Do You Know What God Thinks?

I like knowledge and information. When I said yes to marriage, I read books on how to be a good wife. When I had kids I read about how to be a good parent. When they became teenagers, I read even more books about how to prepare them to be a responsible adult. When I followed the call to ministry, I read and read and read and am still reading in order to learn all I can to help as many as I can. There is so very much I want to know and understand. And I suspect many of you feel the same. 

Most of us don't want to be mediocre parents or spouses or employees or friends. We want to know the best way to handle the most difficult situations and be a successful as possible in all arenas of life. 

Looking at marriage statistics, our chances of success are slim. When it comes to raising children, there are experts everywhere to remind us that we are going to mess our kids up, but we should try to keep that at a minimum. Not very encouraging, so it's easy to feel like all is gloom and doom with regard to living victoriously, however, I would like to offer you some encouragement along with a plan of action. It is the easiest and yet it is likely the most difficult thing you will ever attempt. All you have to do is slow down and listen. Very simple. Yet, very difficult. It is counter-intuitive to slow our pace because the people  all around us are furiously running past us, doing more, trying harder, being awesome (or so it would seem) at  juggling life and keeping all the balls in the air. It is our natural response in this culture to rush to stay in step with those who look so successful. And rush you must if it is your goal to live successfully in this culture. BUT if it is your goal to live in the culture that Jesus calls us to that is not congruent with this world, then you have to slow down and listen.

If you have decided to follow the way of Jesus and allow Him to reign supreme as your King, then His Spirit lives within you, to guide you and lead you to the Father at any moment of any day. He will direct your steps, help you make the right decision, shape you into the person you were made to be. But, He seldom, if ever, shouts over the noise we expose ourselves to. Rather, He waits for us to draw apart to a quiet place and silently listen for Him to lead us in the right way. Jesus often demonstrated this for His disciples because He knew the value of quiet communion with His Father.

I read somewhere that if you want your kids to know Jesus, spend less time talking to them about Him and spend more time talking to Him about them. I would alter that some and invite you to spend more time LISTENING to Him so that He can direct your parenting decisions. When it comes to your marriage, do the same. He will teach you how to give and receive love, if you will only listen. You will recognize His voice if you have taken the time to learn who He is by being a student of His Word. If you just can't find the time to be still and listen - even just 10 minutes a day, then you are likely to wander in the wilderness of life, doing your best to do your best. And that might seem like it's good enough. It may even be better than a lot of people. But, if you choose His way and heed His advice and set aside time to allow the Spirit of God to share the message of God with you, it will be a game changer. Your life will be a reflection of the One who made you and you will fulfill the plan that He made for you, which I far prefer over wandering and wondering. 

Troubled Hearts

Sometimes there is, deep inside of me, a profound sense that I am utterly alone. I have lost all those who shaped my childhood and made me who I am and without them I fear that nobody can truly know me. Some days, I'm not even sure I know who I am. Those feelings don't represent reality, but they are very real. I have lived with my dear husband far longer than I did my parents and nobody knows me like he does. I have precious friends who I can be completely transparent with and they know me very well. But some days, I just feel alone and lost without my parents and the aunt and uncle who had the most profound impact on me. 

I am so grateful for the heritage that is mine and the fact that I have had such special people who impacted me so profoundly that I still long to sit down and chat with them. I am grateful for those friends who know what I need even when I don't. I would be lost without Dana, a companion who walks patiently and lovingly beside me throughout the journey of my life, and for children and grandchildren who bring me great joy. But, as amazing as my life and my people are, sometimes there is still darkness and pain.

I know that I am not alone and that if you are breathing, you have experienced pain and loss and  possibly utter loneliness. For some of us, that is not a place to be feared because it points us directly to the Comforter. The Advocate. The Counselor. That's where I find myself. In the old rocking chair my Dad bought me the year that he died, looking within myself, finding the place that the Spirit of God inhabits and just quietly listening for His direction; His comfort; His peace.

If you find yourself in a place where the waters seem troubled and you struggle to know where to turn, try sitting still and listening to the Spirit within you. He will give you what you need and remind you that you are not alone and forgotten. If you are a follower of Jesus, you need not be afraid for you are never alone. His Spirit lives within you and will give you all you need.

