What Does Love Require

Hours before Jesus was arrested and taken away from His followers He, knowing that His crucifixion was eminent and His work with these men was drawing to a close, was still teaching them perhaps one of His greatest lessons. He did not tell them how to speak to the masses eloquently or be more charismatic in order to win the people in the crowds. He did not tell them how to memorize all He said and did or the scrolls of law in the synagogues. In fact, it wasn’t so much what He told them, but what He showed them that was remarkable. John recounts the story…

³ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power,

and that he had come from God and was returning to God;

⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing,

and wrapped a towel around his waist.

⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began

to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

This was God in a human body with all the power needed to command Heaven and Earth to bow down and worship Him, but instead, He took the place of a servant and washed the dirty, dusty, stinky feet of His followers. And when He was finished He said…

¹⁵ I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

¹⁶ Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master,

nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.

¹⁷ Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I’m pretty sure we all know what is means to serve others in love because we generally expect it from our spouse! I have been serving the church for a lot of years and have heard the cases of many couples who don’t feel that their partner is loving them as they need to be loved. One is putting much more effort into the marriage than the other and when there is no pay off for their hard work, eventually they are ready to call it quits! We have a pretty high standard when it comes to our expectations.

Jesus has the solution. Serve as He did. Nobody expected the Teacher to be the one to wash the grime off of their feet. But He Did. And then told them that He had set the example for them to follow. In essence He said to them, “I don’t have to serve you. I could create an entire staff of servants to serve all of us. I could command you to wash my feet…But, I served you because I love you. Now you go do the same. Show your love by serving.

Let’s bring that home. Do you ever feel like you are giving all that your partner needs and wants and they are not receiving your offerings? Perhaps you are serving them in the manner in which you desire to be served and aren’t even close to meeting the needs they feel as you serve them. Maybe you don’t think he should need that so you don’t freely offer it. Perhaps you don’t feel comfortable saying that to her so you remain silent. Can you explain to me how that is serving your spouse in love? Guess what? You don’t get to determine what they desire from you or what they need in order to feel loved. You are simply asked, by Jesus himself, to serve them in love.

Jesus service went all the way to the cross because of His unfathomable love for us. 

What does love require of you?

Live IN Love

How do you know that you are loved? Words of tenderness? Actions? A look? A special touch? A gift? An act of service? Words of affirmation? Quality time together? We may each answer differently and it may change from day to day, but one thing is certain, love isn’t something you proclaim one time and then walk away assuming that person will always feel loved. Love is something that you cultivate and build and grow over a span of time. Without that effort, a loving relationship soon turns into no relationship at all.

A short time before Jesus went to the cross he told His followers that He loved them before He knew them. God’s love is eternal with no beginning and no end and Jesus said,

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.”

And then he follows that with,

“Now remain in my love.”

How does one “remain” in a love that has been given freely? Jesus goes on to explain…

^10 “If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love,

just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.”

What He doesn’t say is, “If you do a long list of chores, I will love you.” He has already proclaimed His love that we could never do anything to earn. The way, however, to swim in the sea of His love and soak it in and feel it deeply is to do what He did… follow the way of God. And why is it important to Him? Because He wants us to experience the joy that comes as a result.

^11’ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.’

So, what is this command of God that will supply this joy? He tells us…

^12 “My command is this:

Love each other as I have loved you.”

Let’s bring that love home for a minute. Do you love your spouse as Jesus loves you? With no conditions? Will you love them on those days when they don’t get it right and leave you feeling unloved? Will you love them even if they don’t seem to return your love in a way that feels warm and fuzzy? Jesus loved us just like he loved His followers 2000 years ago, when they fell short, when they fell asleep on the job, when they failed and betrayed Him. When we are nothing but a hot mess, He loves us… AND that is what He is asking of us. To love without conditions.

That’s hard! Since love is such an investment for us, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, it is only natural to expect something in return. We don’t like the idea of sacrificing day after day with no pay off. But, Jesus addressed the idea of sacrifice in the very next verse…

^13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

He knew what they didn’t. His life was about to be required of Him. He knew that it was necessary in order to reconcile God and humanity. That was the plan from the start and it was about to come to pass. He was about to demonstrate the meaning of love with 2 boards and some nails. “Love each other as I have loved you.” He made the ultimate sacrifice to demonstrate His love. He showed us the picture of a love that gives.

I think that is why Jesus said you can’t claim to love Me if you don’t love others (1 John 4:20). You cannot possibly live in the love He freely offers if you don’t offer the same love to others…at least as much as is humanly possible. It would be like trying to build a relationship with someone with different customs and traditions who speaks an entirely different language. You may like the way they look or the idea of being in a relationship with them, but without communication of some sort, a relationship cannot be built.

If you are feeling like your relationship with Jesus isn’t growing and thriving, then look no further than your relationships with others to discover what the problem may be. You can’t live in His love if you don’t love sacrificially. When we learn to love deeply and freely, we begin to experience the joy that God intends for us. 

If you feel like your marriage is growing cold, 

don’t focus on what you aren’t getting, 

focus on what you aren’t giving. 

and learn to live in love

so that your joy will be complete.

The Way

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled…You know the way.”

No, we don’t know, Lord. We don’t know the way.

“I am the Way...

Love me and obey what I have taught…

Don’t be afraid.

Just follow and I will give you peace.”

