shepherd’s rod and staff
    comfort me.

I love this part. The dual purpose of the rod and staff of a shepherd speaks volumes. They were not tools to beat the sheep into submission, but could be used to ward off the enemy as well as direct the sheep, protecting them from falling into danger or rescuing them when they got into a situation they couldn’t get themselves out of.  It is our job to direct our kids. When they are out of control, they are in danger and they need to be brought back to safety. It is so easy to discipline out of anger, rather than to see the danger that unacceptable behavior brings. Quickly halt the steps that are heading toward the precipice and as you reel them in, explain why they must not veer off to that dangerous place. “You must listen to me because I am able to see the things that you are not tall enough (or mature enough) to see. If you cannot listen and obey, then you are not safe and I will need to keep you right beside me until you learn to listen and obey because I love you.” There is great comfort to a child when they know that someone is there to keep them on the safe path.

⁵ You prepare a feast for me
    right in front of my enemies.
You pour oil on my head.
    My cup runs over.

Sometimes the “feast” we prepare for our kids is actually the enemy! I am not the biggest health nut around, but I observe a lot of children and the behaviors that seem to stem from the nutrition or the lack of nutrition they receive. Consider the fact that everything that goes into our bodies is intended for our good and if we allow them to fill up on junk, we can expect a negative impact on them physically and behaviorally. 

The same is true of the way they feed their minds. What is going into their heads on a daily basis? Are they feasting on the Truth they need to combat the Enemy of their soul?

A shepherd puts oil on the head of the sheep in order to protect them from insects and parasites that would get into their eyes and ears, causing infection. We are mandated by our laws to vaccinate and inoculate our children to protect them and those they associate with. There is also a mandate in God's Word to protect our children from the Enemy by surrounding them with His Truth, His Love, His Law. Sadly, there is no one checking up on us to make sure we follow through with that.
⁶ I am sure that your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life.
And I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

What greater goal can there be for any parent than to know that we have done all we can to help our kids see and value the provision and love of their Heavenly Father and desire to walk with Him throughout their lives here and into eternity?

Be a good under-shepherd. Your little lambs need you!

Remember the Y E T

Have you ever noticed that when you are mad at your spouse, your kids are the most annoying? Or when you are the most exhausted, your baby is the most fussy? Or when you have had it with the kids, your husband can’t seem to get anything right? It seems that there is a conspiracy to make us feel worse when we are already at a low spot.

There is a reason for that, you know. When our mood is sour, it impacts everyone around us. Especially those who love and need us the most. Misery is inevitable, but being miserable is a choice. What are you choosing to do with the miserable things in life? As adults we seem to reach back to our childhood when things are going south. “I wouldn’t have said that if you….”  “I was only responding like that because you…”  “How do you expect me to react when you…”  We definitely have a tendency to pass off our attitudes and reactions as if they are totally the responsibility of someone else. I get it.

I married an imperfect man (who seems to be getting closer to that perfect man all the time, but that is a story for a different day). I raised kids that were sometimes noisy, messy, whiny and disobedient. I have felt taken for granted and over-worked and under-appreciated. I have been judged unfairly and treated badly. I have wondered how we could afford groceries. I have endured a myriad of medical issues. LIFE IS HARD. I get it. And there have been those times when I truly felt God had turned His back on me, leaving me in my crisis, all alone and crying. YET…

As I write, I am reliving a day in LaRabida Children’s Hospital. Emily, our oldest daughter, has a relatively rare muscle disease called Dermatomyositis and she was in critical condition. I stayed at that hospital with her for over 5 months. One day when I left her room to go take a shower, I came back to find tears streaming down her face. She had awakened and needed a bed pan, but was too weak to push the button to call a nurse. She was laying in her own waste and I wasn’t there for her. The tears were tickling her as they trickled down her cheeks and she couldn’t raise her hand to dry them. We got her all cleaned up and, in her very weak voice, she said to me, “Mommy, when animals hurt this bad, they put them to sleep. Why can’t you tell the doctors to help me die?”

