Really???

“Ask and it will be given to you;

Seek and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

So, I have a question for you…

When you read that verse, what is your reaction? Honestly. Truthfully.  Are you filled with hope for all that your Heavenly Father is waiting to do for you? Do you feel a warmth come over you knowing that your Protector is ready to shield you from harm? Is there a sense of comfort, knowing that your needs will be met and all will be well in your world?

I wonder if you would be honest enough to admit that, perhaps, in the back of your mind, in a place that nobody is allowed to visit, where the truth shocks even you, you respond to that verse with one word. “Really?” And your tone is skeptical, if not cynical.

Maybe you have prayed for something for months or even years and are still waiting for God to give. Or maybe you have been seeking for what seems to be an eternity and still there is no find. Perhaps you are nursing bloody knuckles from knocking and knocking and knocking and it seems that God just can’t hear you so there is no Divine response.

I hear you. We have probably all been there at one time or another and I don’t have answers for you, just an observation from getting to know the One who does, just a little bit better through the years of seeking, asking and knocking.

First of all, can I just tell you that Matthew, a converted tax-collector-turned-Jesus-follower, was NOT sitting on that mountainside, writing verbatim every word as Jesus spoke it that day. I mean, start in chapter 5 and read the entire “Sermon on the Mount,” as we have come to call it. It is jam packed with nuggets of golden that could each be stretched into volumes of teaching us how to live godly lives. Scholars place the writing of this gospel between 20 and 40 years after Jesus’ crucifixion. I picture Matthew in 65 A.D, writing with great urgency, knowing that he was getting older and that the chance of escaping Roman persecution forever was unlikely, rapidly writing everything he could recall Jesus saying in the few years they had together.

All that to say that verses 7-11 are not the whole story. I am as sure as I can be that Jesus had so much more to say to help His listeners grasp the value of asking, seeking and knocking. Matthew knew exactly what it meant because he heard the whole discourse. He gave us the highlights, knowing the Spirit would come to us, directing us into the whole truth. I believe that. And I also believe that it doesn’t occur as much as it should because we are too busy to sit and listen, meditating on the Word of God. And I am as guilty as the next person, however, as age and health issues have slowed my pace a bit, I am learning to be a better sitter-and-listener. And here is what my heart has heard in the silence…

I am not going to get everything I think I should have, even if my motives are perfectly wholesome and what I want is admirable and will help me help others. Why? Because I cannot see the whole picture of what my story is supposed to be. My story helps to fulfill God’s purpose, and I can’t see that purpose clearly either. In short, I don’t really know what to ask for so often I just plain don’t ask! Because I don’t think it matters… but Jesus said… ASK! So it must matter.  It does matter!

Jesus also told His disciples how they were to pray and in that very prayer, He told them to ask for the Father’s will to be done… perfectly… the very first time, as if we didn’t have a will of our own to mess everything up. Just like it happens in heaven, where the angels do His will without questions, without a selfish thought. He told us to ask for what we need for the day, our daily bread. Not a 5 course meal, but just enough to give us strength for the tasks at hand. We are instructed to ask for forgiveness, because… He knows. And we are to ask for deliverance from the evil that distracts us and will ultimately keep us from asking Him for all of the above.

So ask Him! But make sure that you are asking in alignment with His plan and purpose for our lives. Sometimes those will be specific prayers as He reveals His plan to us and other times (most of the time, perhaps) we simply pray for Him to bring about His plan in our life, whatever that may be, and we will receive it.

But, that’s not the end. Seek and you will find puts us in action mode. He doesn’t just want us to pray and forget, but to pray and act! If you want God’s will to be done in your life, then do what you know to do right now. Be kind. Use wisdom. Show love. Live well. Eat healthy. Exercise. Meditate. Read the Word.

Knock and the door will be open…  Looking back, I see myself as a timid little girl who desperately wanted friends, standing at their door, hoping that my friend would come out at just that time because I was too shy to knock. Pathetic, I know, but that was my childhood. I didn’t want to disturb. I didn’t want to be disappointed if they didn’t want to come out. I didn’t want to be humiliated if they laughed in my face at the thought of stooping to play with the likes of me. So I didn’t knock. And they didn’t come to the door. And I left and went home and played alone. Fear. Low self-worth. They were the enemies of my soul then and sometimes they come back and visit. And I wait for good things to happen without taking the risk of knocking.

Today I will ask for God’s perfect plan for this day to unfold in my life and I will actively look for what He has prepared for me.  I will be brave and knock on the door to see how far we can go together and embrace the adventure that awaits because I believe His way is the way for me. And He will answer. My skepticism and cynicism has been replaced with hope and expectancy because I have watched God work in my life and the lives of others and I know that my way, once I set it down, can be replaced with His way, which may be not at all what I was seeking, but is exactly what my story requires in order to unfold into something beautiful.

I really hope you will join me and ask, seek and don't just stand there... knock!

Settle or Sizzle

When I first started dating my husband, I still lived at home and shared a room with my little sister. She claims that I talked about him non-stop, late into the night, keeping her awake. I’m not sure that is completely accurate, but I do remember that I thought about him all the time. I pictured him in my mind. I recounted the words he had said and longed for the weekend to come so that I could hear his voice again and feel his hand in the small of my back as he ushered me in the door of the bowling alley, our typical winter date. I knew the sound of the engine of his Coronet 440 and my heart would quicken as I heard him pull up in front of the house on Friday nights. Ah… the joy of young love.