From John 14:15-27

Have you ever lost your child? Maybe temporarily in a Department store or in a large crowd? It is horrifying. We want them to stay near to us so that we can keep them safe and when they wonder away, even if they don’t panic, we do because we know the potential danger they are in.

When I look at the things Jesus said to His disciples, I often see them through a Mom’s eyes. That’s just the kind of eyes I happen to have. In His unfathomable love, He doesn’t want us to wander away into danger. Yep, I get that. He wants us close in order to keep us safe, even if we don’t recognize the danger around us. Makes perfect sense to me. He wants us to be like sheep who recognize the voice of their shepherd and follow him through the gate to a safe place. It is His voice that keeps them safe. Sheep aren’t smart creatures, but they can recognize the voice of the one that cares for them and they know to follow that voice and not that of a stranger. Sometimes kids aren’t as smart as sheep and are easily enticed by the wrong, deceitful voice.

In another place, Jesus tells his disciples that we are to take His yoke and learn from Him. As a pair of yoked oxen works together and moves together, they accomplish much more than they could alone, feeling the rhythm of each other, moving together as one. Walking with Jesus, yoked to Him, we will learn to walk in the way He planned for us. That is totally what I want for my kids. I want them to see Jesus as wanting to make their way better, not burdensome.

When Jesus is closing in on His final days with His disciples and warning them of what is coming, they feel the panic of trying to remember all they have been taught and the terror of doing life without their leader. How will they know what to do and how to do it when He is no longer walking by their side leading them? Jesus basically let them know that He wasn’t going to be able to hand them a roadmap or devotional or textbook that would keep them on the right path. Instead he simply stated that if they really wanted to keep their feet on the right track and follow the path God had ordained for them, they must remember one thing… “I AM THE WAY.”  How many unnecessary lectures have my kids heard because I wanted them to get it right? Perhaps I just needed to point them to Jesus… and since they can’t see Him, I needed to be the Jesus follower that they could see.

As a parent, we want our children to follow Jesus. We want them to find their purpose. We want them to recognize the voice of the Shepherd and find their way to the Gate. We want them to know the path that God wants them to take. But, how do we raise them in such a manner that they will believe the statement Jesus made when He said, “I AM THE WAY?”

The answer is simple, but not easy. If we are going to help them to understand that we believe God’s Word is TRUTH and the Jesus is the WAY to God and the WAY to life and the WAY to heaven, then we simply must begin to live as though we believe it. We have to spend time sitting at our Savior’s feet and listening to His voice. We will only recognize it if we already are familiar with His teachings. We see heinous crimes on the news and hear the defendant claim that they heard God tell them to commit that crime. We know it isn’t true because we know the character of God and God wouldn’t tell them to do something contrary to His nature. The more you read the Story of God that we find in the Bible, the better you know the character of God and the better you know Him, the more you recognize His voice.

When you are yoked to Jesus, you walk in step with Him. You love as He loves. You forgive and show grace as He does. You care for the “least of these.” You learn His ways and then you know where to put your foot next… one step at a time. When you live life like that, your kids learn the value of being yoked to Jesus. They see the freedom in letting go of the fear of the unknown and the joy of walking in step with the One who designed the life that was planned for them.

What happens in your home on a regular basis that demonstrates to your children that you believe Jesus is THE WAY?  It may be easier to teach them the way that you feel is right or to believe what you say is true. The effective and Godly way, however, to show them THE WAY is to walk in it, confidently knowing that He is a faithful and trustworthy Father. He is a loving and compassionate Shepherd. He is who He says He is. He is the Way.

Ultimately your kids have a free will, just like you. You cannot force them to follow Jesus, but if you complicate the way to walk with Jesus, they will just be bewildered. Live it out and keep it as simple as A B C D…

Admit that you need a Guide in life.

Believe that it is the One who came to die so that you could live.

Choose to be yoked to Him and learn of Him.

Disciple your kids as Jesus did His followers, so that they can find their way as they walk in step with THE WAY.

Leave Her Alone!

I had some tests run last summer and one of them randomly uncovered a cyst in my sinus passage which meant that I needed to see an ENT. So, after the ordeal of finding one that my insurance would cover I drove an hour to South Bend, with my invalid father, was misdirected by my gps, got lost, finally found it, drove around the parking lot for 5 minutes waiting for someone to leave so I could park the car, took Dad’s wheel chair out of the trunk, got him unloaded and ran (if you can call my quickest movement running) through the pouring rain, found the directory, got to his office, muddled my way through the kiosk that wasn't responding to my wet fingers as I tried to check in, finally someone called me up to the desk and tells me that I am now 10 minutes late so I would have to reschedule.

I took a few deep breaths and I rescheduled. I then went through the same ordeal a few weeks later (only I didn’t get lost this time), and waited an hour to see the doctor that couldn’t wait 10 minutes for me. When he came into the office, he immediately said, “Doctors often find these cysts in an MRI and send patients to see me, but they are nothing to be concerned about. I just have to see you as a professional courtesy because you were referred to me. I’ll see you again in 6 months.”

I tell you this story to illustrate what a colossal waste of time looks like. It is frustrating. It is always frustrating going from Doctor to Doctor looking for answers that nobody can find, but this experience was nothing more than a ginormous frustrating waste of time… except for the fact that I was with my Dad. When you get to be with someone you love, having quality conversations, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, finding something new to see, finding the plumbing store that he set up for the Chizm’s, just being with one you love is never a waste of time.

