Home Schooling? Always!

Jesus tells us that we are to be His disciples, but He doesn’t stop there. We are to make disciples right in the place where we live and wherever we go. He isn’t telling church leaders to go make more church leaders. He is telling them that, just as they have been apprenticed to the Master, they are to be the masters who go out and make more apprentices who will learn what it means to become like the Master who designed them for a purpose.

We don’t use the terminology of apprenticeship much these days. We are more likely to think in the manner of an internship, where we hone a skill by working alongside someone who has excellence and experience in that field.

If you were studying for a particular trade, what would you hope to gain from your internship? OR… If you were apprenticed to a master what would you expect? I would expect that the master teaching me would have knowledge of the skill he/she was teaching; the ability to teach in a comprehensible manner; the tools of the trade; patience and grace; time to instruct; willingness to walk and work with me, encouraging me and directing me along the way.

If you are the Master and your kids are your apprentices, what are they learning? As the Master, are you growing in the knowledge of the Truth found in scripture? Are you sharing that with them and helping them apply it to their life in an age appropriate manner? Don’t wait until you have a full understanding of scripture to share it with your kids. Be committed to life-long learning and accept the fact that we won’t have all the answers this side of heaven. Keep growing and sharing as you grow.

Do you have the proper tools? Do you have daily devotions with them or provide a devotional book or app for your phone or theirs? Do you pray with them so they will feel comfortable talking to God? Do they have a Bible they can understand? A Bible Story Book? A church that supports what you are teaching at home with lessons they can grasp?

As their master/teacher do you show grace and patience with others? Do you demonstrate it as they learn what it means to grow and mature in their faith? Do you keep in mind that they are children and are unable to function at an adult level? Does the tone of your voice indicate a gentle spirit of one they wish to follow or is it harsh, making them want to run and hide? Do they hear tenderness as you engage in conversations with their mother or father? God is LOVE and if your love and devotion is not apparent with your spouse and children, they will learn a very distorted sense of who God is. Be kind and loving... always. Be gentle in spirit... always. Be approachable... always. If you think that is too much to ask, you better start learning now because you don't have very many years to demonstrate the selfless love that will help them identify God. Make your home a place where questions are welcomed and there is no fear of a critical spirit that keeps your family at arms length.

When you look at your calendar, do you see evidence that you are taking time to be a spiritual guide for your kids? Try color-coding and actually place things that you are doing to “make disciples” in a specific color. It is an eye opener! It is often said that we make time for what we consider important. Is there anything more important than guiding the children God has chosen to place in your care to the life and the purpose He has for them? Make the time for Bible stories. Pray with them. Make church attendance a priority over other activities. Be intentional with your time.

Are you an encourager? As a parent directing the behavior of our kids it is easy to find yourself being critical of all the things they are doing wrong. As a master with an apprentice, that tactic will end in discouragement. Your child was made for a purpose. Remind them of that by memorizing and quoting Ephesians 2:10 – “We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” Applaud the good you see in them; the improvements they make. Not for the purpose of building pride, but in order for them to see what is right and what is wrong. For example, “I like the way I see you taking time to read to your sister. That shows me that you are learning to be the person God made you to be, sharing your time and talents with others.” Or, “When you stepped back and let your brother go first, I could tell that you are learning to put the needs of others ahead of your own. That is exactly what the Bible teaches and it makes God happy… and me too!”

Your home is the school in which your children are learning to be disciples. Teach them well so there will be no regrets as they grow and develop into the people God created them to be, doing the things He planned for them long before they took their first breath.

I am praying for you as you commit to this lifestyle of following the Leader so that you can lead the followers that call you mom and dad. 

As You Are Going...

Sunday was one of my favorite days of the year at Mill Creek Church. I got to hand out Bibles to the new First Grade students. It is always fun to see the pride and joy they have at having a “real” Bible with all the stories they have heard at home and at church. They will learn to read and as they look deeper and deeper into God’s Word over the years to come, they will begin to get a glimpse of what it means to truly follow God right into eternity.

The last message Jesus gave to his disciples before he ascended to heaven would have been nothing less than the most important directive to help His followers do that very thing. He had spent 3 years teaching them to trust when there was nothing tangible to build that trust upon; to love when there would be no love returned; to serve others and honor them above themselves; to communicate with their Heavenly Father always; to place their relationship with God above all others. Now was the time to give His parting wisdom. It was time to tell them how they would remain in His presence, even though He would no longer be with them physically.

