The Orphans And Widows Phenom

When James, the half-brother of Jesus, stated that pure religion is caring for the needs of the orphans and widows, I believe he was saying that the only way organized religion is of value is when it becomes the essence of love and compassion. Orphans and widows had no power, no prestige, no ability to repay or reciprocate in any fashion. Anything given to them would be given with no expectation of receiving anything in return. That is love at its finest.

In the first century church, adoption was not covered by social service agencies. The church WAS the social service agency. Foster care provided no per-diem for incurred expenses. Elder care wasn’t a paid position. All the compassion ministries of the New Testament church were completely on the back of the giver. It was an even greater responsibility then than it is now.

In the 80s I felt like God was opening my heart to work at a children’s home that our church sponsored in Kentucky. I loved kids and wanted to love them in a way that could change the trajectory of their lives. From there, we became foster parents and in the course of 10 years we fostered over 50 different children from infant to 17 years of age. We loved them all in the best way that we knew how to love them. We coached and challenged and tried so hard to make them see their worth. It’s just difficult to overcome the feeling that you have to leave your home (no matter how bad it was) because there is nobody there to provide for you. It’s difficult to ever feel like you can be loved by someone if your own parents didn’t love you. It’s hard to believe that you can break the family cycle. It’s hard to feel worthy of the love of a family once you have been removed from one that was supposed to love you the most.

In the 90s we adopted 2 of the children that we fostered. It was a battle to keep them because the county wanted to continue to keep our beds open for foster care. There were new policies that stated that a Caucasian family could not adopt an African American child.  We had to convince the adoption committee that was to determine their future, that we were indeed the best home for these kids. We had them since infancy and they were four and six years old when the decision was to be made. That really makes you pray!  

Fast forward 30- 40 years. Did we make a profound impact on the 50+ kids to whom we opened our hearts and our homes? Maybe a few of them. Some probably don’t even remember us. Only 2 of those children were given our name. The oldest, at 6 years old, asked that we change her first name as well because her birth name belonged to her when she was afraid that she would have to get new parents if the committee didn’t agree to let us keep her. That is something a 6 year old should never have to worry about. I’m not sure what that social worker was thinking when she told her that she may move to a different home. We were the only parents she had ever known at that time in her life. But, I digress…  Giving them the Brady name meant that they were ours. Forever and always. We would be there for them in their time of need and they could always come to us. No matter what.

Through the years they have had a few “no matter whats” occur and we were there. We will be there to love them and continue to assure them that they are completely worthy of our love, unconditionally. I pray that the love we extend to them will keep their hearts soft and direct them always to the One who placed that love in our hearts. I often pray that they can feel that love coming to them from across the miles or throughout the difficult times. They are precious to us and they belong to us just as much as the children born to us.

The same is true of Aunt Ruth. When Uncle Tommy died I had the privilege of welcoming her into my home. She had dementia and never ever felt like she “belonged” in our home. She pined to go back to the home where she felt most comfortable, but that was not an option. There were occasions when she would be grateful for my care, but primarily, she just wanted to go home.

I suppose I could easily give up and stop helping those “widows and orphans” who scripture tells us to love. I may not be very good at it. Maybe those I have invested in never even felt my love. Maybe they didn’t appreciate the sacrifice. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel and be done. But, instead I choose to keep loving and letting God direct my steps to the next need and then equip me to love and hold me in His mighty arms when that love is rejected.

I am telling you our story because I want you to see a truth that I have learned through all these experiences. I did what I was called to do. It was not very easy, I suppose, but I learned not to focus on the difficulty, just on the Source of the strength I needed…. (except for those times when I’m sure I was a whiner). The truth is, I may not have transformed lives like I had envisioned. But one life was changed forever by opening my heart to the joy and the pain of loving without hope of reciprocation and giving without thought of repayment. That life was MINE. By exercising my love muscle in loving and loving and loving some more, my capacity to love expanded exponentially.

Maybe Jesus wants us to open our hearts to love without limits, not simply because people need to be loved, but because He knows that we will truly be the one who wins in the long run.  Who can you love today? That person that receives the gift of your unconditional love will get a blessing, but it will be you that receives the greater blessing in expanding the boundaries of love within your heart.