Just Trust

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do and

He will make your path straight.”

This is one of my all-time favorite verses. It is a reminder to me that God is all wise, all seeing, all knowing… and I am not. I need His direction in my life every moment of every day in order to successfully put one foot in front of the other. I have been learning and re-learning, for most of my life, the importance of knowing and trusting the One who made me for a purpose and wants to direct my steps toward that end. Truly, that is the desire of my heart.

Boyd Bailey said, “It is wisdom, coupled with humility and obedience to God that prepares us to finish well.” I have had the privilege of watching this truth played out in the life of my Dad. Five years ago he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. As I have watched his body decline and his strength fail, I have witnessed his spirit growing stronger. To me, he was always a hero and a spiritual giant. His love for Jesus and desire to be obedient has always been solid, but when given a death sentence, doors swing open wide for meditation and simply listening to that quiet whisper in your soul. Above all else, the desire to finish strong fills his thoughts.

For my Dad, finishing strong means allowing others the opportunity to see a glimpse of God as they look at him. To reflect God’s love and grace is the desire of his heart, and those who have been privileged to know him, have seen just that. Dad is a true believer, in word and in deed. His spirit is so aligned with the grace of God that I have never known him to harbor ill feelings toward anyone, no matter how they have treated him or no matter how many times they have failed or disappointed. His response is always love and grace.

Last week was a tough week. His pain level was off the charts and his strength and mobility drained as if someone pulled the plug. Even in the worst pain he has ever experienced, the feeling that surfaced was still the strong desire to allow others to see Jesus in him. Leaning on the truth that we could see and understand, his life is quickly passing, but the truth that Dad sees is that he is leaving a body that is decaying so that he can enter into life. Real. Eternal. Joyful. Peaceful Life. He appears to be in his final weeks or months of life and he is still trusting and acknowledging that the God who saved him will not leave him. He is simply leaning into Him. What a privilege and honor it is to walk with him the last miles of his journey.

As his daughter, my heart breaks for him, not just because of the pain. He has always said he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone and there he was in that hospital bed, unable to even scratch his nose, hold his cup, or move his legs to find a comfortable position. He was facing his greatest dread and was powerless to change it. Leaning into what I understand, it simply isn’t fair or right or kind for God to allow such a faithful servant to suffer so. But, after the tears and the “whys” and the heartbreak, I was able to lean into what I know to be true. God has purpose in all that transpires in the life of those whose steps are directed by Him. Perhaps it isn’t about Dad at all. Maybe there is a lesson in all of this that I need to learn so that I can follow Him more closely and be a better leader of those who want to seek and follow Jesus. Trust in the Lord with all your heart…  Perhaps there is another soul that will know Jesus by watching the humility with which Dad receives the care he hoped he would never need.  Do not depend on your own understanding…

“It is direction, not intension, that determines our destination” (Andy Stanley). Dad didn’t just hope to get to the place he is with Jesus. He determined as a young man that the only way to truly know God was to share that yoke that Jesus took, place it on his shoulders, and learn from the One who knew how to get him to the destination that was his destiny. Dad’s path hasn’t been easy. Ever. But God has been faithful to show him where to place his next step. His obedience, walking in step with God’s plan, has led him into valleys and into steep and rugged terrain, but God has kept him safe. And many lives have been blessed beyond measure by witnessing this journey.

(Dad is back home with me and receiving hospice care. If you are one of those whose life has been touched by him and would like to comment below, I will be sure to share your words with him.)

Be Thankful in ALL Things?

I love living in a place where the changing of the seasons is seen and felt and even smelled. I love watching the leaves fall and then be replaced with a blanket of snow. Life is never boring or stale. There is always something new for which to be thankful when you look with expectancy.

Life, too, has changing seasons. Some of those seasons are filled with joy and we look with expectancy to the blessings that follow. Others are filled with struggles that make you wonder if you can make it through another day. We tend to lose that joyful expectancy and find fear and worry and doubt that God’s blessing is even in the same hemisphere.

If your family is in a place of questioning…of challenges…of anxiety… of fear of the unknown, you may be struggling to find an attitude of gratitude this Thanksgiving. There are families all around our community this holiday season that are facing really difficult times and wondering how they can rediscover their thankful heart. They are in my thoughts so much of the time and many prayers have been offered for them.

As I look to scripture to find hope for those who struggle, I am drawn to the Christmas story.  The timing was all wrong, the circumstances unimaginable, the challenge incomprehensible. Yet God was in it. His signature was all over it. He was using every bit of the story and every role played out to bring about the most beautiful story of love, grace and redemption.

This week we all take time out for Thanksgiving. For pausing to enjoy a full table and a full house. We give thanks for a God who provides… for our needs and our wants. Our lives are full, particularly when compared to most of the rest of the world and, on a good day, we are able to be gracious and appreciate it. How about taking a new approach to gratitude and thanking Him for all the things we don’t understand. For all the things that make no sense. For those things that it seems He should have prevented, but didn’t. Being thankful in ALL things seems like a stretch, but when you look at the story of Mary and Joseph, of being a given a child they did not create, of the escape from a King who wanted to kill their infant Son. When you look back 2,000 years and then look forward to the present, you can see that, in spite of the devastating circumstances, God was working it all for your benefit.

This year, as you gather around the table and share what you are thankful for, consider adding the invisible goodness of God to the list. That may not make sense to your kids. Maybe not even to you. But, take a minute to think about the fact that a God who could have anything, wants you. Flawed, imperfect, sometimes self-centered, impatient, and just plain ugly in attitude. He made you--- purposefully, gifted you, choose you, called you, and wants to be reconciled with you. Can you even imagine? And that reconciliation involved leaving heaven and facing brutality beyond what we can imagine. But, He wanted you bad enough to endure all for you.

