Be A Giant

Recently I saw a cartoon of a teen-aged boy angrily addressing his parents with the caption, “I will stand here and hold my breath until you guys start treating me like an adult!” If you work in the public, you have probably seen people like that. They never seem to grow up. They expect a free ride with no contribution or effort of their own.  They want what they want when they want it. Period!

As parents, we certainly don’t long for our children to remain as dependent and demanding as a newborn. Precious as they are, let’s face it… newborns are exhausting! Their only way to communicate is crying when their needs are not met. They have to be fed eight times a day! When you try to give them something besides milk, they spit it out all over everything! They make messes that you are expected to clean up and they cost a whole lot of money and never offer to do anything at all to cover their own expenses.

Growth and maturity is a good thing. It means things are going as they are supposed to go. Lessons are being learned. Character is being formed. Independence is being achieved. We were not intended to remain in our infancy. This is true physically, emotionally and spiritually. We don’t stay tiny. We don’t stay whiny (hopefully). So why, in our culture, do we accept that it is proper to remain infants spiritually?

I have a theory. We have no control over our physical growth. Nature takes us from newborn to adult in a matter of a couple of decades. Our culture pressures us to mature emotionally. Nobody likes a whiner! When it comes to our spiritual growth, that is completely on us... and we call it a "private matter." Nature and culture are no help at all. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true!  We alone must decide if we want to take the next steps after saying “yes” to following Jesus. Sometimes it's as if we have our “fire insurance” and feel pretty comfortable with being a good citizen and belonging to a church. It is that comfort that inoculates us against growth and keeps us in spiritual infancy. It keeps us from growing and developing into the person God created us to be. It keeps us from fulfilling the plan God created us to accomplish.

What does it even look like to mature spiritually? It looks like getting to know what Jesus has to say about living life. It looks like walking with others who are doing the same and providing accountability for each other. It looks like making decisions based on what Jesus said rather than what our culture says. It looks like quiet time to listen to Him. It looks like loving people that can never love you back. It looks like going the second mile when nobody will ever know that it was you who did so. It looks like preferring others above yourself. It looks like being a disciple that makes disciples.

Spiritual maturity looks like the church being the CHURCH that Paul described to the Ephesians … working together; building each other up; teaching; guiding; encouraging.

Spiritual maturity looks like peace in the storm and inexplicable joy, even when life stinks!

Parents, that is what you want for your kids, right? 

Teach your children well by growing into a spiritual giant they can see, head and shoulders above the crowd. The crowd is not leading them to Jesus.  This may sound like a job that is too big for you. Remember how you felt the first time you held them in your arms? That overwhelming doubt in your ability to raise a human? You didn't resign or give up, but did what you knew to do, learned what you needed to know and put all you had into keeping them alive! 

You can be their spiritual giant. That is not a distinction reserved for Mother Teresa, Martin Luther, John Wesley and the Apostle Paul. It is actually expected of all who call Jesus, LORD. It was His plan that you should grow into a disciple that would make disciples. Walk that path before them. Find ways to insure that you are growing more like Christ. Be very conscious of the legacy you are leaving for them. They are right behind you.

Stop Tilting the Mirror

We have been doing some work in our basement and moving things around to do it left a full-length mirror leaning against the wall. The angle is awesome because every time I catch a glimpse of myself walking past it, I see a tall, slim version of myself that isn’t exactly an accurate representation of reality. Part of what I see is absolutely correct. Same hair style, same skin tones, same clothing… but the difference is in the proportions. It seems like a pretty good deal… if only it was entirely true!

In Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, he reminds them that Satan loves to get a hold of half- truths and turn them into angry, sinful outbursts. You know what I mean. Your spouse comes home tired and doesn’t respond as you would like and their fatigue convinces you of the lie... “you don’t even love me anymore.” Or maybe you are feeling justified in turning a cold shoulder because your spouse has crossed you one time to many. Our misinterpretations and justification are the kind of “lies” Satan loves to get his hands on, because, with them, he can create an angry spirit in no time that can destroy a relationship and cause homes to collapse.

Divorce rates are virtually the same in the homes of those who go to church and call themselves God followers as those who do not. Why? Maybe it is because we are all looking in a tilted mirror when we check to make sure that we are looking good and our partner is the one that is a hot mess. If we truly looked at the core of who we are, that place that God sees when He looks at us… the place where our behaviors are not white-washed with our own justification and validation, we will see ourselves truthfully.

Discovering truth is critical to our growth and development as one who is called to reflect the image of God in a world that is full of darkness. We cannot carry His light, in our home or in the world around us, if we are hiding from the truth of who God is and who we are. Do you want to be the light of God in your home? Do you want your kids to see Jesus in you? Paul says we need to start by saying only what is helpful and useful and will build others up. Get rid of the bitterness that is causing you to withhold the love that you promised for a lifetime. Dispose of rage and anger and words that tear down. Be kind and compassionate and forgive each other… completely.

