Love and Loopholes

Loopholes… we are probably all guilty of looking for a way to get around what we know is expected of us, when we don’t want to do it. I can remember as a little girl, my mom would call up the stairs with the same question every night… “Did you wash your face and brush your teeth?” It seemed reasonable to me that if I only did one of those things it was truthful to give an affirmative answer. As I got wiser I learned to loudly respond with “YES” and under my breath in the tiniest voice I would say… “yesterday.” I determined, in my rational 7 year old mind, that I was being honest and still getting out of something that I really did not want to do.

You will be happy to know that I no longer have an aversion to good hygiene, however, I have found other struggles in life that have caused me to look for the loopholes. As a bride, I can remember being irritated with Dana, and having not learned the art of loving communication, I still knew that Jesus wanted me to love my husband… which I promised God that I would do… just as soon as I delivered my point by banging around loudly in the kitchen so he would know that he had failed the perfect husband exam… again. I planned to do the right thing… eventually… so the tantrum prelude seemed legit.

Every time we behave badly, because that is what we witnessed as a child… or we didn’t have a good example at home… or we are impatient by nature… or we are just determined we are right and will fight to the death (ok, that’s a little drastic) to make our point… we are essentially looking for and living in a tangled mess of loopholes.

Jesus didn’t like loopholes. He witnessed all the religious people of his time behaving as if God’s law didn’t matter at all. They found ways to build up traditions that were nothing more than opportunities to do life their way and look good on the outside while their hearts became so rotten that a stench pour out of them.

You know what Jesus did like? Loving God and loving others. Nothing else really matters as long as you learn those 2 things. When you go to the store a make a purchase, you pay for what is in your cart. Well, God’s amazing love and grace is in your cart … if you have determined to receive it and follow him. When you get up to the register to pay for it, you discover that the bill has already been paid… HOWEVER… you are kindly reminded that you are continually indebted to love others with the love that has been given to you (Romans 13:8).

It is easy to look like a loving husband or wife when you are sitting in church on Sunday, but we both know that isn’t what Jesus is looking for. His command to love covers the entire week… and there are zero loopholes. Not even when your sweetheart is so late getting home from work that you have worked yourself into a cold-shouldered state; not when your spouse repeatedly does the things that get under your skin; not when they are so absorbed in … whatever… that they don’t even give you an ounce of attention; not when they overspend; not when they forget to tell you about an upcoming event; not when they invite people to the house and you need peace and quiet; not when they forget a special day; not when they are too controlling; not when they say it all wrong; not when they are impatient or rude. If you read all that Jesus said in scripture you will not find a single loophole that gets you out of loving your spouse. Period.

So now we come to the part where we say we love them because we are honoring our commitment and living under the same roof and trying to be pleasant at least 50% of the time. Sorry to break it to you, but that isn’t what Jesus had in mind. Since God is love, He has a pretty good handle on whether we are truly loving or just making it appear that we are loving. He demonstrated for his disciples on His last week with them just how important it is to be authentic in our lives as disciples, and the definition of a disciple is basically LOVE. Remember that story?

Jesus and his disciples were walking back into Jerusalem from Bethany. He was hungry and, even though it was not the season for fig trees to be leafy, he saw one in the distance that was full of leaves. When a fig tree is full of leaves, it also is bearing fruit. As they walked toward it, Jesus discovered that it only had the appearance of bearing fruit, but had not one single fig growing on its branches. Jesus very dramatically demonstrated that death will come to those who appear to bear fruit, but live barren lives.

This plays out in our homes, as well. If you are not bearing the fruit of love in your home (and remember, love is patient and kind and long-suffering, and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, is not rude or selfish or proud or easily angered), but you are simply existing together and doing the bare minimum to keep your marriage intact, you are like that fig tree. Every decision you make and every word you utter to each other must be bathed in genuine love if you expect to grow and bear fruit in your marriage. Always ask yourself before any interaction with anyone, “What does love require of me?”

Disclaimer: Loving is not like riding a bike. You don’t just learn to love and then it is a breeze to do because you never forget how it’s done. There is an enemy who fights against the home and wants families destroyed and will stop at nothing. If you don’t intentionally love with the love of Jesus EVERY DAY, you will grow stale and, no matter how healthy your marriage looks to others, you will bear no fruit.

Toss out your loopholes and love like Jesus! Spring is on the way and that is a time to grow. Let’s outgrow the desire to find a loophole in our relationships and learn to produce the fruit of love.