After three years of falling deeper in love with him, we got married and within three years of entering marital bliss, we had two babies, a mortgage and a whole lot more responsibility and a whole lot less heart quickening. Life changed quickly and so did all those euphoric feelings. The love was there, but the routine and the fatigue changed our ability to freely express it. We didn’t “fall” into love and we didn’t “fall” out of love. We just “fell.”

Jesus revealed a message to John while he was exiled on the island of Patmos about such falling… but it wasn’t talking about romantic love. Jesus was talking about how the church was doing so much right, but it was still coming up short, because it had lost the glow of first love. In the same way that longing to be with your true love is replaced with a busy calendar and flat out exhaustion, the longing to have quiet communion with Jesus is replaced with carpools and diapers and gainful employment.

We talk frequently about how God’s grace is great and covers our imperfections, but is that all that matters?  If Jesus is saying to us, come back to your first love, that indicates that He wants more from us. He wants us to live in His presence, enjoying his company. He wants us to bring our praise and our cares to Him, communicating with the same excitement that we had in the beginning. He wants us to listen, hanging on every word, because what He thinks and how He feels truly matters to us. He wants us to snuggle up and enjoy just being with Him. Much the same as it was when we first committed to life with Him.

So, what happens in marriage when we become content with a lackluster life? When living happily ever after is replaced with simply existing. The relationship begins to crumble and the joy certainly fades. We stop communicating and don’t even feel like we are known by our mate. The very same is true in our relationship with Jesus. If we are not deliberate about stoking the fires of love in our relationship with our partner and our Lord, the flame will die. How can we make sure that doesn’t happen? Be intentional in our relationships.

Sunday the Pastor said, “We don’t misplace Jesus. We replace Jesus.” And I believe he is spot on.  (You can listen here: https://thecreekonline.net/media) Jesus is still there. We still love Him, value His teaching, speak of His authority in our lives. The problem is that we also love football and Facebook and we value our career and a good 20% off sale and the ones who coach our child’s sport seem to have complete authority over our calendars. We haven’t misplaced Jesus because He is still here waiting for us to come back around to the place of honoring Him. We have simply replaced Him with all of the things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but have left us completely spent. Tired, troubled and over-extended.

What is the solution? Remember back to the commitment you once had and the promise you made to make God #1 in your life. Repent for bumping Him and possibly even kicking Him to the curb as you go about life in the manner that society dictates and Satan applauds. And lastly, begin to do life in a manner that allows you the time and the space to get God back to the position that you have taken from Him.

And while you’re at it… revisit that first love with your spouse and start rekindling that flame. Don’t settle when you can sizzle!

I hold this against you:

You have forsaken the love you had at first.

 ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen!

Repent and do the things you did at first.

Revelation 2:4-5

Monitor Your Investment

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells his followers a parable about the three servants who were entrusted with a portion of their masters assets while he traveled for an extended period of time. The first two invested what they were given in such a way that it doubled by the time the master returned. The third, being afraid to fail or invest or take a risk, buried his bag of silver and returned back to his master only what he had initially been given, blaming the master for his own failure. Pointing a finger at the flawed character of the master, he justified his failure to gain a profit. The first two were rewarded for the effort they put into making money for their master, while the third was considered to be wicked and lazy and was tossed into outer darkness.

Consider for a moment, Jesus sitting across the table from you, sharing a meal and discussing the fact that "X" number of years ago he gave you a family, entrusting your spouse and your children into your care so that you could multiply His Kingdom. He depended on you to do all that you could do to honor Him and love and direct them to the One who made them for a purpose. Now, He has returned to hear how well you did with what you were given. Did your spouse grow closer to you and to Jesus because of the unconditional love your freely gave? Did your children greet Him at the door, knowing exactly who He was because you showed Him to them daily through the fruit of the Spirit working in your life? Are you anxious to show Him the neighbors that you have told all about Him or the friends who are now believers because of your families influence? What evidence would He see that your focus remained intact and you diligently worked to show your family the God you love and follow? Would you be able to show Him that you had invested hours every day to reflecting His love in your home?

Or maybe you didn't invest quite as wisely and aren't quite as eager to show Him the return on your investment. Perhaps, at the moment you and your spouse aren't even speaking to each other and the kids are safely sequestered in their rooms, or at their friends house staring intently at a screen, diligently trying to save the world from a zombie apocalypse. Maybe you haven't exactly led the charge to stop world hunger or even volunteered at the neighborhood food pantry. Possibly, you are feeling like you didn't get a fair warning of what was expected of you as a wife or a parent. You had no idea that God intended to use your union with your spouse to draw others to Him and multiply His Kingdom. Marriage is about love and meeting each other's needs and growing old together, as far as you knew. And that is way more work than you ever signed up for!

Now, before you start to panic about being tossed into the eternal darkness that the unfaithful servant earned in the parable, take a deep breath and realize that you still have time to make the investment that will bring a celebration. Step back and look at your family. What you are looking at is both your mission field and your missionaries. Now is the time to pour life into them. Not information. Not rules and regulations. I have never seen that grow into anything life-giving. What brings life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When God lives in us and we walk with Him daily, those are the things that grow within us and leak out for our families to witness; to enjoy; to desire for themselves. That is contagious Christianity.

The transformation that takes place in you, is the best way to see transformation happen in your home. Once that begins to happen, it will reach beyond your home into your neighborhood and into missions for which your family becomes passionate. You have been given your family, not just to bless you, but to become part of a team that can reach into places you never could reach on your own. Spread the love of Jesus to your family first and wait patiently for them to grab hold of the abundant life that Jesus promises those who follow Him. You can't make the decision for them, but you certainly can be their primary influence.  Commit to investing the time to grow in your faith and tell them your story - show them God at work in you - love them with a new kind of love - be a blessing to them and to others. Before the Master returns and sits across the table from you...

