Twisted Parenting

How does your Parenting report card look? Are you doing okay? We see examples of bad, twisted, parenting in the news daily. We shine when compared with them! Up against God's standard, however, what would your grade be? How can we be an A student when it comes to raising our kids to serve Jesus?

Parents today are busier than ever before in history. We live in a fast paced world where many things demand our allegiance and we are committed to a variety of good things. We teach our kids to stick to an instrument or a team or a sport and commit themselves to developing the necessary skill to excel and push their team on to victory. We understand that, to be good at anything, means we devote our time and energy to it. 

We see parents that become really twisted in their thinking, wanting their child to become a superstar, pushing them beyond reasonable limits. Not good! Done well, with appropriate boundaries, however, it is good to push your kids to excellence in life. But, how is your knowledge and commitment to excellence translating into showing your children what it means to follow God? Do you ever think about that? 

Believers often claim that Jesus is their #1 priority. When that is truly the case, walking with Jesus is valued above all other commitments and is lived out in your daily life. Therefore, as a follower of Jesus, your primary objective in parenting is insuring that your kids know God. Obviously, you can’t make them follow Jesus, just like you can’t make them a superstar on the swim team, HOWEVER, you can make sure they attend practice, buy the special milk that will build their muscles, purchase the proper swim gear, participate in the fundraisers, pay the fees for the swim meets, align them with successful trainers, follow the coaches orders and cheer them on from concrete bleachers in a hot and humid natatorium several times a week. That is what we do when we are a committed and supportive parent.

How do we translate that kind of commitment into cheering them to victory on a spiritual level? If your level of commitment in that area is taking them to church with some regularity, you are leaving much to chance. That is like having them practice their instrument a couple hours a month and expecting them to play like Beethoven. Or buying them a speedo and expecting them to swim like Michael Phelps.

When we are already so busy with life that we find ourselves exhausted most of the time, how do we add a commitment to nurture our children’s faith? The prophet Isaiah helps us with that…

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

They will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)

The Hebrew word used for hope or in this passage is KAVAH. “Originally, kavah meant to “twist” or “weave,” as strands of a rope, making a tool capable of holding a heavy load securely” (www.hebrew4christians.com). If there is a heavier load than the responsibility of raising children, I haven’t found it. Knowing that we are responsible for building the next generation of leaders in the world is profoundly overwhelming, but when we weave God and His plan into our daily lives; when we twist ourselves into His holiness; when we bind ourselves to Him, our strength is renewed and we are able to work smart…not just hard… and soar, allowing Him to be the wind beneath our wings.

If your prayer for your kids is that they will learn to soar with eagles, then twist more of Jesus into your daily life. The words you say, the decisions you make, the people you invest in, those who you allow to shape you, the way you spend your time and your resources will all begin to reflect that you have become part of God’s tapestry. You will find that you will be strong enough to raise your children with Godly values. You will be able to commit to reading the Bible and applying it to your life. You will be able to make decisions based on what God values rather than what society dictates. You will raise children who will value the God who has made you the person He created you to be.

Don’t stop the Weaver. Give Him the shuttle and allow Him to make your life and your home into a beautiful tapestry of His strength and goodness. Let His faithfulness and truth be twisted into your everyday life and be woven into Almighty God and His story. Now, that is the proper type of "twisted" parenting!

Waking With Truth

Recently I was challenged to recognize my first thoughts upon rising in the morning. The purpose is to determine how my thoughts impact my life. That challenge caused me to recall a time that I would often wake up thinking, “I am too tired to face all I have to do today. I can’t do it!” Now there is a recipe for a life of defeat! As I learned to let God change the way I think, my first thoughts of the day changed from defeat to anticipation. Now I am more likely to say, “Thank you, Lord, for another day filled with the blessing of knowing You are walking with me, giving me all I need to do to fulfill Your plan for my day.”

There is a Deceiver who will hi-jack our thoughts, like he did mine for years, and destroy the victory designed for our days if we don’t learn to identify the difference between God’s Truth and the counterfeit truth that we find in the world.

As parents, it is imperitive that we recognize the difference between real Truth and real deception. Often we look to the “experts” for how to accomplish that. When I was raising my first 2 kids, it was the era of Dr. Spock who touted the philosophy that children should be allowed to express themselves without being directed and shaped by adults. A decade later, when I was raising my next 2, Spock recanted his teachings, realizing we had raised a generation of self-centered, undisciplined people with no moral compass. I’m glad I knew the Truth back then!

