A King, A Dad, A Judge And Us

There is a pretty good chance you remember some of the stories about David, the humble shepherd boy who killed the giant, Goliath, and went on to become the mighty warrior king in ancient Israel. He truly accomplished great things in his 70 years, of which more than half were devoted to serving God by serving the people of God.

David wasn’t the perfect, godly man, yet in spite of the wrongs he committed against God and others, he is known for the heroic deeds of his life. He was rewarded with fame and fortune for all of his victories, yet at the end of his life the most important task to him was to pay tribute to God. He wanted to insure that the God who led him to victory, who showered him with mercy, who granted grace where it was undeserved, would be honored in such a way that all people would see the monument… the temple… the place of worship that his son, Solomon, would erect. Why? Because, without God, nothing he had accomplished mattered one bit.

I lost my hero… my King David last December. I held his hand as he left this world and entered the presence of the God he loved and served. Before he left, he wrote in his journal, “The message at my funeral is not about my virtue, but about God’s grace.” I believe that Dad and David shared the same heart for God (though my Dad was much less violent and never allowed power to corrupt him). I know that I long for the message of my life to point to God, not to anything I may accomplish.

This morning I got word that a friend, a colleague in ministry, a women who devoted herself to her God, her family and community lost the battle to cancer. Judge Amy Cornell leaves behind a husband and three young children. It’s hard to lose a hero. It hurts deeply. But, the Davids and the Franklins and the Amys of this world have planted seeds in our hearts that remind us there is something more to life than our days on this planet. It is our adventure with our God that allows us to invest in others while we are here that pays dividends into an unknown future.

While many of us are still scrambling to gather our 2017 tax information we can see where our financial investments were in the previous year and take stock of what we spent, discovering what we apparently valued most.  We can look back at our calendars and discover how our time was invested and discover more of what we valued.  But, may I encourage you to step back and look at your people… your spouse, your parents, your children and grandchildren, your co-workers and neighbors, and witness the investment you placed in their lives in the previous year. Who have you been to those people God has placed on your path? Did you shine the light of truth; shower the love of God that overflows within you; walk alongside and teach the ways of Jesus? 

What are the dividends being paid on your most important investment… the time and prayer and grace and love and instruction that you are pouring into others for God’s sake? That, according to Scripture, is all that really matters in the end. God made us each His Masterpiece. We were each created for a purpose. We are all part of a Divine plan. Heroism is not reserved for the King Davids or the Clarence Franklins or the Amy Cornells of this world. So, shake the wrinkles out of your super cape and soar to that place where God is calling you to be a hero, reflecting the goodness and grace of a loving Creator God.

God And Stuff

Sunday Chris admitted that he has introduced his kids to the show LOST, which he claims is at the top of the list of best shows ever, so that they can all binge watch it together. Well, I’m not gonna lie… we did that a few years back based on our son’s recommendation and we did enjoy it… mostly… BUT, I was under the weather today and decided to take a look at the organization guru everyone is talking about and I did some binge watching myself. Tidying Up With Marie Kondo on Netflix. Now, that’s a life changer! It beats the (neatly folded) socks off of LOST!

After listening to Chris’ sermon Sunday about the importance of how you spend your money and how much Jesus really does care about that, coupled with advise from Marie Kondo, mingled with the experience of raising a zillion kids, or so, and seasoned with a conversation I have had with a few moms about the burden stuff places on their shoulders, I am convinced that one of the most important concepts we can share with our kids from the words of Jesus is that it is truly impossible to focus on the God who saves us when we are focused on the stuff that is controlling us.

Now, if you are done reading because that was the longest run on sentence in the history of the written word, just hang in there. I won’t do it again. At least in this blog. Promise. But, I was on a roll and I just couldn’t help myself!

Jesus said, “You can’t love God and stuff.”

Pastor Chris said, “Over 40% of what Jesus taught was about the danger and pain and harm that comes from overvaluing our stuff.”

Marie says, “When you keep things that don’t spark joy, you can’t get to the things that do.”

Parents say, “Clean up your room or your grounded… and I’m going to trash it if it’s still a mess tomorrow!” Which brought joy to nobody, EVER!

Children say, “I’m bored! There is nothing to do,” as they sit in a house so full of toys and games that they can’t identify anything that looks remotely fun.