Nathan's Way

King David was accustomed to having what he wanted. I suppose that is common to most kings. In 2 Samuel 12 we discover where that entitlement took him. David could have whatever he wanted, but he didn’t want to look bad in taking it, so he contrived a way to cover his tracks and have the beautiful wife of Uriah, by sending his faithful soldier to the front lines where certain death awaited him. Now David’s lust would appear to be honorable, rather than despicable, as he took in the widow mourning the loss of her husband. Somehow, in all the conniving, he completely lost sight of the horrific, selfish, greedy, heinous, deplorable action he had taken. “All’s well that ends well” was the mindset that kept him from facing his guilt.

But, God saw and knew exactly what had happened and there would be consequences for such a crime. I don’t know if it was common knowledge or if God told Nathan, His prophet, what had happened, but he was the one chosen to hold the mirror in front of King David so that he could see his blackened heart.

As I think about this story and the role that Nathan played and ponder how I can bring this story into life at home, my thoughts go to the times when a child must be confronted for their negative behavior. Often there is yelling and punishment and anger as accusations and expletives fly out of the mouth of those parents we encounter in Walmart (not you, of course). I seriously doubt that the child on the receiving end did anything as bad as King David, yet Nathan did not get angry or raise his voice as he spoke truth to David. So what can we learn about confronting the naughty child in this account?

First of all, Nathan came to David with a story. Why? Because David had closed his eyes to his sin… otherwise, how could he live with himself?  Often, when a child breaks a rule or disobeys, that slip in character is barely noticeable to them because they don’t understand why what they did was wrong. Nathan told David about a rich man who had scores of sheep, but when company came, he went to the poor man who had only one beloved sheep that was a family pet and took it to slaughter for his dinner guest. That story made it easy to see the wrong that was done. Find a way to help your child see the implications of their behavior and explain it in a manner that they can understand.

Second, as soon as David saw the crime that had been done in the story Nathan told, Nathan pointed out to him that he, David, was in fact the villain in the story because of what he had done to Uriah and Bathsheba. Nathan told him… not asked him. Often we put our children in a position to exercise self-preservation when we ask them a question that we already have the answer for. The natural inclination is to lie in order to keep from disappointing you or avoid getting punished. Don’t put them in a position to dig themselves into a deeper hole with the natural response. Tell them how their infraction was similar to the one in the story. Hold that mirror in front of them so they can see that they were wrong. The goal is to help them see, not to shame them.

Third, Nathan reminded David of how gracious God had always been to him. Remind your child that you love them and will always love them, in spite of their poor judgment. Let them know what your expectations are and what God’s Word has to say about disobedience. It is far better for an undesirable behavior to be altered because of a desire to do the right thing, rather than a fear of what happens when we do the wrong thing. If we fear punishment, we learn to hide bad decisions, but if we desire to do the right thing, we learn to do just that.

Fourth, when David confesses his sin and realizes that he deserves death, Nathan quickly tells him that God has forgiven him and his punishment will not be as harsh as what he deserves. There will however be consequences. Make sure that you give an appropriate consequence for the wrong they have done, and don’t be afraid to sprinkle it with grace. Often a child doesn’t have the maturity to weigh out the consequences or realize the gravity of the misdeed. Talk them through it calmly. Your rage is frightening and shows them that you are not in control of your emotions. King David begged God to remove the punishment for his behavior, but God did not. David needed to see that he could not use his power to take what wasn’t his to take. Your kids also need to know that their tantrum or their begging or their sweetest persuasions cannot keep them from paying the price for something they know they shouldn’t have done.

Being a parent is tough. Finding the right way to shape the heart of a child is hard work. Often if you take the time to listen to them, you can uncover the heart issue that needs correcting or further teaching. Never jump to conclusions… unless you are a prophet and God told you what really happened! Don’t start yelling and wielding punishment, because you just may have to remove your foot from your mouth and apologize to them.

There are so many stories in the Bible that can direct us if when we become a student of the Word. Take a lesson from the prophet, Nathan. Help your kids understand why a behavior is wrong. Tell them what they did that was wrong rather than asking them to tell you what they did…(providing you know with certainty). Make sure they know that their naughtiness doesn’t diminish your love or God’s love for them and give them consequences that will teach them that wrong is always wrong.

First, The Lion And The Bear

In the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 we read that David’s resume to King Saul included defeating the bear and lion. With thousands of sheep in his care, it would have been much easier to chase away the lion with a sheep in his clutches so that he didn’t kill more of the sheep… or worse. But, that was not the way David performed his job of shepherd to his father’s sheep. First, he rescued the sheep from the mouth of the lion, then he killed the lion to remove all potential harm from him in the days to come. That is what qualified him to fight the giant, Goliath.

As I consider the sermon from Sunday, that you can listen to here https://thecreekonline.net/media, and ponder how I can bring this message into our homes, my thoughts keep going to all the predators that come against our marriage and other relationships. I believe that our thoughts are the lions and bears that prowl around in our minds, attacking the flock of love that was once so strong. And we are not seeing the loss, but allowing it to keep happening until our love that once was beyond counting, now looks like a hobby farm… or worse! If we ever hope to be victorious in our relationships… or in life, we better begin to face those thoughts and come against them with the tenacity David exhibited in order to protect his father’s sheep from predators.