There is a story in John 12 about Mary, a dear friend of Jesus “wasting” expensive perfume on him. This was the same Mary who “wasted time” sitting at his feet when her sister was doing all the cooking. Jesus knew he was coming to the end of mission on Earth. He was spending time with his friends, eating a meal when Mary comes in a pours the equivalent of a year’s wages on the feet of the Master that she loved with everything in her. It was the custom to have your servants wash the feet of the guests reclining at your table… with water. Mary was not a servant and she did not use water. And, to take this action to an even more intimate level, she dried his dusty, dirty feet with her hair. The best thing she owned and an intimate part of her being in their custom, was given to Him without reservation. It was meal time and she should have been in the kitchen. Being at the feet of Jesus appeared to be a big waste of time AND a big waste of money.

Mary’s actions were shocking and risky and unrestrained. She put it all out there to show her love for the One she knew would lay down His life for her. There was no way to honor Him at a higher level than that. And for her actions, she was shamed. The “wasted” perfume could have been sold to feed the poor. That was Judas’ argument against her. Certainly the compassionate Jesus who cared for the poor would call her out for that huge act of wastefulness.

I have had some struggles with Jesus response. “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.” Why would a loving Savior who cared about people so much that He came to die for them, place His sweet feet above the needs empty tummies of others? It doesn’t match the character of Christ that I have come to know over the years. So what am I not seeing?

Could it be that it really doesn’t matter what we do for others, if we aren’t doing it as a sweet offering to Him?  There will always be people to serve. There will always be needs. There will always be jobs to do and money to earn and children to teach and sick to attend to and houses to clean and on and on and on… but if we refuse to put ourselves out there and offer our very best… the best of what we have and the best of who we are… to Jesus, then all our good works are worthless.

Is your marriage struggling even though you are reading books and trying to do and say all the right things for your spouse? Maybe what is missing is that you are doing in for your spouse or for yourself and not even considering Jesus as part of the equation. Without honoring and worshiping Him, you are just wasting your time.

Are your children difficult to understand, control, cope with… even though you are doing the best you know to do for them?  Maybe it’s time to take the focus on all you can give to them and do for them and turn your eyes to the One who gave them to you to raise for Him. Maybe exhausting yourself with their activities is a true waste of your time. What Jesus asks is that you pour your best out for Him so that your kids discover Who is really the center of it all that matters in life. 

Are you pouring yourself out for your career, your team, your friends your education, your family and neglecting the Master who designed the abundant life that is a custom fit for you? If so, you are wasting your time.

As Easter approaches I would like to suggest that you take some time to give the very best hour of your day; the very best energy of your day; the very best cognitive thoughts of the day… not to the things that the world sees as valuable, but give it instead to Jesus.

I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like for Mary, in that time in history, in the part of the world where she acted completely inappropriately and took a huge risk for the One she loved with all her heart, to hear the Master say, “Leave her alone.” Such validation. Such vindication. Such complete understanding of the gift she was freely offering Him.

Are you willing to put yourself out there for Him, even when the world says that you're wasting your time? I would like to be there when you do and hear Him say to those who are critical… “Leave her alone!”

That's Why You're Here

Think back over the last 48 hours. Two days of your life. They are forever gone and there are no do-overs. Make a mental list of the things you accomplished. No doubt your lists will all differ. Some will be long lists. Training children, reading them stories, bathing them, dropping them off and picking them up from practice, tidying the house, doing a few loads of laundry, packing lunches,  helping with homework or being the constant reminder that it needs to be done (along with picking up their things and getting their backpack ready for school), fixing dinner, making a shopping list, preparing dinner, running errands… and all of this after an 8 hour day of work! One day runs into another and before you know it a week has disappeared in another flurry of activity.

For others the list is shorter. After a busy day at work, you come home, pop a frozen dinner in the microwave, flip on the TV and relax a bit while scrolling through social media to “connect” with friends, while your kids are in their rooms doing the same thing.

Some do less than the first list and some do more than the second list. Often the people in the first list are in go-mode from early to late every single day of every single season. If they took anything off their To Do list, they would feel guilty or responsible for the doom that surely would cause the Earth to spin backward if they ever slow down. There is an underlying feeling that there will be a reward at the end of life for the person who stayed the busiest and they dare not allow someone else to out-busy them and walk away with the title, World’s Busiest Mom. After all, they make sacrifices every single day to insure that their children get to participate continually in a sport or club or activity that will keep them well rounded, develop their skills, and stay out of the mayhem that will most assuredly suck them in if the perpetual motion stops. Living in this constant chaos feels good because it makes you a martyr for your family.

Both of these scenarios are grave exaggerations (I hope) of what your last 48 hours actually looked like. If you are that busy, you won’t even see this blog because, after all…who has time to read and meditate and listen to anything that might inspire you to slow down and look at the habits you are instilling in your children with all the hustle and bustle. If you are that “chill,” you won’t open the blog because you are more interested in the drama and intrigue in the lives of others than creating and improving your own life.

So for you middle of the road people who are taking the time to read this and have considered the last 48 hours of your life, I have one more request. Take that list and lay it before the One who made you for a purpose and ask Him what needs to be added or taken away in order to accomplish the mission that is waiting for your obedience. Now, slow down and listen.

Do you love children? There are so many that need to be loved, tutored, taught, trained, helped, fostered…

Are you drawn to the elderly? You could change their week so much by going to visit them for a couple of hours.

