I'm Telling!

Wrapping up the series, “Stuff Christians Do,” the pastor talked about the call for Christians to share their faith. As I listened to the sermon online, I couldn’t help but think about my situation in this past week….

We had planned to go to Pennsylvania, in the area where the founder of White’s Residential and Family Services found the wealth to begin this amazing ministry to children, teens and families. Dana, my husband, was going to be able to share with the people in the town of Jim Thorpe, how lives were still being transformed by the dream of a man that they knew primarily as an entrepreneur and inventor. Josiah White’s dream, dating back to 1849 when he came to Wabash, Indiana, was to bring hope to kids whose lives seemed hopeless.

After our work in PA was complete, the plan was to continue on to Washington D.C. and attend the wedding of our nephew and his bride. As it turns out, the trip got cut short because I was having a difficult time with arrhythmia. My heart beat was either too fast or too slow and I was too tired to talk. If you know me, that doesn’t happen very often!

Upon the recommendation of the doctor, I ended up coming home in the middle of the week and spending the night in the hospital to undergo tests and make sure that I wasn’t at risk for something life-threatening, and thankfully, I am NOT. However, there would be No wedding. No family. No week of relaxation we were both so looking forward to.

You’ve probably heard someone talk about how our disappointments are often turned into Divine appointments. Well, that is exactly what I feel happened to me in that hospital. In a twenty-four hour period I was able to share little bits of Truth, small bites of the message of Jesus with two x-ray techs, 2 EMTs, 4 nurses, 1 nurse’s assistant and a doctor. I didn’t quote scripture. I didn’t site chapter and verse of the message I shared in a sentence or two. I just let God’s love flow from me to them and wasn’t afraid to tell them that the part of my heart that really mattered was getting healthier every day.

So many people try to hide their decision to follow Jesus because they don’t know what to say or fear offending or are afraid they will be asked a question they don’t know the answer to. I have a remedy for that. Just be YOU. That’s all I was doing. I am not a preacher or evangelist or pew jumpin’, Bible thumpin’ kind of woman. I am just a woman who has been loved and showered with amazing grace… a woman who is happy and content with the life God has given me… a woman who loves the Word of God… a woman who is anxious to give the same hope and help to others as I have received… a woman who is flawed and says dumb things and talks when I should be quiet and sometimes quiet when I should talk. I haven’t been to seminary. I can’t remember a lick of Biblical Greek (sorry Prof. Atkins), but I have a story. I have a connection to God that is my very own. It brings me peace. It gives me joy.

Of course, the fact that everyone was working on my heart with all their poking and prodding did open doors for me to share some issues of the heart. It gave me the opportunity to simplify the message as Jesus did, and tell them that if we would simply follow Jesus directive to love God and love others, the world would be a better place. It gave me the opportunity to let them know that, even when you feel lousy, you don’t have to be grumpy and sad, because the heart where Jesus lives is going to live forever. Did I say those words to anyone? No! I just smiled and cared about them and their lives. When you do that, people just start to talk to you and then you never know where the conversation will go.

Jesus was kind to the woman at the well when the culture would have dictated that he judge and flee. Jesus was a friend to those He taught. Jesus taught by living what He believed. When we do that, opportunities will come for us to plant the right seed at the right time that someone else will water and cultivate. Or maybe you will be the one to cultivate the seed planted by another. Fix your heart and mind on Jesus and walk with Him. He will guide you to be one who changes the world… for someone… someday. What you were given may be personal, but it is not private. It is meant to be shared. That is the very way God designed our faith to be. You may be the one to plant the seed that will transform an entire family or change the trajectory of a marriage or even save the life of a downcast soul. 

Don't be afraid of what you don't yet know. Be afraid, rather, of what might be lost if you don't share what you do know.

Buddy and the Bible

One of my favorite Christmas Movies is the one where Buddy, the overgrown elf, leaves the North Pole to find his father and ends up saving Santa by singing... loud and long.  I am not at all worried about saving Santa, but I love the thought of all we gain when we engage on a musical level. I taught my children and my grandchildren songs that spelled out their name, so by 2 years old, they could spell their own name. Of course, they didn't understand that putting letters together in the proper order was "spelling" or how to hold a pencil and write those letters, but they did know that "Gramma loves her Lola, L-O-L-A, Lola" and "There was a Mama, loved her girl and Emily was her name-o! ...E-M-I-L-Y..." and there is one for all of my precious littles.

Buddy the Elf isn't the only one who knew that singing was important, though. Educators know that children learn the alphabet, because it is put to music. They learn to count with a myriad of counting songs, they learn their colors in Spanish with a song. Put the color words in a rhyme and add a melody and your children will know how to spell every single color word by the middle of their Kindergarten year. If you put it into rhyme, and give it a good meter, it just clicks and stays in our head. Forever! "B-L-U-E spells blue...."  The days of the week, the months of the year... you name it! If you put it to music, they will learn it.

Parents sing lullabies to their children to sooth them. My kids remember me singing "My Favorite Things" to them as I rocked them. What a beautiful way to help them focus on the wonderful things in life, rather than the difficult things that weigh them down. Science has explored the impact that certain sounds have on the brain function and have even discovered a mood stabilizing effect of certain tones. I have a friend who plays classical violin while her daughter does her homework because of the research that indicates it increases the cognitive function of the brain.