My point is, when we look to people to show us truth we will not have a constant, irrevocable source of truth, because people change. Philosophies change. Societies change. Cultures change. The saying, “Hindsight is always 20/20,” should tell us that we don’t know squat about life without the Source of Universal Truth.

For this reason we, as parents, must be students of the Word, because that Truth is eternal. It has never changed. It was written by 40 different people who lived on 3 different continents, writing in 3 different languages over the span of roughly 2,000 years. The authors range from shepherd to military leader to architect to physician to cup-bearer to poet to historian. It was written from palace, prison, wilderness and exile. The authors did not meet at Starbucks to compare notes or corroborate stories yet the same common theme runs throughout all 66 books that comprise the Bible.

The message we find woven through all of Scripture is the TRUTH that Creator God made us in love, with a purpose and we are to honor and worship Him by allowing His Truth to guide our lives. From Eden to 2017 the universal theme of humanity is to rebel against His Truth, create our own truth and go our own way, becoming a society of individuals who are confused, self-absorbed, hopeless, lost and defeated. The other thread in this Divine tapestry is GRACE that will do whatever it takes to reconcile His lost children to Himself.

Parents, will you begin 2017 finding the Truth that God longs to speak into your life? Will you let go of the deceptions that control your thoughts, decisions and relationships?  Perhaps we should recite the Truth in which God desires us to live each morning until the false ideas die away and our default is the Truth in which God created us to live. Try this as you start your day…

“This is a new day for me to walk in the Truth. I will make my time with God my first priority so that I can discover the Truth He has for me. I am a student of the Word of God and will dedicate myself to the Truth I find there. I will say “NO!” to the one who draws my thoughts away from the Truth. I will embrace the fact that I am a unique creation of Almighty God, made for a specific purpose and empowered by God to fulfill it. I will shine the light of Truth so my children can see the path God has for them. I will embrace God’s command to love my spouse and honor them with my words and deeds. I will be a beacon of hope to others because I am living in Your Truth. I will allow the joy of the Lord to be my strength as I walk through this day. I will grow in wisdom as I surrender my thoughts to You. I will live in the Truth of the many blessings You give me daily and I will have a thankful heart.”

"Do not live as the world lives, but let God transform you by changing the way you think."

Romans 12:2

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."

Psalm 143:8

God Has A Plan

Today, January 4^th, is a very special day. It is 83^rd birthday of my father, Clarence “Frank” Franklin. It is special because he is special. But, it is also special because he is celebrating the third birthday since given a death sentence by the doctor. “Stage 4 Non-Hogkin’s Lymphoma,” they said. “Three to six months,” they said.

The wisdom of man is nothing when God has another plan. God wasn’t finished with my dad. There were more people to be blessed by him; more wisdom to be shared by him; more love to be given by him.

As the New Year begins, do you know God’s plan for you? Perhaps you have a broken heart.  God the Comforter, has a plan. Perhaps your bank account is dangerously low. God the Provider has a plan. Perhaps your health is failing. God the Healer has a plan. Perhaps you have lost your way. God the Redeemer has a plan. Perhaps you are alone. God the Father has a plan.

If you have lived to see another year, rest assured it is because God has a plan for your future. He will restore, refresh and renew you as you learn to rest in Him. You will grow strong and wise as you learn to hear His voice in the quiet places. You will be blessed and be a blessing as you lean into His promise for a full life. It may not look like the life you planned for yourself, but as you place your trust in Him, you will discover that His plan is far richer than you could have imagined.

Moms and Dads, make this year the one you will always remember as the one where you stopped listening to the world and started listening to God. Make this the year where you blocked out all the noise to find time with Him daily. Make this the year when you model the beautiful, selfless love God intends in a marriage. Make this the year when your trust is without borders. Make this the year that you apply God’s Word to your life and teach your children to do the same. Make this the year that you discover God is faithful. Make this the year of growth as you walk ever closer to Him.

Start each day with a prayer for God’s direction and an awareness of any deceptive thoughts that keep you from following Him. This prayer of David is a good beginning…

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

 for I have put my trust in You.

Show me the way I should go

 for to you I entrust my life.”

Psalm 143:8

What Are You Drinking?