Parents, part of teaching your kids to be respectful involves teaching them to care for their belongings. If they leave a mess behind, they are showing disrespect to everyone that shares the home with them. They are essentially expecting others to step over their things or take care of them for them. They show disrespect to the person who sacrificed to purchase that item for them when they don’t value it enough to put it in its place. Teach them to be respectful and responsible by teaching them to be tidy with their belongings. These lessons come much easier when there isn’t SO. MUCH. STUFF.

Most kids that I know would be overwhelmed with the task of putting everything in their room in its proper place because they have more stuff than they have place! It’s not likely that they are the ones responsible for that. Most of what your kids own didn’t get there because they saved their money and went on a shopping spree.  Sure… I hear you… blame the grandparents! But, it is still your home and your rules and if there is more than your child can manage, give it away and teach them generosity. Pack it away and recycle the toys from time to time. Don’t allow their room to get to a place where there is so much that it causes them anxiety. A clean and tidy room opens up all kinds of space for creativity and make-believe and fun.

An over-abundance of things begins to build within us a need for more. We fill our closets yet we have nothing to wear. We fill the toy box, yet we are bored. We fill our cupboards, but there’s nothing to eat. It doesn’t make sense, does it? But you know it’s true.

Imagine a world where we teach our children to fix their eyes on the God who wants to lavish us with abundant life… that isn’t about stuff. Imagine showing them how to look out at the needs around them rather than in at the greed that our human nature breeds. Imagine knowing from early childhood that when your stuff takes over your heart, it leaves no room for Jesus.

What would it take for you to purge away all that makes your child’s home appear to be a shrine for stuff worshipers rather than God worshipers? This may seem like I’ve gone to meddling in your private affairs. I really haven’t peaked in your windows. I haven’t listened at your door. But, I know how our culture of wanting to provide more for our kids than we had can turn into a monster taking over your home. Teach them well. Less is more. Make room for the joy of simple living. It is a great step in the right direction of raising joy-filled, generous kids who have room to grow and thrive.

Another Year In The Books

I have a confession to make. I am not a good goal setter. I struggle to see things evolving into something new and better. I think that is part of being a “live in the moment” kind of girl. I enjoy life. I love hard. I give my all to each day. My life is good. My family is amazing. My God is faithful. I love my job/vocation. My marriage is outstanding. People cross my path daily that bless me and I love to serve and bless them, as well. So, as Pastor Chris shared the sermon series, “You, In 5 Years,” I really had difficulty trying to figure out where I should be…or should want to be in 5 years. I like where I am and feel like it is sending me on a good trajectory to live and love better in the years to come. Chris said that if you don’t have goals and work to achieve them, you become a more exaggerated version of who you are now. I was fairly happy with that because I see my life as successful in the most important areas. I love people and love to love people. That’s good… right?  I love to serve them and enrich their lives with the wisdom God gives me. More of that can’t be a bad thing. Can it?

Then last Sunday, Ed Haines spoke about the last 5 years of his life and how radically his life and home and family has changed as he committed to following Jesus, learning and living in the Word and loving and honoring others above himself. Somehow, listening to that message helped me to see that my inability to set goals and stick to them is keeping me from being the healthiest, best “me” I can be.

In the last five years I have lost both of my parents, my husband had a 6 bypass surgery to save his life, my grandkids are all in school and one is in the USAF. I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia, which is as hard to understand as it is to pronounce, but it was a game changer. Looking back there has been much change in my life that I had absolutely no control over, but I’m thankful to God that He was preparing me in ways I never realized. Makes me think of Karate Kid… wax on wax off… but I digress…

Last year I turned 60. I was very excited about that because it just seems like a great place to be in my life. My reasoning… I love Grandma-ing, those born into my family and all the ones I “adopt” into my heart on a regular basis. Sixty just sounds very grandmotherly, so I was ready for a wonderful decade of Grandmother-ing to begin, and it did.

I love sharing God’s truth and wisdom with people and 60 seems mature and wise. I reasoned that people would take my counsel seriously and lives would be changed as they learned from my mistakes and found the way God wanted them to go. God opened doors for me to share with people and walk with them through the valleys and the mountain tops of life. I loved it!

I love silence and solitude and meditating on what God is teaching me. Sixty is the perfect age to slow down… just enough to be able to do that. No need to hit the ground running like we do when we are raising a family. Spending my mornings with Jesus and my Dad, who came to live with us, I learned the value of meditation.  I began to take time to smell the roses (or coffee) and sit, Mary-style, at the feet of Jesus before I started my days. Awesome times!