So, let’s take a breath here and consider if it is important to read further. Have you determined that you want to be a disciple, a follower, of Jesus? Are you learning to place your trust in Someone that you don’t always understand? Is God’s Word the foundational Truth upon which you are building your life? Do you truly desire to follow Jesus and allow Him to use His power and divine authority to transform you into His likeness?  If you answered “Yes” then read on.

Finding myself in the “yes” category, I want to know what Jesus had to say, so I read on in Matthew 28: 19-20.  “So as you are going, you are to make disciples of all people…”  This is probably the best passage in the New Testament on parenting. It is not unlike the wisdom and direction found in the instructions God gave to His people centuries before Jesus ever came as man into our world. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 is part of the scripture that all those who worshiped God would have known by heart…

“The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts. Make sure your children learn them. Talk about them when you are at home. Talk about them when you walk along the road. Speak about them when you go to bed. And speak about them when you get up.

As you are going… everywhere you go… no matter where you find yourself… be sure that you are living in such a manner that, as your children observe your heart, they want what you have… a growing relationship with your Maker. That is the very best way to “make disciples of all people” beginning with the ones who live under your roof. Teaching the 10 Commandments doesn’t make disciples. Living with them in your heart, does. Teaching the Lord’s Prayer doesn’t make disciples. Living with a heart that communicates with God, does.  Going to church doesn’t make disciples. Living with the message of the Church in your heart, does.

Mom and Dad, ask yourself this: “Is my relationship with God appealing to my kids? Is it transforming me into His image? Will they desire to become followers of Jesus because of what they witness in my life and in my relationships? Am I living in His peace?

We all have our good days and the days that we just hope nobody was watching or listening. But, overall, where do you stand? Are you investing time in Word of God and sharing that truth with your children? Are you asking God to prune you and transform you into a growing, thriving, trusting, loving person that will help your kids find their way to God? Do your words and actions bring glory to God?

Ask for God to give you the wisdom and strength to walk so closely to Him that “as you are going” your kids can’t miss finding Him as they follow you.

Take the Good Samaritan Test

Are you a good Samaritan at home? Do you know what that would look like? Read the story again in Luke 10: 25-37 and take the Love at Home test.

Bottom line, Jesus spells out what it means to love your neighbor as yourself by sharing that the one who reaches out to those in need is the good neighbor. Now, let’s bring home the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself.

Loving ourselves: When we make a bad choice, we find ways to defend ourselves or justify our actions.

The Good Samaritan loved his neighbor as himself by extending kindness in spite of the fact that he possibly made a bad choice to travel alone in a dangerous place.

Love at home test: Have you ever neglected to respond to a need of your child or spouse because, “they made their bed, they can lay in it!” Do you withhold the love your husband needs because he hasn’t “earned” it? Do you belittle your wife for making the same mistakes again and again? Do your kids lie because they live in fear of your response to their infraction of the rules? Granted, there are times when “tough love” is needed to demonstrate the consequences for our kids behavior, but it shouldn’t be dished out with rage. They must see you have love and grace for them when they have made a bad choice. Beyond that, they need to see that grace extended to others, like your in-laws, the crazy driver who cut you off, the neighbor with the barking dog, the boss who doesn’t listen, etc.

Loving ourselves: When we have been injured, we do what it takes to restore our body to health.

The Good Samaritan loved his neighbor as himself because he sought out medical help and paid the bill for the injured man.

Love at home test:  When your spouse is under the weather, do you go out of your way to help with their responsibilities around the house? When they are ill, are you kind and patient? Do you spend money on your family’s needs without unbegrudgingly? Do you leave margin in your budget to demonstrate compassion for your kids by helping provide for those who cannot help themselves?

Loving ourselves: We would break away from tradition if we had a perceived need to be met that required us to do so.

The Good Samaritan loved his neighbor as himself because he ignored the traditional law of not touching blood, but bandaged up the wounds of the injured man.

Love test at home: Are you stuck in the method your parents used to parent you rather than really taking a look at what your kids need to learn and grow?  Do you treat your spouse as you witnessed in your home growing up or have you determined to extend mercy and grace, because that is what love looks like?

So, if you want to teach your children to follow the most important law of loving God and others, you better take a peek inside your home and make sure you find yourself showing mercy to their dad, their mom, to the neighbors, the in-laws, the strangers along the way and to those precious children God has entrusted to your care. 

Lifestyle vs Lessons

Teaching good moral values to your children is not a matter of lessons, but lifestyle. We behave the way we do because of how our character directs us. Our character is formed by observing the way the people around us behave and emulating their behaviors, good or bad. 

