"Do this..."

Christians and parents are often known for the same things. What we instruct others NOT to do. Growing up in the church I learned more about what a “good” Christian does NOT do than what we should do. Typically, when listening to parents interacting with their children we also hear a list of “DON’Ts.” Jesus knew his time had come to an end to walk with and instruct his followers. He did not want them to forget what He had taught or the sacrifice He would make for them, but he didn’t say…”Don’t forget!”  He said “Do this so that it will help you to remember.” (from Luke 22:19)

What if, as we train our children in the way that they should go, we were to give positive instruction, rather than negative commands?  “Stop jumping on the couch!” would become “Furniture is for sitting. Can you sit, please?”  “Stop hitting your sister!” would become “Hands are for helping and hugging. Please show kindness.”  Not only does is sound better, it works better because you are planting a positive thought instead of stating the negative behavior that you want to end. They will have no question of your expectation,

Chick Moorman, in his book “Parent Talk,” states that the subconscious mind doesn’t hear the word “don’t.” As you read on don’t think of a large purple hippo jumping rope while spitting watermelon seeds. What happened? If you are like most people you thought of exactly what I told you not to think of. That is what happens in the mind of your kids when you give negative instruction rather than positive.

The “next time” you need to correct a behavior, use “next time” instructions and you will be planting positive pictures in your child’s mind.

Not… “stop running in the house” but “Remember that we decided it is safer and better to walk in the house? Next time you come inside, I want you to show me that you remember that we walk inside.”

Not… “you are moving so slowly you’re going to make us late!” but “Next time I want you to come quickly so that we can leave on time.”

Not… “stop yelling at your sister” but “Next time you speak, make your words kind words to tell her what you need.”

In short, it is pretty much a waste of breath to tell your kids what NOT to do if you aren’t instructing them on the proper thing they SHOULD do.  Let’s follow Jesus example in teaching and leading our kids… “Do this…” and see where it takes you!