Though 60 was good, it really didn’t play out the way I had envisioned. I sent my oldest grandchild off to the Air Force. He is far from home where my only influence on his precious life now, is through prayer. That put a whole new slant on the value of Grandma-ing.

God has continued to grant me wisdom to share, but I realized more than ever that people only change because they want to change. Change comes from the Spirit of God, the people of God and a heart that is willing to allow God’s transformation. My wisdom, in and of itself, is actually pretty worthless. That changed my approach to ministry and opened my eyes to the need to pray more for others.

I had a great deal of time for meditation during that "magical" year of 60. Having my Dad move in with us kept me home more to care for him. Though his body was weak, his mind was strong and I learned so much from him about the value of sitting and listening for God’s Truth. Slower is better, and then there was that diagnosis that took me from slower, to a screeching halt! Losing my dad and my health was devastating and I needed (need) to be able to ask for prayer to get me through.

I guess what I want you to see is that life is going to change, with you or without you, in the next 5 years. Circumstances beyond your control will take you down beautiful, awful, wonderful, terrible paths. All we can do is work on the person in the mirror who we can help to be ready for those days that inevitably come. The changes I will work on in myself are to pray more intentionally and fervently AND ask for the prayers of others to sustain me when I am weak; to read and learn more that will prepare me to serve and guide more wisely; to find the balance between being a Mary and a Martha; to honor the body God gave me and keep it as healthy as I can for as long as I can.

I love the peace that contentment brings. Contentment is a good thing. But, when it keeps us from seeing what we could be if we put some muscle behind our contentment, then it is just being lazy, and lazy is ugly and unhealthy.

So….Hello 61! May you find me working toward a future of loving more deeply; of praying and learning; of balance and meditation; of caring for my body as well as my soul.

Where will this next year find you?

It Matters Tomorrow

Why don’t you give your kids Mountain Dew at bedtime? Why don’t you tell them that homework is optional? Why don’t you let them stay up all night on a school night?

BECAUSE IT MATTERS TOMORROW

It matters a lot. It would have a big impact on their behavior, fatigue, ability to focus and learn and obey. Knowing that would be the outcome, a wise parent will not take that path. Allowing bad choices is detrimental to your child, and society as a whole. So, we make good choices for our kids because we care about what their life will be like tomorrow.

There are times and circumstances, however, where parents tend to slack on making the best choice for their child. Staying up too late isn’t a good choice, but when getting them to bed is a monumental task, we tend to back down and give that extra time, even knowing what the morning will be like. We may not want them to have a sugary snack, but we back down so they will stop begging and whining. We know it isn’t in their best interest to allow them to play at a certain friend’s house, but it gets them out from under our feet so we say yes. Somehow, when parenting gets difficult we forget that

IT MATTERS TOMORROW

For every today that we give in there is a tomorrow coming that will be more difficult to manage. If you have been a parent very long, you know that is true. In order to be a responsible parent raising remarkable kids, we have to understand that the behaviors we let in are the behaviors the kids will be set in. The longer we wait to take charge of their behavior, the more that behavior becomes ingrained in them. Waiting for the phase to pass without teaching them that what they are doing is unacceptable will result in a phase turning into a lifestyle.

You are charged with the responsibility to shape your child’s conscience, their values, their moral fiber. You are the one that insures they develop a strong character and become adults with integrity. When you see a behavior that isn’t lovely or pleasing to you, rest assured that it isn’t lovely or pleasing to God, either. Pruning away what is unhealthy allows your child to grow. Cultivating kindness and compassion will shape them into the person God desires them to be. Allowing them to give and serve will safeguard against self-centeredness.

Parenting is work. Every. Single. Day. Taking a break and coasting along will soon show negatively in your children. Stay strong. Ask for wisdom. Take the time needed. Listen to their hearts. Know them well, inside and out. Invest in them and guide their behaviors today and every day because

IT MATTERS TOMORROW

Your Kids In Five Years

Facebook has a way of reminding us of our past. Of course, we only post good pictures so that when they pop up we say, “Awww… look how little he was just 5 years ago…. She was so sweet and tiny.” What a difference a few years can make!

As well as we all know that fact, it is pretty amazing how little we do to guard where our kids will be 5 years down the road. It is way too easy to allow their negative behaviors to be magnified over time because we aren’t addressing them and following through with what needs to happen to redirect them. Your kids disobedience and disrespect is an accumulation of decisions you made along the way to ignore those behaviors. The only person that can change any of these things in your life is YOU.