Hear me clearly. I am not suggesting that we make every little misspoken word into a major discussion. Nor do I feel that it is important to dissect every little misunderstanding or bring every mistake before the firing squad. What I am suggesting is that you take a look inside of you and find those lions and bears that have their claws out and teeth sharpened and are prepared for attack at the smallest infraction. That is the enemy that you must learn to subdue so that when the giant comes, you have the experience under your belt to bring down a beautiful victory.

Allow me to take the veil off of some of these lions and bears that live in our thoughts so you can see how they are putting you at risk, and show you how to defeat them…

“She is getting so lazy that I don’t even know her anymore. She used to keep the house tidy and make my favorite meals, but now the place is a wreck and we have fast food more often than not.”

            Subdue those thoughts and realize there is always a reason when things change and perhaps it isn’t laziness. Rather than stewing about the way things are, consider that there is an underlying cause for her fatigue and take an interest in making things better by helping make the house the way you want it. The words, “I know it’s been a rough week and you could use a hand so let’s tackle this together,” may just take that lamb out of the mouth of the lion.

“He spends the whole weekend in front of the TV, or working in the garage, or (fill in the blank), and never has time for me. How am I supposed to compete for his attention when he has obviously lost interest in building a life with me?”

            Tackle that predator immediately because it is one step away from a huge pity party that won’t end well. Perhaps the need for a diversion is what gives him the energy to go to work every day. I know that, if you are a mom, you don’t get a lot of down time, which can give you a bad attitude and make you resent the down time that our guys seem to be able to find more easily. Perhaps we could take a lesson from them and find ways to share in the refreshment that restores our energy. A simple acceptance of the importance of rest, or appreciation of the things they accomplish in the garage or yard is a good start. Now couple that with a non-defensive, non-attacking conversations about how thankful you are for his ability to balance work and play and that you want to learn to do that in order to be a better wife and mother. If you need help, stop expecting him to see it or read your mind and start asking for help with a gentle and kind voice. Respect his need to rest and don’t expect more of him than you do of yourself, but if you need him, tell him!

“He doesn’t even seem to notice me until the lights go off. Is that all I am here for?”

            Sexual intimacy was created to strengthen and bless the bonds of marriage, yet it often appears to be the hungry bear that kills it. If you see the desire for intimacy as the bear and attack it, you are coming against the wrong enemy. One of the most beautiful ways to grow in your relationship is to realize the blessing of being desired by your husband. Learn to receive the love that is given (in the way he knows best how to give) with grace and gratitude. Consider how you might feel if he shunned your attempt to show your love to him. You make his favorite meal/he says he isn’t hungry. You extend your arms for a hug/he walks away. You buy him a gift/he sets it aside without opening it. You plan a date/he just wants to stay home. When you learn to destroy the thoughts that his desire for you is unacceptable, and gracefully receive his gift to you, you may be surprised at how the intimacy between you begins to flourish.

If you hope to defeat the giants that will try to destroy your home, you must first look inside of you for the lions and the bears that live in your thoughts. With the power of the Most High God, come against those thoughts and destroy them for good. Be courageous and see what your marriage could be, not what it is right now. Don’t allow the struggles to bring failure into your future, but use them to strengthen you for whatever lies ahead. Remember, Satan is the enemy, not your spouse, and God has already defeated him, so don’t let him convince you otherwise. When you believe his lies, you give him power in your life. Fix your thoughts on the power of God, not the taunts of the giant. Don’t forget that he was taken down with God’s strength and one smooth stone.

Satan will come against your home just as Goliath came against the Israelites. David’s response to that…

“You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies- the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. Today the Lord will conquer you, and I will kill you and cut off your head. And then I will give the dead bodies of your men to the birds and wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel! And everyone assembled here will know that the LORD rescues his people, but not with sword and spear. This is the LORD’S battle and He will give you to us.”

Be bold. Be courageous. Take a stand against the evil that defies your relationships. This battle is the LORDS and your victory is waiting for you. Just pick up that stone and aim it at the evil thoughts that Satan is trying to plant in your mind to convince you that you cannot win and discover how amazing victory can be!

Sometimes It Takes A Fire

Remember the story in Daniel about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego? They weren’t parents, they were children … of God …and they knew that doing the right thing was not always the popular decision. In fact, their resolve to do the right thing landed them in a really hot spot, but without their act of obedience to worship God alone, they would never have seen, up close and personal, just how magnificent God’s power is.

There are many things that we are responsible to teach our children. There are so many things we want them to know. We teach them with words; with consequences; with lectures; with rewards. And even so, they still will, in the end, choose the way they desire to go and the lessons they determine are worth living by. In the story of the Hebrew children (probably teen-aged boys) we can learn a very valuable insight that will have a profound impact on how much of your guidance will be kept and how much will be tossed.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego took a huge risk by keeping God at the center of their worship. They knew it could cost them their lives. We don’t have a king demanding that we bow down and worship him at the blast of a horn with the consequence of being toasted if we don’t comply. So we have it pretty easy. Or, do we?  Perhaps the fact that there is no visible risk in pushing God to the back seat and putting someone or something else behind the wheel that drives our lives makes it even more difficult to keep Him in the #1 slot. Being 100% sold out to God, gave them the most dramatic exposure to the faithfulness and power of the God they chose to serve… no matter what.

Do you take a bold stand for Jesus in your home? In your language? In your attitude toward others? Do you honor Him with the way your treat your kids and your spouse?  Do you honor Him in the way you spend your time? Do you worship Him with joy that is overflowing? Does the mention of your Creator enter into your daily conversations at home? Do you spend time in the Word daily getting to know the heart of God better? Do you slow down the hustle and bustle of life so that you can meditate and hear from Him?