That being the case, try to see that God is all over your mess. The overwhelming struggles of your life are not unnoticed by Him. God is faithful and God is good. No matter what life looks like to you right now, He hasn’t taken His eyes off of you and He never will. He is building and shaping and making the future what it needs to be for a purpose we may never know. How do I know that? I know HIM and I know that He is good and faithful.

May your heart be filled with gratitude for the things that you don’t understand as you celebrate the goodness of God and the blessings that feel a whole lot more like trials.

Give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Happy Thanksgiving!

Living Generously

What does the phrase, “Live generously,” mean to you?

I think that we can all agree that Jesus taught us to be generous. To give freely of ourselves, our talents, our resources, our time, our money.  But, let’s take a look at what living generously may look like at home. After all, if we don’t live generously in front of our kids, how will they learn this God-honoring quality?

Giving PRESENCE generously is one of the best ways to value another person. Listening intently to them, even if you know what they are going to say. Listen with your whole body. Making eye contact with them as you spend time together. Asking questions that allow them to see that you have been hearing them.  Watch their favorite show with them, just to be there and know what they are hearing. Sit beside them while they do their homework or read the paper. Share a gentle touch to let them feel your affection for them.

Giving TIME generously. Be very careful how you invest yourself outside of your home. There are people under your roof that need the best you have to offer. Saying YES to so many things that are good and fun and helpful to others leaves us with little energy to spend quality time with our own children… or parents… or spouse. Use your calendar and color code it. Make family activities a different color than work or church or friends or community volunteering. Make sure you are scheduling time with them other than just games and concerts and other school functions mandatory for parents to attend. Game nights…movie nights…breakfast dates…one on one trips to the grocery… playing Barbies… shooting baskets… whatever they enjoy… pencil them in. And do the same with your husband or wife.  Give them the best you have to give and you will never regret it.

Giving GRACE generously. As a parent, we sometimes are tired and fall short in the grace department. Every little thing seems to get under our skin. Remind yourself, in these times, that a child will always be a child when they are young. They will never be a miniature adult. They will  behave badly until you teach them that behavior is not acceptable. They only know what we teach them. They aren’t born with the knowledge of what is right and wrong in your household. It is your job to teach that. If they learn something from someone that doesn’t have the same values, you have just landed yourself another teaching opportunity. They are children and they need grace as they are learning all the things that you have had a lifetime to learn. Be quick to teach them what is expected… but not quick to berate them for doing something you have not yet taught them NOT to do.  And while we are talking grace… think about what they see happening between you and your spouse. Are you quick with grace, being sympathetic to the circumstances that may have caused them to act or react poorly?  Have you considered the fact that they have no clue that what they said or did was offensive or hurtful? Grace extended in a marriage is what builds relationships, but it requires open communication without the anger. Simply stating your thoughts and feelings in a way they understand will help them to see how what they said or did was hurtful. Stuffing your hurts is not showing grace. That is unhealthy and ends badly 100% of the time. Speaking the truth in love is the best way to resolve conflict before it happens. It will build your grace muscles.

Giving HONOR generously. Often times we glide through life caring little about the things that our spouse cares about tremendously. What seems ridiculous to us is automatically labeled unimportant and we go about with our business, as usual. The Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. And that means that we pay attention to what is important to our spouse and make a note of it. Know their love language. Do they feel most loved when you spend quality time with them? When they receive a thoughtful gift from you? When you show your love through acts of service? Is physical touch what they need to feel your love?  Perhaps they need words of affirmation to feel valued. Even if these things feel foreign to you, learn to do them. They will only feel foreign until they become part of your daily activities. Make these ways of honoring your family a priority… with your spouse and your children.  To know what someone you love needs in order to feel your love and refuse to do it because it seems weird to you is withholding love. That dishonors them and it dishonors God, because He has called us to honor one another above ourselves. Even if it feels weird.

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. Practice giving what your family needs beginning now and next Thanksgiving they will be doubly thankful for you!

November Challenge

We all want our kids to excel, don’t we? In school, in sports, in kindness and respect… and the list goes on. We provide them with ample opportunities to do so. We make sure their homework is done properly and on time and check their grades online. We wear ourselves to a frazzle running them to practice. We teach them good values and how to respect others. Excellence is something we strive for because we love them and want them to succeed.

For the month of November, I challenge you to shift your focus, or add to it, excellence in generosity. Paul told the church in Corinth that he wanted them to be generous, but not as a command. It was a test of the genuineness of their love for others (2 Corinthians 8:7-8). Generosity is a good thing. We should share with others. We teach that to our children from the time they are tiny. It goes beyond that, however, to the condition of the heart that prompts us to give without reservation.

We can want nothing better for our children than to learn to love others… regardless of how they look or talk or behave. Loving others is the command of Christ. In fact, when asked for the greatest commandment Jesus said to love God and the second greatest is to love others (Matthew 22:37-39). Generosity is one way to measure how well you love. Look around. When we witness people in relationships for what they can get out of it, we know that it is superficial and not truly love. Conversely, when you see someone giving without reservation to someone who has no means to return the gift, we take note of it and consider it as genuine love and compassion.