In my younger years, I had a decent alto voice, but it is all crackly and grandma sounding now. However, I still muster up the courage to use it when I am with the children because their little minds soak it all up and store it in their memory. Sunday I sang with the 2-4 year-olds, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do..." and they joined in the singing and the motions, in spite of the sound of my voice. Maybe you think your voice is awful, but you sure can teach valuable lessons if you just use it!

Right about the middle of your Bible you can find a book of songs. And if you knew how to sing them in Hebrew, you would see that they have rhythm and rhyme. You will find songs (called Psalms) about defeat and discouragement, songs about victory and joy, songs about fear and songs of gratitude to God. Even in ancient times, people realize that putting truths, stories, anecdotes to music would enable people to memorize them. They didn't own a Bible or encyclopedia (remember those?). They couldn't look up the words in Google or lyrics.com, yet it was critical for teaching their people, so they put it to music so it could remain in their hearts and minds and be passed from generation to generation.

As a child I memorized Psalm 100. It has a beautiful message of why we sing, as followers of God. You can listen to the message Pastor Chris shared on this Psalm at https://thecreekonline.net/media. It's a great message! Here it is in the New International Readers Version (NIrV), the Bible we give the children entering 1st grade at Mill Creek Church...

Shout to the Lord with joy, everyone on earth. 

So that a crackly voice doesn't exempt you from it!

Worship the Lord with gladness.

Joy grows where joy is expressed

Come to Him with songs of Joy.

He is the creator of joy, so thank Him!

... realize that the Lord is God.

He made us and we belong to Him.

We are His people.

We are the sheep belonging to his flock

Regardless of what is happening in your life, never forget that He is walking the path with you.

He has invested much in you

Give thanks as you enter the gates of His temple.

Give praise as you enter it's courtyards.

Give thanks to Him and praise His name.

Your gratitude to Him is not a private matter, but to be expressed with other followers of God.

The Lord is good. 

No matter what circumstances are plaguing you,

even if the sky is falling all around you,

even when you feel like you are going under,

remember that GOD IS GOOD.

His faithful love continues forever. It will last for all time to come.

He loves you NOW and ALWAYS, and nothing can ever change that.

No matter what obstacles litter your path, 

He is still there loving you.

Music and singing are a significant part of teaching our children about the God we want them to know, in a manner they can remember. And the Bible instructs us to do exactly that! You can go to just about any store where music is sold and load up your phone, or buy a CD or whatever works for you, and play it while your kids play or work or ride in the car. Turn the dial to Christian radio and allow those words to penetrate their minds and hearts. Let music fill the air and the message of God's power and love be lodged in their (and your) memory forever. It will totally change the climate in your home. Try it and see!

The Dirt on Dirt

Have you ever noticed that when your kids tell you they washed their hands, they could mean a variety of things. 1) they didn’t really look dirty enough to wash so I wiped them on my shirt; 2) I ran them under cold water and wiped the grime on the towel; 3) you only said it twice and I know I have until the third request before you start screaming; and on and on goes the rational of a child with regards to cleanliness.

Before we jumped to scolding the filthy child let’s think about their age and abilities. When they are infants, we are more careful to want their hands to be free of debris because we know that hand will likely be in their mouth at any given moment. We don’t expect them to keep their own hands clean, because they are not able.

Likewise, from a spiritual aspect, we don’t make the decision to keep our hands clean as an infant. We don’t understand the concept of germs and disease. Just as we are born into a world of germs and debris that we do not fear because we don’t know the danger, we are born in a sinful state that has a deadly impact, but we don't yet realize the danger, so we are protected from it by the love of the Father.

As toddlers, they can’t reach the sink by themselves… or we don’t want them to… so we offer assistance and allow them to feel the water running over their hands and help with the dispensing of soap and the process of scrubbing.

In the toddler phase of our spiritual life, someone teaches us the difference between right and wrong and guides us to the Father, so to speak, to be “cleansed” by His grace. He redirects us away from the dangerous “dirt” as we become students of the Word of God and that is where we begin to learn to avoid the germs of sinful behaviors that are unpleasant to God and to others. This is not a time to scream and scold and punish for every speck of dirt we see on the one who is learning, but gently provide direction and warm soapy water to clear away what is harmful.

Now they have reached pre-school and need to grow more independent. Maybe we allow them to do it on their own, but provide supervision to set the temperature of the water, make sure they use soap and keep most of the water in the sink.

Spiritually speaking, in the pre-school era of our journey, we are beginning to recognize the dirt on our hands and know that we should wash… maybe not so much because we don’t want to be dirty, but because we have been taught that there are germs, known as consequences, if we allow the grime to stay. We can, with some guidance and instruction, discover where the scrubbing needs to take place and learn to wash it down the drain.

By elementary school we can tell them to wash their hands and then inspect them to see if they were compliant and send them back as many times as needed until we get the desired result. Some are not as bothered by the dirt as we would like them to be and they need more direction, more incentive to get rid of the dirt.