Or…

Is God just the Sunday God who you worship once a week, when it’s convenient? Is He the main event at Easter and Christmas, remaining illusive from your kids the rest of the year? Do they wonder why you lose your cool and say naughty things rather than seeking to obey God with your attitude? Do they think prayer is just words to say before bed and before meals? And Bibles are for dusting off and taking to Church… if you can find it?

  

God has a plan and a purpose for you and for your kids. Following God’s plan means we might have to go against what feels safe or “normal,” but it can be exactly what needs to happen in order for them to see how exciting it is to trust God through the trials. You have an important role to play in making a better world for your kids. Be brave and go for it! Often, that simple act of courage is the tipping point for something extraordinary to happen in their life and in yours.

May I encourage you to make God the number one priority in your home? To worship God alone and say no to anything that may try to push God to the side? To demonstrate to your children that God’s power and might will protect and keep them as His very own? To teach them that God is strong and faithful and will always have His all-seeing eyes on their lives?

It isn’t easy to take a stand against those things… or people… who drag you down a path that leads you away from honoring God with your whole life, but with all my heart I encourage you to do just that. But, as Pastor Chris said in the sermon Sunday (listen here: https://thecreekonline.net/media),

A faith that is tested is a faith that can be trusted.

If you want your kids to be able to stand up to the temptations that surround them, take a stand! Do the hard things! Be real in your faith journey! Grow with every risk you take to stand against what takes you away from the One who loves you most. Sometimes, just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, you have to be in the fire to see God beside you and witness the power that will sustain you through whatever the broken world throws your way. Seeing God that close beside them as they learn to take a stand will make the most profound impact and can certainly hold the power to change the trajectory of their lives. 

Be courageous.

Worship God alone.

Parent well.

Queen Esther And The Children

The Bible tells the story of a young Jewish girl who was taken to the palace of King Xerxes to be groomed to become His queen. It doesn’t tell us how long she lived as Queen in the palace or if she ever even had children, but Queen Esther had people. The entire nation of her heritage was facing certain annihilation and she, as a result of her appointment as Queen, had a chance to save them. It would involve a great risk and the possibility of failure. It could actually cost her her life. In the end, Queen Esther is the heroine of the story and lives are saved because of her act of bravery. The thing that powered her courage was her faith in her God. She knew that He was in control and could use her to save a nation. She also knew that she might die in the process, but her life was a small price to pay for the lives and legacy of God’s people.

So how can we bring the story of Esther into our home and our parenting? Esther understood that she was sitting where she was, at the side of the greatest King of her lifetime, for a greater purpose than wearing fine gowns, hosting gala events, owning jewels that could pay off the national debt, and eating the finest foods available without having to ever enter the kitchen. Doesn’t sound like a bad gig to me! But…Have you ever considered that you being the parent of your children isn’t about you at all, but about your child? You are one piece of their legacy that will shape them into the person that God planned for them to become. But, you must have the courage to give it all up for that to happen.

I can almost hear you saying, “You don’t even know me! I would take a bullet for my kids!” Those are the split second decisions and reactions we have when danger suddenly comes out of nowhere. But what about the daily decisions you are making that are impacting their future? The way you spend your money. The way you spend your evenings. The words you choose. The discipline you impose. The example you set. Can you step outside of your window and look in at the way you live long enough to objectively determine if you are the Queen who is happy to sit on the throne or do you have the courage to give it all up for the benefit of your kids?

I do not stand in judgment or believe for one minute that I have this thing down. Too many of you know my grown children who can rat me out without blinking an eye. What I do know, however, is that Godly parenting takes intentionality and courage…

… to stand up to the norms of our society and raise children that will know their Creator and value His plan for them as something to strive for and make the commitment to be in the Word and worship with your local congregation to show them that you value His plan for your life, too

… to help them know there is a difference between right and wrong when our culture says it is up to the individual and help them find what God’s Word has to say about it without diminishing the value of all God’s children, whom He dearly loves

… to teach them that loving God and others is the greatest thing they will ever accomplish, not attaining a colossal salary and then demonstrate that you believe it by giving to those less fortunate or refusing a promotion that keeps you from the time it takes to teach them what love looks like

… to teach them that caring for your body is a sacred privilege and showing them what that looks like

… to explain how moral values will be the compass that gets them to where God wants them and then let that compass direct your path.

Queen Esther had a choice. She could let the chips fall where they may and hope that her King never discovered her nationality and go on with her royal lifestyle. She did not make that choice. Instead she chose to take courage and risk losing it all for the greater good. Your family is your greater good. If you are not sacrificing for them, you haven’t yet discovered the joy and peace of using your role as their parent “for such a time as this” to shape their hearts and minds to follow the One who holds eternity in the palm of His hand.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,

But on what is unseen

Since what is seen is temporary,

But what is unseen is eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:18

Perhaps remembering this verse will help you to have the courage you need to look to the future as you shape the lives of your children.

Dealing With Hearts And Fears

“Do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Scripture tells us (Ephesians 1:20) that God raised Jesus from the dead and seated Him at His right hand. Picture Jesus’ left arm linked in the right arm of your Creator and Jesus’ right arm wrapped around you. That is the picture in my mind as I ponder this verse in Isaiah. How can anything bring fear to me if I keep that vision in the forefront of my thoughts?