The best way to teach a child anything is by example. That doesn’t mean that, if you shower them with generosity, they will become generous. More likely, they will end up with huge issues of entitlement! It is also not good to flaunt your generosity before them like a medal of honor because they will learn to be prideful. You can, however, talk to them about a need that is burdening your heart. You can give as little or as much information as is appropriate for their age. Then ask them, “What do you think we should do for them?” Give them parameters and allow them to be part of the giving.

As you are teaching them to be generous, make sure they know that it isn’t just a money thing, but we can be generous with our time, with our helpfulness, with our kindness. When you ‘catch’ them doing that, let them know that they are not just making a difference in the life of the person they are reaching out to, but they are also pleasing God.

And while you’re at it, look inside and make sure that you are living generously at home, where they are watching you every day. Are you giving your time and your kindness and helpfulness? Or are you holding back and waiting until you are certain that your spouse or sibling or parent or child is deserving of your generous grace? If you find that you have not loved without the surety of receiving love, then your children have witnessed that love is conditional and must be earned and is certainly not a forever thing.

With Christmas a bit more than a month away, it is common for a child to present you with their list of ‘wants’ and it is common for us to ask for that list. We all love to shower our kids (and grandkids) with gifts that bring a smile to their face. But, where will that joy be in a week or a month? Will they even remember what they got? It is when they get to be the one doing the blessing, that they to take that memory with them into adulthood. Perhaps they will even train your grandchildren to be a joyful giver. When we teach them to be grateful for what they have, they learn that they have enough and they find contentment.  And when they learn to freely give, they find the greatest joy of all.

Find time every day this month to talk about what generosity looks like. You may feel like a dry well from all that you are giving out. That is a normal parental experience. But, if you have zero margin to live generously, take a closer look at where your energy and time and resources are being spent. Over extending our bank accounts and our calendars is how our culture lives, which explains much about the behaviors we see in our children. Make boundaries for yourself so that you are able to experience, with them, the absolute joy of giving. 

Content

Have you been to Walmart lately? It looks like the North Pole has landed. And it’s still October. I love Christmas, so I am happy to turn on the Pandora Christmas channel and begin planning for the holidays in September… BUT, as soon as the merchandise hits the floor the kids begin to create the list of things that they can’t possibly live without. Am I right? I was no different as a child. I remember the arrival of the Sears & Robuck’s Christmas catalog and sitting down and finding toys I never knew existed and suddenly I wanted them in my room. Really, really bad!

Let’s be honest, friends. It isn’t just the kids who see something and get filled with desire to bring it home. Most people want something they don’t have. At some point or another, we all struggle to be content with what we have. It isn’t just a modern day phenomenon. It is a human condition that has plagued humanity from the first people who inhabited the earth. There is a spirit of discontent that permeates our being.

Contentment cultivated in us brings a harvest of deep joy. But it is something that must be learned. It doesn’t come naturally. And we must teach it to our kids. Without it, we become overwhelmed with desire for more and more and that brings the worst sort of unhappiness, which will grow into nothing short of misery if left unchecked.

So, how do you teach contentment to a child? Let’s take a lesson from the wisdom we find in a letter that Paul wrote to Timothy in the first century A.D.

⁶ But godliness with contentment is great gain.

 ⁷ For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

 ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.

Food and clothing. Nothing more. Is it possible to be content with that? I loved providing more than that for my children and I’m sure you do, too. But, how much is too much? Most kids have more than they can manage. Take a look at their bedroom and you will understand what I am saying. Paul says we arrived here with nothing and we will leave with nothing. Doesn’t that make us stewards or managers of what is only temporarily ours? When we overload our homes, our closets, our cupboards, our toy boxes, etc. with so much we end up with nothing be a whole lot to manage. And with so much to take care of, we spend more time trying to make order of it all than we do enjoying it. Try minimizing and see just how liberating it can be.

You are no different than anyone else who is a good parent. You desire good things for your kids. Me too. Paul calls it “great gain.” Perhaps the best thing you can give your kids is the great gain that comes from teaching them to be content. And teach them by example. Be content. And here are a couple of tips on how to do that…

1.      1. Kill the comparisons. You are the only you in this world and you were created to be uniquely you. You don’t have to have what someone else has. You don’t have to make what they make or live how they live or drive what they drive or like what they like or wear what they wear. Just be you. Simply you. And allow others to be themselves without passing judgment. James, the brother of Jesus, states that “wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” Disorder and evil are not something you and I want for our kids or grandkids so don’t cultivate it by allowing them to “but ALL my friends have it” game. They will lose every time and be miserable. Show them what they have and don’t be afraid to remind them how the children in other places live.

2.      2.  Cultivate Gratitude. King Solomon, in his wisdom, states “For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.”  Gratitude for what you have always seems to make what you have enough. Teach your kids how to express gratitude and make sure that the kids see your joy when they are grateful.

3.     3.   Don’t be afraid to say NO. If saying no to your child creates an outburst. GOOD! Because that means that you are on the right track. If they come apart when you say NO then you need to teach them how to be content with what they have. A melt-down means it’s time to take control and stop allowing your children to control you with their tantrums. On the other hand, if you saying NO doesn’t create an outburst, you may have already succeeded in teaching them contentment. Good Job!

Be an example of the godliness with contentment that Paul is talking about. Walking hand in hand with Jesus, being grateful to Him for all He provides is the beginning of that practice. When you make it a lifestyle for yourself and experience the joy that comes from contentment, you will find that you have a wonderful, contagious, joyful disease that may quickly spread to your kids.

There's Always Something...