Now that Christmas is past, there is always that look at the previous year and the roller coaster ride of good and bad, successes and failures, treasured memories and trials that we have endured. As we look to 2017 there are things we all want (and maybe NEED) to do differently. We all have those areas where we need to improve in order to become who we were created to be. Some needs are pretty universal. We should get more exercise, be kinder, serve others, walk with Jesus, love God, be compassionate, drink more water, listen more than we talk, do our chores with a good attitude… and then the world will be a better place for all of us.

Clearly, drinking water is a pretty big deal and should be high on our list. Even Jesus needed water. Remember the story in John 4 where Jesus sits and waits at Jacob’s Well… longing for someone with a vessel to draw some clear, cool water to bring relief to his parched throat. Certainly he must have been dehydrated, for he stopped at the well and sent the disciples on into town for provisions. Apparently, without a drink of water, he couldn’t make it into town with them.

No, wait… this was Jesus. He could draw water from a rock if He chose to. But he didn’t. He had a greater need than water that day. He needed to connect with a sinner. On this day it was a woman whose life was a train wreck. He needed her to connect with Him, to engage and communicate with God in human flesh. That is why he waited at the well.

Every life seems to have a story of longing and seeking fulfillment; looking for all life has to offer; struggling to find our place to shine, our reason to “be.”  Our bellies are full of “best laid plans” and sour milk situations that we once thought would make our existence meaningful, or at the very least, happy. We go to the right places. We do what we are advised to do. We read and follow the self-help gurus… but still, we can’t quite quench that need deep within us.

Jacob’s Well was a good well. He was an ancestor to be proud of. Drinking from his well should be enough. It was probably the Evian of the first century. Jesus, however, being all wise, knew that even this water that had sustained life for generations was not enough. Not for Him. Not for the sinful woman who came to draw her water.

 With grace and compassion He appealed to her that day… out of HIS NEED… not for a drink of water, but to reunite with one He loved, even in her lost state. He needed to pardon her so that she could be His child, with all the benefits of a princess. He is doing the same today with you and with me. In the midst of our hot mess….even right in the middle of our identity crisis… our search for fulfillment… our climb to “significance” …our quest for true love. There He is, asking you, asking me to join Him, forever… to drink from His wealth … not our own; not our ancestors; not from places to which a broken world seems to have directed us.

The "well" where we "drink" may have good water, but it is not going to create the life for which our souls long. Our cravings will continue. Our hearts will remain dry. Our joy will not be complete until we submit to the One who engages our heart in that conversation, asking us to drink from His unending supply of Life. Life that is more amazing than we can ever imagine.

If you want to be a better parent, a better spouse, a better student, a better employee, a better follower of Christ in 2017, try focusing on the One who is calling you to sit with Him and drink in all that He has for you. That is the reason for the manger. That is the reason for the cross. You have an invitation from the Creator of the universe. Your time with Him is never EVER wasted. It is transformational.

He has been missing you…

The Thrill Of Hope

“The thrill of HOPE, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

These words from the familiar carol, “O Holy Night,” speak to me today, even though they were written over 150 years ago about the birth of Jesus Christ over 2,000 years ago. Why? Because the world is still weary. I hear from people regularly who are weary from hope that has been lost. It seems to be a familiar theme in Christmas stories…

In the Christmas classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” George Bailey lost hope when a financial crisis hit his Savings and Loan. He was ready to end his life when Clarence the angel came on the scene to show him that his life had great value.

In the movie, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” the Grinch became “grinchy” because of his loss of hope of ever being valued and loved by anyone… that is, until Cindy Loo Who came into his life and showed compassion by inviting him to be part of the community that had initially shunned him.

I wonder, as I type this column, if you are experiencing a profound weariness as you prepare for Christmas. All the shopping, the decorations, the food prep and parties… all the lists and cards and decisions to be make… all the blessings and programs and cookies to bake… the list seems endless and exhausting. What is it about the holidays that drain us and steal our joy?

The enemy of our soul will be happy to take credit for our weariness. As long as he can fill our lives with fun and busyness and list upon list at Christmas, he can keep our focus off of the “thrill of HOPE.” Without that Hope, you will certainly not “fall on your knees” in awe and wonder at the precious gift of a Savior.

Perhaps it isn’t a busy schedule, but a hopelessness in your spirit that has stolen your joy. Maybe you need the thrill of hope to be restored in your soul. Jesus came to bring hope. He came to bring life and make it better than you can imagine. He came to reunite His broken creation with the Creator. He came because of a love that we will never be able to comprehend.