Tilted mirrors only feel good for a second. When we go out to live in real life, our real self comes with us and it usually isn’t nearly as lovely as the one we have convinced ourselves is truth. Take a good look in the mirror. Who do others see? Who does God see? Who do you see? Is it time to stop justifying your anger or rage or words that tear down? Is it time to realize that someone else’s behavior doesn’t make your bad choice a good choice? Don’t repay evil with evil. Do and say everything as though there is the LIGHT of Jesus within you. 

R E S P E C T and the Fine Art of Teaching It

It seems that we have created a culture that concerns itself more with “rights” than “respect.”  Children have learned that they have a right to choose whether or not to obey. They have a right to dislike a teacher and therefore disregard his instruction. They have a right to say what they feel and the manner in which they do so is accepted as their right to expression. We give our children the right to decide what they will wear, how they spend their time, what they will eat, if they will do their chores and how they will speak to others.  This has all boiled down to a pot of simmering self-centeredness that has poisoned an entire generation.

How did we end up here and what can we do to reverse this epidemic?  I have a few ideas…

First of all, we have become very near sighted in our approach to parenting. If you want your kids to develop certain character traits, you have to look beyond the struggle of the day. Looking into the adult we want our kids become, we set the course when we become their parents. If you want them to, for example, make eye contact and pay attention when they are spoken to, teach that at an early age. Begin at home with training and coaching, not in the marketplace, after you are embarrassed about their lack of respect. Acknowledge a job well done and celebrate their successes as they achieve the desired behavior.

A whining toddler will become a whining adolescent if that behavior isn’t squashed. A two-year old can learn that the voice and expression they are using will not gain them what they want. Stop them with, “Wait a minute. That is whining and whining is not okay. I think you would like a drink, so let’s practice saying, “may I have a drink, please?” Yelling at them for whining or telling them to stop is pointless. This is a behavior that you  teach your way out of.

Unkind words should not be accepted. They need to know the standard that you will accept, (and being tolerant of bad behavior tells them it is acceptable) and be taught and expected to comply. The words “I hate…” are ugly words. Teach them that the angry feelings may be legitimate but the response to that anger must be bathed in self-control.  Expressing our feelings in a courteous manner will get results much quicker than a fit of rage. … unless of course that fit of rage causes you to compromise your values in an attempt to keep the peace. Now you have begun the building of a monster! There is a very large price to pay for catering to a temper tantrum. Many more will arise if you don’t help them to learn the proper way to communicate. Is there anything worse than a 13 year old girl pouting because she didn’t get what she wanted? Stop that behavior early, no matter how much time and patience it takes.

Second, learn to treat others with respect… yes, even at home… and even when they need discipline. We all know that kids mimic the behaviors that they witness. If you don’t speak to their daddy with respect they will soon learn that he is not worthy of respect. If you treat their mom disrespectfully, they will learn that is an acceptable reaction, as well. When your child is exhibiting an undesirable behavior, screaming at them is an example of the behavior your DO NOT want to see in them.  Doing it with others around magnifies the degree of disrespect that you are showing. However, for most of us, screaming happens at some point. Don’t let yourself off the hook because they were naughty. Tell them that you were out of line and should have handled that better. Don't let them off the hook either because their behavior was also out of line. If you find that teaching them good behavior is not working after several attempts, then you  need to calmly tell them that they have earned the consequences for doing as they have been taught; whatever they are doing is still not acceptable even though you have taught them the appropriate behavior...and follow through EVERY TIME until they realize that you mean business. No yelling needed. Replace an enraged, “You just lied to me” with, “you just told me something that is not true and that is not okay with me or with Jesus. I saw what happened and I know that you made a bad choice. Tell me why you think you did that and let’s figure out together what you could/should have done or said. If you continue to lie, there will be consequences because you know better.”  Never tire of explaining that there are consequences to all our decisions. Then if the negative behaviors continue, don’t make yourself a teller of untruths, but follow through with the appropriate action that you promised would come if the lying continued.

Third, don’t make the kids the center of your universe. There is only room for One there and God alone should be on that throne. When we are so concerned about our child’s ego and/or happiness that we let it control our life, we have essentially become idolatrous. Partner with their teachers to overcome obstacles  rather than trying to make excuses for their struggles. Teach the kids the art of respecting others… yes, even (or maybe especially) teachers and coaches. It’s okay to poke your head in at school to observe when you feel there is a problem. Talk respectfully to the teacher, don’t just side in with the child. It is expected that you make sure that their coach  is aligned with the values you teach at home. If that is not the case, you have the power and authority to remove them from the team. Don’t let someone else determine your child’s values. That is something that parents need to take the lead on and stick to their beliefs, growing at all times in wisdom and understanding.