As we grow and learn more of who God is and who we are, we begin to recognize the need for cleaning ourselves. We are uncomfortable with the dirt and want to get rid of it. But there are some that just enjoy the feel of the dirt and don’t want to be told to wash it off. Perhaps this is where we, as parents and leaders of those who seem to have spiritually stunted growth, need to be showing the privileges, the joy and the peace of our life without that grime rather than focusing on the sludge we see on them. If they are to leave the sin behind it will most likely be as a result of seeing that there is something that feels better. It isn’t likely to be because we judge and scold and push them to walk away from the dirt.

As pre-adult and adult years come, we wash our hands even when there is no visible sign of germs or dirt. Before we handle food. After we handle food. Before we hold a new baby. After we touch something we assume unknown people have handled. Typically, nobody has to tell us to wash unless we have an unknown smudge of mascara or brushed up against something unknowingly and can’t see the telltale spot.

As we become sensitive to the Spirit of God communicating with our soul. We feel a conviction and a desire for something better, richer, fuller in our lives. It is difficult to explain and can’t be seen or taught, but something that is experienced. It is often described as an unheard voice or an inner draw toward God. We don’t want sin to be clinging to us, so as soon as we recognize it, we repent and accept the gracious forgiveness made possible through Jesus’ willingness to take the sin of the world upon Himself in the crucifixion. We surround ourselves with the kinds of friends that will warn us about the mascara or the spinach in our teeth because they care about us, not because they are perfect or feel the need to judge, but because we are on a journey together to find the path God has for us.

Is it any wonder that we symbolize the beginning of our commitment to follow Jesus with the act of water baptism? It is the representation of a life made new; cleansed by the merciful washing of our loving God who made us to walk in sparkling glory with Him.

Where are you on this journey? Can you connect with any of the “ages” of the child of God? Are you still oblivious to the germs, the sin that brings death? Are you still enjoying the feel of the mud caked on your skin and happy to annoy others who want you to get cleaned up? Perhaps you like to play in the water, but not to become clean. Maybe you simply enjoy the feeling you get as the water runs over you. You like to comply and follow the rules because it feels good, but you really don’t know what it means to commit to walking with Jesus. Can you see the dirt that clings to you? Have you been to Jesus for His cleansing? Are your friends the kind of people that will help you see what is ungodly in your life? Are you ready to tell the world that you want to be rid of dirt and pursue living a godly life with your hand in the hand of the One who made you for a purpose?

Have you demonstrated that desire with baptism? Baptism is a ritual cleansing that is practiced to demonstrate that we desire to leave the “dirt” of our birth, let go of the desire to achieve our own selfish desires, and follow the way of the spotless One who was without sin: Jesus, the Son of God. It is a practice that is symbolic of a changed life. It is the follower’s way of visibly claiming that we are at a turning point in life and ready to listen to the guiding of the Spirit of God and follow as He leads. Just like the washing of hands… it doesn’t keep you clean forever. You will still look at yourself at times and wonder how you got so dirty again. However, it is in learning to walk with Jesus that you will find yourself free from the deadly germs and disease that lead to death.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Can you tell me who your child’s best friend is? They probably beg to go there and play or invite them to spend the night every single weekend. It’s not difficult to figure out who they enjoy spending time with. But do they have friends who are not good for them? Friends that are full of sass and disrespect? After a few hours together, you may feel that you have to reprogram your child and remind them that there are rules in your house and that is not acceptable behavior.

Here is a free tip for you…  But it will cost you time. If you have a child visit in your home, it is entirely appropriate to spend time with the kids while they are together. There is a strong possibility that the visitor has parents who are too busy to connect with their children and you may be the most influential adult in their life. The only way you know what is being said and done is if you make yourself available while that child is in your home. And, this can actually be beneficial all the way through High School.  Truly! Our youngest would get aggravated with his teenage friends because they didn’t want to go straight down to the basement to hang out or play games, but enjoyed visiting with us first. Having an adult who will take the time to listen… and I even enlisted their help from time to time… is so valuable to kids that rarely see or speak to their parents. And, trust me… it happens!

Now, if I were to ask you children, who is your mom’s best friend… or dad’s? Would they select a person who makes you a better person or would it be someone who pulls you down, makes you grumpy, stays out too late, stirs envy in you? Interesting how we feel like we need to protect our kids from certain families, but we think we are immune to the negative influences of others. Who are the adults in your life that make you a better person? Who is it that will not be afraid to challenge you when you are playing with fire or are being unkind to your spouse? Who will hold up the mirror in front of you when you are being ugly so that you can get yourself turned around?

I frequently see disciples of Jesus spending most of their social time with those who do not claim to be followers… and maybe don’t even believe that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus wasn’t afraid to visit with the people who were desperately lost in their sin, but the people He spent most of His time with were the folks who wanted to grow and become more Godly. Mom and Dad, if you hope to impress upon your kids the importance of choosing friends wisely, consider who your friends are and who you spend the most time with. Do they make you better? Or do they drag you down?

Stop the Flow!

Say you’ve had a bad day. The kids were up most of the night and when they weren’t keeping you awake, your husbands snoring seemed to mock you in your sleepless state. You had to send the kids to school with no breakfast because you finally reached that coveted deep sleep when the alarm went off and you don’t even remember silencing it. The oldest, trying to help, got a brush stuck in the hair of the youngest and in all the rush, you dropped your toothbrush in the toilet. Today appears to go down in history as your favorite day to forget… and it’s only 9 a.m.