I’m sure you have figured out that day wasn’t a high point on my spiritual journey. I crawled into bed with her and we cried together for what seemed like an eternity. I was definitely at a breaking point, watching her suffer so long. I was so sad and so angry. I kept thinking that the “God is Love” thing was a joke. A really bad one. How could a God of love let an innocent little girl suffer so much. I really just wanted to walk away from Him and never look back. YET…

Those 3 letters Y E T have made all the difference in my life many times. When the days are long and the load is heavy; when the nights are lonely and the heart is breaking; when loss comes along and the rest of the world seems to be gaining… YET, I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again and again and again. He is the source of my life and my joy. If I turn and walk away, what is left? On whom can I call in the midst of my sorrow and struggle?

Can I just remind you … when your husband isn’t enough… when your children are sick… when your job is horrid… when your head is pounding… when you are avoiding the mailbox because of the bills piling up… when life is more than you can handle… when you feel like God has turned His back on you… to remember the YET.

When we fail to realize that God is seeing it all and knows exactly what we need we are truly hopeless. But, when we are in those dark valleys we must look up and know that He hasn’t let go of us. The best way I know to turn things around is surrounding yourself with Godly friends who will pray for you and praise with you. God inhabits the praises of His people. That’s why we feel closest to him when we are singing His praises without abandon. When we sit around and bash our husband and complain about our job and our kids, we only fuel the flames of discontent. When we thank God for our mate, our kids, our job, etc. we feel His strength begin to ooze into our sorrow and give us hope for whatever lies ahead.

Remember, wherever you are and whatever your circumstances, you can choose to say, Yet, I will praise YOU. Yet, I will put my hope in YOU. Yet, I will follow where you lead. It will completely alter your attitude and your kids will notice. Your spouse will notice. You will be choosing to set the mood in your home as you place your hand in the unseen hand and walk the difficult road that life may lead you down, knowing that He is worthy of your praise and a safe place to rest all your hope.

Preparing For The Inevitable

No matter how tough we can appear to others, we all have something that can send cold chills down our spine. For me, the fears of childhood pale in comparison to the fears of parenthood. Being responsible for raising a child and protecting them, teaching them and directing them is a huge responsibility. As my kids reached the age where they were venturing off into adulthood, I recall thinking, “I wonder if I have covered everything that they need to know in order to make wise choices out there.”

There truly are so many things that can happen. The world is not a safe place. People are not always who they claim to be. Illness and accidents happen. There are injustices that can alter the course of your life. In these areas we have very little control.

Here is the bottom line: we live until we die. That is all we can know with certainty.

So if the only thing that is certain is death, and we as God followers believe in the eternal life that Jesus promised, how are we preparing them for the inevitable?  

We run ourselves ragged to every practice to make sure that our child is able to compete. We are on their case about getting their assignments in so they will be on the honor roll. We ground them and restrict them and punish them in order to curb the bad choices and redirect them. We work hard to build responsible adults. But what are we doing to prepare them to recognize the still small voice of God? How will they be prepared to hear and understand His direction in their lives?

I have some good news for you today. You don’t have to be a perfect parent for your children to find God. You don’t have to be a Super-Christian for them to make it to heaven. God does a pretty good job of filling in where we are weakest, when our heart’s desire is to follow Him. God’s grace is far beyond my comprehension. I can’t fathom a love so strong or an understanding so deep. But the more I know Him, the more I believe that His desire to unite with us is unimaginably strong.

When I meet Him face to face, I really do want to hear Him say, “Well done.” I want my kids and my grandkids to hear it, too. And I want to spend the rest of my days, however many there may be, knowing the voice of God so that I can follow Him more closely. I want to follow so closely that those who follow me will see Him, too. I want to make Him known through my attitudes and my choices and my words and deeds. I want it to be obvious that I am not living for ME, but for HIM. I want to leave this world with no regrets about how I spent my days or whether my goals were appropriate.

