5If any of you lacks
wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you.
James 1-2-5
Each week, as I
listen to Pastor Chris’ sermon I try to find a way to take that message and
apply it to life as a parent. This week he made my task easy. As a parent, we
will face trials and our faith will be tested, on a regular basis. And there is
nothing in this life that will help us mature more than helping a child grow
up. The most valuable part of this passage just may be that the key ingredient
we will need is wisdom, which is readily available if we will simply ask Him.
If I had a nickel
for every time I have heard a parent say, “I had no clue parenting could be
this hard!” well, I would have a whole lot of nickels! There is so much joy in
looking into the face of your child when they make a valuable discovery or when
they say something adorable or when they learn a new skill or tell you that you
are the best mom in the world. Those are the sweet memories we cherish for a
lifetime. But that is not the whole or parenting.
What about those
times when that baby cries and cries and you have no idea why; when the toddler
continues the same behavior even after you have redirected them dozens of times;
when they defy you time after time? How about when they hate school and refuse
to apply themselves; when they torment their siblings to the point of all-out
battle; when they choose the wrong kind of friends? What about when they have a
medical problem that the doctors can’t fix and their pain is too much to bear? Or
when they push buttons you didn’t even know you had; when the parent you always
wanted to be vanishes as Monster Mom rises to the surface?
Maybe you haven’t experienced
all of the above scenarios, but I have. When you have had over 50 foster kids
live under your roof, there is little that you don’t experience in the
parenting realm. My failures, some days,
seemed to overshadow my triumphs and Monster Mom had to take a “time-out” for
the sake of the children… and perhaps for the safety of the planet!
When you have kids,
life gets ‘real’ and you learn really quickly that it’s tougher than it looks.
There were many things that I didn’t expect, but, most of all, I never expected
to fail at mom-ing… but I did. And those memories provide the most profound
sorrow and haunting regret that I have ever experienced. Even though I am
convinced nobody has ever tried harder than I did, read more than I read, loved
more than I loved… I still failed.
My point is
not just true confession here. It is to
tell you that parenting is hard because we live in a broken world and we are
broken people raising, teaching, nurturing and growing more broken people. AND
NO ONE SHOULD TRY THAT ALONE.
For every act of
defiance, parents get the opportunity to learn perseverance. How will your
child know that you are in control if they are able to take control from you?
Imagine the danger of giving your child the wheel and telling them to drive you
to work. Essentially, that is what we are doing when we allow them to do as
they wish without redirecting them and explaining the danger they will
experience on that willful path. Allowing your child to ignore or defy you is
like telling them they have no parent to direct them. Each time they get away
with a behavior that you have forbidden, you have lost a battle in a war you
can’t really afford to lose. I believe that we have to “choose our battles,” because
some things just aren’t worth fighting for. Is that last bite of uneaten broccoli
really going to cause a child in Africa to starve if our 4 year old doesn’t
finish it? So asking God for wisdom will help you define when to stand your
ground and not allow them to take that hill.
Your perseverance
in taking leadership in your home is one of the greatest gifts you can give
your children. It gives them peace and stability, even if they behave as if it
is capital punishment to have to comply with the standard you set. I would
caution you, however, to allow the wisdom of God to direct your parenting
decisions. Godly parenting is NOT about getting them to comply with your
wishes, but about getting them to comply with the Creator. He has a standard.
He has a plan. We are mandated to train our children in such a way that they
understand the value of surrendering to God’s will… and not to the pattern of
this world. That will take all the perseverance you can grab hold of. That will
demand the best of you. That will require you to recognize the voice of our Creator
and comply with His leading in your life. That will require you to seek the
wisdom of God as you shape the lives of your children. It will also help you to
put Monster Mom in a cage and throw away the key.
Parenting is HARD. I get it. But failure, due to attempting it
alone, is unacceptable. You have a Resource. Wisdom is just an “ask” away. If
you hope to succeed in leading your children, you will need to invite your Father
to lead you first. Then you listen and obey, for the sake of the children… and
maybe for the sake of the planet!
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