I love autumn. Every morning, when it gets light enough to see across the lake, I look to see how much the trees have lost their green and are showing the beauty of the season. The air is crisp, apples and pumpkins flavor the world, candy corn and peanuts fill the candy dish, and my home is decorated with reminders that Thanksgiving is on the way. However, the season for giving thanks lasts all year at my house. It’s cool that all the signs about gratitude go on sale after Thanksgiving, as if that season has passed, because I can load up on reminders of my blessings and pay half price for it… which is just one more blessing!

My living room wall bears a sign that reminds me that “There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for,” and even though it ends with a preposition, the sentiment is right on! I can sit down and watch a documentary about how people live in other parts of the world and realize I am wealthy, by comparison. And, by the way, I avoid the shows were people are purchasing their vacation home in the tropics. Is that even real??? Or I can go to a public place and listen to people fuss with each other and realize the blessing of my relationships with my people. I eat every single day and I sleep in a warm bed every single night. I’m not sure I even come close to fully appreciating these things because I have never gone without them. But, even though my appreciation may not be a full as it could be, I choose to take note of it every single day and tell someone that I am blessed by … whatever is warming my heart at a given moment… and thank my God for providing it.

The entire atmosphere of your home can be transformed by practicing gratitude. When you choose to be thankful for what you have, you effectively replace envy with joy. This is not something you will discover in the DNA strands of your innermost being. This is a learned behavior that is transformational and it MUST BE TAUGHT to your children. Your children have different personalities and some will naturally be more optimistic and empathetic than others, but TEACH them to be grateful. Don’t protect them from the needs of children around the world. It is a beautiful thing when a child willingly gives something up for a child in need. TEACH them how to do that. For example, have a conversation about their birthday or Christmas or Trick or Treat and tell them there is X number of dollars in the budget to spend. Tell them that some of that is for your family and some is for another family in need. Perhaps you will be giving to a hungry child in Haiti, or an orphan in Africa, or a child in their class who has obvious unmet needs. If they don’t want to share from their blessings, don’t despair! Roll up your sleeves and go to work! Get online and show them a malnourished child with vacant eyes and tell them what portion you are choosing to send to that child. Then do it with joy so that they can see it isn’t a chore or an obligation you dread. They will see that they won’t do without because you chose to share. Their needs… and some wants… will still be fulfilled.

The sign on my window sill over the kitchen sink reminds me that… “Gratitude makes what you have enough.”  It is so true. When my heart is filled with gratitude for my home, I stop longing for it to be better or bigger or more organized… (okay, I’m still working on not coveting more organization, but that’s a whole different blog). Does your heart feel light and cheerful when you look around at all you have? Maybe it’s the opposite because you have so much that you can’t manage it all and everything just looks like a mess. Most kids in our culture suffer from that malady. So. Many. Toys!  They can’t manage them. They can’t find what they are looking for. They can’t even find the floor! If your kids have more than they can manage to care for on a daily basis, consider the possibility that they are overwhelmed with their abundance and it’s time to pack some up and store to be swapped out later and maybe you need to pack some up to bless another child. When they actually have the space to play with their toys their little minds begin to be less cluttered and fretful and they begin to enjoy what they have.

How many times have your cupboards been so full that you couldn’t find anything so you just buy more of the ingredient you need only to find it a week later in the back of the pantry? It happens! What if you gave up grocery shopping until you ate your way through the pantry and the freezer? It’s the same principle as minimizing for your kids. Think about how your laundry load would change if your family didn’t have enough clothes to last a month. You may have to do laundry more frequently, but it would go much more quickly and wouldn’t take over your house. I find that the people that are minimalists are the ones who have less stress and more order and have more margin in their lives to bless people who are less fortunate… with their resources and with their time.

Consider a trip to the home décor section of your favorite store in the next few weeks and find some items that you can have around your house all year to remind you to be thankful. Even better, take those ideas and make something together as a family. Play the thankful game and stretch their minds to be thankful for something beginning with every letter of the alphabet. They will likely find things they have been taking for granted. Point out the beauty of the trees and the blessings we can find in God’s creation. Every night when you say goodnight, tell them a quality that you see in them that makes your heart thankful. Learn to live with an attitude of gratitude and if you don’t see the family falling in line to do the same, start teaching them with experiences that will become embedded in their hearts. Be a joyful giver. Minimize the stuff that takes over your world. Experience gratitude in a whole new way as you continually thank God for His blessings.  

Listen to the wisdom of Solomon in The Message…

“A miserable heart means a miserable life;

A cheerful heart fills the day with song.

A simple life in the fear-of-God is better than a rich life with a ton of headaches.

Better a bread crust shared in love than a slab of prime rib served in hate.”

Proverbs 15:15-17

Are You A Bear?

I recently saw an episode of Planet Earth that filmed a family of bears coming out of hibernation in the spring. Even before they foraged for food they found their favorite tree to assist them in rubbing off their winter coat. The film maker added the choreography to the rhythm of the rub and it was hilarious to observe. We laughed so hard watching them stand up with their back to the tree and rub up and down and side to side, seemingly scratching an itch that could not be satisfied. Though it was amusing to watch, it is not so comical when you are the bear with a winter-long-itch that needs to be scratched and cannot find the needed relief.

We have probably all been in a place where we experience a longing for something that is just out of our reach. We see an advertisement for something that will make our lashes fuller or our home cleaner or our stomach flatter or our teeth whiter and we “need” it! We see the new sweater and leggings that look adorable on our friend and we instantly know that we “need” to update our wardrobe. The neighbor comes home in a new vehicle and we “need” to update to a newer model. Our “needs,” of course, are not really needs but a longing for a little bit more. A symptom of discontent.