Perhaps it is too much emphasis on living in the moment and trying to do what will get you through the NOW rather than looking at what that decision will create in the future that has landed us here. We all know that giving a child what they want at the store in order to quiet them, even though we know it isn’t good for them and we already said NO, creates the same scenario every time we go to the store. The only solution is to leave them with a sitter so you can shop in peace.

….Or is it?  Maybe you have to react to their negative behavior in a manner that will discourage it rather than encourage it, even if they make a scene. Redirecting your child is your job. Read the job description for parenting as God instructs… 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”   Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

            This tells us there are tremendous blessings for obedience and tremendous consequences for your children if they follow the path of disobedience and disrespect. And screaming at them is not the way to teach and instruct them.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

            This tells us that a child is never too young to learn and by teaching them what is right, with gentle words and explanations, they will grow into what they have learned so that the desire to stray isn’t as strong as the desire to do what is right. If there are never consequences for bad behavior, they will learn that they can always go their own way rather than God’s way.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the [works of God] your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deuteronomy 4:9

            This reminds us that we cannot teach what we do not know. You can’t lead your children to a relationship with God if you don’t have one yourself.

Teach [God’s law] to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 11:19

            Here is a huge parenting truth. Parenting is a full time job. Ignoring a bad behavior because we are too tired or stressed to deal with it is the same as teaching that bad behavior is acceptable. Would you hire a sitter to watch your kids if they were teaching them inappropriate behaviors? NO! So why is it okay for you to teach them that by allowing disobedience and disrespect? Or behaving that way yourself? It simply isn’t okay to let them do what is wrong without redirecting them.

Here me when I say that redirecting is explaining how disobedience is dangerous, giving examples of what could happen as a result of disobedience, explaining that you love them too much to allow that to happen. Warning them that if the behavior doesn’t change, there will be an appropriate consequence to remind them how serious this infraction is.  Redirecting behavior is not screaming and hitting and losing control of your temper when wrong behaviors occur. You must be in control of yourself if you hope to be in control of your child and the character that you have been called to shape. Along with redirecting, comes directing. In the moments when good choices are made, if you don’t acknowledge it, how will they know they did what is good. Applaud the good. Teach the good. Walk the right path ahead of them. Don’t wait until they get it wrong to react to their behavior. Be sure that you are taking advantage of every teachable moment and teach with you life, your attitude, your smiles, your approval.

Here is a truth that you already know. If your children live to be teenagers, you will want them to understand how to behave respectfully and obediently. You will want them to trust you. You will want them to know that you love them and want only the best for them. You will want them to choose to follow God rather than Satan. You will want them to know how to be a blessing to others. You will want them to have good manners. You will want them to speak respectfully. So, knowing that you want these things to happen in the future means that you have to teach them NOW. You can’t overlook the negative day after day and expect positive behavior to just happen. We don’t outgrow selfishness unless we are taught the blessing of sharing. We don’t outgrow rebelliousness unless we discover the consequences of rebelling are costly.

The way you determine to parent today will play a huge role in who your kids will become. Of course they will still have the right to make choices that are NOT what you taught them, but they will have been taught well, if you are willing to invest the time now.

Seeing and Being Light

While the other Gospel writers felt it important to share the circumstances of Jesus’ birth, John wrote about the reason for His birth.

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

John 1:4-5

John lived and wrote in a very dark period of history, when there was great persecution of the church by the Roman government. Unspeakable things were being done to those who claimed to be followers of the man, Jesus, who was crucified and yet still seen alive. The light that the life and death and resurrection of Jesus brought to the world, was a light that could not be extinguished by the rulers or the hatred or the torture of Christ followers. The Light was from God and in fact was God, in the flesh. And that LIGHT is as eternal as God.

As I reflect on that Light that brings life and hope, I consider the life of one who was a conduit for that Light. It seems that my blogs all point to my Dad in recent weeks. He is always so much in my heart and mind. It seems only natural to write about his impact on so many. At Dad’s Memorial Service different people spoke about how he touched their lives. The recurring theme was that he loved and valued everyone, without classifying or judging or comparing them. Everyone who spent time with him knew that they were significant and had worth, even in the dark times when we may have felt very unworthy.

My Dad knew the secret that many miss about the “Light of all mankind.” His light brings warmth and love and direction. Even though it may reveal the places in us that need to heal and change and grow, the Light shines to reveal God’s amazing grace, not His judgment. It reveals our limitations in contrast to His power.  