Do you have skills to assist young adults with budgeting their time and money and teach them the things that nobody else has taught them?

Are you mechanically inclined? There are likely people in your area about to lose their job because their car isn’t dependable.

Do you love being outside? There is probably a yard nearby with leaves to rake or branches to pick up or grass to mow or shrubs to trim and you could provide that blessing.

Maybe you are amazing at finding coupons and rebates and sales and save so much when you shop that you could take some quality food to someone living on ramen noodles.

Is baking your “therapy” but you don’t dare eat as much as you make? Bake a loaf of bread or cookies and take it to whomever the spirit points out to you.

Do you love to organize? There are dozens of people who would love to have you wade through a mess that is overwhelming them.

You don’t have to look very far to see needs, but you do have to slow down and listen to determine where God wants you to use the gifts he has given you. Jesus told His followers that whatever you do for those in the deepest need, is a priceless gift to Him. He has asked us to be generous with the gifts we have. After all, He is the One who gave them to us.

There is someone who needs you today. God will point them out to you. If you rush in without consulting Him, you may find that your resources of time and energy and money are spent in the wrong place. Make sure you take the time to be directed by His Spirit.

You have taken the time to read this. Now, what will you do with it?

Will you slow down enough to listen and discover who that person is that God is calling you to bless?

Will you use the talent and time and resources He has given you to be a blessing?

I pray that you will allow enough margin of time and resources to listen and obey, because, after all….

That’s why you’re here!

The Heart/Brain Connection

“Penny for your thoughts.” 

“What’s going on in your head right now?”

“What were you thinking?!?”

We have probably all had those questions asked of us. Maybe when we are staring off into space, obviously not connecting with our current surroundings. Perhaps our body language is telling a story when our lips are not saying a word. Or, we have just been caught doing something ridiculously unwise. It makes people curious when our actions or expressions indicate our head is somewhere else, so they ask about it.

It isn’t just our head, or thoughts that drift off to a far away place. Sometimes it is because of an issue in our heart.  Where is your heart when it fixed on the things that trouble you? The things you cannot control? The loved ones who are in need? The starving children of the world? The lost souls around you? The desires that overwhelm you? Is it fixed on that person that has taken your heart and wrapped it up so tightly that they have taken control of your world? Is your heart focused on pleasure? Is it focused on climbing to the top of your game? Is your heart controlled by the things of this world or the One who created you for the next world?

Physiologically speaking, the heart is necessary for life. When it stops beating, blood stops circulating. When there is no blood carrying the nutrients and the oxygen to the brain and other organs, life ends. Interestingly, the brain is the organ that experiences injury faster than any other organ once the heart stops.  The brain keeps all of our systems functioning, so it is essential for life to continue. It is possible for the heart to begin to beat again through the administering of CPR or the use of a defibrillator, but it must be done quickly, because the brain function, once it has stopped, will not return without a miracle.

I am not a science person, but, knowing that little bit from sixth grade science class, helps me to grasp the connection of our thoughts and our hearts on a spiritual level.  When our spiritual heart (the place God’s Spirit desires to inhabit) and our mind (the center of our thoughts) has a “blockage,” spiritual death is a certainty. Not only does this cause spiritual death for the person whose “heart” has stopped communicating with the “mind,” but it causes a huge bit of confusion for the world who is watching. Those who claim to follow Jesus are living with the same moral standards as those who do not.

It stands to reason, then, that there is some force at work to derail the signals from God’s Spirit in the heart of those who believe. Thoughts that are contrary to the Truth of His Word begin to take on a life of their own, separate from the guidance of the Spirit. There is something confusing the signals from the Spirit of God to alter the thoughts that grow in our minds. It’s not the guy in the red suit with horns and a pitchfork. We are far too smart to fall for the lies that he might use to steer us in the wrong direction. Oh, to be sure, it is the Evil one, but when we begin to believe that Satan is easy to identify and his lies are simple to see, we have fallen for the oldest trick in the book. The slick deception that began in Eden and caused the fall of humanity is still at work today. He appears to be our friend… to want to assist us and make our life richer, more exciting, more like the people around us. He doesn’t wear a DANGER sign or begin his conversations with a warning. That’s why we see people who claim to be followers of Jesus; who claim to have the Spirit of God living in them; who claim to be “Christians” living according to the standards of the world rather than according to the standard set for us in scripture. The standard that God gives us in order that we might discover the true abundance He has for us.

If you have not invited Jesus Christ to be LORD of your life, then this isn’t for you. But, if you have decided to be a follower of Jesus, then you have invited the Spirit of the Living God to guide and direct you; to live within you; to draw you into a relationship with Him that is eternal. If you have decided to follow Jesus then you are on your way to discovering the DESTINY that God has for you…the PURPOSE for which you were created…the ABUNDANCE that overwhelms…the HOPE that restores…the LIGHT that directs and the LOVE that transforms.

SO….

Shove the intruder out! He doesn’t care about your heart. He just uses it to short-circuit your thoughts. Give the place of honor back to the Spirit of God so that your mind can be focused on what is true and right and noble and good. Let your thoughts wrap securely around the love that will hold you tightly in the darkest of times and give you peace and hope and confidence. Allow the Spirit to direct you to the people and the places where you can grow to be what you were created to be.