He's Inside

Life is full of battles. Kids. Partners. Coworkers. Illness. Bills. Relationships. Parents. The list is long and makes us all exhausted at any given time. Physically, Mentally, Emotionally. Spiritually. But, we have what we need for the counter attack when we are followers of Jesus. We don't have to go to a special place or attend a certain number of church services or memorize a designated number of Bible verses. We don't have to travel to Tibet or to the Vatican. We don't have to do anything, but sit quietly and acknowledge the Presence of the Spirit of God who is living within us and wait to "hear" from Him as He gives direction for brokering the peace treaty that we need in the battle waged against our very souls.

You probably already know that, as did I, however, recently I was somehow reminded by an unheard voice, "I'm right here inside of you. Let me speak into your life." I think I forgot that I don't have to go find God, because God has come to me! He is right there inside waiting for me to slow down from all that I think I should be doing and quietly sit, awaiting the message He has for me. 

Sometimes in the quiet I discover that I am trying to do God's job instead of mine. Sometimes I discover that I need to love better. Sometimes I find that running from conflict will never solve the problem. Sometimes I know that I just need to sit still and listen to the silence in order to retrain my brain to accept silence as a healthy practice.

No matter where you find yourself today, remember that if you are a follower of God and desire to strengthen your relationship with others, it begins by strengthening your relationship with Him and that requires time in silence and solitude. If there is another way, in half a century of searching, I have not found it. There is no substitute for quietly listening. He seldom shouts over the noise we surround ourselves with or interrupts the activities we involve ourselves in. He waits patiently for us to sit still and accept the gift of His presence, as a cup of cool water when we are so very thirsty.

If you are struggling in a battle with another person or simply struggling with a battle within yourself, remember that the Spirit of God is inside you. He can see all the other things that are in there, possibly leaving Him little room to work... or even be noticed. You can refresh your mind and your spirit by taking the time to sit in silence with Him, finding out what needs to be eliminated, discovering what needs to be added, learning the way to do the next right thing. I invite you to sit quietly and be refreshed with His living water as you enjoy His company and learn from Him.

Think*Practice*Follow

I have been familiar with the Philippians 4 passage that implores us to think about the positive and beneficial things; things that are true, praise worthy and admirable, but somehow I missed something until I was listening to the pastor read it on Sunday. I had always skipped over a crucial part of what Paul was saying. I knew that if we were to focus our thoughts on the things of God that we would find peace. Period. But, that's not the whole message. I was struck by a very important part of the instructions that is so critical to bring into our home.

After zeroing in on the truthful thoughts we are to allow into our mind to focus upon, Paul goes on to say, "Put into practice all you learned from me." How is it, that even though I have quoted this section of scripture for years, I had overlooked an important ingredient to finding peace. It isn't just what we think, it's what we practice. And not just what we practice, but deliberately practicing the things we have been taught by a good, solid mentor. It is a wonderful thing to have a mentor who knows the Word of God; who has walked with Jesus for years; who is mature in their faith and is growing closer to Him year after year. I hope you have that person in your life and I hope that you take advantage of all the wisdom they have to share.

But... what about your kids? Who is their mentor in the faith? Who can they look to for their spiritual formation? Is that something you are willing to pass off to the teachers at church? Their youth leader? Or is that something you should be responsible for? I would suggest to you, a godly parent that is pleasing to Jesus must be willing to be learning and teaching; growing and leading; spiritually mentoring their kids as a lifestyle.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that I could not have said to my kids, like Paul did to his spiritual kids, "Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me -- everything you heard from me and saw me doing..." and feel good about how they might behave! Maybe quite the opposite! Once again, I found myself wishing for a do-over. I wanted to go back in time and use the spiritual maturity I have gained since my kids left home and set a better example for them. It really made me look at myself and desire to be a better student, a more faithful servant, a gentler more merciful human for the sake of those who will come behind me.

