Sanding

I painted my kitchen cabinets this year. They looked exactly as I had pictured them. At least for a week or so. Then the paint started to peel. I had spent plenty of time online getting advice from the “experts” before removing all the doors and sanding and wiping and priming and painting so I was really disappointed when they began to look a little too shabby, even for me. I like the weathered, primitive look, but am not a fan of the “you didn’t spend enough time prepping your wood and now its peeling” kind of look.

In raising children to be exactly as we had pictured them, there is also some figurative sanding that must be done. Kids come with some pretty rough edges and those are not going to go away by giving them puppies and lollypops. Some things require sandpaper if we want them to have a lasting finish. We don’t need to intentionally “sand” them because life presents those circumstances on a regular basis. We do, however, need to stop trying to shelter by constantly pacifying them rather than allowing them to self-sooth, protecting them rather than allowing them to experience the consequences of their behavior, rescuing them rather than allowing them to become problem solvers.

As hard as I try, I find myself rescuing too often. I really want to step back and let them learn, but I easily find myself looking for solutions to problems that aren’t mine to fix. Lately, God has been doing some “sanding” away at that harmful tendency. He has been reminding me that He has a plan and He can see the finished product and that beautiful end will require some sanding in the beginning. He is showing me that my kids are on a journey and the stops along their path may be painful, but the One who created them is able to take those experiences and use them to “sand” until they become who He designed them to be.

The Apostle Paul had quite a journey. It included blindness, beatings, shipwrecks, imprisonment and hardship beyond belief. Yet he didn’t become bitter. He found contentment because he knew that all of his experiences, good and bad, were being fashioned by the Creator into something beautiful. Paul’s life story is amazing because he discovered that “IN ALL THINGS”… yes ALL… “God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28). Maybe your kids don't really "love" Him right now, but I am certain that those things they experience on their journey away from God will be used to their good when they return, so take courage and trust Him.

Guide your children through their journey. Help them when they need it and step back when they need to do it on their own. It is a hard line to find, but keep looking. Work together. Talk about it. In most 2 parent homes, there is a difference of opinion as to when there should be assistance and when they should be left to figure it out on their own. Those differences can … and do… cause friction. But they are wonderful differences if you stop trying to be “right” and start trying to allow God to use your differences to reshape the two of you into a terrific team. Kids aren’t the only ones who need sanding, you know.