There is a nature within all of us that has to be “trained” away.  I believe that our ego fills our entire being at birth and as we mature our character begins to take the space that our ego once filled. At birth everything is about “me.”  Feed “me.” Hold “me.” Comfort “me.” In time, however, we learn that we are not the center of the universe and sometimes we have to wait to be fed or comforted. We realize there are other people in the world and they, too, have needs to be met. As we accept this fact and begin to be a part of meeting the needs of others, a positive character begins to form.

When we guide our children, we must realize that the behavior we sometimes overlook as typical childishness has the destructive root of self-centeredness and it needs to be plucked out in order to truly build their character. If we hope to raise them to be responsible and ethical and kind, we have to replace their need to be number one with an awareness of how their behavior impacts other people. Don’t expect to teach them to be “good” or train them to do the right thing with the result of building their character. You may change their behavior, but you have not yet touched their heart, which is where true character is formed. As they grow up and go into the world, others will be speaking into their lives endeavoring to change their values, derail their character, shape their decisions and readjust their moral compass. We must establish a scriptural, unchanging truth in their hearts in order for them to recognize what their Maker deems as unchanging truth. Saturate yourself in God’s Truth and  make that the foundation upon which you build the character of your children.

Here is a great starting place… the Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. Society embraces a mentality that if it feels good or makes you happy, it is the right thing to do. We are surrounded by messages that we need to pamper ourselves and indulge in grand things in order to be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. These attitudes are polar opposites of what Jesus taught. Godly parenting means that we uphold the truths that Jesus taught. He told stories to help His followers see the values He embraced. He reminded them that a godly life must be built upon the foundation of loving God and others. He plainly stated to his disciples that they were to serve others and taught by His example.

Let’s get personal…. Mom and Dad, your children’s fundamental and foundational lesson in how to love others is the way they witness you loving each other. Do they see you honoring each other above yourselves or sulking when your needs go unmet? Do they hear kind words and see thoughtful actions? Are frustrations addressed respectfully without the determination to be right? Do you listen and try to see from their perspective or just shut down when conflict arises? When you harbor anger and resentment and the tension in your relationship is palpable, what your children are learning is that SELF is the ruling authority in your life and they will copy that behavior. Conversely, they will learn their most valuable life lessons when they see the joy in YOU as you love and serve one another. As I type this, there is a prayer in my heart for all who will read this. Denying self is NOT easy, but it is essential if we hope to shape the hearts of our children to value others. Prejudice and pride will grow in the hearts of our children when they see that our differences create barriers to love. As followers of God it is our responsibility to shape the future of our culture by demonstrating God's unconditional love, first in our homes, then in our world. 

When Jesus sent out the disciples to teach and heal and serve, He warned them that some would respond with kindness while others would persecute them. Our tendency is to want justice and too often we look for the reward for good behavior, rather than realizing that loving and serving  is its own reward. That reward is the strength of character that forms within us when we do the right thing for the right reason- to honor others above ourselves.

In a society where we have learned to honor others above ourselves there would be no injustice, no prejudice, no violence, no selfishness, no crime. Perfect love would be established as the Constitution and there would be no need for a Bill of Rights. I haven’t been there, but I think I just described heaven. We will never achieve such a culture this side of heaven, but we certainly can begin to live in such a manner … and teach our children to do likewise… so that heaven will feel like home when we arrive.

     May the power of God's love overwhelm you as you learn to love and honor one another at home.

NOTE: This message, like all messages, can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. We cannot possibly serve in the capacity that God desires if we neglect the care of self. It is a balancing act that has to be mastered through walking with God, learning continually from His Word and listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Too Busy To Be A Sheep

We have heard the parable that Jesus told about the sheep and the goats in order to help His followers understand the importance of giving to those in need.  Jesus made it clear that by ignoring the problems that we truly CAN do something about, we are ignoring Him. When we give to those who have no way of repaying us, we are giving to Him.  

Maybe, right now, you don’t feel you are in a place to help anyone. We sometimes find ourselves without margin in our lives, both with our money and our time. This is the issue that has been troubling me lately. I hear so many young parents feeling exhausted by their schedules. Not necessarily at work, but at home. They are so busy running their children to this practice and that game and this party and that lesson that they don’t even have time to parent; to sit at the table and enjoy a family meal; to have a leisurely evening riding bikes; to enjoy the fact that God gave them children to love and shape. Rather they are frustrated, short-tempered and not taking the needed time to coach and train their children as scripture clearly tells us is the essential task of every parent.

