Just Trust

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do and

He will make your path straight.”

This is one of my all-time favorite verses. It is a reminder to me that God is all wise, all seeing, all knowing… and I am not. I need His direction in my life every moment of every day in order to successfully put one foot in front of the other. I have been learning and re-learning, for most of my life, the importance of knowing and trusting the One who made me for a purpose and wants to direct my steps toward that end. Truly, that is the desire of my heart.

Boyd Bailey said, “It is wisdom, coupled with humility and obedience to God that prepares us to finish well.” I have had the privilege of watching this truth played out in the life of my Dad. Five years ago he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. As I have watched his body decline and his strength fail, I have witnessed his spirit growing stronger. To me, he was always a hero and a spiritual giant. His love for Jesus and desire to be obedient has always been solid, but when given a death sentence, doors swing open wide for meditation and simply listening to that quiet whisper in your soul. Above all else, the desire to finish strong fills his thoughts.

For my Dad, finishing strong means allowing others the opportunity to see a glimpse of God as they look at him. To reflect God’s love and grace is the desire of his heart, and those who have been privileged to know him, have seen just that. Dad is a true believer, in word and in deed. His spirit is so aligned with the grace of God that I have never known him to harbor ill feelings toward anyone, no matter how they have treated him or no matter how many times they have failed or disappointed. His response is always love and grace.

Last week was a tough week. His pain level was off the charts and his strength and mobility drained as if someone pulled the plug. Even in the worst pain he has ever experienced, the feeling that surfaced was still the strong desire to allow others to see Jesus in him. Leaning on the truth that we could see and understand, his life is quickly passing, but the truth that Dad sees is that he is leaving a body that is decaying so that he can enter into life. Real. Eternal. Joyful. Peaceful Life. He appears to be in his final weeks or months of life and he is still trusting and acknowledging that the God who saved him will not leave him. He is simply leaning into Him. What a privilege and honor it is to walk with him the last miles of his journey.

As his daughter, my heart breaks for him, not just because of the pain. He has always said he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone and there he was in that hospital bed, unable to even scratch his nose, hold his cup, or move his legs to find a comfortable position. He was facing his greatest dread and was powerless to change it. Leaning into what I understand, it simply isn’t fair or right or kind for God to allow such a faithful servant to suffer so. But, after the tears and the “whys” and the heartbreak, I was able to lean into what I know to be true. God has purpose in all that transpires in the life of those whose steps are directed by Him. Perhaps it isn’t about Dad at all. Maybe there is a lesson in all of this that I need to learn so that I can follow Him more closely and be a better leader of those who want to seek and follow Jesus. Trust in the Lord with all your heart…  Perhaps there is another soul that will know Jesus by watching the humility with which Dad receives the care he hoped he would never need.  Do not depend on your own understanding…

“It is direction, not intension, that determines our destination” (Andy Stanley). Dad didn’t just hope to get to the place he is with Jesus. He determined as a young man that the only way to truly know God was to share that yoke that Jesus took, place it on his shoulders, and learn from the One who knew how to get him to the destination that was his destiny. Dad’s path hasn’t been easy. Ever. But God has been faithful to show him where to place his next step. His obedience, walking in step with God’s plan, has led him into valleys and into steep and rugged terrain, but God has kept him safe. And many lives have been blessed beyond measure by witnessing this journey.

(Dad is back home with me and receiving hospice care. If you are one of those whose life has been touched by him and would like to comment below, I will be sure to share your words with him.)