So, if we as intelligent adults suffer from this malady, how in the world do we expect our kids to learn to be content with what they have? I believe that they have inherited our discontent which has led to a nationwide epidemic of entitlement. And we didn’t start it, nor did our parents or grandparents. It began in prehistory. It began in Eden. Even though all her needs were met in a garden paradise, Eve determined that there had to be more and went after it. Humans have been following her lead ever since.

In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul reports that he has found the secret to contentment, which is the polar opposite of entitlement. Paul found an inner strength, which was supplied by his relationship with an All-seeing, All-knowing, All-powerful God. In his innermost being, Paul found contentment because he had seen the love and grace of his Creator-Savior-Friend and he refused to let that be taken from him. Even in a jail cell where he was stripped of every shred of dignity, they could not take from him what lived on the inside.

The bottom line:If you want to wipe out entitlement in your children, don't be the bear. Don't go from tree to tree trying to scratch an itch that just won't stop. Instead, demonstrate contentment in your own life by building a stronger relationship with the One who brings peace to your heart and mind. Lead by example. Direct them to the kind of thoughts that will help them better focus on what they have, rather than what they don’t have. Resist the desire to provide more for them than you had as a child. We all survived with less and they will, too. Do things together that do not require “Things.” Tell stories, giggle, work together. Go for walks, crunch the leaves, sing silly songs. Find someone to help and do it as a family. But most of all, invite the presence of God into your home. Take Him on the journey that is your life. Place your trust in Him so that it is impossible to miss the peace that comes from that trust.

“How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again.

I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me.

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.

I have learned the secret of living in every situation,

whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:10-13

Really???

“Ask and it will be given to you;

Seek and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

So, I have a question for you…

When you read that verse, what is your reaction? Honestly. Truthfully.  Are you filled with hope for all that your Heavenly Father is waiting to do for you? Do you feel a warmth come over you knowing that your Protector is ready to shield you from harm? Is there a sense of comfort, knowing that your needs will be met and all will be well in your world?

I wonder if you would be honest enough to admit that, perhaps, in the back of your mind, in a place that nobody is allowed to visit, where the truth shocks even you, you respond to that verse with one word. “Really?” And your tone is skeptical, if not cynical.

Maybe you have prayed for something for months or even years and are still waiting for God to give. Or maybe you have been seeking for what seems to be an eternity and still there is no find. Perhaps you are nursing bloody knuckles from knocking and knocking and knocking and it seems that God just can’t hear you so there is no Divine response.

I hear you. We have probably all been there at one time or another and I don’t have answers for you, just an observation from getting to know the One who does, just a little bit better through the years of seeking, asking and knocking.

First of all, can I just tell you that Matthew, a converted tax-collector-turned-Jesus-follower, was NOT sitting on that mountainside, writing verbatim every word as Jesus spoke it that day. I mean, start in chapter 5 and read the entire “Sermon on the Mount,” as we have come to call it. It is jam packed with nuggets of golden that could each be stretched into volumes of teaching us how to live godly lives. Scholars place the writing of this gospel between 20 and 40 years after Jesus’ crucifixion. I picture Matthew in 65 A.D, writing with great urgency, knowing that he was getting older and that the chance of escaping Roman persecution forever was unlikely, rapidly writing everything he could recall Jesus saying in the few years they had together.

All that to say that verses 7-11 are not the whole story. I am as sure as I can be that Jesus had so much more to say to help His listeners grasp the value of asking, seeking and knocking. Matthew knew exactly what it meant because he heard the whole discourse. He gave us the highlights, knowing the Spirit would come to us, directing us into the whole truth. I believe that. And I also believe that it doesn’t occur as much as it should because we are too busy to sit and listen, meditating on the Word of God. And I am as guilty as the next person, however, as age and health issues have slowed my pace a bit, I am learning to be a better sitter-and-listener. And here is what my heart has heard in the silence…

I am not going to get everything I think I should have, even if my motives are perfectly wholesome and what I want is admirable and will help me help others. Why? Because I cannot see the whole picture of what my story is supposed to be. My story helps to fulfill God’s purpose, and I can’t see that purpose clearly either. In short, I don’t really know what to ask for so often I just plain don’t ask! Because I don’t think it matters… but Jesus said… ASK! So it must matter.  It does matter!

Jesus also told His disciples how they were to pray and in that very prayer, He told them to ask for the Father’s will to be done… perfectly… the very first time, as if we didn’t have a will of our own to mess everything up. Just like it happens in heaven, where the angels do His will without questions, without a selfish thought. He told us to ask for what we need for the day, our daily bread. Not a 5 course meal, but just enough to give us strength for the tasks at hand. We are instructed to ask for forgiveness, because… He knows. And we are to ask for deliverance from the evil that distracts us and will ultimately keep us from asking Him for all of the above.

So ask Him! But make sure that you are asking in alignment with His plan and purpose for our lives. Sometimes those will be specific prayers as He reveals His plan to us and other times (most of the time, perhaps) we simply pray for Him to bring about His plan in our life, whatever that may be, and we will receive it.

But, that’s not the end. Seek and you will find puts us in action mode. He doesn’t just want us to pray and forget, but to pray and act! If you want God’s will to be done in your life, then do what you know to do right now. Be kind. Use wisdom. Show love. Live well. Eat healthy. Exercise. Meditate. Read the Word.