As 2018 draws to a close and we are looking at the new year, perhaps we would all benefit from revisiting the truth that there is a Light that illumines our pathway and will lead us to life, fulfilling and worthwhile. Running from the Light because we fear what it will reveal is futile. Running toward the Light brings us hope and healing and the strength we need to face whatever lies ahead.

See the Light…

Reflect the Light…

You may be the one that will bring lasting change to the life of a weary soul because you allowed the Light to shine through you.

Seeing And Being The Light

The Wisemen, the Magi, the Astronomers… whoever they were, traveled a great distance, following a star that they had seen that was an anomaly. It was something new in the night sky. An indication that the heavens were sharing a clue; a sign of something worth investigating. We don’t really know where they were coming from, but they likely were traveling at night because how else would you follow a star, right? Scholars speculate that they probably came from 400 miles away to get to where they could see this infant King that was of such great significance that the heavens announced His birth.

Contrast this with the fact that King Herod, self-absorbed, inward looking, tyrant who was known to kill his own children to keep them from inheriting the throne, was only 5 miles away from where Jesus was born. Yet he didn’t see the star. He didn’t know of the coming King. He was clueless until the Magi arrived at his palace to worship the new King. 

What you experience in life, what you witness, what forms you and directs your path is largely determined by what you are looking for. King Herod was looking for greatness. A legacy of power and authority. A place in the history books as one of great wealth and supremacy. His focus was himself and all that he could gain for himself. In the end, he died at an early age and is primarily known as the one who massacred thousands of baby boys in an attempt to snuff out the infant King, whom the Magi reported to be born right under his nose.

It matters a great deal where your gaze is directed. Looking inward, we often miss the greatness that our Creator and Savior has for us. Looking upward, we find direction. We find light. We find hope for a future that has been planned by an all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful God.

This Christmas, perhaps your heart needs to look upward rather than inward. Look to the light that draws all people to their purpose. Find the hope of a bright future as you follow the “star.” Look to Jesus for all the brightness and joy and wonder that a life lived for Him can bring. He will direct you to the place where you find hope. He will shine in the darkest places. He will build a deep abiding joy within you that will change you forever.

When we follow the Star of Christmas, we tend to absorb the light of His presence in our heart and find that others see Him, through us. I have seen that happen and it is a very real thing.

Thank you, Dad, for following the “Star” and for reflecting the light and the love of Jesus for everyone who ever knew you. I will do as you have taught me. I will dedicate myself to being yoked to the Light of the World so that others will somehow see His Light in me. If you want to leave a legacy, follow the Star.

Celebrate the LIGHT

I love the Christmas story. The Infant with the humblest beginnings came from heaven to earth as a human to bring us our first Christmas greeting. The Star. The Angels. The shepherds. The over-crowded Inns, The Stable. I love to read the story and every year there is something new revealed to my heart through that amazing event recorded by Matthew and Luke. The details of that ancient story are played out in churches around the world every single year. But, when speaking of Jesus coming to Earth, his cousin John states, “His life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” John wasn’t so much interested in recording the details of the birth of Jesus. He wanted his readers to grasp the significance of His coming.

As word travels that my Dad is in the final weeks of his life, I can’t tell you how many people have commented about what an impact he had on their lives. “He is the best example I have ever seen of Jesus.”  “He is the one who led me to Jesus.” “He walked more closely to Jesus than anyone I have known.” To those comments, his response is always the same. “Reflecting Jesus is what life here is all about.” 

My Dad has done a great job, in his 84 years, of reflecting that light that John spoke about. And I feel so blessed to be able to say I was raised by a man who centered his life on being a reflector. The other day he said to me, “I don’t want people to stand up at my memorial service and talk about anything good they saw in me. I am not good. I am simply the product of the grace and goodness of God. It doesn’t really matter what we have said or done. If lives haven’t been changed by God’s graciousness, it just doesn’t matter.”

In six decades I can’t remember a single time when Dad made any situation about him. His words and actions were always considering the needs of others. Of course, he didn’t always get everything right, but the Light within him always brought a humility and humor that allowed him to acknowledge his mistakes and laugh at himself.

It is such an honor to have known and loved the man whose heart’s desire was to be yoked to Jesus so that he could learn His ways and reflect the love and the light that changes everything. It is a total blessing to care for one who understands that it's not the duration of your life, but the donation of your life that matters. 