Fast forward to 8:30 p.m.  Even though the day started rough, it still managed to get worse! You finally get the last kid tucked into bed, you come downstairs hoping to see that, while you were bathing the kids, your husband noticed and tackled the dinner that was still on the table, complete with crusty spaghetti dishes, thanks to piano lessons, gymnastics and a soccer game all on top of each other this evening. But, instead, he noticed that Netflix had a new series you both wanted to see and he beacons you to come sit with him and, “Relax! You seem really tired tonight.”

The volcano in you that has been bubbling all day has now reached a level that can be contained no longer. You become hotter than hot, spewing molten words of contempt and frustration. Now lava and ash have taken over the living room that he thought was about to be your safe haven of much needed rest. How could he not see that you needed his help, not the next season of LOST? Never does it enter your mind that his intentions may have been good or that he possibly had a rough day and just needed to rest, as well. The man you promised to love for a lifetime has become the arch enemy of your weary soul and your weapons are poised and ready for battle. World War III is about to ensue.

Any of that seem familiar? There are several ways this can end. Most of them are less than admirable. But since I am the creator of the scenario, I get to choose the end. Your husband, though he would have been justified for a rapid fire response or running for his life in a court of law, takes the high road. He sees the need that eluded him before because he was truly looking for a way to help you unwind and relax after a hard day. He apologizes and gets up, hands you the control and starts on the dishes, refusing to let you help. When they are finished, he comes back to snuggle with you as you drift off into sweet slumber, feeling the warmth of his love.

Or how about this scenario. When you see him on the couch, smiling with the remote in his hand, you smile back and say, “That looks like a great idea. Would you help me get the dinner mess cleaned up so we can watch it together?”  What is the deal with women launching an attack when our man has no clue we are even armed? Why are we afraid to simply state our need in a sweet manner that isn’t accusatory? Why do we demand that they should be able to read our mind? Sometimes we feel like we could be a wife and mother with our hands tied behind our back and blindfolded, therefore, they should at least be able to use a little common sense to know exactly what we are feeling 100% of the time. Not Happening! EVER. Let it go and tell them what you need and save yourself a whole lot of trouble.

So, what do you think of my scenarios? What? A fairy tale, you say? I prefer to call it the love that transforms. The kind of love Jesus spoke of… the love that honors another above ourselves. It is the love we experience when we focus on giving what is needed rather than what is deserved.

Learning to move past the blunders and messes of our lives and the lives of those around us and respond with grace and forgiveness will take us to a level of living that turns drudgery into joy and difficulty into bonding experiences. Lavishing grace on someone else is not justifying their behavior, but allowing them to see love in action. What a difference we could make in this world if we let go of our expectations and embraced grace and forgiveness.

Lava is messy. It destroys lives. It demolishes homes. It causes irreparable damage. It just makes sense to stop the flow, rather than let it blow. All that anger that you want to spew in order to dole out a punishment for the pain you are feeling will never make anything better. EVER. Learn to show grace and forgiveness and realize that your fatigue or circumstances are never an excuse for ungodly behavior. Jesus will never look at you and say, “You should really let him have it with both barrels for that insensitivity.” It is not the way of love. Love conquers a multitude of sins. It is transformational. It is life-giving. So the next time you feel the lava begin to rise, remember to ask God to help you give what is needed rather than what is deserved.

Connected to Love

“Peace with God paves the way to peace with ourselves and equips us to be at peace with others.” 

If we apply the Commutative Law (my math teachers would be so proud of me right now), it stands to reason that if we are not at peace with someone, we are likely not at peace with ourselves and if that is the case, it’s highly likely that we are not at peace with God.

It is difficult to be at peace with someone, or Someone, you don’t know. If you don’t know them, why should you trust them, right? Making the decision to take the time to get to know God will alter your attitude toward Him. You will begin to trust Him and He will reign as the utmost authority in your life because you have figured out that He is way more capable than you. In essence, He will be on the throne… and that means you are taking a lesser seat. As you begin to realize the unfathomable love He has for you, you begin to know you are loved and cared for in such a magnificent way that your trust in Him will start to increase. You learn to be at peace with the One who created you for a purpose.

With that peace, comes an ability to be at peace with yourself. You no longer live in fear of failure, but in hope. That hope comes from knowing that He suffered a torturous death, one that He could have walked away from, because He loves YOU. He made you and watches over you, seeing your good days and your bad, hearing your words and your thoughts. Yet, in spite of that, He was willing to go to the cross for you. You can never escape His love for you. Ever!

So, if you are learning to live at peace with God and with yourself, you can begin to realize that you are not responsible for another’s actions or words. You don’t have to own them or wear them or dwell on them. You are free from playing the role of judge in their lives because you have abdicated the throne and let God take His rightful place there. You can relax and love that unlovely person with the unlimited source of Divine love that flows through you in an ever-widening channel, as you allow God to transform you into His image. 

If anyone knows how ridiculously messed up we are, it is the All Seeing God. As a dear friend said to me the other day… we are “tore up from the floor up!” He sees the flaws that you don’t even know you have right now. He sees the flaws of your biggest pain in the neck. He will deal with them. You only have to deal with YOU. That is a critical part of learning to live at peace. Let that person be where they are on the learning curve and don’t allow them to control who you become. If you are struggling to love them and want vindication or seem to think that allowing bitterness to grow in you is appropriate, take a look at your heart. You have just dethroned Jesus and taken His place. When He is truly on the throne, He pours His love into the kingdom He is establishing in you. That love will overflow and be apparent in even your most difficult relationships.

