Nathan's Way

King David was accustomed to having what he wanted. I suppose that is common to most kings. In 2 Samuel 12 we discover where that entitlement took him. David could have whatever he wanted, but he didn’t want to look bad in taking it, so he contrived a way to cover his tracks and have the beautiful wife of Uriah, by sending his faithful soldier to the front lines where certain death awaited him. Now David’s lust would appear to be honorable, rather than despicable, as he took in the widow mourning the loss of her husband. Somehow, in all the conniving, he completely lost sight of the horrific, selfish, greedy, heinous, deplorable action he had taken. “All’s well that ends well” was the mindset that kept him from facing his guilt.

But, God saw and knew exactly what had happened and there would be consequences for such a crime. I don’t know if it was common knowledge or if God told Nathan, His prophet, what had happened, but he was the one chosen to hold the mirror in front of King David so that he could see his blackened heart.

As I think about this story and the role that Nathan played and ponder how I can bring this story into life at home, my thoughts go to the times when a child must be confronted for their negative behavior. Often there is yelling and punishment and anger as accusations and expletives fly out of the mouth of those parents we encounter in Walmart (not you, of course). I seriously doubt that the child on the receiving end did anything as bad as King David, yet Nathan did not get angry or raise his voice as he spoke truth to David. So what can we learn about confronting the naughty child in this account?

First of all, Nathan came to David with a story. Why? Because David had closed his eyes to his sin… otherwise, how could he live with himself?  Often, when a child breaks a rule or disobeys, that slip in character is barely noticeable to them because they don’t understand why what they did was wrong. Nathan told David about a rich man who had scores of sheep, but when company came, he went to the poor man who had only one beloved sheep that was a family pet and took it to slaughter for his dinner guest. That story made it easy to see the wrong that was done. Find a way to help your child see the implications of their behavior and explain it in a manner that they can understand.

Second, as soon as David saw the crime that had been done in the story Nathan told, Nathan pointed out to him that he, David, was in fact the villain in the story because of what he had done to Uriah and Bathsheba. Nathan told him… not asked him. Often we put our children in a position to exercise self-preservation when we ask them a question that we already have the answer for. The natural inclination is to lie in order to keep from disappointing you or avoid getting punished. Don’t put them in a position to dig themselves into a deeper hole with the natural response. Tell them how their infraction was similar to the one in the story. Hold that mirror in front of them so they can see that they were wrong. The goal is to help them see, not to shame them.

Third, Nathan reminded David of how gracious God had always been to him. Remind your child that you love them and will always love them, in spite of their poor judgment. Let them know what your expectations are and what God’s Word has to say about disobedience. It is far better for an undesirable behavior to be altered because of a desire to do the right thing, rather than a fear of what happens when we do the wrong thing. If we fear punishment, we learn to hide bad decisions, but if we desire to do the right thing, we learn to do just that.

Fourth, when David confesses his sin and realizes that he deserves death, Nathan quickly tells him that God has forgiven him and his punishment will not be as harsh as what he deserves. There will however be consequences. Make sure that you give an appropriate consequence for the wrong they have done, and don’t be afraid to sprinkle it with grace. Often a child doesn’t have the maturity to weigh out the consequences or realize the gravity of the misdeed. Talk them through it calmly. Your rage is frightening and shows them that you are not in control of your emotions. King David begged God to remove the punishment for his behavior, but God did not. David needed to see that he could not use his power to take what wasn’t his to take. Your kids also need to know that their tantrum or their begging or their sweetest persuasions cannot keep them from paying the price for something they know they shouldn’t have done.

Being a parent is tough. Finding the right way to shape the heart of a child is hard work. Often if you take the time to listen to them, you can uncover the heart issue that needs correcting or further teaching. Never jump to conclusions… unless you are a prophet and God told you what really happened! Don’t start yelling and wielding punishment, because you just may have to remove your foot from your mouth and apologize to them.

There are so many stories in the Bible that can direct us if when we become a student of the Word. Take a lesson from the prophet, Nathan. Help your kids understand why a behavior is wrong. Tell them what they did that was wrong rather than asking them to tell you what they did…(providing you know with certainty). Make sure they know that their naughtiness doesn’t diminish your love or God’s love for them and give them consequences that will teach them that wrong is always wrong.