This Christmas, may your heart be filled with hope as you encounter the beauty and the glory of God, becoming like us to reunite us with Him for eternity. May you see His love like never before and realize that there is indeed reason to have HOPE!

Merry Christmas!

"God and Sinners Reconciled"

Hark the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn king"
Peace on earth, and mercy mild - God and sinners reconciled
Joyful all ye nations rise. Join the triumph of the skies.

Christmas is a time to celebrate the gift of reconciliation. The whole purpose of Jesus coming to earth as a human baby was to bring reconciliation to God and humanity. Christmas is a gift of connection; of joining our needs with His supply; of bringing our loneliness to his comforting Presence. Christmas is the solution to the problem in Eden, when the great divide occurred between God and humanity. Christmas is “God and sinners reconciled.”

What a beautiful thought… God becoming man so that we can become divine; heirs of the King of Kings; companions of our Creator throughout eternity; free from the bondage of the sin that dominates our broken world. It is a gift beyond measure with an incomprehensible value.

Like any gift, it is only ours when we accept it.

So, do you want the gift?

It seems so simple. Of course we would want to be with God throughout eternity. Certainly we want freedom. As parents, we pray for our kids to accept this gift of immeasurable worth. But, do we really accept the gift, or just talk about it? Describe it? Read about it?

William Wallace wrote a poem in the 1800s championing the power and beauty of motherhood, but it applies to our homes today. The refrain will be familiar to you… “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” As parents, we hold the power to change the world by raising our children to understand the reconciliation that Jesus came to bring. Its primary purpose may have been to reconcile God and humanity, however, if we cannot bring ourselves to reconcile with one another, we have essentially rejected the gift.

If our kids are to take seriously the offer of reconciling with God, they must witness reconciliation, in its purest form, in our homes. Our unbridled tongue, our judgmental words, our lashing out in an emotional outburst, our unkindness, our refusal to accept an apology, our insistence to hang on to our bitterness as if it were a badge of honor… all these are indications that we are refusing the gift of Christmas, reconciliation with God. If this is what they see, they will not ever grasp the reconciliation that God has for us.

This Christmas, can we just let go of the heavy baggage of resentment that we proudly wear like an ugly Christmas sweater?  Can we rise above the tendency to bear grudges? Can we demonstrate love for everyone, no matter what, so that they can see the transformation that comes when we are truly reconciled with God? Scripture tells us that before we can be truly reconciled to God, we must be willing to be reconciled to one another.

Make this a Christmas to remember by unwrapping that gift of “God and sinner reconciled” and find true “peace on earth” and at home.

Demonstrate What You Celebrate!

Let There Be Light!

I like light. I don't maneuver well in darkness and tend to run into things. Life is just easier when you can see clearly. That said, there have been times when darkness has been a blessing...  Like when the neighbors pop in unexpectedly. I know what my floors look like in the light of day. It's been a busy couple of weeks... don't judge me! But with only the light of the Christmas tree and a few candles, I can confidently invite them in for hot cider and feel pretty good in my dimly lit, festive home...as long as they don't have to use the bathroom and turn on the light in there!  The point I am making is that darkness seems to be a blessing when we are trying to hide something. In that situation, light becomes the enemy.

If I were content to live in the light of the candles and tree lights, my floors would likely remain untouched longer. My bathtub would look pretty good if I never turned on the light. Even the left over mascara from yesterday doesn't  look bad smudged under my eyes when I don't turn the light on in the morning. Light tends to show us things that we don't really like to see, at times. It uncovers the flaws we mask. But without it, we slip into a state of neglect that is not healthy. Living in darkness helps us pretend we are okay when we really are a hot mess.

Perhaps it is a good idea to shine a spotlight into our lives, from time to time to see what we have either intentionally or subconsciously left untended. Parenting is a responsibility that keeps us running. Keeping up with the schedules that our children have can leave us exhausted and allow little time for the things to which we were once completely committed. Often times it is the busyness of life that becomes our "darkness."

 Do you remember when you decided to follow Jesus and were convinced that you were going to read your Bible daily? Do you recall those who you promised to pray for daily? Can you feel that inner pull to spend time daily with Jesus that you vowed was a lifetime commitment? How about mealtime with the family around the table? Or church every Sunday morning? Some invisible creature seems to have crept into our "darkness" and stolen our resolve to be the people of God.

