I have a confession to make. I am not a good goal setter. I
struggle to see things evolving into something new and better. I think that is
part of being a “live in the moment” kind of girl. I enjoy life. I love hard. I
give my all to each day. My life is good. My family is amazing. My God is
faithful. I love my job/vocation. My marriage is outstanding. People cross my
path daily that bless me and I love to serve and bless them, as well. So, as
Pastor Chris shared the sermon series, “You, In 5 Years,” I really had
difficulty trying to figure out where I should be…or should want to be in 5
years. I like where I am and feel like it is sending me on a good trajectory to
live and love better in the years to come. Chris said that if you don’t have
goals and work to achieve them, you become a more exaggerated version of who
you are now. I was fairly happy with that because I see my life as successful
in the most important areas. I love people and love to love people. That’s good…
right? I love to serve them and enrich
their lives with the wisdom God gives me. More of that can’t be a bad thing. Can
it?
Then last Sunday, Ed Haines spoke about the last 5 years of
his life and how radically his life and home and family has changed as he
committed to following Jesus, learning and living in the Word and loving and
honoring others above himself. Somehow, listening to that message helped me to
see that my inability to set goals and stick to them is keeping me from being
the healthiest, best “me” I can be.
In the last five years I have lost both of my parents, my
husband had a 6 bypass surgery to save his life, my grandkids are all in school
and one is in the USAF. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia, which is as hard to
understand as it is to pronounce, but it was a game changer. Looking back there
has been much change in my life that I had absolutely no control over, but I’m
thankful to God that He was preparing me in ways I never realized. Makes me
think of Karate Kid… wax on wax off… but I digress…
Last year I turned 60. I was very excited about that because
it just seems like a great place to be in my life. My reasoning… I love
Grandma-ing, those born into my family and all the ones I “adopt” into my heart
on a regular basis. Sixty just sounds very grandmotherly, so I was ready for a
wonderful decade of Grandmother-ing to begin, and it did.
I love sharing God’s truth and wisdom with people and 60
seems mature and wise. I reasoned that people would take my counsel seriously
and lives would be changed as they learned from my mistakes and found the way
God wanted them to go. God opened doors for me to share with people and walk
with them through the valleys and the mountain tops of life. I loved it!
I love silence and solitude and meditating on what God is
teaching me. Sixty is the perfect age to slow down… just enough to be able to
do that. No need to hit the ground running like we do when we are raising a
family. Spending my mornings with Jesus and my Dad, who came to live with us, I
learned the value of meditation. I began
to take time to smell the roses (or coffee) and sit, Mary-style, at the feet of
Jesus before I started my days. Awesome times!
Though 60 was good, it really didn’t play out the way I had
envisioned. I sent my oldest grandchild off to the Air Force. He is far from
home where my only influence on his precious life now, is through prayer. That
put a whole new slant on the value of Grandma-ing.
God has continued to grant me wisdom to share, but I
realized more than ever that people only change because they want to change. Change
comes from the Spirit of God, the people of God and a heart that is willing to
allow God’s transformation. My wisdom, in and of itself, is actually pretty
worthless. That changed my approach to ministry and opened my eyes to the need
to pray more for others.
I had a great deal of time for meditation during that "magical" year of 60. Having my Dad move in with us kept me home more to care for him. Though his body was weak, his mind was strong and I
learned so much from him about the value of sitting and listening for God’s Truth.
Slower is better, and then there was that diagnosis that took me from slower, to a
screeching halt! Losing my dad and my health was devastating and I needed (need) to be able to ask for prayer to get me through.
I guess what I want you to see is that life is going to
change, with you or without you, in the next 5 years. Circumstances beyond your
control will take you down beautiful, awful, wonderful, terrible paths. All we
can do is work on the person in the mirror who we can help to be ready for
those days that inevitably come. The changes I will work on in myself are to
pray more intentionally and fervently AND ask for the prayers of others to sustain me when I am weak; to read and learn more that will prepare
me to serve and guide more wisely; to find the balance between being a Mary and
a Martha; to honor the body God gave me and keep it as healthy as I can for as
long as I can.
I love the peace that contentment brings. Contentment is a
good thing. But, when it keeps us from seeing what we could be if we put some
muscle behind our contentment, then it is just being lazy, and lazy is ugly and
unhealthy.
So….Hello 61! May you find me working toward a future of loving
more deeply; of praying and learning; of balance and meditation; of caring for
my body as well as my soul.
Where will this next year find you?
No comments:
Post a Comment