Expectations or Expectancy?

07242017 Bringing it home

In the course of a normal month, how many times do you enter into conflict with someone you really don’t want to fight with? Your spouse? Your kids? Your siblings? Your co-workers? Your in-laws? It’s probably because they are all wrong and you are just done with them being nimrods, right? I mean, you can only take so much! You have turned the other cheek before, because you are a God follower. If only other people would follow Jesus, there would be no need for this conflict!

Conflict is nothing new. It isn’t a 21^st century issue. It generally begins with entitlement. We aren’t dealing with more entitled people now than there have ever been. People want what they want when they want it. It’s human nature. You know how it goes. You have a rough day at work and just want to come home and crash and she invited the annoying neighbors over. Didn’t she deduce from the text you sent earlier that you needed to unwind? She can be so insensitive!

Or maybe it’s him that’s the problem. All you ask is that he leaves work just a little bit early and he acts like you are asking for the moon. Doesn’t he understand that you need a break from the kids and you are sick of having to fix dinner every night and you only get these opportunities to get out of the house and go with your girlfriends on rare occasions? Not only did he not get home early, but he is 15 minutes later than normal. Obviously, he did that just to make your life miserable and prove a point!

Have you ever listened to other people argue? Do you ever just want to jump in and referee because there are fouls being committed and nobody is being held accountable for them? Do you think that others might think the same of you if you squabbled in a public place (which I’m sure you would never do). Every Small Group for couples that we have ever led has uncovered the ugly little secret that nobody is immune to such conflict and nobody is alone in their particular issue.

The foundational issue that we all suffer is that we aren't getting what we want and that makes us act ugly. Whenever conflict arises, take a look in the mirror and you will see a version of you that you may not recognize because you are expecting to see the martyr you and not the entitled you. The truth is, we all have entitlement issues. That isn’t just for the teens among us! “I deserve a nice quiet evening at home.” “I deserve to be respected.” “I deserve to have a night out once in awhile.” “I deserved that promotion.” “I deserve … fill in the blank!”

One thing that will help us to not fall into the trap of entitlement is to let go of all those expectations that are continually left unmet. Expectations typically leave us disappointed. Instead of expectations, try living with expectancy.  When we live with expectancy, we learn to see what we have rather than what we lack. A wise friend, Ann Smith, said, “I believe that blessings are flying over our heads all the time, searching for a safe landing. Unfortunately, our runways are so full of expectations that they never actually land.”

What a blessing it is to have a wife who cares about neighbors she barely knows and wants to share the love of Jesus with them.

What a blessing it is to have a hard working husband who, even though his day went long, came home to feed and care for the kids so I could have an evening with friends.

EXPECTANCY is so much healthier than EXPECTATIONS. Which will you choose?

“Why do you fight and argue among yourselves?

Isn’t it because of your sinful desires?

They fight within you.

² You want something, but you don’t have it. So you kill.

James 4:1-2

So many lives and homes are destroyed because we can’t see our own entitlement issues.

We don’t truly consider taking a life, but we certainly seem eager to make a life miserable.

Let’s get real and admit that we own a piece of the conflict and be the first to bless rather than fuss.