Will you join me on my quest? Will you make sure that in all the good things you do for your children, you won’t neglect to point to the God who made them for a purpose? We cannot make the decision for them and we don’t know when the Spirit will call them to Him, but we can do a whole lot to help them recognize His voice as we raise them with grace and peace and wisdom and the knowledge of an Awesome God.

Death is not the enemy. It’s the door to eternity. Preparing them for that door is the best way to parent and when we understand that, it can minimize all the fears of living in this broken world. 

Reflections

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.

Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.

You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.

My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.

We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.

We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it.

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.

Psalm 39: 4-7

May is a month of reflection. Mother’s Day comes every May and causes us, as moms, to look at our role and wonder when that day will come when our kids will rise up and call us blessed. Or maybe we wonder when they will figure out that we are the ones, primarily, that gave them life and kept them alive; that we are their biggest cheerleaders; their biggest prayer warriors; perhaps the ones that have taught them some of the most important life lessons. We wonder what we have left undone as they walk out the door. We pray that the seeds we planted in them will find root and grow strong. We fear that the world will snatch them away from us before we are ready to let go and panic at the notion that they will get off the right path.

May is also a month of when we send them off to prom, dressed as adults, with high hopes that they will have the maturity to behave as such. It is the month when we watch them graduate and consider all we have taught them and all we wish we still had the time to teach. It is the time when they look, with longing, to an unseen future as though it were simply an adventure. All the while, we are terrified that we have failed to help them develop appropriate values and wonder if we have, perhaps, misused the 18 years we had in which to “grow” them.

This fall I will celebrate 40 years of being a mother, and I can tell you that all the hoping and wondering hasn’t stopped. I have four kids that are pretty amazing adults, but I still find myself wondering if I could have done more, taught more, prayed more, shaped more so that they are ready to be the best possible parents for my grandkids!!! Did I let them down? Occasionally. Did I do the best I knew to do? Mostly. Are the seeds planting still growing decades later? I certainly pray that is true.

Life gets so crazy busy when we are raising our kids. We find ourselves racing from one event to the next wondering if we even remembered to feed them and hoping nobody finds out that we didn’t! In all the hustling around, we often forget that all that we do in this life isn’t even about this life. When we decide to be followers of God and seek to do as He directs, everything we do, teach, learn, gain, etc… is not about the here and now, but about the kingdom God is building in the hearts of His people.

So, as you are doing your reflecting on the time you are investing in your kids, remember, as did King David, that this life is but a vapor, but the next lasts forever. Make sure that you are saying “No” enough that you can have time to say the best “Yes.”  Look at your calendar and discover if it is so full of … everything… that you don’t have time to prepare them to live a life that will extend into eternity.

And while you are at it, take some time to look at your finances and see how well you are teaching them that life isn’t about gaining more, but it is the giving that matters in the end. Help them to see that it isn’t all about them, but about serving and loving others.

And teach them that anything that goes against what Jesus taught us to do is sin and, because sin destroys, they should run from it as fast and as far as they can. Help them learn to love the Word that shows us who God is. Teach them that it is the best way to find their way… all the way to the end of their lives here on this earth.

Teach well. Love well. Demonstrate Godly living well. Be the very best you can be for God’s glory and for the benefit of generations to come. Someday you will be looking back and wondering if you did all you could have done to guide them. I pray that you will be able to at least answer, “Mostly.”

Remember, our only hope is Jesus. Hang on tightly to Him because those kids, at least for now, are following you!

Finding Hope

I have had many conversations with young couples, mostly young wives, who tell me their story and the struggles they are having in their marriages and they ask, “Do you think there is hope?” To date I have never had to answer, “Nope! You are in a hopeless situation and even God can’t fix this one!” The very fact that they can see that there are some struggles and weaknesses and issues, tells me that they have hope. Maybe even more hope than those who seem to be coasting along without struggling. Why? Because it is in the trials of life that we can find out that we are weak and God is strong. It is in coming to the place that we discover our  NEED FOR HIM that we find HOPE.

