Leading Well

If you read my blog on a regular basis, it’s either because you are looking for wisdom on raising a family or looking for typos. Hopefully you are finding more of the former than the later! If you are looking for wisdom, answers, encouragement, you are already on the right track to healthy parenting. Raising your children is your job, your business, your decision, your priority, yet you know that you need help to lead them well. That being said, have you ever considered that the most important person you have to lead is not your kid/kids, but yourself. If you are going to be a good leader and example for them, it has to begin with you making the decision multiple times a day, every single day, to lead yourself well.

One of the most valuable ways to insure that you are leading yourself and your children well is to learn to prioritize what you value most over what you want now.  How many times have you heard a parent give into the wishes of the child at the store in order to avoid an angry child making a scene? Countless, I’m guessing. That is an example of giving in to what you and your child want NOW as opposed to what you value most. That parent who caved is not thinking, “I hope my child grows up spoiled, entitled, unable to sustain healthy relationships, and generally unpleasant to be around.” Yet their actions will give them exactly that because they are prioritizing what they want NOW (peace and quiet… no public scene to make them look like a bad parent) over what they value most (patient, obedient, respectful children who are learning the value of working for and waiting for what they want).

As a parent, you really need to sit down and determine what kind of values you want for you child. What are the most important lessons for them to learn? You want them to be kind and loving, so you must be kind and loving. This is where it gets tricky because we easily confuse being kind and loving with pandering to their every whim. Giving in will create feelings of superiority and entitlement that encourage behavior that is extremely unkind and just plain hateful. So you have to determine your values in such a way that, as you lead, you are looking at the bigger picture, the outcome of your decisions over the long term, not caving to whatever the child is asking for now. Trust me on this. Tears at two or three because you can’t have a sucker are far easier to deal with than tears at 12 or 13 because your child can’t sustain a friendship.

In order to lead yourself as a parent, you have to be strong and have your values set so that tantrums and stomach flu and sleepless nights and broken toys and hearts don't sway you. Are your values set? Are you staying the course, even when it takes every last drop of energy? Or are you trying to satisfy kids with what keeps them happy now because that is the easiest way?  What will you choose?  Sleeping in or Sunday worship?  Appropriate bedtimes that allow quality time for mom and dad or being too exhausted for each other because the kids beg to stay up later? Do you take the time to know the parents and friends your kids play with or just enjoy having them out of the house, no matter who they are with? Do you choose screen time or reading Bible stories together?  Teaching them responsibility by doing chores with them that you will have to take extra time to redo when they aren’t around, or just doing it yourself? Fast food on the run or meal planning and limiting the extra-curricular activities so you can have family meals around the table? Life-long learning or mindless drivel? Exercise or couch potato? So many decisions... so little time! If you don't think so, ask a parent who is taking their baby to college this week!

Some days I make the decision multiple times to focus on what I value over what I want. That means I have to look down the road at who I want to be. I value being a follower of Jesus, in step with Him and learning to draw closer always. I value being a good partner and companion to my husband. My kids are all grown up now, but I still value being a good mom and a good grandma. I value being an encourager, instructor and leader of those who are at the front line in the battle for our children’s hearts and minds. If I really value those things, my actions have to fall in line with the desires of my heart.

Somedays I live as though I value ice cream, Pinterest and HGTV… not gonna lie. I am a work in progress, but, knowing what I truly value helps me to keep life in balance. I haven’t arrived… but I’m getting closer as I focus on what I value. Jesus knew His mission and kept what He valued, bringing honor and glory to His Father by loving Him and loving others, right in the very front of His mind. No matter what He encountered, that directed His words and His actions. May you learn to follow Him closely so you can learn to be the very best leader of yourself and your family.

“A new command I give you:

Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,

 if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35