Please don't wait until your kids are gone to draw closer to Jesus. Don't wait until your schedule is less crazy to find time to meditate on the truth that will bring freedom to your mind. Don't wait until you understand everything in the Bible to share it with your kids. Do what you can NOW and make some mistakes (like I did)... but DO move toward being a mentor for your kids TODAY. Be ready to tell them you are sorry when you mess up. Be humble and allow them to see that you are a student, learning and growing and making mistakes and even failing a few tests along the way. But, make being a godly mentor to your kids a critical priority in your life. You can't depend on anyone else to teach them the way you can, because they see you up close and personal and witness how you handle the tough places in life day after day. You have the best stage from which to demonstrate the love of God and His call to obedience to His Word.

Consider the fact that this formula for experiencing the peaceful presence of God involves what you think, what you practice and who you follow. In a time and place where anxiety is commonplace and peace is scarce, perhaps it's time for us to take seriously the advice of Paul and THINK POSITIVELY, PRACTICE DILIGENTLY, and FOLLOW FAITHFULLY so that our kids and grandkids have a good mentor to lead them.

What Do You Think?

 The way we think has great power to control the outcomes of our lives. The human mind is a stage where drama loves to play and the drama that is created there, whether consciously or unconsciously, has the potential to make us or break us. It has the potential to orchestrate success or failure in our human interactions, our relationships, our job performance, our homes and our overall well-being. 

The brain is a powerful organ, often referred to as the computer that controls the entire body and all of its systems. The mind, being the drama that it is, likes to short-circuit that magnificent organ and cause it to work less effectively on our behalf. This explains why medical professionals have determined that more than half of the ailments in the human body stem from stress... which is the drama that the mind creates with which to hijack the healing powers of the brain. 

If you don't believe me, then why were we afraid of the ocean after watching Jaws? Why did the noises in the utility closet sound like raptors after watching Jurassic Park? Why was it so hard to trust my husband back in the days when I "treated" myself to 2 days of soap operas a week?  I am certain I am not alone in this struggle. You, too, have had your mind mess with you at some point.

So if your mind is playing out a scene of distrust, sorrow, worry and strife; jealousy, envy, anger and bitterness, and you don't get up an walk out on that performance, your brain will send a legion of  neurons that will cause your body to react in negative ways. But, what if you were to close the curtain and fire the cast and shut down the show. What if, instead you decided on a whole new drama where the outcomes align with the promises in scripture? What if you truly believed that you could be a new person with a new life and a new found love and passion for your spouse? What if you believed that you could master the thing that you've been struggling with? What if you believed that you could be a success and impact the world in a positive way? It would be a game changer, for sure.

As I concentrate on the mind and it's potential to alter our lives, I think of Paul's instruction for us to wear the whole armor of Christ to conquer the battles waged by evil. I believe that it is no coincidence that he chose to have us wear the helmet of salvation in order to protect the "computer" that controls our movements and our health and well-being. When our salvation is secure, we have the power of God within us to conquer whatever life brings us, so why do we need a helmet to protect us? Perhaps because God knew that the drama in life that can bring us good times, can also strip away the truth by firing lies at us. The world is full of such lies and without protecting ourselves from those lies and all that drama, we will not live victoriously and abundantly as God's Word promises. We are easily dragged down by the thoughts planted in our mind by the enemy and he will use that stage to do terrible damage and kill our effectiveness as parents, as husbands, as wives, as followers of Jesus.

Bringing this message home, I encourage each of you to take note of the drama in your mind and act immediately to capture every rebellious and unhealthy thought and make it submit to Jesus Christ who is our Truth (2 Corinthians 10:1-6). If it does not build up your marriage, if it does not help you parent in a Godly manner, then close the curtain and change the scene to the thoughts that will bring healing and wholeness to your home. Look for thoughts that are true, honorable, right and pure. Focus on what is lovely and admirable and excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8) and see where those thoughts will take you. Let God transform you, your home, your marriage and your family dynamics by changing the way your think.

Are You A Carrier?

"Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Galatians 6:2

I am a doer. I like it when I can see a need and can charge in with (what I perceive to be) my unlimited strength and wisdom and alleviate the burden I see someone carrying. So, I like this verse. It fits who I am and justifies my drive to go fix things. I recently had the opportunity to use this drive by flying out to Montana to spend a week with our youngest son, Kyle, after his skiing accident left him with a punctured lung, lacerated liver and 5 broken ribs. I quickly discovered there was nothing there that I could fix. I bought some grocery and made some drug store runs, fixed a few meals, did laundry and arranged pillows. I was going there to "fix" something I couldn't fix.

Of course "fixing" others is a total misinterpretation of that verse. I couldn't fix broken bones or take his pain away, but what I could do was just be there. Offering hope and love. His reaction to my "non-fixing presence"... words of love and gratitude for being with him that week.  For a "fixer" that was such a great reminder that there is a big difference between carrying a burden and making it disappear. We are not called to fix what we didn't break, but to love enough to walk alongside someone who is broken. 

How does this message translate at home? As a young mom (and a fixer), every moment was a teachable moment. There was a lesson to be learned with every mistake or flagrant foul the kids committed. I wonder now if they would have learned just as well if I had just silently allowed them to suffer the consequences of their choices without judgement or sermon, but walked alongside them in love while the dust settled around their misdeed. We start off life with an infant, bearing ALL the burden for them because they need us to do that. As they grow, we have to back off and allow them to carry the burden for themselves so they can learn to master life skills. If you read further in Galatians 6, you will find Paul telling his readers to bear their own burdens. In today's vernacular, we should never be the enabler who confuses bearing another's burden during a difficult time with carrying their entire load, absolving them of responsibility. My take on this is that we allow our kids to feel the pain of bad decisions, but rather than standing over them with condemnation, we sit beside them with compassion. After all, has it really been that long since you screwed up?

While I was in Montana, I talked with a young wife who told me that her grandmother was very old school and believed that the wife should serve her husband and care for him, even though he was perfectly capable of caring for himself. She didn't like that concept at all! They were a few years into their marriage and content to care for themselves. What happens, though, when there is a pain that visits the heart that sets us back on our heels? When a roadblock appears out of nowhere causing us to stop dead in our tracks? When sickness or loss is suffered? Rushing in to tell your partner to suck it up and be strong is not typically the best way to healing. Busying yourself with "fixing" will also not do a thing for your relationship. Pointing out how they got themselves into this situation or refusing to show compassion because they deserve whatever the outcome will certainly not strengthen your relationship. The best way to bear your spouse's burden is to know your spouse. Living for yourself will not enlighten you to the person you have chosen and what their needs might be. You simply cannot bear their burden if you don't know them well enough to know who they are inside. Truly knowing them enables you to try to out-serve each other. That may feel awkward in the beginning if it isn't your typical method, but it is an excellent way to build a relationship that lasts.

Bottom line... life can get tough and sometimes we just aren't up to the struggle... whether we are 6 or 60. Sometimes we need someone to help shoulder our load. There are no awards at the end of the road for going it alone or forcing someone else to do so. The Law of Christ is to love others and love God. We can't love God if we don't love what He created....(and that's your spouse and your kids). The way to demonstrate your love for them, according to scripture, is to carry their burden. It may seem to you that they should be able to manage without you, but what a blessing it is when they see you are by their side, walking with them through their valley. You don't need a lot of knowledge to sit with someone and listen. You don't need to quote scripture or have the wisdom of a sage. You just have to care that they hurting or afraid and hold their hand in the valleys of life. The darkness is always more bearable when you are not alone.

Not Shackles But Shelter

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

Why do we choose to be angry rather than to understanding? Or to be envious rather than grateful? Or to be bitter rather than forgive? To be weary rather than rest? To be burdened rather than to trust? It just seems to be our default setting to accept pain  as reality rather than seek the cure. Jesus said that we will have suffering in this life, but He never said we had to hold on to it tightly and be completely miserable. 

The above passage can easily be brought home.  Think of your marriage or other relationships that have you worn down, weary, burdened, exhausted. How likely are you to take that to Jesus and accept His rest from that burden? Aren't we more inclined to stew about it, share it with our co-workers, put it on social media, confide in ALL of our dearest friends than we are to simply come to Jesus with it? Perhaps it is because we have read the next sentence: Take MY YOKE UPON YOU... and we see that yoke as a form of bondage. A giving up of our free will. A shackle that keeps us from doing things our way. Not that "our way" has much merit or has brought any relief to the stress growing into a broiling volcano under our roof.