Finally… Be involved and be aware and be in coaching mode every moment you are with your kids. Don’t become weary in teaching them right from wrong. and remember you are not just surviving parenthood, but shaping the person that God created them to become. You are guiding them toward the future He planned for them. Remember that your child’s happiness is not the goal of parenting. Your child’s godliness is the goal. And guess what??? The product of godly living is the purest form of peace and  joy.  That, my friend, is a wonderful outcome for all your hard work!

What A Headache!

Sunday, when Pastor Chris mentioned how the Israelites would build a little box and fill it with God’s instructions to them about how to spread the message of His goodness and glory to their children, then tie it to their foreheads so they wouldn’t forget, I have to admit… I laughed out loud at the mental picture it created. I have read that many times in Deuteronomy 6, but this time I just kept seeing these huge, ornate vessels tied to their foreheads.  I am guessing that the more “spiritual” they wanted to appear, the bigger and more ornate the box. Imagine what that looked like and tell me you aren’t laughing right now! I am certain that the instruction was not intended to be taken literally, but it was of supreme importance… and if you couldn’t remember the instructions, then you had better tie them around your head because this is straight from God!

It wasn’t even a hard message to remember. It was simple. Remember that there is only ONE GOD and LOVE HIM with all your heart, mind and strength. No forehead ornament required.

I began to think about parenting today and the things we do to convince others that we are good parents. Then I started to wonder if future generations of anthropologists will look back at our society and laugh out loud at the things we did…

• ·         In middle America today, our culture says good parents make sure their kids attend good pre-schools, but says little about teaching manners and kindness in the home.
• ·         Our culture says we are to fill their rooms with more toys than they can play with in a year and then expect them to keep that room orderly when even an adult is overwhelmed by all of it.
• ·         Our culture scoffs at the lack of respect children and teens exhibit, but the daily viewing of sitcoms and children’s shows full of rude behavior and disrespect are considered acceptable and appropriate.
• ·         Our culture places sports ahead of worship, then when the kids reach the teen years and have no desire to know or worship God, we panic and don’t understand why, expecting the church to "fix" this problem.
• ·         Our cultures spends billions on things that will improve our self-esteem, then laments the fact that we are raising self-centered children

God’s Word has not changed and His instructions are for us in 2016. Remember that there is only ONE GOD and LOVE HIM with everything in you! How are you doing with these instructions? How well are you passing them on to your kids?  Are you doing the things our culture calls you to do and wondering why your kids aren’t drawn to the One who loves them most and knows them best?

A young father told me just the other day that he had begun to realize that he had put his kids where God belonged. They were first. Their wants and whims came before God and they were paying the price for that error. He is wise to discover and begin to correct this pattern while his kids are still young.

Take a step back and look inside your home. Now take the journey into the future and see if you are steering your kids in the right direction for them to grow into disciples, following their Maker and becoming the persons God created them to be. Don’t be afraid to trim the sails and change the course of their future by setting your sites on Loving God with all your heart, mind and strength, and teaching them to do the same.

Better Together

Are you a follower of Jesus? By that, I mean, have you made the decision to leave the leadership to Him, find out what the Word is all about and begin to be obedient to His guidance in your life? If you are a parent, with children following you, I truly hope that you have decided to follow Him! Otherwise, they will be on the wrong track!

Next question… do you feel like this is something that you are doing alone? Is it a private deal that you don’t really share with anyone? I sure hope not, because that would be the blueprint for failure. It may be possible… but it is not the way Jesus said we are to live out our faith. We need to live in community. To spend time with other believers who help us through the questions and the conflicts and the temptations. Friends who will encourage us and strengthen our faith. Friends who will remind us that there is only ONE answer to life’s toughest questions.

Okay, just one more question… Do you want your kids to follow Jesus? Well, I didn’t really have to ask that question, because if you read my blog you are more than likely a parent who is trying to raise their kids to know and follow Jesus. And if that is the case, can they see that you are surrounding yourself with the kind of people who are helping you do that? Do they see you investing in anyone who hasn’t been on their journey with Jesus as long as you?

The first followers of Jesus learned that they needed to stick together. They needed each other. They faced persecution like we probably will never face. They needed the strength to walk a dangerous road and that strength came from the encouragement of others who had actually been touched by the hand of God in human form. Our society may look different today. We don’t have to fear persecution for what we believe in a culture where we are taught that we need to believe whatever we feel like believing and do whatever feels good… HOWEVER… we still need the support of other believers. Why? Because we live in a culture where we are taught that we need to believe whatever we feel like believing and do whatever feels good! There is DANGER written all over that and we will fall if we try to go it alone.