On paper, it looks so simple. In reality, not so much. It is very difficult to allow God’s perfect will to be done in your life every waking moment. Our sinful nature has taught us that we are in charge, so letting go of the desire to dole out justice by treating others as they deserve, rather than with grace and mercy, seems to be our default setting. Jesus boiled the whole truth of the gospel into two things: Love God; Love others. Our strongest desire to do that, will not make it so. Only God can help us love like that and if He is not in charge of our heart, our relationships will suffer.

Be aware! When anger, bitterness, resentment, sorrow and frustration are your initial reactions to others, don’t waste time asking for God to deal with them… because He already knows to do that. In His time, the Spirit of God will speak to them. Don't take on His job. It's way above your pay grade. Just trust me on that. Rather, ask Him to ease you down off of that throne that is way too big for you, and allow Him to be your Authority. Let Him replace your hurt feelings with His love. Jesus has much more reason to hate your adversaries than you do, yet He has nothing but love for them. Is it any wonder that we are so miserable when we carry around the burden of anger, hatred and bitterness toward someone, when we were made to reflect God’s love?

Allow Jesus to ease you into the other side of the yoke He is wearing so that He can lighten your load. Find freedom in knowing that He alone knows the way to peace with God and with others, and, being yoked to Him, will most assuredly get you there. It is not a cumbersome thing to place His yoke on your shoulders and allow Him to guide you through living in loving relationships. Knowing that He is the very definition of LOVE, it really makes sense to allow Him to guide you to living a life of love.

Easy breezy? Not really. It is a process we work on all of our lives. But, I can testify that it gets easier to love well when you practice being yoked to Him every moment of every day. When your heart feels dark and your attitude is in the pit, have a look at your heart and your shoulders. If you are seeing an awful lot of YOU and only a little bit of HIM, you will understand why you are feeling the way you do.

Now here's my disclaimer. LOVE HURTS. His yoke doesn't take the pain away when you have been hurt by loving someone who doesn't reciprocate. However, the pain of loving while being yoked to the epitome of LOVE is much less than the burden of carrying around bitterness and anger all alone.

The Person In The Mirror

Have you ever felt that what you do and how well you do it is the determining factor of how you are perceived? That they are basing your identity on your performance or your financial status or your appearance? I am pretty sure we have all taken that trip down the road to faulty thinking, fatigue and failure. That is exactly where that path leads because we will never be all things to all people so if we are striving for the praise of one person we are failing another person because their expectations differ.

So, how do you define yourself? Are you a success? Are you measuring up? Are you enough?

There are multiple answers to those questions, depending on your vantage point. Perhaps there is a person who has been critical of you consistently, to the point of causing feelings of worthlessness. Maybe there is that one person that you are a bit jealous of… her house is nicer and cleaner and she always has good hair days. Using her as your measuring stick, you just aren’t good enough…EVER! Maybe you have a parent you have spent your life trying to please and they consistently let you know you have missed the mark. Perhaps you have been waiting for a promotion you feel you have more than earned; or a raise; or even something as simple as a pat on the back. And you’re still waiting. None of us want to live in these scenarios, but that is where we often find ourselves.

Take a look at yourself from God’s perspective. You are here reading this right now. That tells me that He has a plan for you that you have yet to complete. The Bible also tells me that “You are His masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10). I believe that we are here for a Divine purpose that is completely in the spiritual realm that we cannot see with our human eyes. We are each that pebble in the pond creating ripples of impact on the lives of others. I think that is typically God’s method, as opposed to sending us in to win a war or cure a disease or eradicate abuse or be the perfect person we all aspire to be. He looks at you and sees that person whose journey, with all the u-turns and detours, is shaping you into the person that fulfills His purpose. A purpose that is so big we can’t even see it.

Picture this…. You have just been notified that a famous artist, an actual descendant of Leonardo da Vinci, is doing a masterpiece and you are his model. You show up and are given a completely green outfit to wear. Head to toe you are green. You have been taken to a pasture where you are ready to pose as instructed. But rather than pose, you are led to stand on a certain spot. Other people are entering the scene now, dressed similarly but in a variety of colors. You stand and wait, feeling rather foolish and impatient and annoyed by the crowd pressing in around you. A half hour later you are dismissed with the entire “cast” of this masterpiece. As you reflect on the time invested, you feel you have wasted an entire day and been made a laughing stock among the friends you told about your “great opportunity” to be the next supermodel/Mona Lisa persona.

Weeks pass and you see on the news, this beautiful artwork that all the art dealers are clamoring for. Now you know you have been scammed because that masterpiece has nothing to do with your day being green. Or does it? As the reporter tells the story, you discover that you and the others, were placed exactly where you needed to be so that when the photographer flew high above you, he could see the end result of all those dots of color, strategically placed to make a true masterpiece.

Here is what I want you to see… Life with Jesus isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being obedient. Being where He wants us to be even when it doesn’t make sense to us. We will stumble and we will fall and we will get off course. It's all part of our brokenness. But when we stop looking at ourselves from the perspective of others, which is often our own flawed notion, and stop being our own worst critic, we can begin to see ourselves as God does. When you look in the mirror, see a purpose and know that you are part of something so much bigger than yourself. Love that purpose and love the person looking back at you.