Knock and the door will be open…  Looking back, I see myself as a timid little girl who desperately wanted friends, standing at their door, hoping that my friend would come out at just that time because I was too shy to knock. Pathetic, I know, but that was my childhood. I didn’t want to disturb. I didn’t want to be disappointed if they didn’t want to come out. I didn’t want to be humiliated if they laughed in my face at the thought of stooping to play with the likes of me. So I didn’t knock. And they didn’t come to the door. And I left and went home and played alone. Fear. Low self-worth. They were the enemies of my soul then and sometimes they come back and visit. And I wait for good things to happen without taking the risk of knocking.

Today I will ask for God’s perfect plan for this day to unfold in my life and I will actively look for what He has prepared for me.  I will be brave and knock on the door to see how far we can go together and embrace the adventure that awaits because I believe His way is the way for me. And He will answer. My skepticism and cynicism has been replaced with hope and expectancy because I have watched God work in my life and the lives of others and I know that my way, once I set it down, can be replaced with His way, which may be not at all what I was seeking, but is exactly what my story requires in order to unfold into something beautiful.

I really hope you will join me and ask, seek and don't just stand there... knock!

Settle or Sizzle

When I first started dating my husband, I still lived at home and shared a room with my little sister. She claims that I talked about him non-stop, late into the night, keeping her awake. I’m not sure that is completely accurate, but I do remember that I thought about him all the time. I pictured him in my mind. I recounted the words he had said and longed for the weekend to come so that I could hear his voice again and feel his hand in the small of my back as he ushered me in the door of the bowling alley, our typical winter date. I knew the sound of the engine of his Coronet 440 and my heart would quicken as I heard him pull up in front of the house on Friday nights. Ah… the joy of young love.

After three years of falling deeper in love with him, we got married and within three years of entering marital bliss, we had two babies, a mortgage and a whole lot more responsibility and a whole lot less heart quickening. Life changed quickly and so did all those euphoric feelings. The love was there, but the routine and the fatigue changed our ability to freely express it. We didn’t “fall” into love and we didn’t “fall” out of love. We just “fell.”

Jesus revealed a message to John while he was exiled on the island of Patmos about such falling… but it wasn’t talking about romantic love. Jesus was talking about how the church was doing so much right, but it was still coming up short, because it had lost the glow of first love. In the same way that longing to be with your true love is replaced with a busy calendar and flat out exhaustion, the longing to have quiet communion with Jesus is replaced with carpools and diapers and gainful employment.

We talk frequently about how God’s grace is great and covers our imperfections, but is that all that matters?  If Jesus is saying to us, come back to your first love, that indicates that He wants more from us. He wants us to live in His presence, enjoying his company. He wants us to bring our praise and our cares to Him, communicating with the same excitement that we had in the beginning. He wants us to listen, hanging on every word, because what He thinks and how He feels truly matters to us. He wants us to snuggle up and enjoy just being with Him. Much the same as it was when we first committed to life with Him.

So, what happens in marriage when we become content with a lackluster life? When living happily ever after is replaced with simply existing. The relationship begins to crumble and the joy certainly fades. We stop communicating and don’t even feel like we are known by our mate. The very same is true in our relationship with Jesus. If we are not deliberate about stoking the fires of love in our relationship with our partner and our Lord, the flame will die. How can we make sure that doesn’t happen? Be intentional in our relationships.

Sunday the Pastor said, “We don’t misplace Jesus. We replace Jesus.” And I believe he is spot on.  (You can listen here: https://thecreekonline.net/media) Jesus is still there. We still love Him, value His teaching, speak of His authority in our lives. The problem is that we also love football and Facebook and we value our career and a good 20% off sale and the ones who coach our child’s sport seem to have complete authority over our calendars. We haven’t misplaced Jesus because He is still here waiting for us to come back around to the place of honoring Him. We have simply replaced Him with all of the things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but have left us completely spent. Tired, troubled and over-extended.

What is the solution? Remember back to the commitment you once had and the promise you made to make God #1 in your life. Repent for bumping Him and possibly even kicking Him to the curb as you go about life in the manner that society dictates and Satan applauds. And lastly, begin to do life in a manner that allows you the time and the space to get God back to the position that you have taken from Him.

And while you’re at it… revisit that first love with your spouse and start rekindling that flame. Don’t settle when you can sizzle!

I hold this against you:

You have forsaken the love you had at first.

 ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen!

Repent and do the things you did at first.

Revelation 2:4-5

Monitor Your Investment

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells his followers a parable about the three servants who were entrusted with a portion of their masters assets while he traveled for an extended period of time. The first two invested what they were given in such a way that it doubled by the time the master returned. The third, being afraid to fail or invest or take a risk, buried his bag of silver and returned back to his master only what he had initially been given, blaming the master for his own failure. Pointing a finger at the flawed character of the master, he justified his failure to gain a profit. The first two were rewarded for the effort they put into making money for their master, while the third was considered to be wicked and lazy and was tossed into outer darkness.

Consider for a moment, Jesus sitting across the table from you, sharing a meal and discussing the fact that "X" number of years ago he gave you a family, entrusting your spouse and your children into your care so that you could multiply His Kingdom. He depended on you to do all that you could do to honor Him and love and direct them to the One who made them for a purpose. Now, He has returned to hear how well you did with what you were given. Did your spouse grow closer to you and to Jesus because of the unconditional love your freely gave? Did your children greet Him at the door, knowing exactly who He was because you showed Him to them daily through the fruit of the Spirit working in your life? Are you anxious to show Him the neighbors that you have told all about Him or the friends who are now believers because of your families influence? What evidence would He see that your focus remained intact and you diligently worked to show your family the God you love and follow? Would you be able to show Him that you had invested hours every day to reflecting His love in your home?