Tomorrow morning I will be having a cardiac ablation. This is a routine procedure for a doctor that specializes in the electrophysiology of the heart. For me, the one laying there for hours in a semi-conscious state while the cardiologist drives a camera around my heart looking for the reason for the crazy rhythm, it is not quite so routine. I can honestly say, that I haven’t been afraid. Partially because this cardiologist is amazing and has done this procedure a gazillion times. Partially because I am over the exhaustion that comes from my heart running sprints and marathons without benefit of a single calorie burned. But, mostly because I can feel Jesus arm around me. I know that my life is in His hands, every single day, with or without a trip to the hospital.

It is good to feel the peace that takes away the fear of this world. Pass that peace on to your kids by assuring them that Jesus is there right beside them, all the time. Telling them, or even showing them that there are no monsters under the bed, will not destroy the image in their mind that will reappear as soon as you leave the room. Explaining that their fears are irrational will not suddenly turn them into rational thinkers. And, most certainly, telling them to grow up and stop being a baby will only give them a false expectation that adults are never afraid. You and I both know that isn’t true!

Sing and play music that will remind them of God’s presence and love. Teach them Isaiah 41:10 and other verses that tell us that we are never outside of His sight. Build their courage by telling them of times when God has brought you through scary circumstances and made you brave. Be their cheerleader when they show courage and try new things. Walk beside them in the scary places. Resist the urge to protect them from all things frightening, because in doing so, they never develop their own courage. You may, unintentionally, be confirming their reason to be afraid of the noisy vacuum that is actually harmless, if you react to their fears by never vacuuming. Other health risks may also occur (wink). However, you must use good judgment in protecting them from the fearsome things that they are too young to witness or experience.

Be strong. Be courageous. Be diligent to pass that on to your kids. Help them to find the brave that they will need when you aren’t there. Never fail to remind them that their Creator sees all and, no matter how scary life may feel, He is right there giving them the strength and courage they need to make it through… even if a camera is driving around your heart preparing to fire on the enemy. God’s got this!

Leading Well

If you read my blog on a regular basis, it’s either because you are looking for wisdom on raising a family or looking for typos. Hopefully you are finding more of the former than the later! If you are looking for wisdom, answers, encouragement, you are already on the right track to healthy parenting. Raising your children is your job, your business, your decision, your priority, yet you know that you need help to lead them well. That being said, have you ever considered that the most important person you have to lead is not your kid/kids, but yourself. If you are going to be a good leader and example for them, it has to begin with you making the decision multiple times a day, every single day, to lead yourself well.

One of the most valuable ways to insure that you are leading yourself and your children well is to learn to prioritize what you value most over what you want now.  How many times have you heard a parent give into the wishes of the child at the store in order to avoid an angry child making a scene? Countless, I’m guessing. That is an example of giving in to what you and your child want NOW as opposed to what you value most. That parent who caved is not thinking, “I hope my child grows up spoiled, entitled, unable to sustain healthy relationships, and generally unpleasant to be around.” Yet their actions will give them exactly that because they are prioritizing what they want NOW (peace and quiet… no public scene to make them look like a bad parent) over what they value most (patient, obedient, respectful children who are learning the value of working for and waiting for what they want).

As a parent, you really need to sit down and determine what kind of values you want for you child. What are the most important lessons for them to learn? You want them to be kind and loving, so you must be kind and loving. This is where it gets tricky because we easily confuse being kind and loving with pandering to their every whim. Giving in will create feelings of superiority and entitlement that encourage behavior that is extremely unkind and just plain hateful. So you have to determine your values in such a way that, as you lead, you are looking at the bigger picture, the outcome of your decisions over the long term, not caving to whatever the child is asking for now. Trust me on this. Tears at two or three because you can’t have a sucker are far easier to deal with than tears at 12 or 13 because your child can’t sustain a friendship.

In order to lead yourself as a parent, you have to be strong and have your values set so that tantrums and stomach flu and sleepless nights and broken toys and hearts don't sway you. Are your values set? Are you staying the course, even when it takes every last drop of energy? Or are you trying to satisfy kids with what keeps them happy now because that is the easiest way?  What will you choose?  Sleeping in or Sunday worship?  Appropriate bedtimes that allow quality time for mom and dad or being too exhausted for each other because the kids beg to stay up later? Do you take the time to know the parents and friends your kids play with or just enjoy having them out of the house, no matter who they are with? Do you choose screen time or reading Bible stories together?  Teaching them responsibility by doing chores with them that you will have to take extra time to redo when they aren’t around, or just doing it yourself? Fast food on the run or meal planning and limiting the extra-curricular activities so you can have family meals around the table? Life-long learning or mindless drivel? Exercise or couch potato? So many decisions... so little time! If you don't think so, ask a parent who is taking their baby to college this week!

Some days I make the decision multiple times to focus on what I value over what I want. That means I have to look down the road at who I want to be. I value being a follower of Jesus, in step with Him and learning to draw closer always. I value being a good partner and companion to my husband. My kids are all grown up now, but I still value being a good mom and a good grandma. I value being an encourager, instructor and leader of those who are at the front line in the battle for our children’s hearts and minds. If I really value those things, my actions have to fall in line with the desires of my heart.

Somedays I live as though I value ice cream, Pinterest and HGTV… not gonna lie. I am a work in progress, but, knowing what I truly value helps me to keep life in balance. I haven’t arrived… but I’m getting closer as I focus on what I value. Jesus knew His mission and kept what He valued, bringing honor and glory to His Father by loving Him and loving others, right in the very front of His mind. No matter what He encountered, that directed His words and His actions. May you learn to follow Him closely so you can learn to be the very best leader of yourself and your family.