For others of us, broken relationships and hurts have left us in "darkness" and rather than seeking the light that would expose our needs, our failures and our brokenness, we are content to stay in the darkness. Shining a light into our hearts would be painful, because in the darkness, we can assign blame to the ones who have hurt us rather than see our part in the hurt. It is easier to leave the lights off and live in darkness than it is to allow the light of God to expose the areas where we could begin to be transformed.

Jesus came to be the light. Jesus is light... not so he can humiliate or shame us, but so that He can bring healing. As Christmas approaches, allow His light to illuminate your soul and reveal the broken places where He wants to restore you. He is a good and faithful Father. Trust the Light.

Give It Up and Live It Up

“We don’t get credit for what we leave behind. We get credit for what we give away.” When the pastor said this yesterday morning my mind began to wander and I think I lost the next 5 minutes of his sermon. Our culture is pretty big on collecting “stuff.” Stuff that we can eat or use to prepare our food. Stuff that we can play with. Stuff that helps us relax. Stuff that makes us look better, thinner, younger. Stuff that makes our home cozy. Stuff that gets us to where we want to go in comfort and style. We like stuff. Recently I heard someone say that they aren’t sure they want to go to heaven because they will miss their STUFF!

What if we switched our focus from all we can store in this life, to all we can give in this life. What if we did this in 3 separate areas?

11.       Our resources. This is where you thought I would go, right? Parents and grandparents, stop over gifting your kids! We all know that the more they get, the more they want. The more they have, the more cluttered the house becomes which stresses out the parents, which stresses out the kids, which stresses out the parents more, which stresses out the kids more. I speak truth here. Can I get an AMEN!

Christmas is coming. This year, instead of spending the entire Christmas budget on stuff, give the kids the gift of giving. Take a portion of what you would spend on them and help them find a need in the community or around the world. Did you know that $12.50 will provide one child with a school lunch for a month in Haiti through the organization, Haiti Hungry No More? (like them on Facebook). What child wouldn’t want to share with a starving child?

Don’t make this something that you do IN ADDITION to what you give. Make it what you do INSTEAD, so they can feel the joy of sacrificing their own desires for someone truly in need. If they have a meltdown about making a sacrifice, you will know that you have successfully contributed to the building of a child who feels entitled. Detox their hearts by accepting where you are,realizing that it is ungodly and unhealthy, and begin to do life differently.

22.      Our Time.  Take a look at your calendar. How much marginal time do you have? How are you using your time to help others in need?  Can you begin to budget your time like you do your finances. Don’t overspend your time so that there is nothing left when an opportunity arises to bless someone. Just last year we were blessed by a whole crew of people that budgeted their time so they would have an entire day to put a roof on our house. My life is very full and having an entire day to give away is a rarity, but I witnessed it and we were richly blessed by those who took the time to be a blessing.

Talk about what you and your family can give … maybe start with once or twice a year and build up to every quarter or even once a month. Be aware of needs and be very prayerful about who to help. There are many needs in front of us every day. Even Jesus didn’t “fix” everyone who had a need. You could spend all your time reaching out to others, without even trying, and neglect your own children. Proceed with caution and wisdom and guidance from the One who wants you to say NO to some things so you can say YES to what is most important. We take zero minutes out of this world when we go. Give as many away as you can before you are called to go to your eternal home.

33.      Kindness. Didn’t see that one coming, did you?  It’s Cyber Monday as I write this post. Retail has gone wild. Stores are marking things down to sell more than they did on Black Friday. People are trampling over people. Retail employees are being harassed and insulted. I will never understand how something as beautiful as Christmas brings out the worst in people!

How much kindness can you leave behind? I think of the fairy tale where the children dropped bread crumbs on the trail in order to find their way home again. It didn’t go well for them because I think they ended up feeding hungry birds, or something of the sort. However, imagine leaving a trail of kind words and deeds. A trail of smiles and nods. A trail of letting others go first. A trail of genuine acts of kindness…. Not so others will reciprocate, but so that you can be the hands and feet of Jesus that the world needs to see. Start at home. Let them see the smile you share with your spouse. Let them witness you going the extra mile so lend a hand with the dishes. Be Kind Always!

Just take a look at what you have and what you give and see if, as a family, you can find a way to begin to store up more treasure in your eternal home than you do in this temporary one. Give your resources, your time and your kindness so that you will leave this world a better place than it was before you arrived… and have a Merrier Christmas!

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant

nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain,

but to put their hope in God,

who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds,

 and to be generous and willing to share.

