One of my very favorite chapters in the Bible is Romans 12.
It has so much to help us in our day to day relationships. In fact, Dana and I have
even led a few Couples Bible Studies based on the truth found in this message
from Paul. Right from the beginning,
Paul recognizes that the world is steering us wrong; telling us lies; wanting
us to conform to a societal norm that will pull us in the opposite direction of
Jesus. Apparently things haven’t changed in the last 2,000 years!
In our current culture, we learn to look a certain way, to
talk a certain way, to dress a certain way in order to be acceptable. We choose
our own truth and our own path to follow. We must tolerate all things and all
people so as not to offend. But what if “our truth” doesn’t align with someone
else’s? What does that tolerance look like? How do I take a stand for truth
when my truth doesn’t look like your truth? It is a big, hot mess to figure
out.
Paul recognized that hot mess in the early church. It
probably didn’t look like the 21st century mess. Regardless, I am
convinced that following the ways of the world will always lead you to death.
And when we listen to the world, the decay begins. “Don’t listen to the world
and the way they think about life and relationships and living in harmony with
one another,” Paul begs his readers. “If you want to see God show off in you,
change the way you think! Stop thinking about how your needs can be met and
being angry and resentful when someone fails you. Stop trying to push the blame
and force others to change. Work, instead, to honor others above yourself and
serve them in love regardless of how you are treated.” That’s my paraphrase…
If you and your husband live the way that Paul describes in
this chapter – and, incidentally, he learned it all from the teachings of Jesus
– then your home will be filled with joy, tension would fade, love would reign,
and your kids would be watching a wonderful example of what marriage was
intended to be. They will learn how to treat others, how to be the person Jesus
calls us to be.
Dads, your daughters are very likely to find someone who
will treat them like you treat their mother. That might be good. Might not. But
understand this… you are creating their “normal.” If you want them to expect
more than rude, angry, sullen, arrogant, selfish behavior in a husband, then
take those behaviors off the table and show them how a man should treat his
wife. If you don’t know, read Romans 12. You will find loads of things to work
on.
Moms, your sons, likewise, will be fine with someone who
treats them as you treat their dad. It is the “normal” they see every day. If
you pout, manipulate, degrade, yell, slam doors, and rebuff their affection
then you are teaching your boys to find a woman who will mirror those
qualities. If you want them to find a godly woman that will honor them and
adore them, show them what that looks like. Sitting around bashing your husband
with your friends has to stop and be traded for a good dose of building them up
and showing respect and appreciation for them.
Dana and I have been on a mission to live out Romans 12 in
our home for the past few years. It has begun to get easier and seem more
natural as we have allowed God to reshape us by changing the way we think. We
have learned firsthand that the way you think determines the way you feel and
the way you feel determines how you act and react. Unfortunately, we didn’t
discover the power of allowing God to change the way we think while we were
still raising our family. But, it is never too late to be a good example. Never
too late to allow God to renew and reshape your thinking. Never too late to see
the ways you are conforming to the patterns of this world and determine that must
stop. Never too late to allow God to change your thinking, which will change
your actions and attitudes.
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world,
but let God transform you into a new person
by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know God’s will for you,
which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2
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