But, there is so much to be gained by taking that yoke. You get to snuggle in close and learn from the LORD himself. Learn the rhythm of His movement. Learn the joy of His presence. Learn the gentleness that builds relationships. Learn the humility that comes when we finally see the log in our own eye when we were angry over the speck in our rivals. And learn the rest that comes when His grace completely covers that log up and moves us forward.

The reason His yoke is easy is because, when yoked in partnership with Him, we no longer carry the weight of judging others. That belongs on His side and is too heavy for us to carry. We don't have to hold any grudges because vengeance belongs to Him. It will crush us if we try to shoulder it. We don't have to withhold love and affection because when we walk in sync with Him, we learn that love is unconditional and there is no exception. We don't have to keep track of the score, but can find rest knowing that He has seen it all. 

Is there stress in your home that is wearing you down? Is your family life doing pretty well? Either way, may I encourage you to take a look at that yoke. It isn't what you might think. It's not about bondage. It is a tool for rest. His yoke is not like shackles, but like a shelter from stress you were never meant to carry. Come. Take. Learn. Rest.

Never Alone

I am sitting at a computer in the lobby of the hotel where I am staying in Big Sky, Montana. Out of my window I can see Lone Peak, the mountain my son was skiing down when he collided with a tree at about 25 mph. He was not alone on the Mountain that day. He was with friends, but the Friend that was with him that kept him from more serious injuries than a lacerated liver, punctured lung and 5 broken ribs has never left his side in all the years he has been away from my watchful eye.

I am ever so grateful that God protected him. I am also extremely grateful for the prayers that have been offered for him in all the days since the accident... however many that might be. I don't even know what day it is. Let's blame it on the altitude here!

I belong to a special family. Not a perfect family. We come in all shapes and sizes and have all sorts of history of unfortunate choices and warts and secrets. But, we are family because we are united by a belief that we are not alone. That each of us matters to a loving God who made us each for a purpose and has His hand on our lives. That family has reached out to me multiple times a day to check on Kyle and check on me. What a calming effect that has had on me through the hours since I got that phone call.

Kyle will heal. It will be a long process, but he will know every single day that he is here because the Head of this amazing family chose to give him another chance at life. He is already planning the slopes he will conquer next year... and I hope he will always remember the family that prayed him through this.

I am so thankful for you all. I am so thankful that my heritage is one that taught me the importance of belonging to a family of faith. I am so blessed to have known many "family" members who have so positively impacted my life... especially this week as I look at the grand view of snow covered mountains of Montana and do important things... like put socks and shoes on a grown man and remind him just how much he is loved.

The Wonders Of His Love

The Christmas Carol, “Joy to the World,” proclaims the truth that…

“He rules the world with truth and grace and makes the nations prove the glories of His righteousness and wonders of His love…”

Made in His image, we are most comfortable, peaceful and joy-filled when we demonstrate the wonder of His love in our lives. And that requires large doses of grace.

When things are forgotten or errors made, there is a choice that must occur. Judgment and anger or grace and laughter. That is how it works in our house. We have learned that a chuckle and a hug when grace is extended is a whole lot more fun than a condemning, angry spirit. Because frankly, today it is his mistake, but tomorrow it will likely be mine. We all need grace at some point, so we may as well learn to extend it and accept it.

Loving like that makes all the difference. Yesterday a woman told me that I am the only wife she knows that speaks so well of her husband after over four decades together. It isn’t because Dana is perfect that I can say wonderful things about him. It is because he showers me with grace when I need it and I do the same for him. We don’t always get it right, but getting it wrong makes us rush back to grace because it feels so much better! This year, may your home and heart be filled with the wonder of His love and grace because ....

Marriage is most appealing when grace is most apparent.