God wants us to be strong… but didn’t design us to live in isolation. Our faith community is of critical importance. Accountability is crucial to our growth and development as followers. To whom are you accountable? Who is it that knows where you struggle? Where you are tempted to cross a line? As Christians, we sometimes think that we must be kind from a distance and not enter into the life of others. It’s their business, right? We really don’t want anyone in our business so why would we enter into theirs? Let me answer that for you; WE WERE MADE TO FUNTION AS A BODY.  An arm alone is not going to function well unless it is attached to the body… no matter how muscular it is. An eye with perfect vision is worthless rolling around on the floor. I know that sounds silly, but this is real stuff ! If you are not surrounding your family with a church where people walk the path together that Jesus has laid out for them; if you are keeping your faith walk separate from your work walk; if you are spending more time with friends who are not walking with Jesus than friends who are… You will become weak and powerless to fight the forces of evil that want nothing more than to destroy the Church, one person at a time.

Want to be a stronger Christian? Want your faith to increase? Want to be a good example for your kids? Start walking toward eternity with other followers of Jesus who will support you and challenge you to be the person God made you to be and the parent your kids need you to be.

How's Your Connection?

I am not a very tech savvy person. I don’t begin to understand the concept of a 4g network or how my proximity to a cell tower impacts my ability to carry on a conversation on my phone. All I know is that when I am talking to someone on the phone I have to have at least 3 towers in order to understand well what they are telling me and for them to hear my response. When that doesn’t happen, we accomplish nothing that we are trying to do or to communicate. 

When we are raising our kids in a godly manner, as I have stated in previous blogs, we are to be disciples that are making disciples right in our home. In order to be a disciple, I MUST be connected to God. I need a good connection so that there is open communication. I have to be in the Word learning who He is and about His plan. I have to spend time in meditation, listening for His Spirit to guide my decisions and my thoughts. I have to communicate with Him in prayer. If I am not doing all that I can to make that connection, then I am not going to be a good disciple and really not going to be making good disciples of my children.

At Mill Creek Church, our mission is to build disciples by helping them connect to God, people, purpose and compassion. I think this same process can be a roadmap for you as you disciple your children. But first and foremost, you must be connected to God. And, if you have a good connection with Him, you will find that you have begun to (1) connect to people… (2) to purpose…  (3) to compassion.  So as you commit to raising your kids in a godly home environment where they will find their way to God, maybe you can measure your connection to God by looking at those connections.

·         To whom are you most connected? Are your closest friends growing in their faith? Is their relationship with Jesus important to them? Are they helping you to be a better follower of Jesus? Are you helping them grow in their faith?

·         What is your purpose? There is more to life than going to work and trying to make it til payday. You have been given gifts and passions. How are you using them for God? Are you helping your kids find ways that they can use their gifts and passions to bring glory to God … or to themselves?

·         How do you measure up in the area of compassion? Where are you making sacrifices for those less fortunate? Do you have time to listen to those who need you? How are you serving with your family?

I have a very strong feeling that if your kids are not seeing you connecting and growing with other people of faith; if they are not seeing you use your gifts and talents for Jesus and His plan; if they are not seeing you reaching out and showing them how to minister to those less fortunate… they are not seeing that you are connected to God.

Connection to God doesn’t mean going to church.

Connection to God doesn’t mean you are a fan of Him.

Connection to God doesn’t mean that you have a sound moral compass.

Connection to God doesn’t mean that you have a few Bibles on the shelf that come down occasionally.

If you have a good connection, true communication happens. There is a strong understanding of God leading you. There is evidence of you following Him. A good connection with God will never leave you content with being the Sunday Christian that comes and does the church thing but is never transformed into the likeness of Christ. Connection with God means that you are becoming His disciple. Connection with God means that you are making disciples.

Get connected!

Home Schooling? Always!

Jesus tells us that we are to be His disciples, but He doesn’t stop there. We are to make disciples right in the place where we live and wherever we go. He isn’t telling church leaders to go make more church leaders. He is telling them that, just as they have been apprenticed to the Master, they are to be the masters who go out and make more apprentices who will learn what it means to become like the Master who designed them for a purpose.

We don’t use the terminology of apprenticeship much these days. We are more likely to think in the manner of an internship, where we hone a skill by working alongside someone who has excellence and experience in that field.

If you were studying for a particular trade, what would you hope to gain from your internship? OR… If you were apprenticed to a master what would you expect? I would expect that the master teaching me would have knowledge of the skill he/she was teaching; the ability to teach in a comprehensible manner; the tools of the trade; patience and grace; time to instruct; willingness to walk and work with me, encouraging me and directing me along the way.