“A new command I give you:

Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,

 if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35

The Orphans And Widows Phenom

When James, the half-brother of Jesus, stated that pure religion is caring for the needs of the orphans and widows, I believe he was saying that the only way organized religion is of value is when it becomes the essence of love and compassion. Orphans and widows had no power, no prestige, no ability to repay or reciprocate in any fashion. Anything given to them would be given with no expectation of receiving anything in return. That is love at its finest.

In the first century church, adoption was not covered by social service agencies. The church WAS the social service agency. Foster care provided no per-diem for incurred expenses. Elder care wasn’t a paid position. All the compassion ministries of the New Testament church were completely on the back of the giver. It was an even greater responsibility then than it is now.

In the 80s I felt like God was opening my heart to work at a children’s home that our church sponsored in Kentucky. I loved kids and wanted to love them in a way that could change the trajectory of their lives. From there, we became foster parents and in the course of 10 years we fostered over 50 different children from infant to 17 years of age. We loved them all in the best way that we knew how to love them. We coached and challenged and tried so hard to make them see their worth. It’s just difficult to overcome the feeling that you have to leave your home (no matter how bad it was) because there is nobody there to provide for you. It’s difficult to ever feel like you can be loved by someone if your own parents didn’t love you. It’s hard to believe that you can break the family cycle. It’s hard to feel worthy of the love of a family once you have been removed from one that was supposed to love you the most.

In the 90s we adopted 2 of the children that we fostered. It was a battle to keep them because the county wanted to continue to keep our beds open for foster care. There were new policies that stated that a Caucasian family could not adopt an African American child.  We had to convince the adoption committee that was to determine their future, that we were indeed the best home for these kids. We had them since infancy and they were four and six years old when the decision was to be made. That really makes you pray!  

Fast forward 30- 40 years. Did we make a profound impact on the 50+ kids to whom we opened our hearts and our homes? Maybe a few of them. Some probably don’t even remember us. Only 2 of those children were given our name. The oldest, at 6 years old, asked that we change her first name as well because her birth name belonged to her when she was afraid that she would have to get new parents if the committee didn’t agree to let us keep her. That is something a 6 year old should never have to worry about. I’m not sure what that social worker was thinking when she told her that she may move to a different home. We were the only parents she had ever known at that time in her life. But, I digress…  Giving them the Brady name meant that they were ours. Forever and always. We would be there for them in their time of need and they could always come to us. No matter what.

Through the years they have had a few “no matter whats” occur and we were there. We will be there to love them and continue to assure them that they are completely worthy of our love, unconditionally. I pray that the love we extend to them will keep their hearts soft and direct them always to the One who placed that love in our hearts. I often pray that they can feel that love coming to them from across the miles or throughout the difficult times. They are precious to us and they belong to us just as much as the children born to us.

The same is true of Aunt Ruth. When Uncle Tommy died I had the privilege of welcoming her into my home. She had dementia and never ever felt like she “belonged” in our home. She pined to go back to the home where she felt most comfortable, but that was not an option. There were occasions when she would be grateful for my care, but primarily, she just wanted to go home.

I suppose I could easily give up and stop helping those “widows and orphans” who scripture tells us to love. I may not be very good at it. Maybe those I have invested in never even felt my love. Maybe they didn’t appreciate the sacrifice. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel and be done. But, instead I choose to keep loving and letting God direct my steps to the next need and then equip me to love and hold me in His mighty arms when that love is rejected.

I am telling you our story because I want you to see a truth that I have learned through all these experiences. I did what I was called to do. It was not very easy, I suppose, but I learned not to focus on the difficulty, just on the Source of the strength I needed…. (except for those times when I’m sure I was a whiner). The truth is, I may not have transformed lives like I had envisioned. But one life was changed forever by opening my heart to the joy and the pain of loving without hope of reciprocation and giving without thought of repayment. That life was MINE. By exercising my love muscle in loving and loving and loving some more, my capacity to love expanded exponentially.

Maybe Jesus wants us to open our hearts to love without limits, not simply because people need to be loved, but because He knows that we will truly be the one who wins in the long run.  Who can you love today? That person that receives the gift of your unconditional love will get a blessing, but it will be you that receives the greater blessing in expanding the boundaries of love within your heart.

People Matter

People matter. They matter to God. They should matter to us. We, as a society, tend to marginalize certain people groups. I believe we do that with those who seem to have nothing to offer us. Perhaps they are jobless, seem to have limited skills and even less self-worth. We see them dirty and disheveled at the store, as if there is no reason to bathe or dress for the day. We see them, and hear them, and smell them in the Emergency Room after their intoxication led to reckless behavior causing bodily harm to themselves and others. We read about them in the paper. Our tax dollars pay for their imprisonment.  

But, in Matthew 25, Jesus talks about those marginalized people and elevates them to the level of the Son of God. “If you did this to the least of these (hungry, homeless, reckless people) you have done it to ME.” If we really bought into that mentality, that people do matter, how would it change our world? Would our investment in others really change them? Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing is certain. It would change us.

As parents, we tend to protect our children from playing with other children who have no supervision at home. We isolate them from wickedness for their safety. We determine where they will go, who they will build friendships with and what behaviors they need to avoid. That is being a responsible parent. It can be tricky to protect our kids without building in them the mindset that we are better, more worthy and more important to God because of what we do and don’t do.

Jesus said, and Luke recorded, “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return.” That tells me that we aren’t to simply coast through life with the privilege we have… even if we earned every bit of it… and look with disdain upon those who have less… perhaps due to their own choices. Those choices didn’t just happen. They were often preceded by a childhood without good parental care, no moral compass, alcoholism, addiction, neglect or abuse. Children learn best in a situation where they feel safe and loved. Sadly, many children never experience that.