Amazing Grace

It has been over a year since I heard him say it, but he said it often enough that it is etched in my memory – the sincerity of his voice and the imploring look in his eyes. “The message at my funeral is not stories of my virtue, but of God’s grace.” Dad, if you knew him well, was not a man who even seemed to need grace. For as long as I can remember he was kind and wise and generous and all things good. But, he was adamant. “I am nothing without the grace of God. I accomplish nothing of value without His saving grace.” He understood fully that we truly are empty shells of good intentions… or devious schemes… until God’s grace begins to mold us into what we are to become for His story, and His glory.

It is true. He was right. God’s grace is essential for each of us. It is the beginning of shaping us into the person that He made us to be…the particular purpose He has for us to fulfill. We can’t achieve it with our good intentions or with our knowledge or with consistent practice. His grace is the ingredient that gives us moldability. It is what enables us to be supple clay in the hands of the Potter. It removes the hardened stones that prevent our spiritual formation; that keep us from being a vessel that His Spirit can inhabit. It softens us with living water, cleansing the inherit sin that hides our true worth.

Here is the truth about grace. It is a gift that transforms us if we are willing to be transformed. It is not a blanket forgiveness policy that enables us to continue to live according to our desires or seek to fulfill our plans regardless of God’s will. If His grace doesn’t bring about a new life for us then we have refused the gift He came to bring. If your kids kept repeating the same offense and you constantly extended grace without consequences, they would not grow and mature and develop into responsible adults. If your spouse extends grace to you, but you never change the behavior that hurts them, that grace accomplished nothing other than an increase in bad behavior and more pain in your relationship.

This Christmas take a tip from my Dad. Allow God’s grace to transform you… your marriage… your family… your relationships. Stop trying to accomplish perfection by what you do or don’t do. Instead, let the grace He came to bring begin to shape you into that person that makes you appear to not even need grace! It worked for my Dad! Don’t kid yourself into believing that your efforts are enough. We are nothing without the grace that is a free gift from God. Accepting His life-changing grace will change everything! That’s why it’s called AMAZING!

Redeeming Grace

Silent Night! Holy Night!

Son of God, Loves pure light

Radiant beams from Thy Holy face

With the Dawn of Redeeming Grace

Jesus Lord at Thy birth

Jesus Lord at Thy birth

These are the familiar words of the third verse of the Carol we all know as Silent Night, written by Father Mohr and set to music by Franz Gruber in 1818 in a little village in Austria. Have you ever really paid attention to those words? In them we can find the true significance of God, wearing the clothing of human skin, coming to earth to bring Light and Grace. That very first Christmas was the beginning of a story of Grace that has changed the lives of all who have accepted it.

Grace is a beautiful thing. It is the granting of a pardon where it is unearned and undeserved. Perhaps this comes about by the miraculous ability to see things through the eyes of another. In his message on Sunday, the Pastor stated that, “Grace is the unsettling solution for just about everything.” Imagine how our relationship dynamics could change, how our arguments could be tamed, how our marriages could be impacted if showered with grace. I am not sure how that would look for everyone else, but for me, extending grace begins when I can grasp that my perspective is not the only perspective in the house that is of value. When I am able to look at the history of another person and allow myself to feel what they must be feeling to create the behaviors they are exhibiting, it truly changes my response to them. People aren’t just arbitrarily nimrods. There is a reason behind their words and actions. Imagine what it may be, if you don’t know, and let that transform the way you feel about them.

“But he doesn’t deserve it!” “She made this mess, now she can reap the consequences.” If you were wondering if you are a grace-filled person, I propose that if those sentences are a foundational part of your mindset, the answer is NO. Grace sounds like, “He may not deserve my best, but I am giving it anyway,” or “She really messed this up, but I feel like I have made some mistakes, too, and I should help her correct it.” Is it easy? Nope! In fact, the literal verse from the pen of Father Mohr says,

Silent Night! Holy Night!

Brought the world peace tonight,

From the heavens’ golden height

Shows the grace of His holy might

Jesus, as man on this earth!

Jesus, as man on this earth!

If you are a little short of “Holy Might” you may want to ask God for the strength it takes to extend the grace that is needed in order to bring healing to your home. It is far simpler to give a cold shoulder and not build a strong relationship. But, in the end, all you have is the end if you are unwilling to shower others with grace.  