My prayer for you this Christmas is that you, too, will make the transition from viewing the events of Jesus birth, to meditating on the significance that His coming is to each of us. He brought LIGHT so that we would never have to live in the darkness. Walk in that Light. Look to that Light. Reflect that Light. Celebrate the LIGHT.

Just Trust

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do and

He will make your path straight.”

This is one of my all-time favorite verses. It is a reminder to me that God is all wise, all seeing, all knowing… and I am not. I need His direction in my life every moment of every day in order to successfully put one foot in front of the other. I have been learning and re-learning, for most of my life, the importance of knowing and trusting the One who made me for a purpose and wants to direct my steps toward that end. Truly, that is the desire of my heart.

Boyd Bailey said, “It is wisdom, coupled with humility and obedience to God that prepares us to finish well.” I have had the privilege of watching this truth played out in the life of my Dad. Five years ago he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. As I have watched his body decline and his strength fail, I have witnessed his spirit growing stronger. To me, he was always a hero and a spiritual giant. His love for Jesus and desire to be obedient has always been solid, but when given a death sentence, doors swing open wide for meditation and simply listening to that quiet whisper in your soul. Above all else, the desire to finish strong fills his thoughts.

For my Dad, finishing strong means allowing others the opportunity to see a glimpse of God as they look at him. To reflect God’s love and grace is the desire of his heart, and those who have been privileged to know him, have seen just that. Dad is a true believer, in word and in deed. His spirit is so aligned with the grace of God that I have never known him to harbor ill feelings toward anyone, no matter how they have treated him or no matter how many times they have failed or disappointed. His response is always love and grace.

Last week was a tough week. His pain level was off the charts and his strength and mobility drained as if someone pulled the plug. Even in the worst pain he has ever experienced, the feeling that surfaced was still the strong desire to allow others to see Jesus in him. Leaning on the truth that we could see and understand, his life is quickly passing, but the truth that Dad sees is that he is leaving a body that is decaying so that he can enter into life. Real. Eternal. Joyful. Peaceful Life. He appears to be in his final weeks or months of life and he is still trusting and acknowledging that the God who saved him will not leave him. He is simply leaning into Him. What a privilege and honor it is to walk with him the last miles of his journey.

As his daughter, my heart breaks for him, not just because of the pain. He has always said he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone and there he was in that hospital bed, unable to even scratch his nose, hold his cup, or move his legs to find a comfortable position. He was facing his greatest dread and was powerless to change it. Leaning into what I understand, it simply isn’t fair or right or kind for God to allow such a faithful servant to suffer so. But, after the tears and the “whys” and the heartbreak, I was able to lean into what I know to be true. God has purpose in all that transpires in the life of those whose steps are directed by Him. Perhaps it isn’t about Dad at all. Maybe there is a lesson in all of this that I need to learn so that I can follow Him more closely and be a better leader of those who want to seek and follow Jesus. Trust in the Lord with all your heart…  Perhaps there is another soul that will know Jesus by watching the humility with which Dad receives the care he hoped he would never need.  Do not depend on your own understanding…

“It is direction, not intension, that determines our destination” (Andy Stanley). Dad didn’t just hope to get to the place he is with Jesus. He determined as a young man that the only way to truly know God was to share that yoke that Jesus took, place it on his shoulders, and learn from the One who knew how to get him to the destination that was his destiny. Dad’s path hasn’t been easy. Ever. But God has been faithful to show him where to place his next step. His obedience, walking in step with God’s plan, has led him into valleys and into steep and rugged terrain, but God has kept him safe. And many lives have been blessed beyond measure by witnessing this journey.

(Dad is back home with me and receiving hospice care. If you are one of those whose life has been touched by him and would like to comment below, I will be sure to share your words with him.)

Be Thankful in ALL Things?

I love living in a place where the changing of the seasons is seen and felt and even smelled. I love watching the leaves fall and then be replaced with a blanket of snow. Life is never boring or stale. There is always something new for which to be thankful when you look with expectancy.

Life, too, has changing seasons. Some of those seasons are filled with joy and we look with expectancy to the blessings that follow. Others are filled with struggles that make you wonder if you can make it through another day. We tend to lose that joyful expectancy and find fear and worry and doubt that God’s blessing is even in the same hemisphere.