If you are the Master and your kids are your apprentices, what are they learning? As the Master, are you growing in the knowledge of the Truth found in scripture? Are you sharing that with them and helping them apply it to their life in an age appropriate manner? Don’t wait until you have a full understanding of scripture to share it with your kids. Be committed to life-long learning and accept the fact that we won’t have all the answers this side of heaven. Keep growing and sharing as you grow.

Do you have the proper tools? Do you have daily devotions with them or provide a devotional book or app for your phone or theirs? Do you pray with them so they will feel comfortable talking to God? Do they have a Bible they can understand? A Bible Story Book? A church that supports what you are teaching at home with lessons they can grasp?

As their master/teacher do you show grace and patience with others? Do you demonstrate it as they learn what it means to grow and mature in their faith? Do you keep in mind that they are children and are unable to function at an adult level? Does the tone of your voice indicate a gentle spirit of one they wish to follow or is it harsh, making them want to run and hide? Do they hear tenderness as you engage in conversations with their mother or father? God is LOVE and if your love and devotion is not apparent with your spouse and children, they will learn a very distorted sense of who God is. Be kind and loving... always. Be gentle in spirit... always. Be approachable... always. If you think that is too much to ask, you better start learning now because you don't have very many years to demonstrate the selfless love that will help them identify God. Make your home a place where questions are welcomed and there is no fear of a critical spirit that keeps your family at arms length.

When you look at your calendar, do you see evidence that you are taking time to be a spiritual guide for your kids? Try color-coding and actually place things that you are doing to “make disciples” in a specific color. It is an eye opener! It is often said that we make time for what we consider important. Is there anything more important than guiding the children God has chosen to place in your care to the life and the purpose He has for them? Make the time for Bible stories. Pray with them. Make church attendance a priority over other activities. Be intentional with your time.

Are you an encourager? As a parent directing the behavior of our kids it is easy to find yourself being critical of all the things they are doing wrong. As a master with an apprentice, that tactic will end in discouragement. Your child was made for a purpose. Remind them of that by memorizing and quoting Ephesians 2:10 – “We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” Applaud the good you see in them; the improvements they make. Not for the purpose of building pride, but in order for them to see what is right and what is wrong. For example, “I like the way I see you taking time to read to your sister. That shows me that you are learning to be the person God made you to be, sharing your time and talents with others.” Or, “When you stepped back and let your brother go first, I could tell that you are learning to put the needs of others ahead of your own. That is exactly what the Bible teaches and it makes God happy… and me too!”

Your home is the school in which your children are learning to be disciples. Teach them well so there will be no regrets as they grow and develop into the people God created them to be, doing the things He planned for them long before they took their first breath.

I am praying for you as you commit to this lifestyle of following the Leader so that you can lead the followers that call you mom and dad. 

As You Are Going...

Sunday was one of my favorite days of the year at Mill Creek Church. I got to hand out Bibles to the new First Grade students. It is always fun to see the pride and joy they have at having a “real” Bible with all the stories they have heard at home and at church. They will learn to read and as they look deeper and deeper into God’s Word over the years to come, they will begin to get a glimpse of what it means to truly follow God right into eternity.

The last message Jesus gave to his disciples before he ascended to heaven would have been nothing less than the most important directive to help His followers do that very thing. He had spent 3 years teaching them to trust when there was nothing tangible to build that trust upon; to love when there would be no love returned; to serve others and honor them above themselves; to communicate with their Heavenly Father always; to place their relationship with God above all others. Now was the time to give His parting wisdom. It was time to tell them how they would remain in His presence, even though He would no longer be with them physically.

So, let’s take a breath here and consider if it is important to read further. Have you determined that you want to be a disciple, a follower, of Jesus? Are you learning to place your trust in Someone that you don’t always understand? Is God’s Word the foundational Truth upon which you are building your life? Do you truly desire to follow Jesus and allow Him to use His power and divine authority to transform you into His likeness?  If you answered “Yes” then read on.

Finding myself in the “yes” category, I want to know what Jesus had to say, so I read on in Matthew 28: 19-20.  “So as you are going, you are to make disciples of all people…”  This is probably the best passage in the New Testament on parenting. It is not unlike the wisdom and direction found in the instructions God gave to His people centuries before Jesus ever came as man into our world. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 is part of the scripture that all those who worshiped God would have known by heart…

“The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts. Make sure your children learn them. Talk about them when you are at home. Talk about them when you walk along the road. Speak about them when you go to bed. And speak about them when you get up.