You are so very loved by the One who created you. But, often there seems to be a chasm between that love and our ability to accept it. That great divide is often created by our own perception that we are unworthy of His love; that our lives and our choices have disqualified us from being loveable. Pastor Chris said in his sermon Sunday the words that keep ringing in my mind.

Our “do” never determines our “who” in God’s eyes.

If His love for us brought Him to earth to experience unthinkable things, including the nails, the crown of thorns, the betrayal, the agony of being alone, the beatings and the crucifixion, then why would our imperfection now shut off His love? He could have walked away from all of that, but He chose to suffer as a way for us to see our value to Him.

Love the person that He loves; the person looking back at you in the mirror. He adores you as His precious child and sees you as His masterpiece. Accepting His loves enables us to accept the love of others and empowers us to love them with a love that is beyond our human capacity.

Peaceful Relationships

Relationships can be as calming as watching the ripples of water as they kiss the sand or as peaceful as the dancing flames of a campfire. They can bring us to a place of rest and can be extremely nurturing. Relationships complete us, bring us joy and add abundant blessings to our lives.

Or…

They can be more like a tidal wave decimating all in its path, leaving nothing but rubble and regret or a forest fire that takes something beautiful and reduces it to ash.

What is the secret to finding yourself in the first category rather than the last? Thousands of books have been written about healthy relationship and there are experts at every turn telling us how to bring that kind of success into our marriage or our parenting or into the workplace.

It doesn’t take a PhD to figure out that love has to be the core and selfishness has to be peeled away. We all know that in our heart, but somehow our body doesn’t always easily follow that knowledge. Our mind defines the love and selfishness according to our own experience without consideration to God’s definition. We tend to seek love that looks like something we are good at doing for others… those things that come naturally. I am an encourager so if I encourage, I am showing love. But, what if you don’t need to be encouraged right now? What if you truly need me to listen, or pray with you, or take you to the doctor, or help you find your car keys? All the encouraging in the world isn’t going to meet your needs and align with your definition of love.

The writer of the book of Romans, in the New Testament, tells that we must learn to honor one another above ourselves. To do that, we have to shelve our own definition of what love looks like and demonstrate love in the manner the recipient can receive it. Ladies, if your husband feels honored when you sit down and listen to how his day went, looking him in the eye, then stop putting away the laundry long enough to sit with him for however long it will take so that he sees you are honoring him above your need to make tidy happen.  In the same way, Gentlemen, if your wife feels loved when you do the dishes with her, all the flowers in the world cannot replace the honor she feels when you stand with her doing something she could easily do alone.

Honoring others above yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t matter. You absolutely matter. Jesus would not have gone to the cross to reconcile you to the Father if you didn’t. Not for one minute does he want your value to disappear. What has to happen before you can begin to honor others above yourself without losing yourself is this:

(1)   You must receive the love He offers you through His mercy and grace. You really can’t love anyone if you haven’t connected with the Source of love. There is no place else to find it. You can’t order it online or find it at the mall or in a book or from a counselor.

(2)   You must recognize yourself as the treasured masterpiece that you are, in the eyes of your Creator.  If you continually see yourself as a lump of worthless flesh, your offering to others is worthless. You can’t give what you don’t have. Loving yourself is key to loving others.

(3)   You must practice living in the image of God. God is love. We must reflect His love. There is no amount of will or strength that can create a loving relationship that withstands the storms of life. Without Him as the Captain of your ship, you are going to end up shipwrecked. Love isn’t an action, although loving brings you to act. Love is who we become as we spend time with God and learn His ways. That often comes in the silence, a rare commodity in our lives.

Let God love you. Don’t push Him away. Be his beloved child and learn from Him. He wants your relationships to succeed. After all, He created us for relationships. He wants to steer you away from those that are unhealthy and empower you to flourish in those that He knows are right for you. 

Who Is In Control?

On Good Friday I watched The Passion and, apart from reality of the extreme cruelty and pain Jesus willingly endured for us, the words that He said to Pilate linger in my mind. In an attempt to get Jesus to say something that would enable the ruler to release Him, Jesus looked Pilate in the eye and said, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above…” (John 19:11).

As that phrase rings in my mind over and over I reflect to the number of times that I have heard a child pass blame for their actions to another or a wife accuse her husband for her actions or a husband accuse his wife for his attitude. It is our nature to release ourselves from the responsibility of our actions and assign them to the one we have offended. Pilate wanted no part in Jesus trial or punishment, but Jesus made it perfectly clear that it was not a political leader, but indeed it was sin that was responsible for His crucifixion. The blame didn’t belong to one action or one individual, but in the fact that the people, created for connection with God and each other, had hearts that had become selfish and hardened. The separation between God and His people that began in Eden, must be repaired. There must be a sacrifice, and this was God’s plan.

Perhaps, the next time we excuse our actions or our words or our feelings, we need to consider that Jesus paid a significant price so that we could rise above all of that. We have no power to control the actions of that person who hurts or frustrates us, but the sacrifice of Jesus, in obedience to the Heavenly plan, makes it possible for us to own our weakness, and simultaneously be strong enough to follow God’s plan. His desire is not for us to continue to live our life controlled by our circumstances, but to realize that He has made a way for us to take up our cross and make the sacrifice of pride, of being right, of being the victim, and allow it to die so that we can live in the abundance of His love and grace and peace.