 In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves

 as a firm foundation for the coming age,

 so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”

1 Timothy 6:17-19

GIVE IT UP AND LIVE IT UP!

Show Them God

In Paul's first letter to Timothy he tells him to command those under his influence who are rich to do good (not be good, but to do good) with what they have. He said be rich in good deeds. God is really not impressed with what we have. He knows what we have because He is the One who made it possible for us to have it! He owns an entire universe so our income is not a big deal to Him. What is a big deal to Him is when we give it away.

How do we pass this message from scripture on to our children? How do we get their focus off of the things they want for Christmas? The things they want in the grocery cart? The clothing that makes them look good? The sports camp that will make the number one? The vacations that are so amazing? We love giving to our children and that isn't a bad thing. We just need to make sure that a big part of what we are giving is the knowledge of their true Provider.

How do we help our kids know God, the Provider, when they can't see Him? John tells us that God is LOVE. When we really, truly believe that our Creator, our Savior, our God is love, then it seems ridiculous not to place our hope in Him. When we accept the truth that God is Love, we live differently. We live in His love, accepting His mercy and grace and provision and extend the same to others. If we are to ever convince our kids that they can place their hope in a God they cannot see, they need to find that He is Love. They will see that in your life as you mature in your faith. You are the vessel for God's love that will guide them to Him. The way that you love helps them to see God. The way that you treat others helps them to see God. The way that you trust Him helps them to see God.

If you want your child see God, show them love extended to others. We don't make a lot of money, but we are "rich" in family. Through the years our home has always had an open door for people who need hospitality, who need to feel valued, who need someone to be their surrogate family. Our holidays are seldom filled with just those who are kin. It is a beautiful, crazy, messy thing to witness, but I love it because we get to do good with the riches God has provided. In our case, a pretty amazing family and a table full of food. Our grown children have discovered the God of Love and they have carried on the tradition. We truly have a family with no borders, and I pray that each one will see God through our love extended to them.

How are you "rich?" Show your kids how to give from your wealth, whether it be monetary, time, hospitality or... fill in the blank. Show your kids the God that is LOVE through the way that you love others. Do not live as the world lives, storing up riches for yourself. Those riches will become an obstacle that will obscure your child's view of the God who is Love. The God who provides for all our needs out of His immeasurable love for us.

Santa < Hope

When we place our hope in our Provider rather than in our provision, we have made the right choice. As humans, we can never be completely prepared for whatever unforeseen eventualities might come our way. We can never be sure we will have enough money to cover unexpected calamities. We may not be able to accumulate enough vacation days to get through an unforeseen emergency. We can never have enough wisdom to make the right decision every time. We are totally limited in our humanity to cover all the potential struggles we will face in this fallen and broken world so it really is senseless to place our hope in what we can do when we have a Provider that already has all our needs in His sights.

As I was thinking about all of this, I wondered what we, as people who love, teach and influence children, can do to help them grasp exactly where their hope should rest. How do we adequately show them how to place their hope in Someone they cannot see? Suddenly, it occurred to me that we do this annually, about this time of year…quite effectively. Probably the majority of parents in North America are able to spin the tale of Jolly Ol’ Saint Nicholas in such a way that their kids believe in gravity defying reindeer, magical elves and the man in the red suit that knows if they are naughty or nice. We make them believe that the gifts they receive are in direct proportion to their behavior. How are we able to pull off such a feat? Well, we have a lot of help... from television to storybooks to the marketplace to the media. We are immersed in the culture of the fantasies of yuletide and we love participating in the magic… at least until they find out we were part of the deception they bought into all those years.

Now, before you label me as Ebenezer Scrooge, let me say that I have no problem with children enjoying fantasy. Who doesn’t love Disney and Daniel Tiger, right? The difference is that we don’t go to all the trouble to convince our children that they are a reality, yet they love them just the same. There is no “un-telling” when they mature and discover that mice can’t make a gown for the ball and tiger cubs don’t really talk. Santa is a great legend when we emphasize his generosity to those in need. It’s fun to be silent and listen for reindeer on the roof. I love to watch the movies where the North Pole is full of wonder and I’m not above imagining that God could have designed such magical things, if He so chose.

I don’t believe that Santa is evil. I don’t believe there is a battle between a mystical elf and a Mighty God for the role of Hope of the world. I don’t know of anyone who has called out to Santa for their salvation with their last breath. We know that Jesus is our Hope. We see Him as our Provider. He is our Savior… God with us. Now then, how do we take the effort and the energy we have used in the past to make a mythical legend real to our children and invest it instead in helping them to believe in the One who came from heaven to earth on a starlit night centuries ago because of a love we will never understand?