IF…

You have lost hope or lost your focus… if you continually struggle in your finances, in your marriage, in your job, with your children, among your friends, in your relationships… take a good look and you just may discover that you are not making decisions according to the Spirit of God, but according to the Deceiver. You can’t follow both. Totally and completely give God your heart so that He alone can direct your thoughts… then the actions will follow that will reflect a healthy heart and mind.

Can Contentment Cry?

Have you ever noticed that some people are born with natural agility and physical strength to be graceful and strong and athletic. On a good day I can walk without stumbling on a pebble. Some people were born with a natural beauty and can be stunning in jeans and a sweatshirt, ponytail and no make-up. I missed that gene. Some people have a great mind and can learn and remember with ease. Nope. Not me! I think a good day is remembering to take my grocery list or knowing where I parked my car. And when both happen on the same day, I know that God must truly be directing me! Other folks are born into affluence and  have the resources to shop top quality stores and replace broken things rather than repairing them… again and again. Where’s the fun and challenge in that, I ask you? Thrift shopping is like going on a treasure hunt! And the thrill of making the car last to 300,000 miles just doesn’t compare to the smell of a new car. (I might be fibbing a little on that last one).

Though I fall short in many areas, they don’t compare to what I have. I have a heritage of contentment and that sure does help to balance out what I lack. To be completely raw and honest, I have experienced tremendous sorrow in the past year and a half. I lost my mom and dad. Health struggles have plagued me, keeping me from doing what I want to do. My adult children have seen loss and pain and health issues that I cannot fix. My grandson is in the USAF and somewhere in “the field” learning to survive on nothing but his learned skills and God’s provision.  Some days life is just hard… and I am learning that sorrow is an uninvited guest that shows up at the most inconvenient of times. Unchecked tears flow without warning. My heart aches deeply at the sadness that I feel. Some days I think about my parents, my kids, my loved ones who I cannot help, and I can’t get my thoughts to budge from pictures of them rolling across the screen of my mind, making it hard to do the things that must be done.

YET … in spite of the struggles and the pain, contentment remains by my side. Maybe it’s in my DNA. Maybe I learned if from my Dad who learned it from his Dad. I can’t really explain why one person can live in contentment while yet another struggles a lifetime to find it. But Paul does a pretty good  job. As this first century follower of Jesus came to know the truth that Jesus was, in fact, the Son of God… the Messiah… the Redeemer for all humanity, he learned much about contentment and saw exactly what deprived people of it.  And, by the way, Paul is writing this letter to the people in Philippi while in prison, not a cozy cabana on the beach, (which seems to me to be a more logical place to discuss contentment). Take a look at a few of the truths he shared that give us a glimpse into the source of his contentment…

3:1  Be joyful in all things because it will safeguard your faith.

3:8  The only thing that is of real value is to know Jesus intimately

3:13  Stop looking at the mess of the past, but look to the One who will make something beautiful of the rubble you or someone else created. Look forward, not backward

3:19 With His strength fight the craving of this of earth and focus on setting up the feast in your future true home in heaven.

4:2 You will have disagreements with good people, even when you love them. Settle disagreements so that you can keep your focus on your mission of promoting the Truth and Love that are the foundation of your faith.

4:4  Rejoice some more. Let your heart be filled until it overflows with all the joy He gives.

4:5 Be considerate of others

4:6 Trade worry for prayer and trust God to supply what you truly need.

4:8 Direct your thoughts to focus on truth.

4:13 Remember, God supplies the strength you need to build a life of contentment.

4:15 Be generous and give to those in need.

Whether you are seeking contentment with what you have or who you are with or what you are doing in life, all of these truths will help you to find it. On the flip side, here’s what life looks like without following Paul’s advice …

Complaining

Pushing Jesus, as your Guide, to the back burner

Wallowing in the guilt or injustice of the past

Running to what the world says will bring joy

Fighting to win at any cost

Having a chip on your shoulder

Maintaining a “me first” mentality

Working longer and harder to get what you want, ignoring those who need your time

Believing the lies Satan tells you to keep you miserable

Living totally in your own strength

Holding tightly and selfishly to everything

I don’t know about you, but I think I will continue to follow Paul’s advice and go for the win in the contentment column. After all, being grateful is better than complaining; knowing Jesus intimately is better than seeing Him only as an icon. Looking forward is better than living in the past. Feeding my spirit is healthier than indulging in what my human  nature craves. Resolving disputes is better than allowing bitterness to grow. Gratitude makes what you have, enough. Being kind matters.  Fear is crippling, but trusting God brings freedom. God’s truth sets me free, when Satan’s lies  have me tied up in knots. God can provide much more than I can on my best day, and giving is truly better than receiving.

Contentment can come along with sorrow, but cannot co-exist with self-pity and selfishness. It comes when we realize we are not enough, but we have open access to the ONE who is.

Stop hanging on to what you can’t keep and grab hold of the truth that Jesus is what you need and you can trust Him with all you have. Never  let the message of the world cause you to lose your grip on the TRUTH that you are loved by the ONE who made you for a purpose and longs to bring you to the place where that purpose if fulfilled. There is where you begin to find contentment.

A King, A Dad, A Judge And Us

There is a pretty good chance you remember some of the stories about David, the humble shepherd boy who killed the giant, Goliath, and went on to become the mighty warrior king in ancient Israel. He truly accomplished great things in his 70 years, of which more than half were devoted to serving God by serving the people of God.

