Stop the Flow!

Say you’ve had a bad day. The kids were up most of the night and when they weren’t keeping you awake, your husbands snoring seemed to mock you in your sleepless state. You had to send the kids to school with no breakfast because you finally reached that coveted deep sleep when the alarm went off and you don’t even remember silencing it. The oldest, trying to help, got a brush stuck in the hair of the youngest and in all the rush, you dropped your toothbrush in the toilet. Today appears to go down in history as your favorite day to forget… and it’s only 9 a.m.

Fast forward to 8:30 p.m.  Even though the day started rough, it still managed to get worse! You finally get the last kid tucked into bed, you come downstairs hoping to see that, while you were bathing the kids, your husband noticed and tackled the dinner that was still on the table, complete with crusty spaghetti dishes, thanks to piano lessons, gymnastics and a soccer game all on top of each other this evening. But, instead, he noticed that Netflix had a new series you both wanted to see and he beacons you to come sit with him and, “Relax! You seem really tired tonight.”

The volcano in you that has been bubbling all day has now reached a level that can be contained no longer. You become hotter than hot, spewing molten words of contempt and frustration. Now lava and ash have taken over the living room that he thought was about to be your safe haven of much needed rest. How could he not see that you needed his help, not the next season of LOST? Never does it enter your mind that his intentions may have been good or that he possibly had a rough day and just needed to rest, as well. The man you promised to love for a lifetime has become the arch enemy of your weary soul and your weapons are poised and ready for battle. World War III is about to ensue.

Any of that seem familiar? There are several ways this can end. Most of them are less than admirable. But since I am the creator of the scenario, I get to choose the end. Your husband, though he would have been justified for a rapid fire response or running for his life in a court of law, takes the high road. He sees the need that eluded him before because he was truly looking for a way to help you unwind and relax after a hard day. He apologizes and gets up, hands you the control and starts on the dishes, refusing to let you help. When they are finished, he comes back to snuggle with you as you drift off into sweet slumber, feeling the warmth of his love.

Or how about this scenario. When you see him on the couch, smiling with the remote in his hand, you smile back and say, “That looks like a great idea. Would you help me get the dinner mess cleaned up so we can watch it together?”  What is the deal with women launching an attack when our man has no clue we are even armed? Why are we afraid to simply state our need in a sweet manner that isn’t accusatory? Why do we demand that they should be able to read our mind? Sometimes we feel like we could be a wife and mother with our hands tied behind our back and blindfolded, therefore, they should at least be able to use a little common sense to know exactly what we are feeling 100% of the time. Not Happening! EVER. Let it go and tell them what you need and save yourself a whole lot of trouble.

So, what do you think of my scenarios? What? A fairy tale, you say? I prefer to call it the love that transforms. The kind of love Jesus spoke of… the love that honors another above ourselves. It is the love we experience when we focus on giving what is needed rather than what is deserved.

Learning to move past the blunders and messes of our lives and the lives of those around us and respond with grace and forgiveness will take us to a level of living that turns drudgery into joy and difficulty into bonding experiences. Lavishing grace on someone else is not justifying their behavior, but allowing them to see love in action. What a difference we could make in this world if we let go of our expectations and embraced grace and forgiveness.

Lava is messy. It destroys lives. It demolishes homes. It causes irreparable damage. It just makes sense to stop the flow, rather than let it blow. All that anger that you want to spew in order to dole out a punishment for the pain you are feeling will never make anything better. EVER. Learn to show grace and forgiveness and realize that your fatigue or circumstances are never an excuse for ungodly behavior. Jesus will never look at you and say, “You should really let him have it with both barrels for that insensitivity.” It is not the way of love. Love conquers a multitude of sins. It is transformational. It is life-giving. So the next time you feel the lava begin to rise, remember to ask God to help you give what is needed rather than what is deserved.