When God Said "NO"

It was the winter of 1986 that I first started to beg and plead and cry for the life of my first born. She was eight years old and so very ill with an auto-immune disease. We had met with the specialists and they told us that the only treatment they believed could perhaps save her life could also take her life. Their words echoed over and over in my head. She could die from suffocation as her lungs shut down, strangulation as her palatal muscles ceased to function or the medication.

I tried to reason with God. Emily had been such a lovely child from day one; an excellent student; sharp as a tack, kind and obedient. She was sweet and gifted and loved by all who knew her. She didn’t deserve this kind of pain and suffering. I would have taken the pain myself, if possible, just to give her some relief. In exchange for my reasoning, I got silence. My husband reminded me that there wasn’t a child alive that did deserve this disease, so arguing that Emily didn’t deserve it was not really an ironclad case to bring before the Judge. But I didn’t care and I continued to remind Him.

When we made the decision to allow them to administer the medication, a network of prayer warriors joined us in praying for the life of our little girl during the 72 hours of greatest danger. She survived, but the medication caused muscle myopathy and took the little strength she had, leaving her completely immobile and barely able to move. She couldn’t even lift her hand to her eyes to wipe the tears that ran down her cheeks. And I continued to beg God for healing.

I knew God was able. I knew He was mighty. I don’t think I ever doubted that. But what I didn’t understand was how a loving God who had the cure for her disease could, day after day, continue to allow her to suffer. My heart was breaking, not just for her life that seemed to be slipping away, but for her brother, left with strangers (since we had just moved to a new community weeks before Emily had to be hospitalized an hour and a half from our new home), attending a new school, and unable to process all that was happening to his sister.

As Emily began to stabilize, I would take a day a week and drive home to spend time with little, first grade Justin. It was on one of those drives in the spring that I was finally resigned to giving the entire situation over to the God who was mighty enough to handle something way too big for me to carry. I remember hearing all the well intentioned advice telling me to “demand healing and have the faith to move the hand of God”… or, “repent of the sin in your life and she will walk again”… or even, “if you speak to God in the heavenly language he will hear and answer your prayers.”  Chucking all such advice to the wind, I simply asked God for his healing touch in Emily’s little pain drenched body and followed that request with, “but if you can use her pain to win souls to You, then give us all the strength and grace to endure whatever lies ahead.” And that was a prayer that changed everything.

I didn’t want that to be the outcome, but I knew that all my wants and wishes; all my begging and pleading; all my perfect little scenarios that would come as a result of the miracle I asked for; were completely MY will for her life. What parent wouldn’t want that? After months in the hospital, watching her fight for every little accomplishment, I finally figured out that God had a bigger plan for her and I needed to fall in line with HIS plan, even if that plan was a big fat “NO!” As I prayed this prayer of release, I looked in my mirror to change lanes and the entire sky was glowing with the beauty of a rainbow that extended from horizon to horizon. The storm was raging, yet the promise remained. He is ABLE!

It’s 30 later and God shows me over and over again how His might and power may very well be mightier and more powerful when He says, “No.”  Emily did, in fact, learn to walk again. She walked down the aisle on her daddy’s arm the day she married her amazing husband, Mike. She has given us 2 beautiful granddaughters who are complete miracles…gifts from God. And still she struggles daily. Her strength is diminished greatly and the most common tasks are an effort for her. But she lives in victory because God’s strength is manifested in her in ways that we would not see, had He answered my plea the way I expected. She is likely the most godly woman I have ever met and she walks with the One who has taught her that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” And she can proclaim with the Apostle Paul, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  From 2 Corinthians 12:9

When God tells us “NO” there is always a “but” that follows it… and in that “but” you will find victorious living, because He has promised to never leave or forsake us.  His grace IS sufficient for whatever path lies ahead for you.  Just ask Emily!