Why?  I keep asking that question and am not getting a satisfactory answer. Why do parents choose to involve their children in so many activities that there is no time for training or leisure or parental relaxation? Why do they stay so busy that there is no time to help those in need. Why do they fill their calendars so that they are constantly on the go and their homes are neglected? Can anyone give me a good explanation? What is this attraction of busyness that appears to be the most important thing in the lives our most of all these exhausted parents?

I am often drawn in by the simple life of the Amish around us. They are known for their keen sense of seeing a need in their community and rallying to meet the need. That would definitely put them among the sheep. From the time a child is born they will travel with their parent to the home of someone in need. Even before they are big enough to help, they are witnessing their parents giving of themselves. Their children grow up knowing that, whenever possible, they will go to the aid of others. That’s what they do. It becomes a rich part of their lifestyle.

I know the frailty of comparing our culture to the Amish culture because the differences are vast, however, our “progress” has taken our eyes off of what Jesus told His followers was of great importance… to love one another. To honor one another above ourselves. To feed the hungry. To visit the imprisoned. To clothe the naked. He told us to serve one another in love… but somehow we have come to believe that filling our days with keeping our children busy with hobbies, sports, lessons, etc. is what will bring them success in life. So we fill their days with these activities and what is the payoff?  Will they become successful athletes? Will they earn a scholarship? Will they gain fame and fortune? Maybe… “And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? (Matthew 16:26).

Parents, may I remind you that YOU are they one that God is trusting to raise your children to know His ways and follow Him. Don’t keep them so busy doing what the world sees as profitable that they don’t have the time and energy to invest in the lives of the people around them who could benefit a great deal from their compassion.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me… Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.  Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”   (from Matthew 25: 34-41).

God has prepared wonderful things beyond our imaginings for our children. It is our job to point them to those things by guiding them away from a “me” focus, to an “others” focus that will cause their life to have true meaning.

When God Said, "NO," part 2

Last week, in my blog, I spoke about our daughter, Emily and God’s “No…but…” You may need to read that so you can connect the dots in this week’s blog.

I was 28 years old and a rule follower. I was in church every time the doors were open. I taught Sunday School. I thought of myself as a very committed Christian. I knew God, wanted to follow Him and I was raising my children to love Him, too.  I had faith going into the crisis, but not nearly as much as I did coming out of it.

I prayed every kind of prayer I could pray for Emily. Our 8-year old, laying in that hospital bed unable to move her arms and legs or even turn her head. She could talk, but very faintly. She could move her eyes, but they peered out of a face that was unrecognizable since the steroid treatment made her face swell so much that when she talked, her mouth bled because her teeth would rub her swollen cheeks raw.

The Doctor told us that the pain she was feeling could likely be compared to what I would feel if I did 1000 sit-ups. Her muscles were so inflamed that the enzymes that measured inflammation were elevated from an barely acceptable 100 to a horrific 2800. Watching her suffer like that was the most painful thing I have ever experienced.

During the 6 months that Emily was hospitalized, I had to stay close to her side because she couldn’t talk loud enough to get my attention from across the room and she didn’t have the strength to push her call light if she needed something. There was no place to cry or allow myself to crumble into the heap of emotions that were bottled up inside of me.

When those emotions finally surfaced, anger took the lead. I had devoted my life to a God that didn’t seem to care about the anguish my sweet little girl was experiencing.  I was MAD! One night, as I was talking to my father (out of range for Emily to hear), I told him that I was done with God. He was the closest thing to God that I could imagine so he seemed the likely one to pass on my message to the God that I was not on good terms with at that moment. Why would I want to serve a God that doesn’t care and doesn’t show up in the darkest hours of my life? I felt betrayed; like I had invested in a scam. I just wanted to rant and rave and purge my soul of all the pain that was rotting within me. And dad was silent on the other end of the line allowing me to do that very thing. And then he slowly and lovingly reminded me that there is nothing left if I excluded God. No other power to heal or restore of give grace and strength. Even if God was silent and seemingly unmoved by our sorrow, He was still God. He was still ever present and all knowing. He was still the One who had created that beautiful little girl and that knew all about the workings of her body and what was happening to her. He was still the One that was building something inside of her that we could not see. And He was building something inside of me at the same time. Something I couldn’t see or feel.

That was a turning point for me. That was the beginning of the transformation from being a good religious person to being a person that was ready to wait for a God I could not see and follow when it didn’t make sense. That was when I promised to follow, no matter what, and “what” scared me to death. That was when I asked Him for some sign that He was truly here with me, feeling my pain, knowing my sorrow. And in the midst of the storm I saw the rainbow, vivid and immense, letting me know that He was the God who was a keeper of promises and He would not leave or forsake, but was right beside me.