My prayer for you, and for me, is that we realize that the supreme sacrifice was made so that we can live full and meaningful lives, victorious over the sin that will never stop trying to drag us down. May we realize that Jesus’ sacrifice is meaningless if we continue to cave to the desires of the flesh to get even or prove our point or be angry and bitter … to live as though others don’t matter to Jesus… to seek our own gain at the expense of another. May we, rather, look at the cross and the blood and the sacrifice that makes it possible to own our sin, our issues, and take them to that place where they no longer have power over us.

There is great liberation and peace in the knowledge that God will take the wheel … just as soon as we let go of it. He will show us the way, if we will open our eyes. He will heal our relationships if we let go of our pretense that we must fix or defeat our “opponent.” Refusing this offering of a merciful Father is allowing His suffering to have been in vain.

The Wait Isn't Wasted

Last week I was with my grandson, Ethan, in Fort Wayne and we sat at a railroad crossing for about 15 minutes watching as they pulled the train forward, switched the lever, backed it up, dropped a car, pulled it forward, switched a lever, backed it up, picked up a car, pulled forward, switched a lever, backed up, dropped that car and pulled forward, switched the lever one more time so they could back up and get the car they finally made accessible and proceeded down the track. We joked about the education we were getting in trainery, which is a word I just made up, and since I had great company, the waiting wasn't wasted, but worthwhile.

That is not typically the response we have to waiting. I speak with people often who are in a difficult place in life and they want to see results. They want answers to the prayers they faithfully pray for God to save their marriage. But answers seldom come rapidly in those types of situations because change takes time and growth takes time and that is what we need if we want healing in our relationships. It seems like God should simply be able to Bibbidy Bobbity Boo our story and bring us quickly to the happily ever after we so desperately want. But, I have never seen God work that way and I think I know why.

First, we don’t see change because we are looking for God to change our spouse and what He really needs to do is change us. Our own heart needs to be shaped into the vessel that God can pour His love into so that we can love our mate, even if they never change at all. What a remarkable thing it is to look at them and feel a deep love when they haven’t changed, but our heart has.

Second, God has a way of getting all the dominos stacked just right so that when the wind of change blows, everyone and everything is in place to create the masterpiece He wants our relationships to be. He is at work in places you cannot see so that you end up receiving what you need, even though you didn’t know that you needed it.

Third, “God wants to do something in you before He does something for you.” That is a Craig Groeschel quote… and a really good one that we all should memorize. God isn’t going to fix your marriage; He isn’t going to turn your husband into prince charming; He isn’t going to turn your wife into the woman you dream about; He is going to change something in you… heal something in you that is broken and sick and troubled. He is working on preparing your heart to be the person you were made to be and that will begin the process of healing in your marriage.

Don’t give up when you don’t see the change you have been praying for. Keep praying, but change the focus of your prayer to, “God make me the person you want me to be.” When you begin to grow and change and develop into that masterpiece He is fashioning, your marriage will look better and better. The waiting is never wasted by God. He is always at work.

As you are communicating with God about your marriage, talk to each other, too. I have yet to meet someone that can actually read minds, so don’t fall into the pit of “if he truly loved me he would know what I need or what I am thinking.” Hog wash! Just tell him! Of course there is more to every story. Each marriage is unique. But the similarities are pretty consistent, as well. Keep praying for you marriage. Find a Godly person who has weathered the storms that come in every relationship and have them pray with you. And while you are waiting for the change to come, thank Him for the things that He is doing that you are completely unaware of. God is good and faithful. When you ask Him to help you love better, He is hard at work pruning away all that doesn’t fit His description of love. Let Him do His work in you and you will be amazed at how different your life will be and how rich your relationships will become.

Believe It Or Not

“Why?” asked the 3 year old … about 100 times a day. Sometimes we look at all those questions as teachable moments and love expanding their knowledge by explaining why they need rest or vegetables or why they need to be kind or why they need to go potty before a 3 hour ride in the car. Other times, we really don’t have the time or the patience to explain why and we just need them to accept the fact that we are the grown up calling the shots and their job is to listen and obey.

There is just something about the 3 year old mind that wants reasons. That is something that we never outgrow. Even as adults, we seem to function better if we understand why we are doing what we are doing. Some things are easy to grasp. We go to work to earn a paycheck to feed and clothe our families. We drive according to the speed limit to stay safer…. Or avoid a fine. We exercise to keep our bodies fit. We drink coffee so that we don’t hurt people.

But, what do we do with the things that we can’t find a reason for? How do we learn to accept what we don’t understand when there are no explanations forthcoming? There are so many things in life that just don’t make sense and, even when we inquire of the Master of the Universe, we don’t get answers. We sit in silence wondering why other people’s lives look so much better. Why their kids are healthier or why they seem to never have a financial set-back or why they seem to avoid marital struggles, or depression, or anxiety.

