Be Kind

I have never met anyone who, on their wedding night said to their beloved, “I can’t wait to have a knock down drag out fight that makes me so angry I will harbor a grudge against you for the rest of our lives.” It just isn’t something that we plan to do. We plan to love through thick and thin, for a lifetime; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health…  In reality, however, most of us have said and heard painful, unforgettable things to our spouse out of our anger, hurt or frustration and struggle with the memory of it for a long time.  Paul has a lot to say about that in his letter to the church at Ephesus. Boiled down to a phrase, he says DON’T DO THAT!!!!

Paul says that these things happen because we fall back into that old life, where SELF is at the center and our own needs and desires take control. We become tired, stressed, and just plain irritable and self creeps back up onto the throne of our life and we want what we want. PERIOD. We begin to feel bitter, angry and maybe even fly into a rage.  When on the receiving end, we tend to hang on to those feelings as if they are our protection from future pain, when in reality they will become the source of future pain.

How do we prevent that in our marriage or other relationships? Well, Paul gives us the algebraic formula. I don’t claim to be a math scholar by any stretch, but I do remember that when we needed to get rid of a negative from one side of an equation, we had to add a positive to both sides. So he doesn’t leave us hanging with a command to “stop that!” negative behavior, but gives us the positive behavior that will help it disappear.

“Be kind and tender to one another, forgive each other”…  and there you have it! If you really want to put a halt to the anger and resentment that has built up and hardened your heart, start by showing kindness to the one that you are feeling malice toward. You probably can’t do this on your own. That’s what is so amazing about true transformation – It comes from the heart of God and flows through you, bringing about the needed changes… but only as you grant Him permission to mold you.

Parents, I guarantee you that your kids are being shaped by the degree with which you extend kindness and tenderness to each other. They will learn grace and forgiveness according to the standard you are setting at home.  If you are concerned about their image of a grace-filled, loving God, then it is time to “put away every form of hatred” and show them what it means to love and forgive, right there at home.

Get rid of all hard feelings, anger and rage.

Stop all fighting and lying.

Put away every form of hatred.

Be kind and tender to one another.

Forgive each other,

just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.

Ephesians 4:31-32