Or maybe you didn't invest quite as wisely and aren't quite as eager to show Him the return on your investment. Perhaps, at the moment you and your spouse aren't even speaking to each other and the kids are safely sequestered in their rooms, or at their friends house staring intently at a screen, diligently trying to save the world from a zombie apocalypse. Maybe you haven't exactly led the charge to stop world hunger or even volunteered at the neighborhood food pantry. Possibly, you are feeling like you didn't get a fair warning of what was expected of you as a wife or a parent. You had no idea that God intended to use your union with your spouse to draw others to Him and multiply His Kingdom. Marriage is about love and meeting each other's needs and growing old together, as far as you knew. And that is way more work than you ever signed up for!

Now, before you start to panic about being tossed into the eternal darkness that the unfaithful servant earned in the parable, take a deep breath and realize that you still have time to make the investment that will bring a celebration. Step back and look at your family. What you are looking at is both your mission field and your missionaries. Now is the time to pour life into them. Not information. Not rules and regulations. I have never seen that grow into anything life-giving. What brings life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When God lives in us and we walk with Him daily, those are the things that grow within us and leak out for our families to witness; to enjoy; to desire for themselves. That is contagious Christianity.

The transformation that takes place in you, is the best way to see transformation happen in your home. Once that begins to happen, it will reach beyond your home into your neighborhood and into missions for which your family becomes passionate. You have been given your family, not just to bless you, but to become part of a team that can reach into places you never could reach on your own. Spread the love of Jesus to your family first and wait patiently for them to grab hold of the abundant life that Jesus promises those who follow Him. You can't make the decision for them, but you certainly can be their primary influence.  Commit to investing the time to grow in your faith and tell them your story - show them God at work in you - love them with a new kind of love - be a blessing to them and to others. Before the Master returns and sits across the table from you...

Nathan's Way

King David was accustomed to having what he wanted. I suppose that is common to most kings. In 2 Samuel 12 we discover where that entitlement took him. David could have whatever he wanted, but he didn’t want to look bad in taking it, so he contrived a way to cover his tracks and have the beautiful wife of Uriah, by sending his faithful soldier to the front lines where certain death awaited him. Now David’s lust would appear to be honorable, rather than despicable, as he took in the widow mourning the loss of her husband. Somehow, in all the conniving, he completely lost sight of the horrific, selfish, greedy, heinous, deplorable action he had taken. “All’s well that ends well” was the mindset that kept him from facing his guilt.

But, God saw and knew exactly what had happened and there would be consequences for such a crime. I don’t know if it was common knowledge or if God told Nathan, His prophet, what had happened, but he was the one chosen to hold the mirror in front of King David so that he could see his blackened heart.

As I think about this story and the role that Nathan played and ponder how I can bring this story into life at home, my thoughts go to the times when a child must be confronted for their negative behavior. Often there is yelling and punishment and anger as accusations and expletives fly out of the mouth of those parents we encounter in Walmart (not you, of course). I seriously doubt that the child on the receiving end did anything as bad as King David, yet Nathan did not get angry or raise his voice as he spoke truth to David. So what can we learn about confronting the naughty child in this account?

First of all, Nathan came to David with a story. Why? Because David had closed his eyes to his sin… otherwise, how could he live with himself?  Often, when a child breaks a rule or disobeys, that slip in character is barely noticeable to them because they don’t understand why what they did was wrong. Nathan told David about a rich man who had scores of sheep, but when company came, he went to the poor man who had only one beloved sheep that was a family pet and took it to slaughter for his dinner guest. That story made it easy to see the wrong that was done. Find a way to help your child see the implications of their behavior and explain it in a manner that they can understand.

Second, as soon as David saw the crime that had been done in the story Nathan told, Nathan pointed out to him that he, David, was in fact the villain in the story because of what he had done to Uriah and Bathsheba. Nathan told him… not asked him. Often we put our children in a position to exercise self-preservation when we ask them a question that we already have the answer for. The natural inclination is to lie in order to keep from disappointing you or avoid getting punished. Don’t put them in a position to dig themselves into a deeper hole with the natural response. Tell them how their infraction was similar to the one in the story. Hold that mirror in front of them so they can see that they were wrong. The goal is to help them see, not to shame them.

Third, Nathan reminded David of how gracious God had always been to him. Remind your child that you love them and will always love them, in spite of their poor judgment. Let them know what your expectations are and what God’s Word has to say about disobedience. It is far better for an undesirable behavior to be altered because of a desire to do the right thing, rather than a fear of what happens when we do the wrong thing. If we fear punishment, we learn to hide bad decisions, but if we desire to do the right thing, we learn to do just that.

Fourth, when David confesses his sin and realizes that he deserves death, Nathan quickly tells him that God has forgiven him and his punishment will not be as harsh as what he deserves. There will however be consequences. Make sure that you give an appropriate consequence for the wrong they have done, and don’t be afraid to sprinkle it with grace. Often a child doesn’t have the maturity to weigh out the consequences or realize the gravity of the misdeed. Talk them through it calmly. Your rage is frightening and shows them that you are not in control of your emotions. King David begged God to remove the punishment for his behavior, but God did not. David needed to see that he could not use his power to take what wasn’t his to take. Your kids also need to know that their tantrum or their begging or their sweetest persuasions cannot keep them from paying the price for something they know they shouldn’t have done.

Being a parent is tough. Finding the right way to shape the heart of a child is hard work. Often if you take the time to listen to them, you can uncover the heart issue that needs correcting or further teaching. Never jump to conclusions… unless you are a prophet and God told you what really happened! Don’t start yelling and wielding punishment, because you just may have to remove your foot from your mouth and apologize to them.