Emily has never experienced the healing that we all prayed for. She still struggles with the things that we all take for granted. Her disease has flared many times through the years…to the point of not even being able to hold her newborn baby or not being able to chew and swallow without a great deal of difficulty. She can’t do the simple household tasks that we begrudge having to do. She is trapped inside a body that needs harsh drugs in order to survive. BUT, also in that disease ridden body lives a heart filled with love for her Lord; that sings His praise with the voice of an angel; that is able to see blessings in spite of her disability; that does all she can to share the goodness of God that has manifested itself over and over in her life.

If you are asking God for a miracle and you aren’t seeing the results you want, maybe you are like me and are looking in all the wrong places. God is at work in your situation. He is by your side, just waiting for you to notice. I sure didn’t see the miracle for a very long time, but hind-sight, as they say, is 20/20.  I can tell you that God worked in the lives of hundreds of people as a result of that precious little life that faced what seemed to be insurmountable difficulties. He is still using it for good and His love shines through every struggle she faces.

Sometimes, when you think God isn’t showing up, think again. He is always there. He is always God. He takes all that we surrender to Him and makes something beautiful of it.

When God Said "NO"

It was the winter of 1986 that I first started to beg and plead and cry for the life of my first born. She was eight years old and so very ill with an auto-immune disease. We had met with the specialists and they told us that the only treatment they believed could perhaps save her life could also take her life. Their words echoed over and over in my head. She could die from suffocation as her lungs shut down, strangulation as her palatal muscles ceased to function or the medication.

I tried to reason with God. Emily had been such a lovely child from day one; an excellent student; sharp as a tack, kind and obedient. She was sweet and gifted and loved by all who knew her. She didn’t deserve this kind of pain and suffering. I would have taken the pain myself, if possible, just to give her some relief. In exchange for my reasoning, I got silence. My husband reminded me that there wasn’t a child alive that did deserve this disease, so arguing that Emily didn’t deserve it was not really an ironclad case to bring before the Judge. But I didn’t care and I continued to remind Him.

When we made the decision to allow them to administer the medication, a network of prayer warriors joined us in praying for the life of our little girl during the 72 hours of greatest danger. She survived, but the medication caused muscle myopathy and took the little strength she had, leaving her completely immobile and barely able to move. She couldn’t even lift her hand to her eyes to wipe the tears that ran down her cheeks. And I continued to beg God for healing.

I knew God was able. I knew He was mighty. I don’t think I ever doubted that. But what I didn’t understand was how a loving God who had the cure for her disease could, day after day, continue to allow her to suffer. My heart was breaking, not just for her life that seemed to be slipping away, but for her brother, left with strangers (since we had just moved to a new community weeks before Emily had to be hospitalized an hour and a half from our new home), attending a new school, and unable to process all that was happening to his sister.

As Emily began to stabilize, I would take a day a week and drive home to spend time with little, first grade Justin. It was on one of those drives in the spring that I was finally resigned to giving the entire situation over to the God who was mighty enough to handle something way too big for me to carry. I remember hearing all the well intentioned advice telling me to “demand healing and have the faith to move the hand of God”… or, “repent of the sin in your life and she will walk again”… or even, “if you speak to God in the heavenly language he will hear and answer your prayers.”  Chucking all such advice to the wind, I simply asked God for his healing touch in Emily’s little pain drenched body and followed that request with, “but if you can use her pain to win souls to You, then give us all the strength and grace to endure whatever lies ahead.” And that was a prayer that changed everything.

I didn’t want that to be the outcome, but I knew that all my wants and wishes; all my begging and pleading; all my perfect little scenarios that would come as a result of the miracle I asked for; were completely MY will for her life. What parent wouldn’t want that? After months in the hospital, watching her fight for every little accomplishment, I finally figured out that God had a bigger plan for her and I needed to fall in line with HIS plan, even if that plan was a big fat “NO!” As I prayed this prayer of release, I looked in my mirror to change lanes and the entire sky was glowing with the beauty of a rainbow that extended from horizon to horizon. The storm was raging, yet the promise remained. He is ABLE!

It’s 30 later and God shows me over and over again how His might and power may very well be mightier and more powerful when He says, “No.”  Emily did, in fact, learn to walk again. She walked down the aisle on her daddy’s arm the day she married her amazing husband, Mike. She has given us 2 beautiful granddaughters who are complete miracles…gifts from God. And still she struggles daily. Her strength is diminished greatly and the most common tasks are an effort for her. But she lives in victory because God’s strength is manifested in her in ways that we would not see, had He answered my plea the way I expected. She is likely the most godly woman I have ever met and she walks with the One who has taught her that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” And she can proclaim with the Apostle Paul, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  From 2 Corinthians 12:9

When God tells us “NO” there is always a “but” that follows it… and in that “but” you will find victorious living, because He has promised to never leave or forsake us.  His grace IS sufficient for whatever path lies ahead for you.  Just ask Emily!