David wasn’t the perfect, godly man, yet in spite of the wrongs he committed against God and others, he is known for the heroic deeds of his life. He was rewarded with fame and fortune for all of his victories, yet at the end of his life the most important task to him was to pay tribute to God. He wanted to insure that the God who led him to victory, who showered him with mercy, who granted grace where it was undeserved, would be honored in such a way that all people would see the monument… the temple… the place of worship that his son, Solomon, would erect. Why? Because, without God, nothing he had accomplished mattered one bit.

I lost my hero… my King David last December. I held his hand as he left this world and entered the presence of the God he loved and served. Before he left, he wrote in his journal, “The message at my funeral is not about my virtue, but about God’s grace.” I believe that Dad and David shared the same heart for God (though my Dad was much less violent and never allowed power to corrupt him). I know that I long for the message of my life to point to God, not to anything I may accomplish.

This morning I got word that a friend, a colleague in ministry, a women who devoted herself to her God, her family and community lost the battle to cancer. Judge Amy Cornell leaves behind a husband and three young children. It’s hard to lose a hero. It hurts deeply. But, the Davids and the Franklins and the Amys of this world have planted seeds in our hearts that remind us there is something more to life than our days on this planet. It is our adventure with our God that allows us to invest in others while we are here that pays dividends into an unknown future.

While many of us are still scrambling to gather our 2017 tax information we can see where our financial investments were in the previous year and take stock of what we spent, discovering what we apparently valued most.  We can look back at our calendars and discover how our time was invested and discover more of what we valued.  But, may I encourage you to step back and look at your people… your spouse, your parents, your children and grandchildren, your co-workers and neighbors, and witness the investment you placed in their lives in the previous year. Who have you been to those people God has placed on your path? Did you shine the light of truth; shower the love of God that overflows within you; walk alongside and teach the ways of Jesus? 

What are the dividends being paid on your most important investment… the time and prayer and grace and love and instruction that you are pouring into others for God’s sake? That, according to Scripture, is all that really matters in the end. God made us each His Masterpiece. We were each created for a purpose. We are all part of a Divine plan. Heroism is not reserved for the King Davids or the Clarence Franklins or the Amy Cornells of this world. So, shake the wrinkles out of your super cape and soar to that place where God is calling you to be a hero, reflecting the goodness and grace of a loving Creator God.

God And Stuff

Sunday Chris admitted that he has introduced his kids to the show LOST, which he claims is at the top of the list of best shows ever, so that they can all binge watch it together. Well, I’m not gonna lie… we did that a few years back based on our son’s recommendation and we did enjoy it… mostly… BUT, I was under the weather today and decided to take a look at the organization guru everyone is talking about and I did some binge watching myself. Tidying Up With Marie Kondo on Netflix. Now, that’s a life changer! It beats the (neatly folded) socks off of LOST!

After listening to Chris’ sermon Sunday about the importance of how you spend your money and how much Jesus really does care about that, coupled with advise from Marie Kondo, mingled with the experience of raising a zillion kids, or so, and seasoned with a conversation I have had with a few moms about the burden stuff places on their shoulders, I am convinced that one of the most important concepts we can share with our kids from the words of Jesus is that it is truly impossible to focus on the God who saves us when we are focused on the stuff that is controlling us.

Now, if you are done reading because that was the longest run on sentence in the history of the written word, just hang in there. I won’t do it again. At least in this blog. Promise. But, I was on a roll and I just couldn’t help myself!

Jesus said, “You can’t love God and stuff.”

Pastor Chris said, “Over 40% of what Jesus taught was about the danger and pain and harm that comes from overvaluing our stuff.”

Marie says, “When you keep things that don’t spark joy, you can’t get to the things that do.”

Parents say, “Clean up your room or your grounded… and I’m going to trash it if it’s still a mess tomorrow!” Which brought joy to nobody, EVER!

Children say, “I’m bored! There is nothing to do,” as they sit in a house so full of toys and games that they can’t identify anything that looks remotely fun.

Parents, part of teaching your kids to be respectful involves teaching them to care for their belongings. If they leave a mess behind, they are showing disrespect to everyone that shares the home with them. They are essentially expecting others to step over their things or take care of them for them. They show disrespect to the person who sacrificed to purchase that item for them when they don’t value it enough to put it in its place. Teach them to be respectful and responsible by teaching them to be tidy with their belongings. These lessons come much easier when there isn’t SO. MUCH. STUFF.

Most kids that I know would be overwhelmed with the task of putting everything in their room in its proper place because they have more stuff than they have place! It’s not likely that they are the ones responsible for that. Most of what your kids own didn’t get there because they saved their money and went on a shopping spree.  Sure… I hear you… blame the grandparents! But, it is still your home and your rules and if there is more than your child can manage, give it away and teach them generosity. Pack it away and recycle the toys from time to time. Don’t allow their room to get to a place where there is so much that it causes them anxiety. A clean and tidy room opens up all kinds of space for creativity and make-believe and fun.

An over-abundance of things begins to build within us a need for more. We fill our closets yet we have nothing to wear. We fill the toy box, yet we are bored. We fill our cupboards, but there’s nothing to eat. It doesn’t make sense, does it? But you know it’s true.

Imagine a world where we teach our children to fix their eyes on the God who wants to lavish us with abundant life… that isn’t about stuff. Imagine showing them how to look out at the needs around them rather than in at the greed that our human nature breeds. Imagine knowing from early childhood that when your stuff takes over your heart, it leaves no room for Jesus.