If your family is in a place of questioning…of challenges…of anxiety… of fear of the unknown, you may be struggling to find an attitude of gratitude this Thanksgiving. There are families all around our community this holiday season that are facing really difficult times and wondering how they can rediscover their thankful heart. They are in my thoughts so much of the time and many prayers have been offered for them.

As I look to scripture to find hope for those who struggle, I am drawn to the Christmas story.  The timing was all wrong, the circumstances unimaginable, the challenge incomprehensible. Yet God was in it. His signature was all over it. He was using every bit of the story and every role played out to bring about the most beautiful story of love, grace and redemption.

This week we all take time out for Thanksgiving. For pausing to enjoy a full table and a full house. We give thanks for a God who provides… for our needs and our wants. Our lives are full, particularly when compared to most of the rest of the world and, on a good day, we are able to be gracious and appreciate it. How about taking a new approach to gratitude and thanking Him for all the things we don’t understand. For all the things that make no sense. For those things that it seems He should have prevented, but didn’t. Being thankful in ALL things seems like a stretch, but when you look at the story of Mary and Joseph, of being a given a child they did not create, of the escape from a King who wanted to kill their infant Son. When you look back 2,000 years and then look forward to the present, you can see that, in spite of the devastating circumstances, God was working it all for your benefit.

This year, as you gather around the table and share what you are thankful for, consider adding the invisible goodness of God to the list. That may not make sense to your kids. Maybe not even to you. But, take a minute to think about the fact that a God who could have anything, wants you. Flawed, imperfect, sometimes self-centered, impatient, and just plain ugly in attitude. He made you--- purposefully, gifted you, choose you, called you, and wants to be reconciled with you. Can you even imagine? And that reconciliation involved leaving heaven and facing brutality beyond what we can imagine. But, He wanted you bad enough to endure all for you.

That being the case, try to see that God is all over your mess. The overwhelming struggles of your life are not unnoticed by Him. God is faithful and God is good. No matter what life looks like to you right now, He hasn’t taken His eyes off of you and He never will. He is building and shaping and making the future what it needs to be for a purpose we may never know. How do I know that? I know HIM and I know that He is good and faithful.

May your heart be filled with gratitude for the things that you don’t understand as you celebrate the goodness of God and the blessings that feel a whole lot more like trials.

Give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Happy Thanksgiving!

Living Generously

What does the phrase, “Live generously,” mean to you?

I think that we can all agree that Jesus taught us to be generous. To give freely of ourselves, our talents, our resources, our time, our money.  But, let’s take a look at what living generously may look like at home. After all, if we don’t live generously in front of our kids, how will they learn this God-honoring quality?

Giving PRESENCE generously is one of the best ways to value another person. Listening intently to them, even if you know what they are going to say. Listen with your whole body. Making eye contact with them as you spend time together. Asking questions that allow them to see that you have been hearing them.  Watch their favorite show with them, just to be there and know what they are hearing. Sit beside them while they do their homework or read the paper. Share a gentle touch to let them feel your affection for them.

Giving TIME generously. Be very careful how you invest yourself outside of your home. There are people under your roof that need the best you have to offer. Saying YES to so many things that are good and fun and helpful to others leaves us with little energy to spend quality time with our own children… or parents… or spouse. Use your calendar and color code it. Make family activities a different color than work or church or friends or community volunteering. Make sure you are scheduling time with them other than just games and concerts and other school functions mandatory for parents to attend. Game nights…movie nights…breakfast dates…one on one trips to the grocery… playing Barbies… shooting baskets… whatever they enjoy… pencil them in. And do the same with your husband or wife.  Give them the best you have to give and you will never regret it.

Giving GRACE generously. As a parent, we sometimes are tired and fall short in the grace department. Every little thing seems to get under our skin. Remind yourself, in these times, that a child will always be a child when they are young. They will never be a miniature adult. They will  behave badly until you teach them that behavior is not acceptable. They only know what we teach them. They aren’t born with the knowledge of what is right and wrong in your household. It is your job to teach that. If they learn something from someone that doesn’t have the same values, you have just landed yourself another teaching opportunity. They are children and they need grace as they are learning all the things that you have had a lifetime to learn. Be quick to teach them what is expected… but not quick to berate them for doing something you have not yet taught them NOT to do.  And while we are talking grace… think about what they see happening between you and your spouse. Are you quick with grace, being sympathetic to the circumstances that may have caused them to act or react poorly?  Have you considered the fact that they have no clue that what they said or did was offensive or hurtful? Grace extended in a marriage is what builds relationships, but it requires open communication without the anger. Simply stating your thoughts and feelings in a way they understand will help them to see how what they said or did was hurtful. Stuffing your hurts is not showing grace. That is unhealthy and ends badly 100% of the time. Speaking the truth in love is the best way to resolve conflict before it happens. It will build your grace muscles.