No Doubt

Do you ever wonder if God is real; if He is able to see you, hear you, or care about your circumstances? Do you ever feel like He is an impersonal Deity who doesn’t care about the details of your life?  We can all answer yes to these questions, is my guess. Why? Because we see God as a superhero and we are taught that God is LOVE, therefore, He should immediately come to our rescue and meet all our needs because that is how love is demonstrated, right?

Parents, you love your kids, but you know what happens if you always give them what they want when they want it, right? They just want more and more and they become difficult to live with and never learn coping skills or how to make the best of a situation where their perceived needs are not being immediately met. They may want things that are unsafe or unhealthy or that they are not mature enough to handle, yet. So we say “No” and teach them to accept our “No” as a gift of love because saying “Yes” would bring them harm, either immediately or eventually…. OR DO WE???

Here is a free parenting tip:  Don’t just say NO without explaining why. You want them to learn to reason right from wrong, not just memorize a list of “dos” and “don’ts.” If there isn’t time to explain, explain later. But always explain everything you can. That is the only way they will learn. They reach for the stove and you shout “NO!” They learn that you are angry when they reach for the stove, but they don’t learn that you love them and don’t want them to get burned unless you follow your “NO!” with an explanation. Got it?

Ok, back to the subject at hand…  I have had a few “No”s from God and a whole lot of “Wait”s.  I don’t like them. Especially because rarely is there an actual sense of Him communicating that to me. I have learned, however, that when God says nothing, either I am not listening or I have temporarily forgotten who He is. When I remember that He is indeed a good, good Father and I am loved by Him so much that He paid the ultimate price for me, I begin to deduce that I am in the waiting room for a good reason. And I may never know that reason. But it doesn’t matter, because He is in control and is certainly big enough to work things out according to His will.

Another analogy from parenting. On several occasions, one of our kids would not follow our instructions because she had a better plan. She never understood why that was a bad thing or why she had to endure the consequences because what she did, instead of what she was instructed to do, was an act of kindness and had a good outcome. True, she made someone happy, but she never attended to the responsibilities assigned to her and that created a whole other set of problems. My point is, doing good doesn’t mean we are listening and following God. It gives us the comfortable illusion that we are right where He wants us, and we miss what He really has for us. Be careful not to fall into that trap. “Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him and He will do it.” Psalm 37:5  What is “it?”  I don’t know, but it is better than what we do on our own.

Here is the bottom line. We want our kids to truly believe in and follow their Heavenly Father. We want them in Heaven with us someday. So teach them now about a good Father who cares about them enough to direct their path. Teach them by giving them direction; teaching them who God is; explain again and again the importance of listening and obeying you so that they learn to obey God, too. And most of all, draw closer and closer to Him now so that you are certain that you are on the path that He has ordained for you. Remember, it’s okay to wait or to not get what you asked God for because He is always right and always has a higher plan than what you or I can comprehend.

Believe and do not doubt that God’s plan is perfect and wait for Him to put things in order…. 

Even when it is really, really hard to do!

He’s got this!

Lessons From the Buffalo

Last week we traveled to Yellowstone for a wonderful family vacation. We spent every day traveling in a national park, enjoying the contrast from life at home in Indiana. One major difference was that in Yellowstone, unlike any other thoroughfare in this country (like Interstate 80 when we were trying to get home), when you come upon traffic that is stopped, it is a very good and enjoyable thing.  When you see a string of cars stopped along the road, you know you are about to witness wildlife you wouldn’t normally see. One bull elk grazing can stop traffic for a very long time and nobody gets angry. They just join in to observe this massive animal having his lunch.

While we traveled, we listened to a couple of sermons that we missed during our vacation. (You can listen to them at http://thecreekonline.net/media.php?pageID=5). Chris spoke of our need to be a part of the Church; not just a gathering of friends with similar beliefs; not just a social gathering; not just a place to make us feel good about ourselves as we sacrifice our Sunday brunch; but a place where we can encourage each other and hold each other accountable and strengthen each other as together we face the struggles life presents.