Often, while sitting in the silence, waiting for God to give us the Rx or remedy for our life we fall into the trap of despair that turns to doubt, leading us to the conclusion that God just simply doesn’t care about our relationships or our finances or the health of our loved one. That place of despair can lead us in two separate directions. The first is what I like to call Satan’s Amusement Park. He happily ushers us into that place where our emotions are up and down and our stomach slides miserably into our throat and the breath rapidly leaves our lungs causing fear and anxiety and hopelessness to take control of our lives. As the roller coaster of life whips us around, we realize we have no control of where we are going and the music from the carousel blasts the refrain proclaiming that God is dead, at least to us, and cannot do anything to help us out of this terrifying place.

There is, however, another avenue to take and avoid the terror. It doesn’t eliminate the pain or the questions or even the fear we feel in the painful places our journey may take us, but it is a shelter in the storm. Rather than allow the lies of Satan to convince you that you are forgotten by the One who made you for a purpose, you can simply sit in God’s waiting room, knowing that you are not alone. Knowing that you are not forgotten. Knowing that you are still His child. Knowing that He has a way out. Even when it is our own decisions that land us in a bad place, He will use it for our good when we entrust our lives to him.

Just like that 3 year old that doesn’t always get the answer to their “why?” you can learn to accept the fact that you are loved and you don’t always have to understand in order to accept the truth that God loves you and will never leave you or forsake you. The fact to remember is that God is good and loving and faithful. All of your circumstances should be interpreted through that reality. Too often, however, we do the opposite. We allow our circumstances to dictate our view of who God is. When things go wrong and God seems silent, we assume He doesn’t love us or care for us. We determine that He is not a faithful, all knowing God. That kind of thinking will land us right where Satan wants us and we will find misery.

Wherever you find yourself, know that the One who made you did so with great purpose. You are not an accident or a failure. You are on a journey and He is with you, whether you feel Him or not. He knows you and He will use all that you experience to help you fulfil the purpose He has for you.

You don’t have to believe anything you have just read. You don’t have to believe that He is for you. You don’t have to believe that He loves you. You don’t have to believe that He exists. You don’t have to believe that He made you for a purpose. You don’t have to believe the Bible is His story. But, if you don’t believe, where will you find the hope that you need to rise above all that is weighing you down? Considering the options, I choose to believe even when I don’t understand. I choose to believe even when He seems to be silent. I choose to believe because I have found Him to be the source of my peace. I choose to believe because there is a joy that sustains me even when I feel unhappy. I choose to believe because He is real to me and is shaping me into someone better than I was before.

I pray that you, too, will choose to believe and find renewed hope, restored joy and deep peace.

Live It!

Love is the filter by which all disciples of Jesus should form their thoughts and actions. The people who have made the most positive impact on us are the ones who have loved us. Conversely, the ones that have the most horrible impact are the ones who have hurt us. Those are the experiences- both the good and the bad- that mold us and perhaps form our definition of love. We become our best self when people pour encouragement and love into us and we sink the lowest when we are stripped of our sense of self with negativity. That is why Jesus said the most important thing we can ever do is not believe the right things, but do the right thing. And then he defined the right things as loving God and loving others.

Here is the rub in our all of that. Our own individual history may have created a false definition of love. Perhaps a person who said they loved us, treated us contrary to Jesus’ definition of love. We discover later that what was defined by them as love was really manipulation, selfishness or even abuse. Now we are confused and we don’t even know what love looks like. It is something illusive that is always around the next corner; something we long for and dream about.

Perhaps we think we finally found “true love” when we said yes to marriage, only to find out that our “true love” is flawed and doesn’t really meet our needs in the way we thought real true love should. Hope is replaced with disillusion and, eventually, scar tissue forms around our wounds to the point where any act of love cannot even penetrate our hearts. And a heart that cannot receive love, can never truly give love.

Maybe you have been hurt to the point that your self-esteem is non-existent and you don’t feel worthy of love. Don’t be misled into believing that is just being humble. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself, less. Therefore, if you think you are unworthy or underserving of being loved… you are focused on yourself and your unworthiness and the pain that goes along with it, right? When you begin to see yourself as does your Creator, the Lover of your soul, the One who identifies you as a masterpiece created for a purpose, you no longer need focus on yourself and your pain. You are His prize. You are His adored. You are His precious child. There is so much security in that revelation that you can begin to open your heart and focus on others and how you can be a blessing in their lives. You have the freedom to accept love from others, which enables you to love freely, without reservation.

If we ever really want to be seen as a reflection of the perfect love of Jesus, we have to begin by loving God and we can’t love Him if we don’t love His children…. And that includes US…ourselves. When we don’t love ourselves, we essentially refuse the love He freely offers in spite of our unworthiness; something we all have in common. This can only mean we are left wanting and unable to love God or others because our well runs dry.

The message of Jesus is all about living love. Loving God totally, which means also loving yourself, His precious child... caring for the mind, body and spirit God gave you. And loving others, with their imperfections, in the same way God loves you with all of yours. As we walk through the season of Easter, I challenge you to take a deeper look at the love that God has for you. Take a deeper look at the love you have for Him. Examine with scrutiny how you are loving others. If you find yourself falling short, you are normal. We all do. But, don’t sit there learning to be content with it. Each day, invite His love to fill you to the brim and allow it to run over to everyone you come into contact with. Live love a little bit better than you did yesterday and all your tomorrows promise to be brighter.