As you are going… everywhere you go… no matter where you find yourself… be sure that you are living in such a manner that, as your children observe your heart, they want what you have… a growing relationship with your Maker. That is the very best way to “make disciples of all people” beginning with the ones who live under your roof. Teaching the 10 Commandments doesn’t make disciples. Living with them in your heart, does. Teaching the Lord’s Prayer doesn’t make disciples. Living with a heart that communicates with God, does.  Going to church doesn’t make disciples. Living with the message of the Church in your heart, does.

Mom and Dad, ask yourself this: “Is my relationship with God appealing to my kids? Is it transforming me into His image? Will they desire to become followers of Jesus because of what they witness in my life and in my relationships? Am I living in His peace?

We all have our good days and the days that we just hope nobody was watching or listening. But, overall, where do you stand? Are you investing time in Word of God and sharing that truth with your children? Are you asking God to prune you and transform you into a growing, thriving, trusting, loving person that will help your kids find their way to God? Do your words and actions bring glory to God?

Ask for God to give you the wisdom and strength to walk so closely to Him that “as you are going” your kids can’t miss finding Him as they follow you.

Take the Good Samaritan Test

Are you a good Samaritan at home? Do you know what that would look like? Read the story again in Luke 10: 25-37 and take the Love at Home test.

Bottom line, Jesus spells out what it means to love your neighbor as yourself by sharing that the one who reaches out to those in need is the good neighbor. Now, let’s bring home the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself.

Loving ourselves: When we make a bad choice, we find ways to defend ourselves or justify our actions.

The Good Samaritan loved his neighbor as himself by extending kindness in spite of the fact that he possibly made a bad choice to travel alone in a dangerous place.

Love at home test: Have you ever neglected to respond to a need of your child or spouse because, “they made their bed, they can lay in it!” Do you withhold the love your husband needs because he hasn’t “earned” it? Do you belittle your wife for making the same mistakes again and again? Do your kids lie because they live in fear of your response to their infraction of the rules? Granted, there are times when “tough love” is needed to demonstrate the consequences for our kids behavior, but it shouldn’t be dished out with rage. They must see you have love and grace for them when they have made a bad choice. Beyond that, they need to see that grace extended to others, like your in-laws, the crazy driver who cut you off, the neighbor with the barking dog, the boss who doesn’t listen, etc.

Loving ourselves: When we have been injured, we do what it takes to restore our body to health.

The Good Samaritan loved his neighbor as himself because he sought out medical help and paid the bill for the injured man.

Love at home test:  When your spouse is under the weather, do you go out of your way to help with their responsibilities around the house? When they are ill, are you kind and patient? Do you spend money on your family’s needs without unbegrudgingly? Do you leave margin in your budget to demonstrate compassion for your kids by helping provide for those who cannot help themselves?

Loving ourselves: We would break away from tradition if we had a perceived need to be met that required us to do so.

The Good Samaritan loved his neighbor as himself because he ignored the traditional law of not touching blood, but bandaged up the wounds of the injured man.

Love test at home: Are you stuck in the method your parents used to parent you rather than really taking a look at what your kids need to learn and grow?  Do you treat your spouse as you witnessed in your home growing up or have you determined to extend mercy and grace, because that is what love looks like?

So, if you want to teach your children to follow the most important law of loving God and others, you better take a peek inside your home and make sure you find yourself showing mercy to their dad, their mom, to the neighbors, the in-laws, the strangers along the way and to those precious children God has entrusted to your care. 

Lifestyle vs Lessons

Teaching good moral values to your children is not a matter of lessons, but lifestyle. We behave the way we do because of how our character directs us. Our character is formed by observing the way the people around us behave and emulating their behaviors, good or bad. 

There is a nature within all of us that has to be “trained” away.  I believe that our ego fills our entire being at birth and as we mature our character begins to take the space that our ego once filled. At birth everything is about “me.”  Feed “me.” Hold “me.” Comfort “me.” In time, however, we learn that we are not the center of the universe and sometimes we have to wait to be fed or comforted. We realize there are other people in the world and they, too, have needs to be met. As we accept this fact and begin to be a part of meeting the needs of others, a positive character begins to form.

When we guide our children, we must realize that the behavior we sometimes overlook as typical childishness has the destructive root of self-centeredness and it needs to be plucked out in order to truly build their character. If we hope to raise them to be responsible and ethical and kind, we have to replace their need to be number one with an awareness of how their behavior impacts other people. Don’t expect to teach them to be “good” or train them to do the right thing with the result of building their character. You may change their behavior, but you have not yet touched their heart, which is where true character is formed. As they grow up and go into the world, others will be speaking into their lives endeavoring to change their values, derail their character, shape their decisions and readjust their moral compass. We must establish a scriptural, unchanging truth in their hearts in order for them to recognize what their Maker deems as unchanging truth. Saturate yourself in God’s Truth and  make that the foundation upon which you build the character of your children.