As I listened, I was reminded of one of those traffic stops in Yellowstone. There were a dozen or more Buffalo with their calves grazing alongside of the road and with all the traffic stopping for a photo op, they eventually took advantage of the opportunity to cross the road. It was awesome!

After they had all gotten across and the last photo was snapped, I looked at the tree line 400-500 yards from the road and I saw movement. Eventually I could see that it was a buffalo cow and her calf and they were running like mad to get back to the herd.  A buffalo can run 45 mph so it was pretty amazing to witness. They didn’t slow down and the baby stayed right at her heals until they rejoined the herd.

This is the time of year when calves are young and wolves prey upon them. A pack of wolves is no concern to a herd that can surround their young, but one lone cow would be hard pressed to protect her calf against a large herd of hungry wolves. She knew the importance of being with the herd in order to ensure that her calf was safe and able to reach adulthood.

So, I want to ask you, WHO IS YOUR HERD?  Are you keeping company with those who will help you be a stronger, better, more dedicated God follower?  Do you isolate yourself from others and just do your own thing? Your kids are watching and following closely at your heals. They look to you for protection. They stay close and observe and gravitate to the types of people they see you hanging with. Are you allowing the Church to speak into your life in a real and life changing manner? Or are your friends outside of the church the ones you prefer because you can relax and your language and behavior won’t matter?

Accountability and responsibility are an integral part of the life of all who desire to walk with Jesus. I encourage you to find that person who is not afraid to tell you when you are drifting. BE that person that is willing to warn a friend when you see them falling out of step with the One who saved them. Embrace the Church… not just the place you go on Sunday because that’s how you were raised… but the movement that was born 2,000 years ago, out of the need for those who believed in a risen Lord to support and encourage one another. We need each other. We are definitely better together… and safer, too!

Generosity

Sunday’s sermon was about living a life that allows you to give whatever God asks of you because you trust Him completely to provide. Living outside of what others would consider the safety zone, because God has called you to meet a need. It was a great reminder that God is our provider and that walking with Him will allow us to be generous in a way that others would deem unsafe.

How do we teach that kind of generosity to our kids? It is easy to think that we don’t really have enough to share because raising a family is expensive. Looking at the bills vs. the income often leaves us thinking that we need to work a full-time or a second job so that we have some wiggle room.  My advice (and I am pretending you want it) would be to learn to live on less rather than living less.

If you are a parent, you have a calling… a number one priority… a vocation that is more important than anything you can ever do. You are to shape the heart and direct the steps of your child so they will learn that following Jesus is the best thing they can ever do. Nobody else has been called to be the spiritual guide for your child. Not the church, not the grandparents, not the private school.  It is YOU that needs to fill that position to the very best of your ability. Maybe you can do that and work full-time. Maybe you know that you are more effective in parenting when you are working part-time. Maybe your kids need you to be a full time parent. This is something that you work out as a couple so that you know that you are investing your time in the most effective manner when it comes to raising your kids.

Here are three tips to give you more wiggle room financially so you don’t feel trapped into working more hours and sacrificing time with the kids. FIRST, take a hard look at what you have. Do you need it? Last week as I was dusting my “stuff” I thought, “I don’t need that and it brings me no particular joy or evokes no special memories” and into the garage sale pile it went.  SECOND, Look at your monthly expenses. I don’t like the magazines articles that boast of teaching you how to shave $$ of your monthly expenses. They typically instruct me to stop spending money on something I already don’t spend money on! But, there are ways to cut expenses if you stop thinking, “well that is only $7 a week.” Look at every expense as if it matters, because it does. If going to the store or shopping online causes you to see things you didn’t know you wanted until you saw it, then STOP shopping. Only go to the store when you have to and stick to what is on your list. THIRD, look in your trash can. What is going to waste? Are you cooking too much? Are you using disposable things that cost you more than reusable things? Don’t make, take or use more than you need.

I am not trying to solve all your financial issues.  I just want you to find the joy of living within your means so that you can truly live generously. It is the best way to raise kids that will not feel entitled and selfish. So don’t get sucked into thinking that earning more is the answer to being more generous. Being generous with your time is critically important when raising your family. Working more hours will rob you of that, so see if you can’t find ways to carefully spend by asking yourself, “What do I have that I don’t need? What do I spend unnecessarily? What do I waste?” And live on less rather than living less!

Sanding

I painted my kitchen cabinets this year. They looked exactly as I had pictured them. At least for a week or so. Then the paint started to peel. I had spent plenty of time online getting advice from the “experts” before removing all the doors and sanding and wiping and priming and painting so I was really disappointed when they began to look a little too shabby, even for me. I like the weathered, primitive look, but am not a fan of the “you didn’t spend enough time prepping your wood and now its peeling” kind of look.