If your children have experienced a safe and loving home where values have been taught, then much has been given to them. Therefore, much is required of them. Right? How involved is your family in ministering to the needs of the child in their class who society would deem “the least of these?” Have you spoken to the teacher about a bad behavior that your child witnessed? There is nothing wrong with that, unless you expect the teacher to single-handedly correct the imprint on the soul of that neglected child.  

What would the world look like if our teachers could pull aside a “least of these” child and tell them that someone noticed how beautiful their smile is and wanted to give them a toothbrush to keep it beautiful. Or perhaps someone noticed they fell asleep in class and thought maybe they needed a new pillow or a warm blanket to help them sleep better at night. Or maybe that they weren’t sharing and wondered if they were clinging to that toy because it was their favorite and they didn’t have one at home so that favorite toy was given to them by a classmate.  I know what you are thinking … What good is it to send things home that will become flea infested and drenched with nicotine and never washed? Perhaps that thought needs to be retired. That single act of loving kindness just might make the difference in the self-worth of a child. Maybe it will begin to chip away at the iceberg of doubt and insecurity that has them in bondage to a crippling hopelessness.

I am not suggesting for one minute that you send your kids to play at the home that you have deemed unsafe or lacking in parental responsibility, however, you could begin to play some part in the life of that child by inviting them to your house. Worried about their negative influence? No need to worry if you are involved in the games and the fun. Don't expect your child to lead them when you are the lead missionary. Be the adult and guide the conversation and activities. Or how about taking them to Dairy Queen after school or being a secret Santa to them. If you were to help your child come up with a random act of kindness toward that child in need once a month it could be life-changing. How might it change your child to watch that transformation take place?

So what if you engage in these loving gestures and don’t see a change in the recipient? Does the giving stop? Do you switch to another child or do you wait and continue to focus on the need of the one who seems to be unreceptive?  That is a question that only God can answer. God has a way of directing us to the need we are to address and He wants YOU to begin to stop the epidemic, not just the epidemic of the social and economic poverty you see, but also the epidemic of entitlement that is growing in our society. Looking out instead of in is the beginning of both of these dangerous trends.

I believe that if you are reading this, you have more than many. You have a smart phone in your hand or a computer in front of you. That puts you in the “those who have much” category. Make sure your kids know that you have been blessed, not because of worth and value, but because of God’s grace and blessings. God wants all children to have that worth and value and He wants us to do the blessing so that they can experience it.

Just Be Kind

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. I don’t know who originated that sentence, but I see it on shirts and signs and social media. It is a wonderful thing to decide to be kind and then follow through with it. That is the essence of being a good neighbor and Jesus said that we are to be a good neighbor; to love our neighbor as ourselves. You can’t do that if you don’t know how to be kind.

As parents, it is our job to teach our kids to be kind. If we want to live in a better world, we have to determine that being a good neighbor starts with ME! But, how do we teach our kids to be a good neighbor; to value others and be considerate of their feelings? The obvious answer is to model it for them. Or is it all that obvious? There is this entitlement plague that has perhaps infected every household across this planet. The manner in which we interact with others is contingent upon the way we feel. If that isn’t entitlement, I don’t know what is.

·         I have a headache so I am entitled to snap at you if you cross my path.  

·         Someone treated me badly so I can treat everyone at home like their feelings don’t matter

·         We are busy with adult things that are “important” so we don’t have to listen to the childish needs of our children

·         I had a bad day at work so just leave me alone

·         I am too tired to listen to your problems. You don’t listen to mine

·         We don’t have to put down our phones and make eye contact because we are multi-tasking

·         I don’t have to go above and beyond because he doesn’t

·         We don’t have to be considerate because, if we do, they will expect it always

·         I am tired so your needs can wait

·         He cut me off in traffic so I have the right to be a raving lunatic

When I was at a restaurant with my Dad last week a family with 3 young children came in and there was conversation continually at their table. Phones came out only long enough to be silenced. The children and the parents laughed and talked and were so completely light hearted that I couldn’t help but keep looking in their direction. It was delightful… and then it was sad. Sad because the reason we both noticed it was that it is a rare thing to witness.

We were created for connection and somehow we have begun to ignore that truth. In the 21^st century, we live as if we believe we were created to be busy and to multi-task… as if there is a prize for skipping over the relationships that need to be fostered and strengthened, so that you can accomplish something you believe is of greater importance. As long as we continue to live as if relationships will always be there, we will continue watch them crumble. As long as we believe we are to put ourselves first we will continue to spread the entitlement that is making us ugly. As long as we continue to ignore the emotional connection that every person needs and focus inwardly, people will walk away from us feeling as if they are of no consequence.

Here are 4 tools to put in your “How To Be A Good Neighbor” tool belt. Practice them at home, just to be certain they work, before you use them in public.

·         Keep your focus on the person with whom you are interacting

·         Improve your connectivity with others

·         Notice the admirable in others and graciously let them know that they are a blessing

·         Don’t allow your children (or yourself) to be unkind and/or ambivalent to others

Being a good neighbor begins by valuing others. Teach that to your kids by valuing them and accepting no less from them. Never walk away from unkindness, as if it is just a kid being a kid. It’s your job to teach the kids to be kind by showing them what it looks like. It’s also your job to show them what kindness isn’t and simply not tolerate the unkindness that they exhibit. Of course, that could well mean that they will call you out for your unkind words or actions. If that happens, a humble apology goes a long way in teaching them that you intend to be the good neighbor Jesus calls us all to be.