“The Word [Story of God] became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, 

who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

John 1:14

Since we are created in His image, perhaps we will find our greatest fulfillment when we are full of grace and truth. What a wonderful Christmas gift to give to your family!

Thankful

Sunday the Pastor challenged us to tell the story of someone who has made your life better. What a wonderful Thanksgiving tradition to begin. My list of people who have blessed and enriched my life is so incredibly long that it would exceed the maximum word limits for this blog! But, you know who you are and you know I love you so much for just being YOU!

The person whose story I want to tell in this blog is my husband. I feel like you need to know a bit of our back story, because as I tell you all the reasons my life is better because of Dana, you may think I am “lucky” or we are “unique” or that we “married well.” Truthfully, we have been a mess, lost and basically dumb!  We dated all through my high school years. It was a rocky, immature relationship. We got married too young. Kids came before we were financially prepared (or prepared in just about any possible way). He was selfish. I was passive aggressive and manipulative. We were both awful at communication. Neither of us had a shining example of what marriage should look like, but we both wanted something that resembled happily every after. We had a lot to learn, and we did, primarily by trial and error… emphasis on error! We knew more of what NOT to do than what we should do. So, we plugged away, through tears and laughter. There were times when I just wanted to walk away, but we stuck it out and grew in many ways.

Fast forward 46 years from that first date… and I can say that I am blessed so much more than I deserve by the man that has learned to love me so well. Dana is a fixer. Especially of mechanical things. He can fix anything! We seldom have to call a repair man. It make sense to him, as if there was a blueprint in his head of things he has never seen before. I, however, am not a mechanical object. Almost five decades later, he is still searching for the blueprint in his head to tell him how to fix what is hurting or frustrated in me. And, I am a woman so that’s pretty much a moving target! Because he can’t “fix” me, he will often wait silently for me to process enough to be able to tell him what I think I need. I once read his silence as indifference. But, his love and dedication to me have taught me otherwise. He will never be gushy romantic who reads my mind and has the right words written in the sky for me. And that’s fine with me because I know that whatever I need, he will do his best to provide it… if I can find a way to tell him what it is.

I am so very thankful to have a husband who consistently puts my needs ahead of his (just as soon as he figures out what they are) and who helps me grow into a better person. If he always met my needs immediately, I would never have learned to communicate.

I am thankful to have the companionship of a man who will, on occasion, switch from a football game to a Hallmark Movie and snuggle on the love seat with me.

I am thankful to have a man that is willing to work extra hard in a cold garage to fix things rather than take money out of savings to pay someone else to do it.

I am thankful to be with a man who left a substantial income, successfully climbing the corporate ladder to follow the call of God and do something that gave him more time with his family and made an eternal difference in the lives of others.

I am thankful to have a husband that can change a diaper, wash dishes, run a vacuum and make the coffee every morning and never complain about it.

I am thankful to have a husband who partners with me in ministry and is (in my opinion) the most gracious, warm and welcoming man at Mill Creek, even though he is truly an introvert!

I am thankful that my guy believes in me and gives me courage to do what I would never attempt to do on my own… like travel alone to Australia for a 3 month mission trip or let people see my artwork (truly both of those things are equally terrifying to me).

I am thankful for a man that affirms me. He seldom tells me I am amazing or strong or good, but his goodness to me has been such a constant that I have learned to read between the lines and find the affirmation that I need. And, when I can’t find it, I have learned that it is okay to ask and he will reassure me that I am enough.

I am thankful for Dana Brady, not because he always gets it right, but because he knows the value of allowing God to transform us into a new creation. He knows that there is more than one way to see things and he is willing to let God’s transforming power alter the way he thinks; the way he sees others; the way he finds truth; the way he loves.

This blog post is already too long so I dare not continue to tell more of his wonderful attributes, but please know, if your marriage is less than ideal, that there is something for which you can be thankful… even if it is a deficiency in them that helps you become a stronger, better person. Look for the good. It’s there!

I love you, Dana Brady, and am so thankful for you!