Here is a great starting place… the Bible teaches us to honor one another above ourselves. Society embraces a mentality that if it feels good or makes you happy, it is the right thing to do. We are surrounded by messages that we need to pamper ourselves and indulge in grand things in order to be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. These attitudes are polar opposites of what Jesus taught. Godly parenting means that we uphold the truths that Jesus taught. He told stories to help His followers see the values He embraced. He reminded them that a godly life must be built upon the foundation of loving God and others. He plainly stated to his disciples that they were to serve others and taught by His example.

Let’s get personal…. Mom and Dad, your children’s fundamental and foundational lesson in how to love others is the way they witness you loving each other. Do they see you honoring each other above yourselves or sulking when your needs go unmet? Do they hear kind words and see thoughtful actions? Are frustrations addressed respectfully without the determination to be right? Do you listen and try to see from their perspective or just shut down when conflict arises? When you harbor anger and resentment and the tension in your relationship is palpable, what your children are learning is that SELF is the ruling authority in your life and they will copy that behavior. Conversely, they will learn their most valuable life lessons when they see the joy in YOU as you love and serve one another. As I type this, there is a prayer in my heart for all who will read this. Denying self is NOT easy, but it is essential if we hope to shape the hearts of our children to value others. Prejudice and pride will grow in the hearts of our children when they see that our differences create barriers to love. As followers of God it is our responsibility to shape the future of our culture by demonstrating God's unconditional love, first in our homes, then in our world. 

When Jesus sent out the disciples to teach and heal and serve, He warned them that some would respond with kindness while others would persecute them. Our tendency is to want justice and too often we look for the reward for good behavior, rather than realizing that loving and serving  is its own reward. That reward is the strength of character that forms within us when we do the right thing for the right reason- to honor others above ourselves.

In a society where we have learned to honor others above ourselves there would be no injustice, no prejudice, no violence, no selfishness, no crime. Perfect love would be established as the Constitution and there would be no need for a Bill of Rights. I haven’t been there, but I think I just described heaven. We will never achieve such a culture this side of heaven, but we certainly can begin to live in such a manner … and teach our children to do likewise… so that heaven will feel like home when we arrive.

     May the power of God's love overwhelm you as you learn to love and honor one another at home.

NOTE: This message, like all messages, can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. We cannot possibly serve in the capacity that God desires if we neglect the care of self. It is a balancing act that has to be mastered through walking with God, learning continually from His Word and listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Too Busy To Be A Sheep

We have heard the parable that Jesus told about the sheep and the goats in order to help His followers understand the importance of giving to those in need.  Jesus made it clear that by ignoring the problems that we truly CAN do something about, we are ignoring Him. When we give to those who have no way of repaying us, we are giving to Him.  

Maybe, right now, you don’t feel you are in a place to help anyone. We sometimes find ourselves without margin in our lives, both with our money and our time. This is the issue that has been troubling me lately. I hear so many young parents feeling exhausted by their schedules. Not necessarily at work, but at home. They are so busy running their children to this practice and that game and this party and that lesson that they don’t even have time to parent; to sit at the table and enjoy a family meal; to have a leisurely evening riding bikes; to enjoy the fact that God gave them children to love and shape. Rather they are frustrated, short-tempered and not taking the needed time to coach and train their children as scripture clearly tells us is the essential task of every parent.

Why?  I keep asking that question and am not getting a satisfactory answer. Why do parents choose to involve their children in so many activities that there is no time for training or leisure or parental relaxation? Why do they stay so busy that there is no time to help those in need. Why do they fill their calendars so that they are constantly on the go and their homes are neglected? Can anyone give me a good explanation? What is this attraction of busyness that appears to be the most important thing in the lives our most of all these exhausted parents?

I am often drawn in by the simple life of the Amish around us. They are known for their keen sense of seeing a need in their community and rallying to meet the need. That would definitely put them among the sheep. From the time a child is born they will travel with their parent to the home of someone in need. Even before they are big enough to help, they are witnessing their parents giving of themselves. Their children grow up knowing that, whenever possible, they will go to the aid of others. That’s what they do. It becomes a rich part of their lifestyle.

I know the frailty of comparing our culture to the Amish culture because the differences are vast, however, our “progress” has taken our eyes off of what Jesus told His followers was of great importance… to love one another. To honor one another above ourselves. To feed the hungry. To visit the imprisoned. To clothe the naked. He told us to serve one another in love… but somehow we have come to believe that filling our days with keeping our children busy with hobbies, sports, lessons, etc. is what will bring them success in life. So we fill their days with these activities and what is the payoff?  Will they become successful athletes? Will they earn a scholarship? Will they gain fame and fortune? Maybe… “And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? (Matthew 16:26).