What would it take for you to purge away all that makes your child’s home appear to be a shrine for stuff worshipers rather than God worshipers? This may seem like I’ve gone to meddling in your private affairs. I really haven’t peaked in your windows. I haven’t listened at your door. But, I know how our culture of wanting to provide more for our kids than we had can turn into a monster taking over your home. Teach them well. Less is more. Make room for the joy of simple living. It is a great step in the right direction of raising joy-filled, generous kids who have room to grow and thrive.

Another Year In The Books

I have a confession to make. I am not a good goal setter. I struggle to see things evolving into something new and better. I think that is part of being a “live in the moment” kind of girl. I enjoy life. I love hard. I give my all to each day. My life is good. My family is amazing. My God is faithful. I love my job/vocation. My marriage is outstanding. People cross my path daily that bless me and I love to serve and bless them, as well. So, as Pastor Chris shared the sermon series, “You, In 5 Years,” I really had difficulty trying to figure out where I should be…or should want to be in 5 years. I like where I am and feel like it is sending me on a good trajectory to live and love better in the years to come. Chris said that if you don’t have goals and work to achieve them, you become a more exaggerated version of who you are now. I was fairly happy with that because I see my life as successful in the most important areas. I love people and love to love people. That’s good… right?  I love to serve them and enrich their lives with the wisdom God gives me. More of that can’t be a bad thing. Can it?

Then last Sunday, Ed Haines spoke about the last 5 years of his life and how radically his life and home and family has changed as he committed to following Jesus, learning and living in the Word and loving and honoring others above himself. Somehow, listening to that message helped me to see that my inability to set goals and stick to them is keeping me from being the healthiest, best “me” I can be.

In the last five years I have lost both of my parents, my husband had a 6 bypass surgery to save his life, my grandkids are all in school and one is in the USAF. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia, which is as hard to understand as it is to pronounce, but it was a game changer. Looking back there has been much change in my life that I had absolutely no control over, but I’m thankful to God that He was preparing me in ways I never realized. Makes me think of Karate Kid… wax on wax off… but I digress…

Last year I turned 60. I was very excited about that because it just seems like a great place to be in my life. My reasoning… I love Grandma-ing, those born into my family and all the ones I “adopt” into my heart on a regular basis. Sixty just sounds very grandmotherly, so I was ready for a wonderful decade of Grandmother-ing to begin, and it did.

I love sharing God’s truth and wisdom with people and 60 seems mature and wise. I reasoned that people would take my counsel seriously and lives would be changed as they learned from my mistakes and found the way God wanted them to go. God opened doors for me to share with people and walk with them through the valleys and the mountain tops of life. I loved it!

I love silence and solitude and meditating on what God is teaching me. Sixty is the perfect age to slow down… just enough to be able to do that. No need to hit the ground running like we do when we are raising a family. Spending my mornings with Jesus and my Dad, who came to live with us, I learned the value of meditation.  I began to take time to smell the roses (or coffee) and sit, Mary-style, at the feet of Jesus before I started my days. Awesome times!

Though 60 was good, it really didn’t play out the way I had envisioned. I sent my oldest grandchild off to the Air Force. He is far from home where my only influence on his precious life now, is through prayer. That put a whole new slant on the value of Grandma-ing.

God has continued to grant me wisdom to share, but I realized more than ever that people only change because they want to change. Change comes from the Spirit of God, the people of God and a heart that is willing to allow God’s transformation. My wisdom, in and of itself, is actually pretty worthless. That changed my approach to ministry and opened my eyes to the need to pray more for others.

I had a great deal of time for meditation during that "magical" year of 60. Having my Dad move in with us kept me home more to care for him. Though his body was weak, his mind was strong and I learned so much from him about the value of sitting and listening for God’s Truth. Slower is better, and then there was that diagnosis that took me from slower, to a screeching halt! Losing my dad and my health was devastating and I needed (need) to be able to ask for prayer to get me through.

I guess what I want you to see is that life is going to change, with you or without you, in the next 5 years. Circumstances beyond your control will take you down beautiful, awful, wonderful, terrible paths. All we can do is work on the person in the mirror who we can help to be ready for those days that inevitably come. The changes I will work on in myself are to pray more intentionally and fervently AND ask for the prayers of others to sustain me when I am weak; to read and learn more that will prepare me to serve and guide more wisely; to find the balance between being a Mary and a Martha; to honor the body God gave me and keep it as healthy as I can for as long as I can.

I love the peace that contentment brings. Contentment is a good thing. But, when it keeps us from seeing what we could be if we put some muscle behind our contentment, then it is just being lazy, and lazy is ugly and unhealthy.

So….Hello 61! May you find me working toward a future of loving more deeply; of praying and learning; of balance and meditation; of caring for my body as well as my soul.

Where will this next year find you?

It Matters Tomorrow

Why don’t you give your kids Mountain Dew at bedtime? Why don’t you tell them that homework is optional? Why don’t you let them stay up all night on a school night?

BECAUSE IT MATTERS TOMORROW

It matters a lot. It would have a big impact on their behavior, fatigue, ability to focus and learn and obey. Knowing that would be the outcome, a wise parent will not take that path. Allowing bad choices is detrimental to your child, and society as a whole. So, we make good choices for our kids because we care about what their life will be like tomorrow.

