Couples That Win

I love watching parents of toddlers redirect them when they are not doing what they should or what is safe and acceptable. By removing the temptation of the unsafe activity with an object or activity and replacing it with another, they have changed the focus to what is a healthier, safer choice for them. How blessed for the child whose parents take the time to do this and explain their reasoning in a kid-friendly manner.

As God followers, we are under the care of a loving Heavenly Father. Just because we are adults doesn’t mean that we have lost the desire to do the things that are not healthy for our mind, body and spirit. We will always have temptation flirting with us, because Satan’s plan is to attack a God he cannot defeat, by winning the souls of God’s children. Last week at camp a child asked me if it was rude to call the devil, Stupid. My response was that “stupid” is an ugly word and it doesn’t describe the devil well at all, because he is very smart. Satan is crafty and sneaky and learns us well so that he knows just what to dangle in front of us.  He has been practicing his craft since the Garden of Eden, however, he only has power over us as we allow his tempting to take control of our actions. We, too, need to be redirected!

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation ... 

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.

 These desires give birth to sinful actions.

 And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."

Okay, let’s bring this a little closer to home because I believe that the home is where Satan is on the prowl the most. If he can destroy the love and respect we have for one another in our homes he will effectively undermine the foundation upon which God built families to grow and thrive. One of the fundamental temptations we all seem to face is that we are primarily concerned about ourselves. As unselfish as we can be as parents, our character seems to shift when it comes to how we treat our mate. We want to win. We want to be right. We want to be loved first. We want to be respected first. We want to be admired first. So much of the “love” that we give to our spouse has conditions. Look at yourself and determine if that is where you are in your relationship. “If he would just…”  “If she could simply…” If your actions and attitudes are determined by what someone else is doing or saying, then your love for them is conditional and is not pleasing to God and is truly not even love, but a contractual relationship.

The first step in strengthening your marriage is to accept the fact that you have selfish tendencies and you struggle to love when your needs are not being met. That is only true if you are breathing right now. It is something that is in our nature that can only be changed as we submit ourselves to God, moment by moment, and allow Him to fill our needs so that we can pour ourselves out for one another.

The second step is running from the temptation to fight for your rights and win the battle. All that fighting may win battles but it will ultimately cost you the victory in the war for your family. James cautions us to… “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (4:7). Trying to be strong enough to fight the temptation of your carnal soul is pointless. Simply run away from that temptation to fight for the win… because sin never pays what temptation offers. EVER!

Finally, replace your craving to win and receive honor, with a desire to win the favor of God and give Him honor. It’s back to that toddler issue. Redirect your thoughts and desires from seeking to be blessed, to ways that you can be a blessing.  Don’t try this alone. It will take a Supernatural touch for the Master who created you to bring about that kind of transformation. Walking hand and hand with Him is the only way to succeed. Thomas Chalmers said, “It is seldom that our bad habits or flaws disappear by the natural process of extinction or the instrumentality of reasoning or by the force of mental determination…. We must replace the desire for one particular object, with the desire for another.” 

Is Jesus what your heart desires? Is your gaze on Him as the prize? Imagine the harmony in our homes if we would replace the desire to be honored and blessed with the desire to honor and bless.

If you truly want a win at home, admit your selfishness, flee from the temptation to win each battle and keep your focus on Jesus. He will bring the transformation that you need in your life and in your home.