Consider for one moment that you knew that Jesus would return to take His people home on the day after Christmas. How would that change the way you prepare for Christmas with your children? How would you be helping them to know the One who came to save the world 2,000 years ago and is coming again to take His followers home to heaven?

What if, this Christmas, you presented Jesus as the Hope and the Provider of all things good…focusing on the Babe in the manger who came to earth so He could be with us always, even though we cannot see Him. What if we spoke to them of needs rather than wants? What if we helped them be generous to others with the money we set aside for Christmas each year? What if we taught them that sharing joy with others is what Jesus desires for His birthday gift?

What if, this Christmas, you presented Santa as a generous man who lived long ago who lives on in the stories we tell and the traditions we enjoy. What if they see he is not a real and eternal person, but a wonderful, warm, rich legend with all the fun that goes with it? What if you never had to worry about their reaction when they discover that you have perpetuated an untruth to them for years?

What if, this Christmas, rather than a mischievous elf on a shelf, you started the tradition of the finding kind and generous acts for him or her to do. Catch that elf in the act of unselfishness, doing something for someone. Discover lists that he has made to bless others. If there is to be mischief, let it be because his plans for good were foiled by elfish mistakes. Perhaps he could even make suggestions to the children of ways they can bless others, since, after all, Elves can only work during sleeping hours... so they need our assistance. 

Remember that God gave you these children and they are yours to teach. Teach them that Christmas is our reason for a hope of a happily ever after with Jesus someday. That is no myth and it's a story you will never have to un-tell. To the vast majority of people in this world, you are rich, so use your wealth to teach your children how to appreciate what they have and to have generous hearts.  

 “Command those who are rich not to be arrogant, 

nor to put their hope  in the uncertainty of wealth…”  

(or in Santa Claus).  

I Timothy 6:17

The STUFF Epidemic

It is the night before election day as I write this and I am going to be very politically incorrect. I am going to tell you something that is not supposed to be discussed. Not about a candidate, but a private matter that is not really any of your business. I am going to just blurt it out right now… I am going to tell you how rich we are. I know, I know. You are not supposed to talk about that but here I go. …

We are very, very, very rich. So rich that we have 4 chairs around our table every day even though there are typically only two of us eating. We are so rich that we have 8 plates, 8 bowls, 8 cups and 8 saucers and most meals there are only 2 of us here. Now, when all the kids and grandkids come for a meal, 8 isn’t enough, but we are so rich that we just buy dishes to use once and throw them away!

The point I want to drive home is that, compared to the majority of the world, if you have a home where you can eat 3 meals a day then you are truly rich. You probably don’t feel rich. In fact, maybe right now you are wondering if you are going to make it to your next paycheck. Most of us have had financial struggles at some point, but, by comparison to the rest of the world we have sooooo much stuff!

So let’s take a look at that stuff and what impact it is making on our family. 

1.      Stuff takes space.  The more stuff you have the bigger home you need; the more shelving you need. You need a bigger closet. You need more space to store all the stuff you acquire.

2.      Stuff takes time.  When you have a lot of stuff it is always harder to find what you are looking for. Time is needed to keep things in order or to clean and organize all the stuff.

3.      Stuff creates stress.  When there is stuff everywhere we tend to get cranky and yell at our kids or spouse because we are tired of the mess all our stuff creates

4.      Stuff creates overwhelmed and irresponsible children. The more they have the less they respect and appreciate their things. When they are given more than they can take care of in a few minutes, they leave things out where they end up broken or lost. They expect others to take care of the things they own and they have played with because there is just so much stuff!

I may have struck a nerve and if so, bear with me here.  I am not advocating that you take all your children’s toys away or only allow them one change of clothing (although that would seriously alter the time needed to do laundry!).  This is the time of year when all the stores are gearing up for Christmas. The commercials are informing our children of all the things they can put on their Christmas list. We love our kids and love to give to them, but what we don’t want to give is a sense of entitlement, which is a huge issue in our society. We don’t want to foster that epidemic, so what do we do to prevent it from contaminating our children?

First of all, begin by taking inventory. Clear out the toys they have outgrown. Often times kids want more simply because they are accustomed to being surrounded by stuff. That looks right to them, even though they aren’t playing with very much of it. Get rid of the things that are broken or have pieces missing. They have served their purpose, now they must be retired.