Parents, may I remind you that YOU are they one that God is trusting to raise your children to know His ways and follow Him. Don’t keep them so busy doing what the world sees as profitable that they don’t have the time and energy to invest in the lives of the people around them who could benefit a great deal from their compassion.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me… Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.  Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”   (from Matthew 25: 34-41).

God has prepared wonderful things beyond our imaginings for our children. It is our job to point them to those things by guiding them away from a “me” focus, to an “others” focus that will cause their life to have true meaning.

When God Said, "NO," part 2

Last week, in my blog, I spoke about our daughter, Emily and God’s “No…but…” You may need to read that so you can connect the dots in this week’s blog.

I was 28 years old and a rule follower. I was in church every time the doors were open. I taught Sunday School. I thought of myself as a very committed Christian. I knew God, wanted to follow Him and I was raising my children to love Him, too.  I had faith going into the crisis, but not nearly as much as I did coming out of it.

I prayed every kind of prayer I could pray for Emily. Our 8-year old, laying in that hospital bed unable to move her arms and legs or even turn her head. She could talk, but very faintly. She could move her eyes, but they peered out of a face that was unrecognizable since the steroid treatment made her face swell so much that when she talked, her mouth bled because her teeth would rub her swollen cheeks raw.

The Doctor told us that the pain she was feeling could likely be compared to what I would feel if I did 1000 sit-ups. Her muscles were so inflamed that the enzymes that measured inflammation were elevated from an barely acceptable 100 to a horrific 2800. Watching her suffer like that was the most painful thing I have ever experienced.

During the 6 months that Emily was hospitalized, I had to stay close to her side because she couldn’t talk loud enough to get my attention from across the room and she didn’t have the strength to push her call light if she needed something. There was no place to cry or allow myself to crumble into the heap of emotions that were bottled up inside of me.

When those emotions finally surfaced, anger took the lead. I had devoted my life to a God that didn’t seem to care about the anguish my sweet little girl was experiencing.  I was MAD! One night, as I was talking to my father (out of range for Emily to hear), I told him that I was done with God. He was the closest thing to God that I could imagine so he seemed the likely one to pass on my message to the God that I was not on good terms with at that moment. Why would I want to serve a God that doesn’t care and doesn’t show up in the darkest hours of my life? I felt betrayed; like I had invested in a scam. I just wanted to rant and rave and purge my soul of all the pain that was rotting within me. And dad was silent on the other end of the line allowing me to do that very thing. And then he slowly and lovingly reminded me that there is nothing left if I excluded God. No other power to heal or restore of give grace and strength. Even if God was silent and seemingly unmoved by our sorrow, He was still God. He was still ever present and all knowing. He was still the One who had created that beautiful little girl and that knew all about the workings of her body and what was happening to her. He was still the One that was building something inside of her that we could not see. And He was building something inside of me at the same time. Something I couldn’t see or feel.

That was a turning point for me. That was the beginning of the transformation from being a good religious person to being a person that was ready to wait for a God I could not see and follow when it didn’t make sense. That was when I promised to follow, no matter what, and “what” scared me to death. That was when I asked Him for some sign that He was truly here with me, feeling my pain, knowing my sorrow. And in the midst of the storm I saw the rainbow, vivid and immense, letting me know that He was the God who was a keeper of promises and He would not leave or forsake, but was right beside me.

Emily has never experienced the healing that we all prayed for. She still struggles with the things that we all take for granted. Her disease has flared many times through the years…to the point of not even being able to hold her newborn baby or not being able to chew and swallow without a great deal of difficulty. She can’t do the simple household tasks that we begrudge having to do. She is trapped inside a body that needs harsh drugs in order to survive. BUT, also in that disease ridden body lives a heart filled with love for her Lord; that sings His praise with the voice of an angel; that is able to see blessings in spite of her disability; that does all she can to share the goodness of God that has manifested itself over and over in her life.

If you are asking God for a miracle and you aren’t seeing the results you want, maybe you are like me and are looking in all the wrong places. God is at work in your situation. He is by your side, just waiting for you to notice. I sure didn’t see the miracle for a very long time, but hind-sight, as they say, is 20/20.  I can tell you that God worked in the lives of hundreds of people as a result of that precious little life that faced what seemed to be insurmountable difficulties. He is still using it for good and His love shines through every struggle she faces.

Sometimes, when you think God isn’t showing up, think again. He is always there. He is always God. He takes all that we surrender to Him and makes something beautiful of it.