Sunday the pastor threw this equation up on the board:

Pain + Belief = HOPE

So there is more to the story. We don’t just struggle and suddenly become strong. It is when we learn to anchor ourselves to the belief that God is all powerful and all knowing and all seeing that we can release our pain and grab onto hope. 

If you are in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be growing or healthy, take the pain of that struggle and be honest about it. Don’t sweep it under the rug and act like everything is okay. Be willing to be real and say, “this hurts and I hate it.”  God is listening all the time and He knows the truth anyway, so why not tell Him how you feel? 

Sometimes it hurts so bad that we tend to believe that God has turned His back and is completely unaware of our struggles. That isn’t true, but He knows you are thinking that… so don’t try to play the tough guy. Cry out to Him as long as it takes to get it off your chest. If it was good enough for King David, you aren’t too big or cool to do it.

But here is the key to get you to the hope that you need… In spite of the pain and ugliness you are living in, there must be a deep awareness of God as God. Not God as a picture, or a mythological deity, or a super hero. Psalm 22 is a great example of David crying about how tough life was for him and how he didn’t feel like God cared or was paying attention, however, his knowledge of and relationship with the God who sees us, helped him to realize that his pain was only one part of the equation. The pain was still there. The circumstances that caused him to fear were still there… BUT… so was the God who hears our cries. Knowing that changed his desperation into hope.

Is your marriage rocky?  Do you have a child that is on a slippery slope? Are you dealing with a job situation that is horrible? A diagnosis that is devastating?

Take that pain and combine it with faith in the One who loved you enough to sacrifice Himself to be connected with you, even in all your hot mess, and you will find hope. Draw close to the One who has the answers, the solutions, the wisdom, the strength that you need and He will take your belief in His goodness added to your pain and sum your life up in hope for tomorrow and all the days to come.

Peek-A-Boo

Babies and toddlers love to play peek-a-boo. Ever wonder if it is because they are laughing at us for thinking we are hidden from them while they are fully aware we are behind that blanket all the time.  It is fun to watch the delight on their face when we suddenly reappear, but the terror on their face when they look up and you have vanished from their sight is quite the opposite. You were just there in the room with them and now you are not and a blood curdling cry rapidly follows that realization. Rightly so. We are their security. We are the ones who provide their food and their comfort and protection. Human babies are helpless without us to care for them, however, if we are always providing that care, we discover they never learn the art of self-soothing and as they get older, problem solving.

So, what do you suppose is happening in the heavenly realms when our Father has seemingly left us alone and we are terrified; powerless to take care of ourselves? Do you think that perhaps He is allowing us to develop our faith muscles? To begin to realize that we can depend on Him, even when it seems He isn’t there?

I think there is likely not a single person who has walked with God who hasn’t at some point felt that God has forgotten or abandoned them. I really don’t understand how my faith can be so strong in one crisis and then in the next I can feel like God is out to lunch. I don’t get it, but God does. He knows our weakness. He knows our hearts. He knows our questions. He Knows Us!

Read the Bible and you will find that those whom we call Giants of the faith have questioned God…. Wondered if He is on vacation…. Felt abandoned by Him.  I guess that means we are in good company when our doubts and fears arise. But one thing we can learn from them is that, after the fear and anger and whatever else we feel, there is God. He never forsakes us and, though we sometimes feel forgotten, there is God.  When our trials seem more than we can bear, there is God. When our sorrow weighs us down to the point of feeling crushed, there is God. When we don’t understand why or when life isn’t fair, there is God.

Voice your concerns to Him. Cry out to Him. Tell Him what is in your heart. He is ready to hear from you and is able to take whatever criticism you may have. In the end, you will find He is there, listening. He is there, ready to calm your soul. He is there, with a balm for your weariness. He is there. He never left. Perhaps He is just around the corner helping you learn to exercise your faith muscles.