In raising children to be exactly as we had pictured them, there is also some figurative sanding that must be done. Kids come with some pretty rough edges and those are not going to go away by giving them puppies and lollypops. Some things require sandpaper if we want them to have a lasting finish. We don’t need to intentionally “sand” them because life presents those circumstances on a regular basis. We do, however, need to stop trying to shelter by constantly pacifying them rather than allowing them to self-sooth, protecting them rather than allowing them to experience the consequences of their behavior, rescuing them rather than allowing them to become problem solvers.

As hard as I try, I find myself rescuing too often. I really want to step back and let them learn, but I easily find myself looking for solutions to problems that aren’t mine to fix. Lately, God has been doing some “sanding” away at that harmful tendency. He has been reminding me that He has a plan and He can see the finished product and that beautiful end will require some sanding in the beginning. He is showing me that my kids are on a journey and the stops along their path may be painful, but the One who created them is able to take those experiences and use them to “sand” until they become who He designed them to be.

The Apostle Paul had quite a journey. It included blindness, beatings, shipwrecks, imprisonment and hardship beyond belief. Yet he didn’t become bitter. He found contentment because he knew that all of his experiences, good and bad, were being fashioned by the Creator into something beautiful. Paul’s life story is amazing because he discovered that “IN ALL THINGS”… yes ALL… “God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28). Maybe your kids don't really "love" Him right now, but I am certain that those things they experience on their journey away from God will be used to their good when they return, so take courage and trust Him.

Guide your children through their journey. Help them when they need it and step back when they need to do it on their own. It is a hard line to find, but keep looking. Work together. Talk about it. In most 2 parent homes, there is a difference of opinion as to when there should be assistance and when they should be left to figure it out on their own. Those differences can … and do… cause friction. But they are wonderful differences if you stop trying to be “right” and start trying to allow God to use your differences to reshape the two of you into a terrific team. Kids aren’t the only ones who need sanding, you know.

Who Are You?

I loved Sunday’s sermon. In fact, I listened to it twice and you can listen to it here http://thecreekonline.net/media.php?pageID=5. Chris talked, in his message, about what adoption meant in the culture that Paul addressed when He spoke of being adopted into God’s family. It wasn’t the way we think of adoption in our society, where we rescue a child in need. Adoption would have been more like finding the right person to meet the need and fulfill the need of leadership in the adopting family. With the adoption came freedom from the old life with its debts and baggage, but also, the expectation of becoming the person who could lead; who could be an important part in providing what was missing in that family.

One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 2:10, which tells us that we are a masterpiece because we have been made new by our adoption into God’s family and we are to use that advantage to fulfill the plan He made long before we were born.  So often we see our “adoption” into Christianity as being saved from our past and receiving the gift of eternity with God. But, what about the responsibility to fulfill God’s plan in our new family? Who are YOU in His family?  Are you the prodigal child that squanders their inheritance and disregards your identity to find your own way? Or are you the one who stays close to the Father, but is missing the benefit of being His? Or are you eagerly seeking the plan He has for you as His child?

I’m not talking about following a creed or a set of rules. Adoption into God’s family is free and cannot be earned with good behavior. In the preamble to the Ten Commandments, God describes Himself as the One who rescued them from bondage. As a result of that act of love, God gave them guidelines on how to live in that freedom, with Him and with others. It wasn’t about giving rules of conduct. It was a gift to help them navigate life with God and others.

I am an adoptive mama. God gave us 4 beautiful children. Two of them through the miracle of birth; two that He selected in order to make our family complete. To bear children, there was no test, however, to adopt, we were tested, interviewed, and examined, in more ways than I knew you could look at a person, in order to adopt. Then, a committee recommended us, a judge approved us, and they became our forever children. Their names were changed. They were given new birth certificates that indicated they were born to us at the address where we lived on the date of their birth. It seemed odd to me that their past was blotted out, and with their new name, came a new heritage. I was now the one responsible to direct them and plan for their success.

Who are you? You are the heritage of your children. Give them good roots. Never miss an opportunity to show your kids the benefit of walking with their Creator. Help them to see that His plan for them is unique and perfect. Show them the joy of being in His presence so they will desire that above all else. Then let them go, when the time comes. Let them question and challenge and take their inheritance on the journey that may terrify you… because you can’t hold them or force them or guilt them into following the Leader. But the Leader has the power to go with them, watch over them, speak to them, and bring them home.

Hold them in your heart and in your prayers forever. That is what your Father has done for you.