There are times and circumstances, however, where parents tend to slack on making the best choice for their child. Staying up too late isn’t a good choice, but when getting them to bed is a monumental task, we tend to back down and give that extra time, even knowing what the morning will be like. We may not want them to have a sugary snack, but we back down so they will stop begging and whining. We know it isn’t in their best interest to allow them to play at a certain friend’s house, but it gets them out from under our feet so we say yes. Somehow, when parenting gets difficult we forget that

IT MATTERS TOMORROW

For every today that we give in there is a tomorrow coming that will be more difficult to manage. If you have been a parent very long, you know that is true. In order to be a responsible parent raising remarkable kids, we have to understand that the behaviors we let in are the behaviors the kids will be set in. The longer we wait to take charge of their behavior, the more that behavior becomes ingrained in them. Waiting for the phase to pass without teaching them that what they are doing is unacceptable will result in a phase turning into a lifestyle.

You are charged with the responsibility to shape your child’s conscience, their values, their moral fiber. You are the one that insures they develop a strong character and become adults with integrity. When you see a behavior that isn’t lovely or pleasing to you, rest assured that it isn’t lovely or pleasing to God, either. Pruning away what is unhealthy allows your child to grow. Cultivating kindness and compassion will shape them into the person God desires them to be. Allowing them to give and serve will safeguard against self-centeredness.

Parenting is work. Every. Single. Day. Taking a break and coasting along will soon show negatively in your children. Stay strong. Ask for wisdom. Take the time needed. Listen to their hearts. Know them well, inside and out. Invest in them and guide their behaviors today and every day because

IT MATTERS TOMORROW

Your Kids In Five Years

Facebook has a way of reminding us of our past. Of course, we only post good pictures so that when they pop up we say, “Awww… look how little he was just 5 years ago…. She was so sweet and tiny.” What a difference a few years can make!

As well as we all know that fact, it is pretty amazing how little we do to guard where our kids will be 5 years down the road. It is way too easy to allow their negative behaviors to be magnified over time because we aren’t addressing them and following through with what needs to happen to redirect them. Your kids disobedience and disrespect is an accumulation of decisions you made along the way to ignore those behaviors. The only person that can change any of these things in your life is YOU.

Perhaps it is too much emphasis on living in the moment and trying to do what will get you through the NOW rather than looking at what that decision will create in the future that has landed us here. We all know that giving a child what they want at the store in order to quiet them, even though we know it isn’t good for them and we already said NO, creates the same scenario every time we go to the store. The only solution is to leave them with a sitter so you can shop in peace.

….Or is it?  Maybe you have to react to their negative behavior in a manner that will discourage it rather than encourage it, even if they make a scene. Redirecting your child is your job. Read the job description for parenting as God instructs… 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”   Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

            This tells us there are tremendous blessings for obedience and tremendous consequences for your children if they follow the path of disobedience and disrespect. And screaming at them is not the way to teach and instruct them.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

            This tells us that a child is never too young to learn and by teaching them what is right, with gentle words and explanations, they will grow into what they have learned so that the desire to stray isn’t as strong as the desire to do what is right. If there are never consequences for bad behavior, they will learn that they can always go their own way rather than God’s way.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the [works of God] your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deuteronomy 4:9

            This reminds us that we cannot teach what we do not know. You can’t lead your children to a relationship with God if you don’t have one yourself.

Teach [God’s law] to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 11:19

            Here is a huge parenting truth. Parenting is a full time job. Ignoring a bad behavior because we are too tired or stressed to deal with it is the same as teaching that bad behavior is acceptable. Would you hire a sitter to watch your kids if they were teaching them inappropriate behaviors? NO! So why is it okay for you to teach them that by allowing disobedience and disrespect? Or behaving that way yourself? It simply isn’t okay to let them do what is wrong without redirecting them.

Here me when I say that redirecting is explaining how disobedience is dangerous, giving examples of what could happen as a result of disobedience, explaining that you love them too much to allow that to happen. Warning them that if the behavior doesn’t change, there will be an appropriate consequence to remind them how serious this infraction is.  Redirecting behavior is not screaming and hitting and losing control of your temper when wrong behaviors occur. You must be in control of yourself if you hope to be in control of your child and the character that you have been called to shape. Along with redirecting, comes directing. In the moments when good choices are made, if you don’t acknowledge it, how will they know they did what is good. Applaud the good. Teach the good. Walk the right path ahead of them. Don’t wait until they get it wrong to react to their behavior. Be sure that you are taking advantage of every teachable moment and teach with you life, your attitude, your smiles, your approval.

Here is a truth that you already know. If your children live to be teenagers, you will want them to understand how to behave respectfully and obediently. You will want them to trust you. You will want them to know that you love them and want only the best for them. You will want them to choose to follow God rather than Satan. You will want them to know how to be a blessing to others. You will want them to have good manners. You will want them to speak respectfully. So, knowing that you want these things to happen in the future means that you have to teach them NOW. You can’t overlook the negative day after day and expect positive behavior to just happen. We don’t outgrow selfishness unless we are taught the blessing of sharing. We don’t outgrow rebelliousness unless we discover the consequences of rebelling are costly.

The way you determine to parent today will play a huge role in who your kids will become. Of course they will still have the right to make choices that are NOT what you taught them, but they will have been taught well, if you are willing to invest the time now.