My Lasso of Truth

If you had a super power, what would it be? That is a question I often ask kids just to get conversations started. I think I have landed on the same one, over and over again. TRUTH. Not like Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth that, once you have it around your waist, you are compelled to tell the truth. My super power of truth would allow me to open the minds of all people to see TRUTH.

It is a really important super power, because once you know the truth, you are set free from all the speculation, imaginings and lies of Satan that create fear, doubt and brokenness.

 Marriages crumble because of false perceptions about how your spouse is feeling or what they are thinking. Careers have been destroyed due to the suspicion not based on the truth. Court cases have been lost and innocent people found guilty, all because the truth is obscured from the mind of the jurors. Guilty people, conversely, have walked free because the truth was not told.

Students are wrongly accused, suspected of wrong-doing and they have to work doubly hard to restore the trust of their teachers and classmates. Even our own children have been punished by us because we don’t know what really happened.

So many things would be better if we knew the truth. Jesus even stated that it is truth that sets us free (John 8:32). He wants His followers to believe that He is who He says, and what He says is true. Not just on an intellectual level, but something that you know in your heart… so much so that you are compelled to follow Him. Completely. Totally. Surrendered.

I talk to people every day that live in bondage because they cannot see the truth that God loves and cares specifically about them. They have listened to lies about who God is and, ofen, about who they are. If only I could use my wannabe super power to help them to see God and see that they were fashioned by a Mighty Creator. I would help them to see that this Creator loves them and made them in His very image so that, if they walk with Him and learn from Him, His glory would be reflected in their lives. I would tell them that He truly made them with a purpose and they are no accident. His plan for their life is waiting to unfold once they see the truth of who they are and who God is and allow God’s redemptive grace to reconnect them to Him.

If I could make you see the truth, I would give you faith that the God who made you, loved you enough to leave heaven and become human so that His sacrifice could reunite you with Him for eternity. I would show you that death could not keep Him in the grave, but that He arose from the dead on the 3^rd day and returned to heaven to prepare a place for you. I would use my super power to convince you that the Spirit of God remains with you always, and will direct your steps toward God’s intended purpose for you.

But, alas, I have no super power… however, the One who holds all power in His hand is the Author of Truth. His heart’s desire is for you to know the truth about Him, and the truth about yourself. Ask Him to open your eyes and your heart to His Truth, and let Him set you free from the lies that Satan has told you. Live in the freedom of truth and not in the bondage of lies. It will change your life, forever!

I Believe

“I believe in Christ, like I believe in the sun. Not because I can see it, but by it I can see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

We see signs proclaiming, “I Believe,” all over…. But I’m not sure what it is that is being believed. At Christmas, is it Santa or the virgin birth of Jesus? At Easter is it the big Bunny or the Resurrected Savior? Do we believe in ourselves, our skills, determination and our ability to overcome adversity or do we believe in the power of God within us providing the strength and wisdom and courage to do so?

What do you believe?

On what truths would you stake your life?

Now, think about what you are doing in your home, with your family, to prove that.

If you are raising a family, what is it that you do and say that would be the evidence your children need to prove that you have placed your trust and belief in a God whose face we cannot see?  How are you demonstrating for them that Jesus is the only One to follow? What is His Light revealing to you?

You may be doing really good things. That makes you a good person. That doesn’t, however, connect you to Jesus in their eyes. Too often we direct our kids by telling them what they are to do because we are “the boss” and they just need to listen and obey. Now we have successfully taught them how to do good things, but haven’t connected those good things to the Guide who is honored by our obedience.

You can go to church every Sunday, have devotions every day, volunteer to help at church or in the community, but how will they know that what you are doing is because you BELIEVE that Jesus loves you, left heaven in order to reconcile you to God, died to save your life, and is the force within you that guides you daily and supplies your needs?

To be a light that reflects God’s love and goodness to your family, you don’t have to be the “perfect” Christian (as if there was such a thing) or always get it right. If you want your family to know that you do the things you do because you are following Jesus, you simply need to be vocal about it. For instance...