Secondly, keep only what your child can manage to care for on their own. Whether they are 2 or 12, don’t have more toys at their disposal than they are capable of putting away all by themselves. If you have an overwhelming amount and aren’t ready to pass them on to someone else, store them somewhere out of their sight until you are ready to share them with others. You can even alternate the toys every couple of weeks and keep them interested, but be sure to pack some away if you are bringing new ones on the scene.

Third, if your children are older, allow them to give their gently used toys to someone less fortunate. They will learn the joy of giving if you allow them to be generous.

Fourth, don’t ask them for a list of what they want for Christmas. Ask instead what makes their heart hurt. Share with them some of the needs in the community or around the world and allow them to choose which one they would love to help. Explain to them that they will still get a gift to open, but the best part of their gift will be knowing that their generosity has brought joy to someone who has great needs.

Maybe this blog should be addressing grandparents. We tend to enjoy lavishing our grandkids with gifts, but how about giving them a framed picture of the orphan in Haiti you are sponsoring with the money that would have purchased more toys or stuff for them to trip over. Then throughout the year, take them shopping to purchase a birthday gift or a "just because" gift for that child or for someone in need. Make your quality time with them about teaching them to see outside of themselves and learn to be givers rather than collectors of stuff.

"Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life."               1 Timothy 6:17-19

Trading Terror For His Presence

Surfing. Snow skiing. Mountain climbing. I just saw a commercial with all three of these activities and I noticed 2 things. One… all the participants were doing things that the majority of people on the planet could not be able to do and loving it. Two… my pulse quickened and I actually felt fear just watching them. Don’t judge me. You have your fears, too. I will take on your spiders and snakes, just don’t make me scale the side of a mountain. 

The good news in all of this is that God is not commanding me to be courageous and hop onto a surf board or ski lift. He is, however, interested in MY FEARS and He wants me to trade them for HIS COURAGE. Why? Because His presence in our lives dispels all fear and He wants nothing more than to be PRESENT in our lives. In fact, He made the ultimate sacrifice in order for that to happen.

Have I not commanded you,

“Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged,

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

Here is what I want to say to you today. Courage isn’t just about running into a burning building or crossing Niagara Falls on a tightrope. Courage is about doing the hard things the right way. Parents, raising kids is one of those hard things. We may not think of it as something we “fear” but how else do you explain our inability to hold our ground when we have said “no” to something that we know isn’t what God wants for our family and back down when all the other parents are saying “yes.” What is it that keeps us from following through with our “yes” to what is right when others are saying “no” to those values? Do we fear that we will be singled out as a radical? Do we fear that our children will miss out on something if we take a strong stand? Whatever the case, when we cave in to that fear, our children are the ones who stand to lose the most. We have demonstrated for them that we would prefer to put our faith in the wisdom of man rather than allow God to give us the courage to live life as His Word directs us.

            All this sounds really preachy, I know, but think about it...

…a toddler is brewing up a meltdown in public and the parents are afraid of the scene he will make so they give in to the child rather than letting their NO mean NO.

…a teenager wears revealing clothing that the parents deem inappropriate, but allow because they fear she won’t fit in

…a little league player misses church all summer because his parents are afraid he will let the team down if he doesn’t play on Sunday

…a middle-schooler who doesn’t want to attend church with his family is allowed to stay home from church because his parents fear that he will resent them… and God

… a father stops spending time with his family so he can climb the corporate ladder because he fears the lack of financial security

… a tired mother allows mayhem in her home because if she corrects the children’s behavior she fears she will lose control

            It isn’t hard to find these examples because I have lived some and witnessed others. The fact is, raising a family is difficult… like surfing and skiing. But those who ride on top of waves and those who fly down mountains on skinny pieces of wood have learned to replace their fear from the most exciting and invigorating experience of their life.

If we are going to be parents who arrive at the end of our parenting career (does that really ever happen?) with no regrets, we need to stop fearing what people/society can do and start realizing that the God of angel armies is on our side when we walk the path He has laid out for His children. We will never EVER walk that path alone. Now that is what I call exciting and invigorating!

Parents, be strong and courageous.

Don’t be terrified of what the world may throw at you.

Don’t be discouraged when the course is tremendously challenging.

Remember that He will give you the courage to stay the course

and lead your children to become the persons He made them to be.