Giving HONOR generously. Often times we glide through life caring little about the things that our spouse cares about tremendously. What seems ridiculous to us is automatically labeled unimportant and we go about with our business, as usual. The Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. And that means that we pay attention to what is important to our spouse and make a note of it. Know their love language. Do they feel most loved when you spend quality time with them? When they receive a thoughtful gift from you? When you show your love through acts of service? Is physical touch what they need to feel your love?  Perhaps they need words of affirmation to feel valued. Even if these things feel foreign to you, learn to do them. They will only feel foreign until they become part of your daily activities. Make these ways of honoring your family a priority… with your spouse and your children.  To know what someone you love needs in order to feel your love and refuse to do it because it seems weird to you is withholding love. That dishonors them and it dishonors God, because He has called us to honor one another above ourselves. Even if it feels weird.

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. Practice giving what your family needs beginning now and next Thanksgiving they will be doubly thankful for you!

November Challenge

We all want our kids to excel, don’t we? In school, in sports, in kindness and respect… and the list goes on. We provide them with ample opportunities to do so. We make sure their homework is done properly and on time and check their grades online. We wear ourselves to a frazzle running them to practice. We teach them good values and how to respect others. Excellence is something we strive for because we love them and want them to succeed.

For the month of November, I challenge you to shift your focus, or add to it, excellence in generosity. Paul told the church in Corinth that he wanted them to be generous, but not as a command. It was a test of the genuineness of their love for others (2 Corinthians 8:7-8). Generosity is a good thing. We should share with others. We teach that to our children from the time they are tiny. It goes beyond that, however, to the condition of the heart that prompts us to give without reservation.

We can want nothing better for our children than to learn to love others… regardless of how they look or talk or behave. Loving others is the command of Christ. In fact, when asked for the greatest commandment Jesus said to love God and the second greatest is to love others (Matthew 22:37-39). Generosity is one way to measure how well you love. Look around. When we witness people in relationships for what they can get out of it, we know that it is superficial and not truly love. Conversely, when you see someone giving without reservation to someone who has no means to return the gift, we take note of it and consider it as genuine love and compassion.

The best way to teach a child anything is by example. That doesn’t mean that, if you shower them with generosity, they will become generous. More likely, they will end up with huge issues of entitlement! It is also not good to flaunt your generosity before them like a medal of honor because they will learn to be prideful. You can, however, talk to them about a need that is burdening your heart. You can give as little or as much information as is appropriate for their age. Then ask them, “What do you think we should do for them?” Give them parameters and allow them to be part of the giving.

As you are teaching them to be generous, make sure they know that it isn’t just a money thing, but we can be generous with our time, with our helpfulness, with our kindness. When you ‘catch’ them doing that, let them know that they are not just making a difference in the life of the person they are reaching out to, but they are also pleasing God.

And while you’re at it, look inside and make sure that you are living generously at home, where they are watching you every day. Are you giving your time and your kindness and helpfulness? Or are you holding back and waiting until you are certain that your spouse or sibling or parent or child is deserving of your generous grace? If you find that you have not loved without the surety of receiving love, then your children have witnessed that love is conditional and must be earned and is certainly not a forever thing.

With Christmas a bit more than a month away, it is common for a child to present you with their list of ‘wants’ and it is common for us to ask for that list. We all love to shower our kids (and grandkids) with gifts that bring a smile to their face. But, where will that joy be in a week or a month? Will they even remember what they got? It is when they get to be the one doing the blessing, that they to take that memory with them into adulthood. Perhaps they will even train your grandchildren to be a joyful giver. When we teach them to be grateful for what they have, they learn that they have enough and they find contentment.  And when they learn to freely give, they find the greatest joy of all.

Find time every day this month to talk about what generosity looks like. You may feel like a dry well from all that you are giving out. That is a normal parental experience. But, if you have zero margin to live generously, take a closer look at where your energy and time and resources are being spent. Over extending our bank accounts and our calendars is how our culture lives, which explains much about the behaviors we see in our children. Make boundaries for yourself so that you are able to experience, with them, the absolute joy of giving.