We tell the truth because Jesus tells us that lies will tangle us all up so that it is hard to live freely.

We are kind to others because Jesus wants us to treat others as we want them to treat us.

We do our best because any less is like stealing from God, since all our potential comes from Him.

We go to church to worship God because he requires we take one day in seven to focus on Him and push other things aside.

We help others because Jesus said that he came to serve others and we are to do the same.

We ask for less because Jesus wants us to appreciate what we have and show generosity to others.

We eat healthy food because God provides it for us so that we can grow strong.

We obey our parents and teachers because God put them in our lives to help us grow and learn.

We go to sleep without a fuss because God created our bodies for rest and wants us to take care of the body He made for us.

We listen more than we talk because God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

We obey because disobedience dishonors God and our parents.

Take a good look in the mirror. Are you seeing a person that is compelled to live right because it is what you were taught as a child? A person who is a good rule follower? A person who is afraid of hell? A person who enjoys the comfort of tradition? A person who is following another person?

OR

Are you seeing a person who is sold out to the God that you BELIEVE in, even when you don’t understand? Maybe you are seeing a person who has lost it and needs to tell your family that you were obviously not doing or saying what Jesus wanted you to say and that you are sorry. Are you seeing a person who has the desire to draw closer to God and learn more of His love and His ways?

If the later paragraph is true of you, that is EXCELLENT!  Now let your family know who you are… a child of the King of Kings who is growing and learning and sometimes making mistakes. Let them know that you don’t always understand what God is doing or why, and you aren’t always paying attention to Him as you should, but that your heart's desire is to live as one who BELIEVES that Jesus loves you. Let them know that you BELIEVE because of the evidence of a resurrected Lord that you find in the pages of scripture. Let them know that He is working in your life and you can’t wait to watch Him work in their lives, too!

Live and lead like you truly BELIEVE!

A Really Good Book

Is there really anything more difficult than taking a tiny helpless infant and turning them into a healthy, kind, honest, responsible adult who walks with Jesus? If there is, I don’t know what it would be… unless perhaps it would be watching them flounder as adults and knowing that you failed to direct them to the Source of all success.

If you are in the process of raising kids, you are aware that it is much more complex than you once thought. It was so easy to advise others about all you could see them doing wrong with their kids until you became a parent. Am I right? Some weeks it is as if new perplexities arise daily and it’s difficult to determine if it is love and patients or truth and wisdom that you need most.

The thing that troubles me is that there is so much wisdom to be found in the Bible about raising children and that knowledge is so easily accessed, yet few parents avail themselves of this free wisdom. I think the reasons are varied. Some don’t think it is relevant. Some would rather read what a PhD has to say (rather than the One who created that person with the brain to gain that degree). And some are too busy being a worn out parent to find out how to be a great parent!

When we were raising our kids we went to church pretty much every time the doors were open. We taught, we served on boards, we sang and led worship, we volunteered for funeral dinners. You name it and our kids saw us doing it. Did that show them Jesus or the path to Him? Did that give them the desire to follow Him? Perhaps it showed them that following Jesus was a whole lot of work! When they were a little older I really began to dig into the Bible and find the truth and wisdom I needed to really get a grip on what it meant to be a follower of Christ. That is when I let go of the notion that staying busy doing things at church was a prerequisite for all followers.

It was when I determined that I needed more that I began to feed myself. I wasn’t learning anything I hadn’t heard all my life in the church. My faith was more following rules and routines than anything. I decided to read that whole Bible. I didn’t stop (like I had all the other times I vowed to read it through) until I had read it all.. and it took me over a year. I didn’t understand it all. Maybe not even half of it. The Middle Eastern customs that colored the pages of Biblical history were as much a mystery then as they are now.  The one thing that I did glean was a better grip on who this Master is that I claim to serve and follow. I found the God that had been more of a notion than a companion to me. And I discovered that He wanted me to know Him intimately so that I could begin to see His great love for me.