There are so many stories in the Bible that can direct us if when we become a student of the Word. Take a lesson from the prophet, Nathan. Help your kids understand why a behavior is wrong. Tell them what they did that was wrong rather than asking them to tell you what they did…(providing you know with certainty). Make sure they know that their naughtiness doesn’t diminish your love or God’s love for them and give them consequences that will teach them that wrong is always wrong.

First, The Lion And The Bear

In the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 we read that David’s resume to King Saul included defeating the bear and lion. With thousands of sheep in his care, it would have been much easier to chase away the lion with a sheep in his clutches so that he didn’t kill more of the sheep… or worse. But, that was not the way David performed his job of shepherd to his father’s sheep. First, he rescued the sheep from the mouth of the lion, then he killed the lion to remove all potential harm from him in the days to come. That is what qualified him to fight the giant, Goliath.

As I consider the sermon from Sunday, that you can listen to here https://thecreekonline.net/media, and ponder how I can bring this message into our homes, my thoughts keep going to all the predators that come against our marriage and other relationships. I believe that our thoughts are the lions and bears that prowl around in our minds, attacking the flock of love that was once so strong. And we are not seeing the loss, but allowing it to keep happening until our love that once was beyond counting, now looks like a hobby farm… or worse! If we ever hope to be victorious in our relationships… or in life, we better begin to face those thoughts and come against them with the tenacity David exhibited in order to protect his father’s sheep from predators.

Hear me clearly. I am not suggesting that we make every little misspoken word into a major discussion. Nor do I feel that it is important to dissect every little misunderstanding or bring every mistake before the firing squad. What I am suggesting is that you take a look inside of you and find those lions and bears that have their claws out and teeth sharpened and are prepared for attack at the smallest infraction. That is the enemy that you must learn to subdue so that when the giant comes, you have the experience under your belt to bring down a beautiful victory.

Allow me to take the veil off of some of these lions and bears that live in our thoughts so you can see how they are putting you at risk, and show you how to defeat them…

“She is getting so lazy that I don’t even know her anymore. She used to keep the house tidy and make my favorite meals, but now the place is a wreck and we have fast food more often than not.”

            Subdue those thoughts and realize there is always a reason when things change and perhaps it isn’t laziness. Rather than stewing about the way things are, consider that there is an underlying cause for her fatigue and take an interest in making things better by helping make the house the way you want it. The words, “I know it’s been a rough week and you could use a hand so let’s tackle this together,” may just take that lamb out of the mouth of the lion.

“He spends the whole weekend in front of the TV, or working in the garage, or (fill in the blank), and never has time for me. How am I supposed to compete for his attention when he has obviously lost interest in building a life with me?”

            Tackle that predator immediately because it is one step away from a huge pity party that won’t end well. Perhaps the need for a diversion is what gives him the energy to go to work every day. I know that, if you are a mom, you don’t get a lot of down time, which can give you a bad attitude and make you resent the down time that our guys seem to be able to find more easily. Perhaps we could take a lesson from them and find ways to share in the refreshment that restores our energy. A simple acceptance of the importance of rest, or appreciation of the things they accomplish in the garage or yard is a good start. Now couple that with a non-defensive, non-attacking conversations about how thankful you are for his ability to balance work and play and that you want to learn to do that in order to be a better wife and mother. If you need help, stop expecting him to see it or read your mind and start asking for help with a gentle and kind voice. Respect his need to rest and don’t expect more of him than you do of yourself, but if you need him, tell him!

“He doesn’t even seem to notice me until the lights go off. Is that all I am here for?”

            Sexual intimacy was created to strengthen and bless the bonds of marriage, yet it often appears to be the hungry bear that kills it. If you see the desire for intimacy as the bear and attack it, you are coming against the wrong enemy. One of the most beautiful ways to grow in your relationship is to realize the blessing of being desired by your husband. Learn to receive the love that is given (in the way he knows best how to give) with grace and gratitude. Consider how you might feel if he shunned your attempt to show your love to him. You make his favorite meal/he says he isn’t hungry. You extend your arms for a hug/he walks away. You buy him a gift/he sets it aside without opening it. You plan a date/he just wants to stay home. When you learn to destroy the thoughts that his desire for you is unacceptable, and gracefully receive his gift to you, you may be surprised at how the intimacy between you begins to flourish.

If you hope to defeat the giants that will try to destroy your home, you must first look inside of you for the lions and the bears that live in your thoughts. With the power of the Most High God, come against those thoughts and destroy them for good. Be courageous and see what your marriage could be, not what it is right now. Don’t allow the struggles to bring failure into your future, but use them to strengthen you for whatever lies ahead. Remember, Satan is the enemy, not your spouse, and God has already defeated him, so don’t let him convince you otherwise. When you believe his lies, you give him power in your life. Fix your thoughts on the power of God, not the taunts of the giant. Don’t forget that he was taken down with God’s strength and one smooth stone.

Satan will come against your home just as Goliath came against the Israelites. David’s response to that…

“You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies- the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. Today the Lord will conquer you, and I will kill you and cut off your head. And then I will give the dead bodies of your men to the birds and wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel! And everyone assembled here will know that the LORD rescues his people, but not with sword and spear. This is the LORD’S battle and He will give you to us.”

Be bold. Be courageous. Take a stand against the evil that defies your relationships. This battle is the LORDS and your victory is waiting for you. Just pick up that stone and aim it at the evil thoughts that Satan is trying to plant in your mind to convince you that you cannot win and discover how amazing victory can be!