Peaceful Relationships

Relationships can be as calming as watching the ripples of water as they kiss the sand or as peaceful as the dancing flames of a campfire. They can bring us to a place of rest and can be extremely nurturing. Relationships complete us, bring us joy and add abundant blessings to our lives.

Or…

They can be more like a tidal wave decimating all in its path, leaving nothing but rubble and regret or a forest fire that takes something beautiful and reduces it to ash.

What is the secret to finding yourself in the first category rather than the last? Thousands of books have been written about healthy relationship and there are experts at every turn telling us how to bring that kind of success into our marriage or our parenting or into the workplace.

It doesn’t take a PhD to figure out that love has to be the core and selfishness has to be peeled away. We all know that in our heart, but somehow our body doesn’t always easily follow that knowledge. Our mind defines the love and selfishness according to our own experience without consideration to God’s definition. We tend to seek love that looks like something we are good at doing for others… those things that come naturally. I am an encourager so if I encourage, I am showing love. But, what if you don’t need to be encouraged right now? What if you truly need me to listen, or pray with you, or take you to the doctor, or help you find your car keys? All the encouraging in the world isn’t going to meet your needs and align with your definition of love.

The writer of the book of Romans, in the New Testament, tells that we must learn to honor one another above ourselves. To do that, we have to shelve our own definition of what love looks like and demonstrate love in the manner the recipient can receive it. Ladies, if your husband feels honored when you sit down and listen to how his day went, looking him in the eye, then stop putting away the laundry long enough to sit with him for however long it will take so that he sees you are honoring him above your need to make tidy happen.  In the same way, Gentlemen, if your wife feels loved when you do the dishes with her, all the flowers in the world cannot replace the honor she feels when you stand with her doing something she could easily do alone.

Honoring others above yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t matter. You absolutely matter. Jesus would not have gone to the cross to reconcile you to the Father if you didn’t. Not for one minute does he want your value to disappear. What has to happen before you can begin to honor others above yourself without losing yourself is this:

(1)   You must receive the love He offers you through His mercy and grace. You really can’t love anyone if you haven’t connected with the Source of love. There is no place else to find it. You can’t order it online or find it at the mall or in a book or from a counselor.

(2)   You must recognize yourself as the treasured masterpiece that you are, in the eyes of your Creator.  If you continually see yourself as a lump of worthless flesh, your offering to others is worthless. You can’t give what you don’t have. Loving yourself is key to loving others.

(3)   You must practice living in the image of God. God is love. We must reflect His love. There is no amount of will or strength that can create a loving relationship that withstands the storms of life. Without Him as the Captain of your ship, you are going to end up shipwrecked. Love isn’t an action, although loving brings you to act. Love is who we become as we spend time with God and learn His ways. That often comes in the silence, a rare commodity in our lives.

Let God love you. Don’t push Him away. Be his beloved child and learn from Him. He wants your relationships to succeed. After all, He created us for relationships. He wants to steer you away from those that are unhealthy and empower you to flourish in those that He knows are right for you.