I do not think that it is possible to direct anyone, child or adult, to Jesus without first having a deep abiding relationship with Him. And I don’t believe that happens without first reading His Story for yourself. It is good to hear what the teachers and preachers have to say, but it is beautiful when you have a thirst for Him that must be quenched. It begins to be satisfied when you open the pages with the desire to know Him better and it never ever ends, because the more you know Him the more you want to know Him.

Don’t let your kids find a counterfeit God because you haven’t taken the time to know the real God. Start now because the sooner you start, the sooner the pieces begin to fall into place and you discover that, because you know Him better, you can unravel some of the mystery that once stumped you as you read through the pages of His Story.

An overstuffed Easter Basket is nothing compared to giving your kids a parent that is curling up with a Really Good Book!

If My Kids Could Love One Thing...

I have a tapestry on my wall that states,

“You can’t lead your children if you don’t know where you’re going.”

Sometimes life whisks you away into a whirlwind of activity, so much so that you barely know your way back home. Schedules are cramped and calendars are packed and there is little time to even think about your desired destination because the tasks of everyday life are so often all consuming. How do we keep our focus on the destination and trim our sails to get there? It is difficult, yet oh so simple.

Decide where you want your kids to be in,.. let's say one year, or two. Discuss a plan to get them there. Devote yourself to staying the course.  If you don’t take the time to sit down together and determine what the most important thing you want your kids to take away from their years under your roof, you will find that the time has come for them to follow their own path and they have no clue where to find it. Your calendar will always control you if you don't determine to take control of it and be intentional about what you want them to know/learn.

There are many good qualities that you can instill in your kids. Honesty, good work ethic, kindness, strength of character, and the list goes on… but the one thing that you can give them that will cover all of those things, and more, is a love for God’s Word. Now, that will be extremely difficult if you have brushed it aside as something for those who have been to seminary and are “called” to feed the proverbial sheep. You just come and graze at the trough of their knowledge an hour a week and call it good. Maybe you talk about it on the way home and marvel at how well the pastor breaks down the scripture into bite-sized morsels that are quite palatable. You may even have a devotional book that gives you a verse a day to nibble on. Truly, a steady diet like that will leave you severely malnourished, Biblically speaking. And it will not grow a love for the Word in your children. That would be like expecting your kids to watch you in the kitchen and become an excellent chef when “cooking,” for you, means putting a frozen pizza in the oven.

There is so much to be learned from the living Word of God. It is truly inspired; God-breathed; filled with truth; overflowing with real life lessons… often learned the hard way. It has the power to shape hearts and change lives. It holds within its pages the foundation of Truth upon which a godly life can be built. It opens the windows of heaven and exposes the heart of the God who wants to direct our journey to His side.

If you truly want your children to know Truth and embrace it, then first you need to begin to dig in. Don’t leave that to their Children’s Church teacher. They are there to teach and direct, yes! But they are the supplement to what you are teaching at home. It’s not typically very effective to sit at the table and simply read through the Bible with children. It is more personal when you have read it, hidden the message in your heart, seen the transformation in your own life and attitude and then share it with your kids. Tell them your story. Tell them about the Truth that set you free. Use the wisdom of Solomon to direct them. Use the parables of Jesus to teach them.

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t know much about the Bible. Nobody does… until they open it up and start to read. Until they ask questions and dig in. Until they want more and  more truth to speak into their live. You have to start somewhere… sometime… How about NOW?

We all have 1, 440 minutes in a day. Can you devote 20 or 30 of them to God’s Word? It will open your eyes to who He is and what He wants to do in your life. It will become a roadmap laid out before you. I believe that it is totally true that you can’t lead your kids if you don’t know where you’re going. Make a plan to study His “map.”  Failing to plan is planning to fail. Find the time. Carve it out of the busyness. Follow through. Lead your children in the way that HE has for them and teach them to love His Word by allowing it to breathe fresh life into your busy days.